Then I got an e-mail from one of our church members:
“I heard that you met alone with your male students last semester. I just wanted to caution you that as a pastor’s wife, you need to be WAY above even a hint of evil. I’m just concerned. You need to be careful.”
I met “alone” with my male students in a cubicle, in the GTA office! Good grief! The thing doesn’t even have a door! This is ridiculous.
Then I got a phone call from Julia’s teacher:
“I noticed that neither you or your husband were able to come to the parents’ meeting yesterday evening.”
“No,” I said. “I’m sorry. We were both busy.”
“Well,” she says in an overly perky voice, “we’re all busy. But you of all people should know how important it is to be involved with your kids. Save some time next time, okay?”
She might as well have come right out and said it— “Since you’re a pastor’s wife…”
UGH!!! Apparently I am to be flawless, superhuman and everywhere at once. Just because I’m married to someone who preaches about God does NOT mean I *am*
God!
Phyllis
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: I would think that as a PASTOR’S WIFE…
…you’d get sick and tired of being treated like that!
I’m sorry, Phyl-girl. Here, have a Z-Hug:
{{{{{{{{Phyllis}}}}}}}}}
Z
From: VIM
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] That’s IT, I GIVE UP!
No more birthday parties! EVER EVER EVER!!! Stephenie (who has a Christmas birthday, but we were going to wait until February to have a party) will just have to do without, because I’m not doing this one more stinking time!
The Snow Party was a smashing success. Smashing. Our bank account is smashed. Our window is smashed. Our yard is smashed. And Stanley’s foot is smashed—got run over by a rogue sled.
I spent the last three weeks making all the arrangements—filling out an application with the city for permission to close off our block for the party. And then the day of the party, the fire department still showed up because they’d misplaced our application and were going to fine us for code violations. The only way we got out of that is because we had a copy of the application.
It’s Sno Surprise filled the entire block with snow. And at first, it was great. The neighbors were taking pictures, and some even got a little teary-eyed because they’d never seen a snow-covered tree before and thought it was beyond beautiful. They were commenting on how the sun made the snow sparkle. I never thought I would ever be homesick for Chicago, but at that moment I was—a little.
That was the last happy thought I had for the rest of the day. It’s Sno Surprise covered our neighbor’s garden, and they looked as dark as a blue norther. Said we ruined their new rosebushes they’d just planted. Now they’re demanding we replace them. They were dormant! How can a dormant plant be ruined by snow? Isn’t snow an insulator?
Gotta say, the kids did have a great time. All of them, even the ones I don’t know. We had about three times the number of people we actually invited. They made snowmen, and Stanley even helpfully supplemented our supply of thrift-store scarves and hats by “borrowing” MY 100% cashmere scarf and hat. I found them later, muddy and torn, hanging from the branch of a tree in a yard three houses down from us. Three hundred dollars! And they were MY birthday present this year. WAAAHHHHH!!!
They threw snowballs—and it didn’t take a couple of them long to figure out how to pack rocks in the middle. We did NOT invite those kids! But that’s how my window got broken. And one little girl got a scratch on her arm, and her parents are threatening to sue us.
We tried to keep all the snacks in our yard, but the entire neighborhood now bears the evidence of our snow bash. The neighbors have been calling me all day today to complain about the trash the snow left behind.
It was warm, and the snow began melting, which created a huge amount of mud. Our yard is pitted now where the sleds tore up the grass and people left footprints in the mud. Plus, it froze last night, and this morning the entire street was a sheet of ice. Nobody knows how to drive or walk on it around here. More angry neighbors.
Frank isn’t speaking to me, and Stanley is miffed because most of the kids forgot to give him a present—even the ones we’d actually invited! Our neighbors are probably having a meeting right this instant to figure out how to force us out of the area.
So we’re legend, all right. We might even be history before this mess is cleaned up. Moral of the story: The creator of Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a genius.
Off to kiss some serious neighbor behind.
Veronica
From: The Millards
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] That’s IT, I GIVE UP!
Poor Veronica. Sounds like things kind of snowballed, didn’t they? :) But the important thing is this—you won! Nobody can top this. They don’t have a snowball’s chance in…well, anyway, I’ll keep this short, because I’m sure you’re snowed under right now with all the cleanup work.
From: Brenna L
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] That’s IT, I GIVE UP!
Yeah, don’t worry about your neighbors. I’m sure you’ll think of a way to break the ice with them.
Brenna
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] That’s IT, I GIVE UP!
Just for you, babe, with the Bard’s regards:
Merry and tragical! tedious and brief!
That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow.
How shall we find the concord of this discord?
