You should feel proud of the progress you’ve made. It’s always a bittersweet thing for me to say goodbye to a client— I’ve enjoyed working with you, but at the same time, I’m excited to see you whole and able to function without me. You’re at that point now. Be happy about that!
Sincerely,
Shelley Dalton, Ph.D., LPC
Hibiscus Mental Health Clinic
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: Shelley Dalton
Subject: Re: Final Session
Dear Shelley,
I appreciate your confidence in me. I just don’t quite feel ready yet. Plus, I really enjoy spending time with you. Could we get together sometime, just as friends?
Rosalyn Ebberly
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Shelley Dalton
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Final Session
Dear Rosalyn,
I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, too. However, I don’t think socializing outside the clinic setting would be a good idea at this point. I think it would be too easy for you to fall into a therapy mindset since that’s been our relationship thus far. You need to prove to yourself that you can stand on your own two feet. It’s not healthy to be dependent on me to keep you grounded.
I’ve really enjoyed working with you and your family. I wish you the best. Keep loving and communicating with each other, and you’ll do great.
Sincerely,
Shelley Dalton, Ph.D., LPC
Hibiscus Mental Health Clinic
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
My beloved therapist, the rock in my world for two years, told me today that I can’t come back. I had my last session. But I’m not ready to go on without her! Can’t she see how much I need her? She’s helped me so much!
SHE WOULDN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE “LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS” SPEECH!!!
What am I going to do? I don’t even want to remember what life was like without her. I feel like she just died. I can’t stand it! How could she just do this to me? I thought she cared about me!
I think I’m going to call Chad at work and cancel our plans for Valentine’s Day. I don’t feel like celebrating.
Rosalyn Ebberly
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Gee, that was rotten of her. That’s like totally what happened to me my sophomore year. I had this friend, or I thought she was a friend, named Julie and we used to do everything together, and she even said I could date her brother, except that I was strictly a courtship gal so no dating even though he was very hot and a senior, and we had been friends since third grade and she knew all my secrets, but then this new girl came to our school and Julie was all like she’s so cool and I was just the brainiac so she told me flat out that she was so over hanging out with me. And I was totally crushed and kept begging her like for three whole weeks to be friends with me again, but she wouldn’t. But it turned out okay because I got to know Krissy, and she’s a better friend than Julie ever was and would never dump me because somebody cooler comes along, and she’s still my friend even though she went off to college and I got married and she’s going to travel the world and save dolphins while I have lots and lots of babies. But we’re always still connected at the heart, and that’s what makes her so great.
I think SAHM I Am is your Krissy, Rosalyn. And who needs a Shelley or a Julie when you have a Krissy?
Hannah
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Strangely, this was comforting to me. Missing the point, but thank you, Hannah. I didn’t expect it to come from you. I was under the impression you thought this loop was a bit crazy.
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Hannah Farrell
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Oh, I think you all are total nut bars. But I’m getting used to it. I might even like it in another few months.
Hannah
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: Hannah Farrell
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Well, you just be careful—don’t get too enthusiastic about it or anything.
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
I think I agree with the basic point Hannah made. Rosalyn, you don’t need to have the support of a therapist. She wasn’t ever going to be a friend in that way. We all need the support of friends and family. You have us, girl.
Besides, we’re a much better bargain—support, empathy, understanding, advice, encouragement…and all for much less than $150/hr.
Jocelyn
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: The Millards
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Thanks, Jocelyn. Everyone has been e-mailing me all evening saying basically the same thing. Well, almost everyone…
Anyway, I’m just so afraid of losing the progress I’ve made. What if I fail?
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Shelley dumped me!
Well, duh, honey. That’s where we come in with all that advice and encouragement and stuff I was talking about. We’re all cracked pots anyway—we’ve been waiting years for you to finally give up and admit you’re one of us!
Jocelyn
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] MY DAY IS RUINED!
It was supposed to be a perfect Valentine’s Day! After we got back from dinner, I was going to light lots of candles in our room, and put rose petals on the bed, and have jazz music playing, and everything!
But Bradley accidentally shut our dog in our bedroom, and the dog peed all over the bed! Our down comforter is ruined, and the mattress smells awful, and there’s no time to go buy a new one even if we could afford it!
