Huck: The world will never be the same.
Dulcie: Unfortunately.
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Talked with my advisor
I did it! I finally did it just this morning. It took me this long just to get a meeting with her—she kept putting me off. But I persisted and she finally ran out of excuses for why she was busy.
I kept Veronica’s suggestions in mind and did not come in with a particularly friendly or conciliatory demeanor. I got right to the point— “Why did you kill my proposal in front of the board? If you didn’t like it, you should have said so.”
“I just thought Dr. Graybill brought up a good point.”
“Then you should have said that we’d adjust that part of the proposal to address his concern!”
She wouldn’t look at me. “I felt you weren’t really as well prepared as I’d expected.”
I lost it then. “I was thoroughly prepared, and you know it! I have done everything you asked! I’ve done almost as much preliminary research for this as I did for my entire master’s thesis. What you did to me was unethical, unprofessional and completely uncalled for.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I disagree.”
I almost stormed out at that point, but I couldn’t quite admit defeat so easily. I plopped into a chair. “We haven’t had the best working relationship, have we?”
She seemed surprised at my sudden change in tone. “I haven’t really spent any time thinking about it.”
What a rotten liar.
“Well, I have. And I want to know if this is something we can do better on or if I should find a different advisor. What do you think?”
“Aren’t you worried about your funding?”
“Funding won’t matter if you’re going to hold my dissertation hostage to punish me for whatever I’ve done to offend you!”
She tried to look scornful, but wasn’t very successful. “Don’t be so dramatic, Ms. Lorimer. It doesn’t work for you.”
“Just tell me—do you want me to find a different advisor or not?”
She scowled at me a second. “Why did you choose me to begin with?”
“Because I wanted to focus on women’s studies in Early Modern Europe, and you are the best choice for that.”
“Why women’s studies?”
“Because the treatment of women matters greatly to me.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Why?”
“Because I have yet to meet any Christian who really cares about the ‘treatment of women.’ And I can’t respect that. It makes me angry because a lot of us have worked very hard to make the world a better place for women, and you seem to be intent on undoing that work.”
There was such intensity and passion in her eyes— I knew she was being uncharacteristically open with me. I sat forward and waited until she was looking at me. “I am not like that. Don’t you know that yet?”
“I don’t know what to think about you, actually. You’re married, you’re a pastor’s wife, you go to a conservative, traditional church. And yet you speak and act like a feminist. It doesn’t add up.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Then I can’t win! I’m myself—and I can’t help it if that defies your stereotypes.”
After that, we actually ended up having a real conversation—probably our first one. We decided that I will remain her advisee, and she is going to push through my proposal after all. I don’t know that we have everything worked out yet, but at least we’re talking—and that’s a step forward by itself.
I’m exhausted now. I’m going to go take a nap!
Phyllis
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Talked with my advisor
Phyllis, babe,
You are my HERO! You totally rock. I really admire you. It couldn’t have been an easy thing to have that conversation with her. I know she really hurt you and treated you unforgivably. And you still made a final effort to work things out. That’s an inspiration to me— I just wanted you to know.
Z
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Jocelyn Millard
——March 15/10:42 a.m.——
Am at Seattle airport. Emergency! Kathy Keller just cancelled.
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 15/10:43 a.m.——
What? We had a contract!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Jocelyn Millard
——March 15/10:44 a.m.——
Son climbed out on roof and fell off. Lucky to have only two broken ribs and one broken arm. What should we do?
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 15/10:44 a.m.——
Invite her to join SAHM I Am? Sounds like she’d fit right in.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Jocelyn Millard
——March 15/10:45 a.m.——
Be serious! This is catastrophic! And we’re boarding now.
Text Message From Jocelyn Millard: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——March 15/10:46 a.m.——
Let me work on it. We’ll talk about it more when you get here. As you always tell me—don’t worry!
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Jocelyn Millard
——March 15/10:47 a.m.——
Thank you! I don’t handle pressure like this well. I’m glad to be working with someone who can stay coolheaded.
From: The Millards
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: HELP ME!
Phyllis,
We’re having a crisis! Kathy Keller’s son fell off a roof, so of course she isn’t going to be able to come to the retreat because she’ll have to take care of her son and his broken ribs and arm, but now we don’t have a keynote speaker and Ros is freaking out, and I know we sort of snubbed you when we decided to book her instead, but you’ve always been such a good sport and so now I’m groveling and begging you to forgive us for being so foolish and will you please be the speaker at the retreat?
PLEASE!
Jocelyn
From: P. Lorimer
To: The Millards
Subject: Re: HELP ME!
LOL! It’s all right, Jocelyn. I was never upset. I’ve had enough to worry about with school and everything. I’d be glad to come up with something. I’m flattered to be pinch-hitting for the renowned Kathy Keller! Just let me know how long you want me to talk. It will probably not be as entertaining as she would have been— I’m more of a teacher than a motivational speaker. But I’ll do my best. Relax. Nobody is going to care.
