Buttons and Shame

by Penelope Sky

  She had murder in her eyes. She hated me more in that moment than any of our previous encounters. She threw her body forward, but it didn’t move an inch against my heavy weight. She tried to fight my hands, but that didn’t work either.

  I scooted up to her stomach while Dr. Pias got her jeans and panties off and began the examination.

  I stared at her face and watched her anger rise. If she had a gun, she’d shoot me in an instant.

  And I would respect her for it.

  “You fucking asshole.”

  “I’m an asshole because I wanna make sure you don’t have something? You should be grateful.”

  “I should be grateful that you want to make sure I’m clean before you rape me?”

  The word rape didn’t arouse me. For an instant, my need to have her was clouded by the strong word she used. I didn’t see the situation that way. She was stolen and beaten by someone else. I was merely borrowing her for a short period of time. I wasn’t the bad guy here—not entirely. “You should be grateful that I care about being clean. If I’m making sure you don’t have anything, then I obviously don’t.”

  “Oh, how sweet.” She sucked in a breath then spit on my face.

  I let it drip back onto her neck and didn’t move to wipe it away. I kept my body firmly in place so she couldn’t sabotage the doctor’s examination. “Do you want me to hurt you? It sure seems like it.”

  “Tristan wants me back in the same condition I left in. So you can’t do shit.”

  “Oh, really?” Now I wanted to slap her across the face until she cried. “I know lots of ways to torture someone without leaving a mark. And you’re about to find out how.”

  That softened her resistance, making her draw in shaky breaths as her imagination ran wild.

  Dr. Pias finally finished and collected what he needed. “Give me a few hours, and I’ll let you know what I find.”

  “Thank you.” I got off her and walked him to the door. I paid him for his services in cash then locked the door behind him.

  When I returned to the bedroom, she had pulled on her panties and jeans, hiding her nakedness from view. Now that the doctor was gone, she was more subdued. She didn’t have the same edge she possessed just moments ago. But she still stared at me with pure hatred.

  I leaned against the doorframe as I considered what to do with her. I wanted to fuck her, but that wasn’t possible for a few hours. My mouth had tasted her delicious pussy, and now I was eager for her to taste me. “Take off everything but your thong. Now.” I already imagined her saliva dripping down her chin and splashing onto the floor. Tears burned in her eyes then dripped down her cheeks. I wanted to fuck her throat until it was raw.

  She stayed on the bed, holding her ground. Her arms were secured around her waist like a wall. “No.”

  “No?” She was stupid if she thought there wouldn’t be repercussions from saying that word.

  “No.” She said it more firmly this time. “I’m not doing anything.”

  I stepped farther into the room, feeling my cock harden in my jeans. Whenever she fought me, it aroused me. But whenever she was cooperative, it turned me on too—just in a different way. I could never go wrong with her. “Do it, or I’ll make you.” I stopped when I was just a few feet away from her. “You’re going to get on your knees and suck me off. And you’re gonna like it too.”

  “Fuck. You.”

  That familiar shiver ran down my spine. “You’re either very stupid or very brave.”

  “Neither. I just know you’re better than those other scumbags. I know you won’t make me do anything.”

  She was calling my bluff—a dangerous thing to do.

  “I know you have a heart. Otherwise, you would have fucked me when you came into that room.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe I was concerned you would give me something?”

  “You had a condom.”

  “Still risky.”

  “No, you just listened to me. I said no, and you listened.” The anger dimmed as she stared at me. As she spoke, she gave herself more confidence. She convinced herself everything she said was true. “So, I’m not scared of you.”

  She cornered me with just her words, and now I had to prove her wrong. I had to backhand her just the way Tristan did. I had to punch her in the face so hard that I cracked her cheekbone. I had to make her wish she was back with Tristan because I was so much worse.

  My hand shot out to her neck, and I gripped her throat tightly, cutting off her air supply just enough to make her struggle to breathe. I gave her the coldest look I could muster, taking on the appearance of Satan himself.

  She didn’t grip my wrists with her hands, keeping them on her thighs. Her eyes were locked to mine as she controlled her panic. She didn’t give in to the fear even though I wasn’t allowing her to take a full breath of air.

  I challenged her, but she challenged me back.

  I gripped her harder, this time cutting off her air supply altogether.

  She still didn’t grab me.

  We were going head-to-head, waiting for the other to break first. All I had to do was strike with my iron fist. I’d punched a lot of people. I’d nearly killed Pearl simply because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I’d met this woman just a year before, she’d be begging for mercy at this very moment.

  But I couldn’t do it.

  I couldn’t hurt her.

  I dropped my hand and stepped back, ashamed that she won the standoff.

  She clutched her chest as she coughed and caught her breath.

  Too pissed to look at her, I stormed off and slammed the door behind me. I set the alarm system for the apartment with my cock still hard then went to bed. Despite my hard-on, I didn’t feel like beating off.

  I was too angry.

  She outsmarted me, and I didn’t appreciate it. All I had to do to balance the scales was hurt her so much that she couldn’t walk, but not a single bone in my body would cooperate with the decision. I wanted the action, but not if I had to make her bleed.

