A Rancher's Desire

by Nikki Winter

  She sat back. “Until I’m sure he can stop doubting himself and me, I can’t do anything. I have to get him to disassociate his insecurity about my feelings before I can open that door with Mama or she’ll take him right back to the headspace of thinking about his own mother.”

  Her brother sat back in his own chair, blowing out a breath. “Well, little sister, looks like you have quite the debacle on your hands.”

  “Yup.”

  “So what do we do while we wait for things to pan out between you two?”

  She looked at Elan, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I know for a fact Lalani’s home today and doing nothing.”

  He grinned back. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “That we kidnap her and drag her out to the countryside again?”

  Laughing, he stood and tossed down a twenty to pay for lunch. “You never did get over the itchy underwear did you?”

  Aiyanna stood too, determined that today she would get her revenge. “Nope. And after this, Lani and I will be perfectly even.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re so worried. It’s pretty obvious she loves you.”

  Julian stopped pacing his brother’s family room floor inside of the brand new condo purchased courtesy of his winnings from the first frontier circuit. His nonchalant attitude was grating on Julian’s nerves. But what more could he expect from a man who was too busy immersed in the world of Xbox 360 ™ to be concerned about his younger brother’s love problems?

  “That’s not the problem. I don’t doubt that she loves me. She just won’t tell me.”

  Havan sighed as dramatically as possible and finally put down the wireless controller in his hand. He patted the cushion next to him. “Come and sit and listen to the wisdom of your older brother.”

  Julian rolled his eyes but took the seat anyway.

  “Now, Hermano, I’m going to clue you in on something that you may not be aware of.”

  Julian waved a hand.

  “Aiyanna is not Alyss.” His brother sat back like he’d just revealed the day the world would end.

  Frowning, Julian said, “I know that.”

  Havan shook his head. “I know you understand that in here.” He pointed to his head. “But it hasn’t processed in here.” He pointed to his chest. “You keep thinking that Aiyanna is going to suddenly wake up one day and see you as nothing.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Yes, it is. I may not be too inclined on finding a woman to tie me down for the rest of my life but I definitely know love when I see it and the way that woman treats you is more than enough to prove it. I get it. Alyss never verbalized the words and she damn sure didn’t show it but you have to separate that experience from this one.” Havan looked him dead in the eye. “Tell me something. Have you told her you love her?”

  That made Julian pause. “No, but—”

  Havan picked up his controller. “I rest my case.” Then he went back to his game.

  Julian hopped up. “That’s it!”

  Havan didn’t deter from his task of killing zombies. “What?”

  “I’ll tell her I love her! Maybe she just needs to hear the words first! Then she will say it back and all will be solved!”

  “Julian that’s not what I—”

  “Maybe you are wise, Havan.” Julian chuckled after saying it. “Sorry. Even I didn’t believe that statement.” He grabbed his keys and headed for the door, determined to make Aiyanna come to terms with what they were both feeling.

  Chapter Ten

  Aiyanna wasn’t halfway in the door of Julian’s place before he was there, in her space, grabbing her waist and fully pulling her in.

  “Hi,” he breathed, grinning like he’d just won the lotto.

  Her smile was slow in coming but it did get there. “Hi. What’re you so happy about cowboy?” She sat down her bag and unzipped her hoodie.

  Julian didn’t stop grinning but he did look at her hair curiously. “Why is there wheat stuck in your hair?”

  Aiyanna blinked innocently. “I have no idea.”

  “I have a feeling this has something to do with Lalani.”

  She began to whistle and head for the kitchen. He followed. “Never mind that.” Going to the fridge, she pulled out things to start dinner then washed her hands. “Tell me why you’re in such a good mood.”

  His eyes, as intense as always, focused on her as he made his way around the kitchen island. He gripped her hands in his and pulled her into his chest as he stared down into her upturned face. “Because, I love you.”