Phyllis
From: The Millards
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Re: HELP ME!
Care? Of course they’re going to care! She was the whole reason some of the moms are coming! Without her, they’ll probably cancel, and then we won’t have enough to cover my deposit, and our family will be bankrupt and we’ll have to fire the housekeeper!
Jocelyn
From: The Millards
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Re: HELP ME!
I did not mean to imply that nobody would come if you are the speaker! You know that, right? Please tell me you knew that!
Jocelyn
From: P. Lorimer
To: The Millards
Subject: Re: HELP ME!
Goodness, Jocelyn! You need to go drink a large POT of chamomile tea. I was not offended. Though it does amuse me to hear you fretting about losing your housecleaning help. I thought you hated it. :)
Phyllis
>
From: The Millards
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Re: HELP ME!
I did, too, until just now when the thought of not having it any more reduced me to tears. I think tea is a very good idea. Only then I’ll have to pee, and then I’ll have to clean the toilet all by myself!!!
Okay. You’re right. I need to stop panicking. How did I let it get to this point? Never mind. Don’t answer. I worked with Rosalyn. That’s all it takes.
Jocelyn
From: Brenna L
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
March 15: Moving Past Our Mistakes
Well, Darren finally had a MPOM (as in the subject line) moment today! I told him since I was going to be gone for the retreat, he had to practice the kids’ daily routine today. That meant getting Madeline ready for school and making sure she met the bus on time, and then getting the twins dressed and fed.
He ended up having to spend the entire morning with the twins. And he told me this afternoon, “Little Pat actually knows how to do lots of stuff. He just needs someone to work with him more on it.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m not doing a good enough job with him?” Snippy, I know, but the subject of Little Pat is a sore one these days with us.
“No! You’re doing a great job. But I decided to take the twins with me to do chores, and I noticed that he was really interested in the calf. So I helped him give the bottle to the calf and he wasn’t scared at all!”
Imagine that. “So have you decided that maybe he’s good enough to be your son after all?”
That made his face go all red. “I never said he wasn’t good enough!”
“Not in words—but your actions have screamed it for months.”
I was thinking great…just great. Here I was due to leave town the next day, and we were going to have a humungous argument. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I am SO sick of his stupid attitude.
But Darren didn’t yell back. He put his hand on the back of his neck and looked at the floor. “I know. I’m sorry. I know you don’t understand what that was all about, and I’m not sure, either. I just felt like if Pat didn’t end up being your ‘normal’ farm kid, my whole family was going to be really disappointed. They’re counting on us, you know, to keep this place running.”
“Yeah, I know. So are they disappointed in Pat?”
He snorted. “I don’t know. Nobody ever talks about that stuff. But while I was holding Pat, helping him feed the calf, I was thinking about it. And I was being stupid. This is my son. My kid. And that’s special, so I’d better not go around whining because he’s not up to some ridiculous standard that doesn’t even exist.”
In most families, we probably would have had a good cry and a hug. But we’re just not really like that. All I said was, “Well, all right then.”
And he said, “Yeah, okay.”
And that was that.
But if you want the poetic finish to this story—everything seems to shine a little brighter now, and I have energy that I haven’t had in weeks. And I tell you— Little Pat seems a little stronger, too, even though that can’t be possible. Right?
Brenna
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: Brenna L
Subject: Good for you guys!
Tell Darren I’m proud of him. And of you. Of course Little Pat is stronger—he’s got both of you to love him.
We just gotta keep persevering with these kiddos—somehow we’ll all grow up and become better people because we had to struggle together. Right?
Some days, I’m not sure how I’d make it without you, Brenna-girl. You are a real inspiration to me. Thanks, babe.
Z
From: The Millards
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: My Last Will and Testament
Hi girls,
This is it. We’re done. My life is over. We’re going to have to cancel the entire retreat. The hotel we were supposed to meet at had a fire early this morning. It’s closed indefinitely. Rosalyn and I checked, and there are no other hotels that can accommodate us on such short notice.
People are going to be furious when we tell them. We don’t have any other choice. But they’re all going to lose their airfare! And I don’t know yet if I’ll be able to get the deposit back that I paid.
Rosalyn looks like she’s on the permanent edge of puking. And I have the worst headache in my life. Why did we let it get so big? So out of hand? We’ve been making ourselves miserable all year and for what? To have to cancel two days before the event?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know first.
Jocelyn
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Phyllis Lorimer
——March 16/9:52 a.m.——
We cn’t let them cancel retreat. What r we goN 2 do?
Text Message From Phyllis Lorimer: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 16/9:59 a.m.——
I thought you were upset about retreat. Had a change of heart?
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Phyllis Lorimer
——March 16/10:01 a.m.——
Aw, u kno I cn’t stA mad @ Joc! I luv that gRl. Dn’t wnt 2 c this ruined 4 her.