(A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream, Act V, Scene 1)
From: VIM
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] That’s IT, I GIVE UP!
I hate you all. MODERATOR! Where are you when you’re needed? Surely this is off-topic!
:)
Veronica
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
February 8: A Tribute to Our Sweethearts
Dearest SAHMs,
Since Valentine’s Day is in a few short days, I thought it would be nice to post a tribute to the guys (well, and one gal) who mean so much to us—our spouses!
When I married Chad, I thought he was going to give me the entire world. I was expecting a lover, a best friend, a buddy, a dad, a brother—all in one person. But I found out that I didn’t need him to be all of those things to me. I just needed him. I haven’t always been the easiest to live with…okay, I’ve NEVER been easy to live with. But he balances me, and somehow I think we’re both better people for having had to put up with each other so many years.
It’s really nice to finally understand that Chad loves me regardless of what I do. I don’t have to do anything at all. I don’t know why that was so hard for me to grasp, but in the last few weeks, he’s gotten it through my head at last that I don’t have to be the best, or the most talented or the most anything to keep his love. And in this disposable world, that’s rather amazing.
So what’s your tribute to your spouse? It may not be as moving as this one (I DID work on it for three hours this morning while waiting for the sun to rise) but we’d all still love to hear it anyway.
Love,
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
February 8: A Tribute to Our Sweethearts
I think I can finally say that I’m glad Shane got me a house-cleaning service. It gives me an incentive to make sure I keep things picked up around here! (Yeah, yeah, I know that defeats the purpose of hiring someone to clean for you. Baby steps, okay?)
Shane’s always been a decent guy. I like it that he’s pretty laid-back and easygoing, because I’m really not. Being around him is relaxing.
Jocelyn
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
February 8: A Tribute to Our Sweethearts
My Bradley is a FAB guy! We’ve had our moments, you know, like all couples do. Especially since we got married. But that’s just a phase. I’m sure we’ll move past it as we get more used to married life.
I’m just really looking forward to our Valentine’s date on Friday. We decided we’re going to start trying to have another baby! So Friday, we’re going out and having a romantic dinner and actually leaving Boaz with a babysitter for the first time. It’ll be our first Valentine’s Day married that I haven’t been pregnant.
So weird—three years ago, I was the babysitter!
Hannah
From: P. Lorimer
To: Hannah Farrell
Subject: Babies?
Dear Hannah,
Did I read that correctly? You and Bradley are planning to try to get pregnant again? How will that work with your plan to go to college? Going to school when you have young children is difficult enough. But a baby?
I don’t understand. I thought—from our conversations—that you wanted to use your academic talents. I understood that you felt stifled at home and had decided to talk to Bradley about recognizing your independence a bit more. What happened?
Phyllis
From: Hannah Farrell
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Babies?
I TOTALLY do want to go to college, Phyllis. You are like such a huge inspiration to me on that. But I talked to Bradley, and he really feels like God is calling us to build a family right now. In fact, we’re going to do the whole “let God be in charge of your family planning” and starting this Friday, no more birth control for us. So I’ll probably have lots of babies!
And you don’t have to feel all sorry for me or anything. I’ve always wanted a big family. I’m not like you. I can be happy without getting more education. The babies will keep me busy. And Bradley would, I think, feel bad if I ended up more educated than him. I can always use my brains to homeschool them.
Besides, I think having more kids will totally bring us closer together. The Bible says that children are a blessing. So if we have more of them, then I’m sure our marriage will be more blessed.
And when it gets tough, you all will be there to cheer me up, right? I’m sure this will work out fine. You can just tell me all about what you’re learning in your classes, and I’ll enjoy it vicariously.
Hugs,
Hannah
Instant Message
PhyllisLorimer: Brenna! I’m so glad you’re online.
Farmgirl04: What’s wrong?
PhyllisLorimer: I can’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s throwing it all away!
Farmgirl04: Who?
PhyllisLorimer: Hannah.
Farmgirl04: Oh. What did she do this time?
PhyllisLorimer: It’s that jerk she’s married to! He’s going to keep her barefoot and pregnant and make her waste all that talent. She’s going to end up with 14 kids and never have a moment for herself, and never know what it’s like to have her own life.
Farmgirl04: I thought that’s what she wanted.
PhyllisLorimer: NO! She was going to talk to him about taking some college classes. Apparently, he doesn’t think “the little woman” needs to fill her head with all that “book learnin’ stuff.”
Farmgirl04: Did she actually say that’s what he said?
PhyllisLorimer: Not in so many words. But she implied it.
Farmgirl04: Does she seem unhappy?
