Play It Again, SAHM
Page 15
But thank you all for the excellent suggestions. I’m sure that in your more capable hands, it would have turned out great.
Tom
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Question for the moms
Tom, honey, you’re going to hate me for this, but it can’t be helped. This absolutely MUST be said:
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
(Macbeth, Act IV, Scene 1)
Shakespeare is always relevant.
Z
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: I’ve had a BAD day!
First, I was on the phone with a potential client—that rare species of creature that actually offers me money in exchange for doing something I enjoy—when what should my wondering ears hear? But of course…the screeching howl of a four-year-old reverting back to a terrible-two-style tantrum— RIGHT OUTSIDE THE OPEN DOOR OF MY OFFICE!
Potential client gets all worried. “What’s that? Is somebody screaming? Is everything okay?”
I have to explain that it is my four-year-old. Client says, “Oh, is it Take Your Child To Work Day?”
I should have lied and said yes. But the piercing noise was addling my brain. And Tom was nowhere to be found. So I said, “No. I have a home office, and my child is upset about something.”
Client says, “Oh, dear, well I’d better let you go do your mom-thing. I’ll contact you again at a more convenient time.” And before I know it, she’s off the phone and out of my life.
Probably FOREVER!
And why was Tom absent instead of keeping my children “not seen and not heard”?
Because he was in the basement trying to fix the mess YOU GUYS TALKED HIM INTO!!!
Sheesh! I asked him why he didn’t just ask me what to do with the dresses. He said he “didn’t want to bother” me. Yes. And chasing off my clients because of a screaming child certainly was less bother.
Please, my sweet friends…the next time my beloved husband needs advice, SEND HIM BACK TO HIS WIFE! You don’t know how to communicate with him to avoid tragedy. He may appear normal enough. But he has just enough of his mother in him that you have to handle him carefully! Got it???
I can’t even be happy that we’re getting a new washing machine out of the deal. Nothing like being responsible to earn every penny for the family to take the joy out of shopping. :(
Dulcie
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW October 19: Giving Children What They Want
Magnanimous Mommies,
We used to do this—giving our blessed children everything in our power to give them. We sacrificed our own material pleasure for their sakes! And where did it get us?
Suzannah just announced to us that she would NEVER wear any more clothing that wasn’t from her select list of expensive, trendy shops. She said she was “sick and tired of looking like some Midwestern hick” and that it was time she developed her own “fashion style” so she wouldn’t end up looking like ME! She’s nine. I’d like to see what would have happened to me or my dear sister if we had pulled such an attitude with our parents at that age!
And what is wrong with my sense of fashion? I’ve always prided myself on keeping up my appearance and not letting myself go just because I don’t have an office to go to every day.
We told her that she’d better be thankful she has clothing to wear, and that we’re certainly not going to spend half our family budget on overpriced, trendy clothing for her, at the expense of everyone else.
She had the nerve to say that if I would just go get a job instead of moping at home trying to manage everyone else’s lives, that then I’d be able to afford the important stuff—like clothes, of course.
Where did we go wrong? I did everything anybody told me was good to do for kids. We’ve given them as many opportunities and activities as we could! We’ve volunteered as a family for ministry events and to serve the poor! We’ve made crafts and sold them to raise money for charity!
We’ve done everything we can to model service and humility and contentment. And what do we get in return?
All she cares about is designer clothing.
So I guess the TOTW is this: What do you do with a child like that?
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
Text Message From Brenna Lindberg: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——October 19/9:21 a.m.——
Gt 2 ur computer NOW! Ros jst postd real live rant!
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Brenna Lindberg
——October 19/9:36 a.m.——
What? Ok will chk out. A rant as in “I’m actually a real person w/ real problems” rant? N how did u get my # 2 text me?
Text Message From Brenna Lindberg: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——October 19/9:36 a.m.——
Yes that sort of rant. Marianne gave me #, hope its ok.
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Brenna Lindberg
——October 19/9:40 a.m.——
Jst fine. Text r cll anytime. Wow! Never in my lifetime would I have dreamed…
Instant Message
Dulcet: Tom! Check your email! Rosalyn RANTED!
Dulcet: Tom?
Dulcet: Hey Tom! Am I going to have to talk to you the old fashioned way? You’re staring at your computer screen in a daze. You okay?
Huck: Yeah… I’m here. Just in shock. Speechless. She really ranted?
Dulcet: Totally. Gotta read it!