  Julian’s expression turned pensive, expectant, and her stomach dropped. For a brief moment after he’d said the words she’d felt them hit her square in the heart. But his face, that expression let her know he wasn’t saying it because he was opening up, because he was finally trusting her. No, he was saying it simply because he wanted to hear the words spoken back. He was saying it because somehow, despite everything they’d been to each other, no matter how much she showed him in every other way; he still didn’t believe she really, truly, honestly loved him without her verbalizing it.

  She could withhold the validation that he so desperately needed or she could tell him what she felt. Not saying the words back would hurt him and she couldn’t bring herself to do it, even if she didn’t believe he’d fully trust it, Aiyanna still needed to say it.

  Julian had told her that Alyss had never once told him she loved him. What he failed to realize was his mother could’ve screamed it from the rooftops but she never showed him. Every man that came along was always more important than him and Havan. Aiyanna needed him to recognize that the action was far more important than just spewing the words. But still, if it was what he needed, then she’d do it.

  Julian’s smile slipped then disappeared when she didn’t respond. He squeezed her hands and tried to smile again but failed. “Aiyanna, I love you.” He looked so worried that she couldn’t help but to want to ease that, reassure him.

  Smiling a little, she reached up and cupped his face before she retorted, “And I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.” It was the truth, it wouldn’t fully penetrate with him yet but it was the truth.

  That light in his eyes was back; the one he got whenever he looked at her, the one that made her heart stop. He looked so relieved that it made her happy and sad all at the same time. How could a woman, a mother, look at this face and not fall in love?

  The grin returned and from that look alone she could tell all was right in Julian’s world. Because of that, all was right in hers too. Then that signature grin turned into a chuckle—a mischievous chuckle; one that had Aiyanna backing away from him.

  “Julian…I’m supposed to be making dinner.”

  Smiling wolfishly, he stalked her around the kitchen island. “Oh Hermosa, I’m looking at what I want to eat right now.”

  “No, Julian. If I don’t cook now, we’re gonna be stuck eating frozen waffles in bed later…again.”

  He sighed dramatically. “Okay, I will make a deal with you.”

  She waited.

  Waving a hand as if he were ruler of all, the cowboy stated, “I will give you a head start.” He leaned across the counter and his voice dropped lower. “But know something Hermosa, when I catch you, I’ll make sure you can’t run for the rest of the night.”

  Her heart thumped. Aiyanna’s gaze swung from his smirking face over to the set of stairs that led out of the kitchen. When she turned back around, Julian was standing in front of her. She didn’t get a chance to yell the “Oh shit!” that had bubbled up in the back of her throat before he snatched her to his chest.

  “Too slow, baby.” Then his mouth was on hers and just as he predicted, Aiyanna didn’t want to run.

  She loved him. That was all he could focus on. Aiyanna had finally said it and Julian knew deep down that she meant it. Those three little words may not have mattered to anyone else but they did to her and she didn’t use them lightly, that he knew. He’d be
en scared as shit that she wouldn’t say it back but she had and nothing could’ve made him happier at the moment.

  As usual, she didn’t reject his kiss; just pushed her tongue into his mouth eagerly accepting the escape he was trying to give. Julian’s hands slid from her face to her back, to her ass, gripping and squeezing as he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned around and placed her on the counter top.

  Aiyanna’s hands ran through his hair then gripped his shoulders before she raked her nails down his back and the caress made his cock harder.

  He ground his hips into hers, kissed his way from her lips to her jaw and nipped her throat. Aiyanna moaned, her thighs clenching around his hips tighter.

  He pulled back and she whimpered. “Shh,” Julian soothed before beginning to undress them both. When every last stitch of clothing was gone and she lay bare before him, he knew this time was different. This wasn’t slow or sweet. The head of his cock rubbed between the wet folds of her pussy and they both hissed. Julian hooked one arm under her right leg, leaving the other to wrap around his waist again as he thrust into her. Aiyanna’s back arched and her hands gripped his face, bringing it down to kiss him again, their mouths moving against each other as frantically as their hips.