PhyllisLorimer: Not at the moment. But she will! I just know it. He doesn’t respect her! He treats her like she’s a kid. Eventually she’s going to resent that, but it will be too late.
Farmgirl04: Well, she DID get married awfully young. And it’s already too late to do anything about that. You have to let her live her life. Her way.
PhyllisLorimer: She’s making a huge mistake!
Farmgirl04: And even if you could force her to see it your way, how would that make you any different from her husband?
PhyllisLorimer: I know you’re right. But it just makes me so angry! I’ve been trying to help her for weeks! I’ve been listening to her and giving her advice, and I thought she was going to listen, going to make changes. Assert herself. Not be defined by her role as wife or mother, but actually work at developing everything God created her to be!
Farmgirl04: And she has to go to college to do that?
PhyllisLorimer: It would be a good start!
Farmgirl04: Do you fault me for not being college educated?
PhyllisLorimer: Of course not.
Farmgirl04: Because I’m not as smart?
PhyllisLorimer: Don’t be silly. I know that if you wanted to go to college, you’d figure out a way to do it, and Darren would back you up. It’s her voluntary repression that’s bothering me.
Farmgirl04: Are you sure? Or is it your own?
PhyllisLorimer: What are you talking about?
Farmgirl04:I just think that you might be more frustrated about your own school situation right now, and maybe you were hoping that if Hannah went back to school, too, then you’d have someone to commiserate with.
PhyllisLorimer: I just don’t want her to go through what I went through—the feeling of being stifled, of being valued only because you have a womb.
Farmgirl04: That’s not how Jonathan treats you.
PhyllisLorimer: True. Maybe it’s just the church culture at large. I don’t know. I just feel sometimes like if I don’t get away from the house I am going to go crazy. Sometimes it feels so meaningless. I can’t stand the thought of Hannah sentencing herself to a lifetime of that.
Farmgirl04: Maybe she won’t feel that way. Maybe she’ll be happy.
PhyllisLorimer: I don’t see how she can with a husband that doesn’t appreciate her.
Farmgirl04: Then she’ll need a friend more than ever. And people do change. Look at Rosalyn.
PhyllisLorimer: Odd seeing you stand up for Hannah. She irritates you incredibly.
Farmgirl04: Yeah. Well, like I said, there’s always the hope that people can change. Hannah, me, our spouses, our kids.
PhyllisLorimer: You’re pretty wise for being just an uneducated hick. :)
Farmgirl04: And a teen mom, don’t forget! :) But thanks.
From: Iona James
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] A Just Compromise
Dear treasures of God,
Remember a few months ago when I was upset because Jeremy wanted me to get a job? Several of you gave me excellent advice, and I’m pleased to report back that I talked it over with Jeremy and we reached a compromise.
I am going to increase my hours at the coffee shop during the day. And Jeremy is going to work at the music store down the street part-time in the evenings. He will continue with the band, and I will continue writing lyrics for them.
But Tom gave me an inspired idea. I am going to write and sell customized poetry from my home. People will be able to hire me to compose poems for any occasion—engagement, weddings, death, birth of a child—and I will use my art as a m
onument to mark that special moment in their lives.
Working with any of you would be a special joy, so please talk to me if you’d like me to write a poem for you. A happy occasion would be especially appropriate right now as my heart is full of joy and love.
Soaring,
Iona James
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: Iona James
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] A Just Compromise
Way to go, girl! I knew you could find a solution! Hey, I have a terrific occasion that needs a good poem. Send me your phone number and I’ll call you tonight and tell you about it. I’d love to be your first customer!
Z
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: Shelley Dalton
Subject: Final Session
Dear Shelley,
I just got home from our session today, and I think this is a huge mistake! I’m not ready to end my therapy sessions. I’m really not. I need you. You help me work through so many things that I never even knew I needed help with. And things are going better with my family and with my marriage. And if you dump me, then everything will go back to the way it was! I can’t do this on my own.
Please, please, don’t dump me. I’ll pay a higher fee. We can cut back to just twice a month. I’ll do group sessions if you want. Just please don’t abandon me.
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Shelley Dalton
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Final Session
Dear Rosalyn,
I think that your e-mail to me proves exactly why this needed to be your final session. You are strong and you are healthy enough now to stand on your own. That progress you’ve made is going to be reversed eventually if you continue relying so much on me. You don’t need me. We’ve worked enough on the skills you need to continue making positive choices on your own. And you aren’t alone. Chad is there to help you, and you are there to help him. And your children are much more stable—they need their mom to be their leader now.
Play It Again, SAHM Page 20