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Zelia Muzuwa
——October 19/10:03 a.m.——
Did u c the rant?
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Jocelyn Millard
——October 19/10:04 a.m.——
Yes. Saw it. Nearly feel sorry 4 her.
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Zelia Muzuwa
——October 19/10:05 a.m.——
Come on. She’s almost acting like a normal person!
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Jocelyn Millard
——October 19/10:06 a.m.——
And margarine almost tastes like real butter. The trans-fat will still kill u.
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Zelia Muzuwa
——October 19/10:06 a.m.——
U r hopeless.
From: Hannah Farrell
To: Kristina Shaw
Subject: U Won’t Believe This!!!
Hi Krissy,
You know Rosalyn, the crazy lady that’s the moderator of the SAHM loop I’m on? Well, she totally lost it today and went on this huge rant about how we should all do charity work instead of buying designer clothes. I’m attaching the e-mail so u cn read it. Just don’t say anything bc it’s supposed to be a confidential loop.
Love ya!
Hannah
From: Thomas Huckleberry
To: Becky Schwartzendruber
Subject: Rosalyn RANTED!
Hey sis!
I’m not really supposed to do this, but since you’ve been following our stories about Rosalyn Ebberly for years, you have to read her rant. Yes, a real rant! So I attached it.
It’s historic, and I knew you’d want to see it.
I’ll write more later. Gotta go find out what Aidan is getting into.
Love,
Tom
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: VIM
Subject: Did you pass around…
…my loop post from this
morning? The TOTW one where I was talking about Suzannah? A local news reporter called me wanting to do a story about the girl who refuses to wear anything but designer clothing, even though her family is locally known for their charity work.
And MOM called! Said if it were her, she’d make Suzannah wear nothing but garage sale clothing for the next six months!
What did you DO, Ronnie?
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: VIM
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Did you pass around…
Hey now! I haven’t even checked my e-mail until just now. I have no idea what you’re even talking about. Don’t blame me. Besides, I know the loop rules—posts are strictly confidential. No forwarding.
So Suzannah’s developed a taste for style? Must be her auntie Ronnie coming out in her. I’ll have to go read your post.
Veronica
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: VIM
Subject: Re: Did you pass around…
THEN HOW IN THE WORLD DID ALL THESE PEOPLE OFF LOOP FIND OUT IN LESS THAN THREE HOURS???
I bare my heart, and the whole world seems to know. This is NOT fair!
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: VIM
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Did you pass around…
Well, it WAS a good rant. And coming from YOU, it was practically like if Paris Hilton became a Buddhist monk and gave all her money to Mother Teresa’s orphanage. I checked with mom, and she said Aunt Doris forwarded it to her. And Aunt Doris said she got it from her friend’s daughter who got it from another friend in Michigan. We tracked it back and lost the trail somewhere south of Nashville about 12:30 this afternoon.
It’s on its way to becoming the latest e-mail forward. You’ll probably see it on Snopes.com in a few days—likely under the subject heading “The Rant— You GOTTA See This!”
You enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, sis. I’m headed into the depths of despair over this birthday-party thing. Ashley’s party was a smashing success. Everyone is still talking about it! But now, we’re getting more party invitations. And they’re all getting more elaborate.
So now my question is…what are we going to do for Courtney’s party? If we don’t blow away the competition again, everyone will think Ashley’s party was just a fluke!
Veronica
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: VIM
Subject: Re: Did you pass around…
It’s good to know that when push comes to shove, you have a solid sense of what is really important in life, sister-dear.
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] LOOP RULES
LOOP POSTS ARE TO BE KEPT STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL!!!! NO SHARING THEM WITH ANYONE!
How many times do I have to remind you? NO passing around, NO sharing. NO FORWARDING!!!
It’s not that hard, my friends. Take the finger off the forward button. If any of you so much as THINK about sending one of our posts to your off-loop friends or family, I will ban you from this loop—and your children, and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, too!
I MEAN IT!
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
Instant Message
PhyllisLorimer: My goodness, what’s her problem today?
Farmgirl04: I know! Sheesh—lets loose one little rant and then she can’t stop!
From: Brenna L
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Where did my daughter go?
It must be Cranky Tween Day or something. I doubt I can top The Rant, but…
All I did was tell Madeline, my ten-year-old, to go clean her room. Didn’t yell. Didn’t order or strong-arm or anything. Just said, “Hey, Maddy, time to clean your room.”