  I was a fucking pussy.

  I shouldn’t care about her well-being. I shouldn’t give a damn about hurting her. She was stupid enough to put herself in a vulnerable position to get snatched in the first place, so to hell with being a nice guy.

  I got into bed and pulled the covers to my waist, my dick still hard under the sheets. All I could think about was the beautiful brunette down the hall with a pussy that tasted like crack. I could easily go out and pick up another woman to solve my problem, but I didn’t want another woman.

  I wanted her.

  And I didn’t even know her name.

  9

  Pearl

  I knew Crow was pissed the second he walked in the door.

  “He’s a fucking piece of shit, and I’m gonna put a bullet right between his goddamn eyes.” He threw his jacket on the back of the chair but missed by several feet, so it fell to the floor instead.

  It didn’t matter how rich he was. Expensive suits like that didn’t belong on the floor. I set my journal down and picked the coat up. I shook out potential wrinkles and set it on the chair where Lars would retrieve it later.

  Crow kicked off his shoes and yanked off his tie. His movements were harsh and jagged. “I’ve wanted to kill him many times in my life, and this is one of them. I want to break his neck and turn him into a rubber chicken.”

  I picked up his other articles of clothing like the good wife that I was. “So, who are we talking about?”

  “That piece of shit. You know exactly who.”

  “Lars?” I teased.

  Crow’s mood dampened only slightly. The corner of his mouth rose in a smile before it quickly disappeared again, his anger coming back like it never left. “The deal is done, but we’re missing the second half of the money. I asked Cane about it last night, and that shithead hung up on me. I called him again three times today, and he didn’t answer.”

  “Hmm…that’s not like him.”


  Crow walked to the balcony and unbuttoned his collared shirt.

  This was my favorite part of the day. He usually stripped down to his boxers, revealing his beautifully chiseled physique, and one thing led to another before we ended up in bed together—and again in the shower.

  He tossed the shirt onto a different chair then looked across the vineyards that reached the hillside. His hands moved into his pockets, and he stood tall as he gazed over everything he owned. “He’s usually on top of his game when it comes to work. That’s why I trust him. But now…I don’t have a clue what’s going on.”

  “Want me to talk to him?” I stood at his shoulders and pressed kisses along the grooves of muscles. As much as I cared about my husband’s complaints, there was only one thing on my mind. In my defense, when I complained about something, he didn’t listen to me either. He was too busy getting my panties off.

  “No. I’ll handle him.” He eyed his watch. “I’m gonna go by the facility and talk to him face-to-face. He’s hiding something from me. I know it.” He turned around and pulled a t-shirt out of his top drawer.

  “Whoa, slow down.” I yanked the shirt out of his hand and pressed my body into his. “How about you spend some quality time with your wife before you storm off again?”

  His eyes intensified as he considered the offer. “I’d love to, Button. But it’ll have to wait.”

  “You’re turning me down?” I asked incredulously. He was usually the one who couldn’t get enough. I had to slap his hand away when he tried to grope me in front of Lars. “You’re gone at work all day and then leave again without satisfying your wife?” I knew that would get under his skin.

  “Button, this is my business we’re talking about. I can make up for it when I get home later.”

  It wasn’t just about the sex. I missed him all day, and now he was leaving again. Not having a job or a hobby was starting to get to me. “Can I come with you?”

  “Absolutely not.” He turned hostile like I’d just asked for something ludicrous. “I’ll be gone for a few hours. You’ll manage.”

  “I’ll manage?” I snapped.

  He walked out and grabbed his brown leather jacket on the way. He turned into a dictator once his business was on the table, forgetting about everything else and letting it fade into the background.

  “Crow, I’ve been there before.”

  “On very different terms.” He took the stairs ahead of me, not slowing down to have this conversation. “You’ll be bored anyway.”

  “If this is your business, it’s my business too. We’re married, remember?” I caught up to him when he reached the ground floor.

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s not safe.”

  “I pulled a knife out of my stitches and killed Bones—”

  “Don’t fucking say his name in my house.” Crow turned on me and grabbed me by the elbow. His fingers dug into my skin aggressively, and he looked down into my face with malcontent. He looked more furious than I’d ever seen him. “I’ve asked multiple times, but you never listen to me. Listen to me now.”

  I twisted out of his grasp. “Our house.”

  “Just do as I say.” He turned away again.

  “I can hold my own. These are your men we’re talking about. They aren’t going to do anything to me.”

  “I don’t want other men looking at you. They all wanted to fuck you at one point.”

  I’d never forget the first time I went to that base. Crow talked me into allowing him to give me a shot to put me to sleep so he could take me to his house. I accepted his offer because I preferred him over the others. If they’d had their chance, they would have done terrible things to me. “Give them a chance to look at me in a new way. And if they don’t, I’ll gladly kick them in the balls.”

  Crow didn’t stop walking as he headed to the front door. “Button, stay.”

  “I’m not a dog, asshole.”