  The kiss ended when the need for air won out. Panting against her throat, Julian kept his hips at the same pace, listening to each one of her moans.

  “Jesus...Julian...Oh God...”

  “Love you...so much...” He whispered against her ear.

  “Love…you…too…”

  He sucked a nipple into his mouth and she cried out louder. Letting it go, he found her lips again, trying to say with his body what he couldn’t completely get her to understand with words.

  Pushing her leg higher, he thrust harder, focusing on the sound of their flesh meeting. She felt so good, responded to his touch so well. Aiyanna was his everything. Waking up without her or going to sleep without her just wasn’t ingrained in him anymore. Even on the nights he wasn’t supposed to see her because of work, Julian found himself unable to stay away. He needed her.

  He moved against her faster, determined to wear her out, make her feel like she couldn’t move for the rest of the night. She chanted his name, threw her hips back at him, made him see stars for a moment when he went deep and she squeezed around him.

  “I. Love. You.” Julian panted again and on his last thrust she came, screaming, and he followed her over the edge.

  Pulling back, he tried to draw in a normal breath. “Aiyanna—”

  “Hush.” She placed a finger over his lips, a silly little smile in place. “Don’t ruin the afterglow.”

  Laughing, he picked his woman up and headed for the stairs. “I guess I should find the syrup, huh?”

  Aiyanna groaned. “I told you we were gonna end up with waffles.”

  Julian’s grin spread. “Oh, Hermosa, who said anything about waffles?”

  She giggled all the way up to the bedroom.

  Chapter Eleven

  Life was funny sometimes. Of all the places Aiyanna had expected to end up today, on her parents’ front porch wasn’t one of them. But something was wrong at home; wrong between her and Julian. He did everything he could to please her but it wasn’t because she needed it, it was because he did. The same need for validation fueled his every move until it felt like he was smothering her.

  Aiyanna loved him, adored him, but he was driving her bat-shit crazy. The problem was she had no idea how to tell him she needed some breathing space without him seeing it as a complete rejection. The last thing Aiyanna wanted Julian to think was that something was wrong with him. She was damned if she said something and damned if she didn’t.

  Aiyanna looked up when the screen door on the porch slowly opened and her mother poked her head out. “A.J.?” Evelyn frowned. “What’re you doing sitting out here?”

  Snorting, she retorted, “I wish I knew the answer to that.”

  Evelyn opened the door wider. “Come on.”

  A half an hour later, Aiyanna was finish spilling her guts. Evelyn didn’t speak for a long time. She simply blew out a breath and sat back in her chair. When she finally did talk, her voice shook. “Alyss and I sound a lot alike.”

  Aiyanna opened her mouth to respond but Evelyn raised a hand. “No, we do. Cold and virtually unfeeling.”

  “Mama—”

  Evelyn shook her head. “No. Right now I want you to listen okay?”

  She simply nodded.

  Her mother stared off at something only she could see. “You were right when you said I had a skewered view of the world.” She looked back at Aiyanna. “That lovely skewered view came from your Nana. She hated everything about me. My skin was too dark, my hair wasn’t straight enough, my eyes weren’t light enough and I just simply wasn’t the vision she had in her head of her daughter.” Evelyn took a deep breath but Aiyanna still caught the small shudder that racked her as she exhaled. “I…um…I spent my childhood trying so hard to be everything she ever wanted from me and I was miserable.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Do you know the first rebellious thing I did was date your Daddy?”

  She laughed at Aiyanna’s look of surprise. “Yeah, Hassun was a bad boy. Leather jackets and motorcycles made up his daily wardrobe, sweetheart. Your Nana hated him. But not because of his heritage or his image, but because he saw straight through my debutante act and laid me bare. That man took one look at me and knew who I was. The final straw was our eloping.”