Instant Message
HannieBananie: Hey Phyllis, I saw you were online. Are you busy?
PhyllisLorimer: No, I’m just doing my best to save the world from imminent destruction once again.
HannieBananie: Really? :-O
PhyllisLorimer: Still a bit concrete-operational, aren’t you, kiddo? The retreat is in danger of being canceled. There was a fire at the hotel this morning, and so now we have nowhere to meet.
HannieBananie: Wow! Can’t we move it somewhere else?
PhyllisLorimer: Apparently all the hotels are already booked. It’s a huge mess. They don’t even know if they’ll get their deposit back or not.
HannieBananie: I have an idea. Let me do some checking online and make some phone calls. I’ll get back to you. Tell them NOT to cancel quite yet!
PhyllisLorimer: All right. Seems like I just got kicked out of my job of saving the world.
HannieBananie: Forced retirement. I’m younger and cheaper.
PhyllisLorimer: LOL! Touché. All right. Go, Supergirl, go!
Text Message From Phyllis Lorimer: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 16/10:15 a.m.——
Urgent. Tell Jocelyn not to cancel retreat. Hannah is working on an idea.
Text Message From Zelia Muzuwa: For Phyllis Lorimer
——March 16/10:16 a.m.——
Hannah?!? Tht child? What cn she do?
Text Message From Phyllis Lorimer: For Zelia Muzuwa
——March 16/10:16 a.m.——
Just for that, I am going to make you call her yourself to find out!
Instant Message
ZeeMuzzy: can i have your jewels?
JocelynM: WHAT?
ZeeMuzzy: your jewels. since you’re writing out your will.
JocelynM: Not funny, Z.
ZeeMuzzy: okay. i’ll settle for your grandma’s china. my grandma didn’t leave us anything.
JocelynM: Z! If you just IM’d to gloat, then I have to go. We’re busy over here.
ZeeMuzzy: not gloating, friend. i wanted to let you know that i’m on my way to the airport, and i will be in CO Springs this evening. If you or shane could meet me there, i’d appreciate it.
JocelynM: Why are you coming out here? We are CANCELING the retreat!
ZeeMuzzy: no you are not.
JocelynM: Really? And where do you propose we have it at?
ZeeMuzzy: how many women are supposed to come?
JocelynM: About 150.
ZeeMuzzy: did you check the YMCA camp in the Springs?
JocelynM: No…
ZeeMuzzy: hannah did. and we are now booked for ou
r group from thursday through sunday. at a considerably cheaper rate than the hotel, i might add.
JocelynM: HANNAH did that?
ZeeMuzzy: yeppers. looked it up, made a phone call, and had it booked within the hour. should have her organize the retreat next year! :)
JocelynM: Why didn’t she just contact me herself?
ZeeMuzzy: uh…i asked her that. she said something about friends being important and that i…well, that i needed an opportunity to mend some fences. *blushing*
JocelynM: She’s a good one for surprising us, isn’t she?
ZeeMuzzy: uncomfortably good at it.
JocelynM: But won’t the gals be upset about going from upscale hotel to a retreat camp?
ZeeMuzzy: better than canceling. sheesh, get a girl a housekeeper and she goes all Beverly Hills on you! :)
JocelynM: Not true! I guess we were just so panicked we didn’t even think about that. I’ll have to tell everyone to bring camping clothes and their own bedding. Quite a comedown from an indoor pool and massage therapists.
ZeeMuzzy: so? the point is to be TOGETHER. it doesn’t have to be a resort. and from what i can tell, the Y camp is really nice.
JocelynM: Okay, I guess we’re officially camping. What time does your flight get in?
ZeeMuzzy: i just emailed my itinerary to you.
JocelynM: You’ll be staying with me, right?
ZeeMuzzy: i should hope so!
JocelynM: Ros is here, too, since the hotel is closed.
ZeeMuzzy: i assumed she would be. i’ll be on my best behavior. i promise.
JocelynM: I really think you should try to
ZeeMuzzy: no lectures, okay? i’m dealing with it in my own way.
From: Brenna L
To: Dulcie Huckleberry
Subject: Here in CO!
Hi Dulcie,
I’m here at the retreat. The camp is beautiful! I’m loving these mountains and this Oklahoma girl can’t get enough of all the trees. Good call on Hannah’s part, loath as I am to admit that. It’s awesome to see all these people in person! We’ve all got name tags, and we go running around squinting at the tags, and then squealing and hugging when we realize who the person is!
They’ve got horses here, and Zelia has already managed to get herself thrown from her horse and dumped into a pile of horse manure. And this is just a gentle old trail horse! She’s okay, thankfully—the horse, I mean. Zelia has a bruised tailbone and an even more bruised ego, but she’ll be fine, too.
Play It Again, SAHM Page 24