You would have thought I told her to bring the cattle in from the north pasture by herself before bedtime! Usually she just fusses or stomps to her room and pouts if she doesn’t want to clean it.
This time, she put her hands on her hips and glared at me, her eyes glittering with resentment. “Why should I do it? You’re not the queen of the world.”
I could hardly breathe! She’s never been that blatantly mouthy and defiant before. How dare she talk to me like that! I couldn’t believe it, but here I was—scowling at my own daughter like I was about to get in a catfight with her. “As your mother, I AM queen of your world, and don’t you forget it!”
The look in her eyes—it was like she hated me in that instant. I could feel my heart cracking just a little. “Tess and Pat got in there and made most of the mess.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s what little brothers and sisters do sometimes. Get it cleaned up, and we’ll do a better job of keeping them out next time.”
“I didn’t want any brothers and sisters ANYWAY!”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t recognize this angry, spiteful little person standing in front of me. All I could think of to say was “That is enough. Get going now!”
I can’t believe this. What happened? Have I done something wrong? Did we do a bad job at handling the twins being born? I didn’t even know she was so upset. How could she act like that?
My biggest fear is that if she’s already getting that bad teenager attitude, what will she be like when she IS a teen? I do not want her to make the same mistakes I did!
What do I do? What did I do?
Somebody please help me— I think I’m panicking.
Brenna
From: VIM
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM]
Where did my daughter go?
Hey Brenna,
Your guess is as good as mine, sweetheart. Ashley has been like that since she was about ten. Freaked me out at first. I didn’t think girls started that nonsense until they were teens. I doubt you’ve done anything wrong, though. And I don’t think it means that she’ll turn out bad.
You hang in there, okay?
Veronica
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM]
Where did my daughter go?
Hi Brenna,
Don’t you remember being ten? I do! Maybe that’s like an advantage to being so young and all. I remember wanting so bad to be like all grown-up and have people take me seriously. (I still totally feel that way some days.) And yet, you’re still just a kid and everyone seems to want to remind you of it. (Still feel like that, too, sometimes.)
I think I also started my period when I was eleven. My mom said that for about a year before that, I got really cranky and moody for a couple days each month. Maybe you should keep track of Madeline’s moods and see if there’s a pattern.
I do remember that I didn’t actually hate my parents. And I wasn’t like seriously, deep down, MAD mad. I was just…cranky mad.
I bet Madeline is the same way. Give her some credit. After all, just because you went off the deep end and got pregnant doesn’t mean she’s going to be that stupid, too.
Hannah
From: Brenna L
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM]
Where did my daughter go?
You were doing great until that last sentence, dear. You really gotta learn when to quit.
Brenna
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Cranky kids become cranky young adults
…And that makes for cranky teachers! My children aren’t at all close to that stage, but if I can survive teaching, I think I’ll be ready for whatever an adolescent Julia or Bennet can fire at me.
Frankly, the worst of the entire lot are the Christian students. Many of them have tremendous chips on their shoulders. I am teaching an undergraduate Western Civilization course—a gen. ed. class full of students who aren’t interested and wish they were somewhere else…usually at a location that includes a keg.
We were studying the Enlightenment, and one of my students went off on a huge rant about how “the Enlightenment was the most devastating phenomenon in the past thousand years” because it produced “rampant humanism” (as if it were a disease epidemic) and led to the collapse of “all Christian morals and traditions” and most importantly, it gave rise to EVOLUTION. (Cue dark, scary music, I suppose.)
I should have just thanked the young sir for his unenlightened position, and let it go. But I was in my “earnest teacher” mode and decided to have a discussion on his points—most of which I disagreed with. I was polite! I gave him the same sort of respect that I would have given a fellow Ph.D. candidate! His response?
“You’re just saying that because you’ve been brainwashed by liberal academia. I don’t expect to hear anything different from a secular teacher. But I believe that all truth is based on the Bible, and I have the right as a person of faith to express my opinion!”
Oh, so now college is all about expressing our various opinions? What is this? Oprah’s book club?
I told him that now was not an appropriate time to interrupt the lecture to express opinions. He got very angry about that and said he was going to complain to the dean about the “antireligion bias” in my classroom.
I couldn’t help it— I laughed! Then I said, “Go right ahead. The interesting thing about all this is that I’m married to a pastor” and I told him which church. It’s NOT a “liberal” church by any definition. He looked like he was choking. Didn’t say anything else, just slumped in his seat.