  Aiyanna shook her head. “Wait…what? Eloped? You and Daddy got married in a church. I saw the pictures.”

  “No, baby, what you saw was the wedding he knew I dreamed of after he got his business up and going. We eloped at nineteen and struggled on until we busted our glass ceilings.” Evelyn snorted. “Once I had you and Elan, for some reason, I thought you were my chance to redeem my sins in your grandmother’s eyes and it spiraled from there.” She held Aiyanna’s gaze. “I need you to know that there was never a damn thing wrong with you and there isn’t now. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t mold like my mother wanted me to so I tried to make you a bridge to something that couldn’t be fixed.” When Evelyn reached across the table to link their fingers, Aiyanna felt a lump swell in her throat.

  “I brag about you, all the time. While other mothers are singing the woes of their little girls and how they’re going through a divorce or can’t stop depending on men or are just extremely sad. My daughter built a successful business from the ground up. My daughter has never needed anyone’s validation but her own. My daughter is one of the most amazing women I know and I am so very proud of her.” She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Even if I was never smart enough to show it—you, Aiyanna Jordyn are perfect in every way. I was sincerely blessed with you and your brother because despite my insanity you turned out to be extraordinary.”

  Aiyanna swallowed, tried to find the words to respond but simply couldn’t. What was she supposed to say to that? After almost thirty-two years she was finally getting what she’d wanted so damn bad all of her life—her mother’s acceptance. And after that, there were no words.

  Evelyn scooted her chair back and stood. “Can you give me something please?”

  Looking up at her, Aiyanna asked, “What?”

  “The ability to hug my daughter again without her feeling like she wants to choke—” Evelyn didn’t get to finish the sentence before Aiyanna was up and in her arms. They held each other as tight as possible and damned if it didn’t feel good.

  “Mommy?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What do I do about Julian?”

  Evelyn pulled back and brushed Aiyanna’s bangs from her eyes. “You love him.”

  “I already do that.”

  Her mother shook her head. “No, baby, I mean you love him. You were smart enough to know that you’re so much better than what I used to say but Julian is the other side of the spectrum. He loves you so much that he’s a
fraid he’s going to lose you so you need to show him that won’t ever happen.”

  “How do I do that?”

  Evelyn took her hand and led her from the kitchen. “We have some planning to do, baby girl.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Something was wrong. He could tell. And Julian had the feeling that something was him. From the night before when Aiyanna had finally gotten home, something that was still unofficially decided in terms of her moving in, she’d been quiet and pensive. Nothing else had changed, she just seemed lost in her thoughts. Kind of the way he was now as he leaned against the side of his horse stables and watched some of the hands mill about.

  Julian didn’t look up until he heard a truck coming up the driveway. The sight of Havan stepping out dressed in a suit gave him serious pause. What made him laugh was the black Stetson that completed his brother’s appearance. Julian would guess that the hat was the only thing tolerable about his style of dress.

  The scowl on Havan’s face spoke volumes. Julian didn’t get a word out before his brother was marching over to him and grabbing the front of his t-shirt.

  “I want you to listen very closely,” Havan said slowly. “If you weren’t my brother, I would put my size fifteen in your ass simply because it is your fault that I’m dressed this way. Your woman—”

  Julian’s brows winged. “My woman?”

  “Your woman batted those got-damned eyes at me and I melted like chocolate on the sidewalk in the middle of summer.” He began to walk towards the house, pulling Julian along. “And now you’re going to carry your ass inside, take a shower, shave, and put on something presentable.”

  “Wait, wait, wait.” Julian stopped walking. “Why am I doing this?”

  Havan turned around. “Because jackass, if you don’t I will sit on your fucking head.”

  “Okay then.” Julian waved a hand. “Lead the way.”

  An hour later Havan was shoving Julian into the passenger side door and telling him to just, “Shut up and enjoy the ride.”