  Crow ground his teeth together as he turned around and looked at me. “I’m in a hurry, and you’re keeping me longer. I don’t want you to come, and that decision is final.”

  “You don’t make the decisions in this house. We make them together.”

  He dragged his hand down his face when he couldn’t hide his anger anymore. “Why do you want to come so badly?”

  “Because I’m stuck in this house all day long with nothing to do. I want to do something.”

  “Then go for a jog. Start gardening. I don’t give a shit.”

  “I want to be productive. I want to work.”

  “My wife doesn’t work.”

  This conversation was going nowhere. Now I wanted to drag my hands down my face. “I’m serious, Crow.”

  “I’m sure you are. But now isn’t the time for this conversation.”

  “We can have it on the drive.”

  Crow had finally given up. “Fine. Just stick to my side at all times. Don’t go wandering off. I mean it.”

  “I know.”

  We got into the car and drove away from the Tuscan fields and into the city. Crow drove fast and passed cars that were taking a leisurely stroll down the country road. The radio wasn’t on, and he gripped the steering wheel tightly, clearly angry. “I’ve got an extra pistol you can have. You remember how to use one?”

  I wasn’t stupid. “Yes.”

  “Good.”

  “You go to the base all the time. It’s not dangerous.”

  “Always be prepared.” He usually rested one hand on my thigh, but now he rested it on the gear shifter.

  “So, I was thinking of getting a job in Florence. I looked online, and they have a few engineering positions open.” I knew exactly what Crow’s reaction was going to be, but this was a conversation we needed to have. By staying home all day, I was just getting fat and bored.

  Crow turned to me and took his eyes off the road. His reaction was the same, but his eyes were dark with irritation. He didn’t even need to say anything to communicate his anger. “Button, we just talked about this. I don’t feel comfortable with you driving to Florence every day for work.”

  “Well, I need to do something. Lars is even annoyed with me.”

  “Well, you’re pretty annoying.”

  I knew he didn’t mean that, so I ignored it. “I clean around the house, jog through the vineyards, swim in the pool, and read every single day. I’m running out of things to do. I need something, Crow.”

  “You’re never going to do anything at the base, so that’s out of the question.”

  “What about the winery?”

  He turned his eyes back to the road. “You know nothing of wine.”

  Even though it was true, my eyes still widened. “Too bad I don’t know anyone who could teach me…”

  His frustration continued to become more visible. “I want you to stay home. That’s our culture here. Men work, and women stay home.”

  “Bullshit. That was the culture fifty years ago.”

  “It doesn’t change the way I feel. I want my wife to be taken care of. I want you to sit around and get fat all day.”

  I laughed. “Trust me, you don’t want that.”

  “Button, I understand where you’re coming from, but it’s just not going to work.”

  “There has to be something at the winery.”

  “You’ll only distract me all day.”

  “Will not,” I argued. “What about the wine tours? Let me handle those.”

  “Again, you know nothing of wine.”

  “Then teach me,” I argued. “Have one of your employees teach me. I think it’ll be fun.”

  “You don’t speak Italian,” he reminded me.

  “But most Italians speak English. And most tourists speak English.”

  Crow passed another car as he sped to the base. “If I let you do this, will you stop bugging me?”

  I smiled. “Yes.”

  “Then you’re hired.”

  I threw my fist into the air. “I’m so excited. You wanna carpool?”

  The corner of
his mouth rose in a smile. “Sure. You better pay your portion of the gas.”

  “With my job, I can make that work.”

  “We both know you won’t be paying in cash.”

  Once Crow arrived at the base, he turned into a soldier. When he rescued me from Bones’s men, he slit the throats of all the survivors in the middle of a street in Rome. He adopted that same calloused presence now. “Where the fuck is Cane?” He barged inside and moved past the men as they spoke in the entryway.

  I followed behind him, feeling the men stare at me just the way Crow said they would. “You got a problem?” I asked the one who wasn’t bothering to hide his stare. He looked me up and down like a woman that was for sale.

  He quickly turned away the second I called him out.

  Crow was too absorbed in his conversation to notice. “Bran, where is he?”

  “He didn’t come in today,” Bran said in poor English. His Italian accent was heavy. “He’s moving in to his new place.”

  “What?” Crow asked in surprise. “Have you spoken to him today?”

  “This morning,” Bran answered.

  “Fucking asshole. What’s going on with the shipment? Cane released the weapons, but there hasn’t been a money drop.”

  Bran shrugged. “Cane told me to release the shipment. That’s all I know.”

  “Jesus Christ.” Crow walked to a table that had a landline. He dialed Cane’s number and pressed the phone to his ear. He must have reached Cane’s voice mail because he slammed the phone back on the base. “Where’s his new place, Bran?”

  Bran shrugged again. “Sorry, I have no idea.”

  Crow stood with his hands on his hips, looking calm despite the rage inside his eyes. That was the easiest way to read him, by looking at the doors that led to his soul. When he made love to me, I could see the depth of his feelings just by looking at him. Right now, he wanted to burn the whole place down. “I’ll hunt him down, then.”

  10

  Adelina