And I got mad at Bradley and yelled at him for being so stupid, and I never wanted a dog in the first place—it was his idea. And I sat in the bathroom and cried for a whole hour, and now my face looks blotchy and puffy.
Hannah
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] MY DAY IS RUINED!
Poor dear. Put some cool water on your face, go apologize to Bradley for yelling, and then put your cutest outfit on and enjoy the most romantic evening of your life. Don’t let the dog ruin it, for goodness sake! You can always get a new bed later. First nonpregnant Valentine’s Day only happens once. Enjoy it.
Phyllis
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] MY DAY IS RUINED!
Yeah! And what do you need the bed for, anyway? Come on, a little creativity goes a LONG, LONG way! :)
Z
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] MY DAY IS RUINED!
ZELIA!!!!
Hannah
Text Message From Jeanine Hash: For Dulcie Huckleberry
——February 14/3:23 p.m.——
Hi dulcie this is mom hash i need to talk to you about keeping the kids when you and tom are gone to your conferences in march its not going to work out i dont think because well i just need to talk to you
Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Jeanine Hash
——February 14/4:15 p.m.——
What? Yes, plz call me, or no, I’ll cll u. Right away!
From: Jeanine Hash
To: Dulcie Huckleberry
Subject: March
Hi Dulcie!
I tried to call you but you must have a client appointment or something. Anyway, I just wanted to explain why I can’t take the girls after all in March. I just found out that one of my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in years is going to be in Branson with a bus tour that weekend. I can’t miss this chance to spend time with her, and there’s no way I can bring three kids with me—that wouldn’t work out well, you know.
I’m really, really, REALLY sorry, honey. But I’m sure you can find someone else to watch the kids. Maybe your mom and dad? At least you have a month to figure it out.
Love,
Jeanine
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: News you won’t like
Hey girls,
This has been a horrible day. My mother-in-law dropped a bombshell on us that she won’t be able to take the girls when I go to the retreat and Tom goes to his woodworking convention. A friend she hasn’t seen since high school is coming to Branson on a bus tour. We, her own family, are getting ditched for someone she hasn’t seen in forty-five years!
And MY parents can’t take them because they’re going to be on a cruise that week. Yeah, they just up and decided last week to go on a cruise. Must be nice.
I called around to some of our friends from church, but everyone is busy that weekend, it seems. Either that, or no one likes my children!
So either Tom or I have to stay home. And, predictably, we got in a big fight about who the lucky person was going to be. I’ll spare you the details of that as it really was not pretty.
It comes down to this— Tom feels stifled being a SAHD. I don’t blame him—being a SAH-anything isn’t exactly the world’s most glamorous profession. In fact, a lot of times, it downright stinks. So I get that he wants to have something else to do. He’s got a couple other SAHD friends, and some buddies from church, but you know how guys are— they just don’t bond as easily as women do. So he’s lonely, unfulfilled and restless.
Okay, fine. My heart goes out to him. For the last couple of years, he’s wanted Morris (his stepdad) to teach him woodworking. He’s picked up quite a bit, and he’s good at it and enjoys it. So when he wanted to go to this woodworking convention and learn more techniques and make some professional connections, I was all for it. But it happens to be at the same time as our retreat.
I felt that since he DOES have Morris to help him get more involved in woodworking on a professional level, it isn’t absolutely essential for him to go to this convention. But he said the same thing about my retreat—not absolutely essential for me to go to that, either.
So we were yelling at each other and making absolute brats out of ourselves, and MacKenzie crept into the room in tears.
“I’m sorry!” she wailed.
We asked her what she’d done, figuring she’d created some disaster upstairs while we’d been fighting.
“It’s my fault and Aidan and Haley’s fault. You’re arguing because you have to take care of us. If we weren’t here, you could both go on your trips!”
You know how guilt can sock you right in the heart, especially when you know good and well you’ve behaved like a total skunk? Yeah, that’s what happened to me at that moment. And Tom, too, from what I could tell.
MacKenzie went on to say, “I don’t think I ever want kids. We’re too much trouble.”
AAIIIEEEE!!!!
