Buttons and Shame

by Penelope Sky

  We hadn’t spoken a word to each other, but we greeted one another just the way lovers did. I started off my morning in a warm bed with my arm wrapped around my captor, and it ended with an orgasm that made my legs shake.

  Cane moved back up my torso and held his powerful body on top of mine. I could see the sheen from the arousal that was just between my legs. He rubbed his nose against mine before he kissed me, making me taste my own arousal on his lips. He kept his eyes open as he looked deep inside me. “I’m losing my patience, Bellissima. And I’m not a very patient man to begin with.” He pulled away with narrowed eyes, silently telling me not to call his bluff. He got out of bed with a hard dick but no intention of making it soft again.

  I knew I was taking too long to give him what he wanted. It was nice of him to give me time at all. But instead of thinking about that, I fixated on one thing. “What does Bellissima mean?” I didn’t know a single word of Italian.

  He pulled a t-shirt over his head then ran his hand through his hair. “There’re keys and cash in the kitchen drawer downstairs. Go to the store and pick up dinner. You’re my woman, and I expect you to cook for me.”

  Something like that would have offended me in my former life, the assumption that because I was a woman I belonged in the kitchen. But I had bigger fish to fry. “You’re gonna let me leave?”

  “You’ll come back,” he said confidently. “And pick up whatever you want for yourself.”

  After I picked up groceries and placed them in the truck, I sat in the car and broke down into tears. It was so sudden that I didn’t see it coming. I never thought I would drive a car again. I never thought I would do something so normal as go to the grocery store. It felt like I had a life again—even if it wasn’t real.

  I returned home and worked in the kitchen, still feeling the tightness in my chest. I was cooking dinner for a man I didn’t know, but I actually felt a glimmer of hope. After being beaten on a daily basis and being fucked by three men at once, this was a vacation. I was in a beautiful house I could roam whenever I wanted. I had rights as a woman—as a human being. I felt grateful toward the man who did business with Tristan even though he really hadn’t done anything to help me.

  He just wasn’t as bad as Tristan.

  I’d never been so confused in my life.

  I considered myself to be a strong person. When someone pushed me down, I got back up. I always put a fight, even if my opponent was three times as strong. The mind was the strongest muscle in the body, and I never let anyone take my logic and reasoning away. These men could do whatever they wanted to my body, but they could never take my mind.

  But now I was being tested.

  I didn’t know how to cook that well, and I had no idea what kind of culinary masterpieces Cane was used to. So I made lasagna and a salad. Since he was Italian, I hoped that would be enough for him.

  He walked in the door just when dinner was ready. He wore a black t-shirt that fit his muscularity well, along with his rugged handsomeness, and it was hard to deny that he was one of the sexiest men I’d ever laid eyes on. If we’d met in a different life, I probably would have already slept with him by now. He had the kind of looks I used to dream about when I was a little girl, like Prince Charming but with a darker hue.

  So absorbed in his masculine beauty, I had forgotten to say anything. “Dinner is ready. You want to eat now?”

  He tossed his keys on the small table then came around the counter. The kitchen was enormous, enough for ten cooks at once. Most people would kill for this kind of luxury, but it didn’t seem important to him.

  The closer he came to me, the more my breathing changed. My hair stood on end, and the lights from the ceiling suddenly felt brighter than they did a second ago.

  He stopped when he was right beside me and moved his fingers under my chin. Gently, he forced my face to turn his way so he could greet me with a kiss. It was the new way he greeted me, not that I minded.

  When his eyes settled on my face, the affection in them died away. He dropped his hand and stared me down like he saw something he didn’t like. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, thinking about my breakdown in the car. I turned back to the parsley on the cutting board and grabbed the knife again.

  “I’m talking to you.” He snatched the knife out of my hand and slid it across the counter where I couldn’t grab it again. “Now look at me.”

  I hesitated at the authority in his voice. I was used to the gentler side of him. It was ignorant to think he wasn’t ruthless like all the others. If Tristan respected him, he had to be a barbarian too.

  When he didn’t get his way, he snatched me by the neck and forced me to look him in the eye. His grip was hard like steel, and he yanked on me as if I were a stuffed animal. It was the cruelest he’d ever been. He stepped closer to me, his gaze burning into my face. “You were crying. Why?”

  “I wasn’t crying—”

  “Don’t lie to me. I don’t lie to you, so give me the same respect.”

  His fingers were still tight against the vein in my neck. I could feel it throb against his fingertips. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  He finally released my neck now that he had my full attention. His hand slid down my back until it rested against the steep curve just above my ass. “You’d be surprised. Now talk to me. You know, I can be your friend if you give me a chance.”