After we both spent the next twenty minutes convincing Mac that it wasn’t her fault and that we weren’t really mad at anybody (do you think kids know when we’re lying?), and that kids really aren’t that much trouble (I’m serious—they can’t tell when we lie, right?), then we resumed our argument. Only now, it was “I’ll stay home” and “No, I should stay home. You go.” “No, I insist!” Etc.
So thanks to our own sense of guilt, it was looking for a while like neither of us was going to go anywhere. But I got to thinking…
Tom just doesn’t have the support network I do. He doesn’t have as many friends, he’s on our e-mail loop but only as sort of a curiosity—it’s not like it is for me. He doesn’t have a dads’ group at church like my moms’ group. He has one message board for SAHDs, and a couple of SAHD friends, but it’s just not the same.
I know that his convention isn’t going to solve all that. But it suddenly seemed selfish of me to insist on having my retreat when I have everything else. I have my own business, I have a strong circle of friends, I have a supportive spouse.
I can’t really help with the friends part for him, but I can help him with the other two.
So my news is this:
I’m not going to go to the retreat. I’m going to stay home and watch the kids while Tom goes to his convention. I told him tonight it was my Valentine’s present to him. He didn’t say much, just held me really tight.
I’m sorry. I’m heartbroken that I won’t get to meet you all in person. But I think Tom needs this more than I do.
Love,
Dulcie
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
February 22: Do-Overs
Lovely friends,
The past couple of weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life. And I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a few things I wish I could go back and change.
And I wondered, what are things that you wish you could change? If you could do something over in your life, what would it be?
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
Instant Message
VIM_Vigor: What? No outrageous personal examples? No veiled insults to the rest of the loop? A straightforward, serious TOTW? Are you okay? Are you ALIVE?
Prov31Mom: Sister, dear, am I not allowed to change—hopefully for the better? If you really miss all that stuff, I’ll be happy to send you veiled insults. I have plenty of material to work from.
VIM_Vigor: Generous as always, but I think I’ll pass. Thanks anyway. So why didn’t you post your own response to that question? What do you wish you could go back and change? Or are you waiting until later in the week?
Prov31Mom: I don’t think I’d better post my regret.
VIM_Vigor: Zelia?
Prov31Mom: Of course.
VIM_Vigor: Hasn’t she unbent yet?
Prov31Mom: Why should she?
VIM_Vigor: You should talk to her.
Prov31Mom: I’ve tried. Got the cold shoulder. I’m trying to make amends the only way I know how.
VIM_Vigor: And what’s that?
Prov31Mom: I’ll e-mail you later about it. I have to take the children to school now.
Prov31Mom sign
ed off at 8:26:30 a.m.
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Prayers, please
This afternoon, I have to go in front of the advisory board at the university to present my proposal for my dissertation. Hammering this out with my goulish advisor has been torturous. She has delayed me at every turn, refused to answer my phone calls or respond to e-mail, and has canceled our meetings on three different occasions. I had to threaten to go to the dean before she finally decided to cooperate!
We now have a proposal that meets with her approval, as well as mine, and I have to take it to the advisory board—of which she is a member. I’m really nervous. If they don’t approve it, I will have to take another semester to work out a new proposal. But they should approve it—after all, as nasty as my advisor is, she wouldn’t risk making herself look bad just to make my life more difficult. I’ll let everyone know what happens.
Phyllis
From: VIM
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
February 22: Do-Overs
I’ll tell you one thing I’d like to “do over”—the birthday party fiasco. I’d do it over by NOT doing it at all! I thought sure-shooting that after the snow debacle, all the parents in our school group would avoid me like an armadillo with cooties.
No such luck! They’ve been pressuring me to have a belated party for Stephenie, who turned two in December. Said they’ve never had such great entertainment before. Entertainment! We put several thousand dollars on our home-equity line of credit for their “entertainment.” We nearly got sued and fined trying to “entertain” them. And that’s all they care about? A few laughs, something to gossip about at play group?
FINE. They want a party? They’ll get their party! “Marcello Cinema Proudly Presents…” We’re decorating our basement like a 1920s movie theater—well, as close as we can come on a strict fifty-dollar budget. They’ll have to use their imaginations—which have shrunk to the size of a frog’s nose hair, I fear, by the string of outlandish parties this year.
Play It Again, SAHM Page 21