  My friend? I was loaned out to him for a month. It was a weird foundation for a friendship. “When I went to the grocery store…I remembered what it was like to be free. The sun was warm on my face, I had keys in my hand… I had a life again. I never thought I would feel that again.”

  Cane’s hard features slowly softened until he looked at me differently. It was the same expression he wore when he sat across the table from me at Tristan’s house. When Tristan punched me, he pitied me. When Tristan took my food away, he encouraged him to let me eat. That compassionate man had returned. “No one should ever have to feel that way… I’m sorry.”

  I heard the sincerity in his voice because it was unmistakable. And he told me he wouldn’t lie to me again. “You think I should be free?”

  His fingers slowly rubbed against the back of my shirt. His face turned until his mouth was directly next to my shoulder. He seemed to contemplate kissing me but changed his mind. “I’m not a big fan of the practice, I’ll say that much.”

  “Then why did you take me?” If he was so averse to it, he could have denied Tristan’s offer. Maybe he took me just to spare me a month of extra torture. But that seemed too selfless for a man who had other things to worry about.

  He stared at me with his dark eyes, his powerful shoulders stiff with his impending response. “I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you. If I were a stronger man, I would have turned down the offer. But I’m not.” His hand wrapped around my waist, and he positioned me into his chest, my tits against his muscular torso. “I took you because I wanted to fuck you. Plain and simple. When it’s time to return you, I’ll drop you off without looking back. While I’m sorry this has happened to you, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

  “Nothing?” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “I can’t buy you from him. You aren’t for sale. And I can’t help you escape because of your friend. There’s no solution.”

  No, there wasn’t.

  “If I were you, I’d forget about your friend. She’s either dead or has been sold to another man. In either situation, Tristan has no power over her.”

  I flinched at the cold comment he just made. The fact that he was probably right just made me feel worse. A knot formed in my stomach.

  “You should slit my throat in the middle of the night and run. That’s what I would do.”

  I stared into his eyes and believed every word he said. “You’re encouraging me to murder you?”

  “I’m encouraging you to fight, Bellissima. I know a woman who was in the same situation you’re in now. And she never gave up�
��not once.”

  “Did she escape?”

  He nodded. “She found her home.”

  I knew how this night was going to end.

  Cane was finally going to have me—because I was going to let him. I couldn’t drag out the inevitable much longer. Everything else we’d done together, I’d enjoyed. Maybe he could perform a miracle and make me enjoy sex too…even though I doubted it. I’d been fucked cruelly since the day Tristan bought me, and anytime I thought about having sex with a man, it made me shake. I knew Cane would be different, but that didn’t chase away the anxiety. I had post-traumatic stress disorder from the incidents. Anytime I even thought about it, I had a panic attack.

  Cane stared at me most of the time over dinner. We sat at the large dining table in front of the window that faced the gardens in the backyard. It was too large for just two people. It was even too big for ten people. “It’s good.” He ate much slower than I expected him to. Tristan and his men devoured their food like starving wolves. I had to sit there and watch them feast on delicacies while they threw scraps on the floor and made me eat them like a dog. “Thank you for making it.”

  He didn’t give me much of a choice. “I’m glad you like it.”

  “I need a woman to cook for me. My brother has a butler. Now I understand why.”

  “What did you do for meals before?”

  He shrugged. “Since I was in the city, I just walked into town and picked something up.”

  “Then why did you move out here?”

  “An investment. Change of scenery. My brother has a place in the fields, and it’s nice.”

  He’d mentioned his brother twice now. “Are you close with him?”

  He shrugged. “I’d die for him, but we fight a lot.”

  Interesting response. “Do you see him often?”

  “We work together, so I see him more than I’d like to.”

  I wondered if his brother knew I existed. “With the business you’re doing with Tristan?”

  He nodded. “He also runs a winery in western Tuscany. That’s how he launders a lot of our money.”

  “Oh…” I took another bite of my food. “Does he know about me?”

  “Yeah…wasn’t happy about it.”

  “Because he’s against trafficking?”

  “He is, but that wasn’t why he was pissed. He’s angry Tristan won’t be paying us up front. He’ll get over it.”

  I hoped there would be people out there appalled at my treatment, but no one seemed to care. “I see…” I took another bite even though I was full. All I could think about was what would happen once dinner was over. My heart rate wouldn’t slow down, and sweat formed on the back of my neck and my palms.

  He took a bite of the bread, his eyes trained on me the entire time. Instead of drinking wine, he had a glass of scotch. I’d never seen him drink anything else besides that and water. “I want to know more about you.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “How old are you?”

  I had a birthday not too long ago. I didn’t know exactly when it occurred because I was locked up in a bedroom with no grasp of time. “Twenty-three.”

  “What were you doing when you were captured?”

  I remembered that day vividly. “Lizzie and I just graduated college, and we planned a trip to Greece to celebrate. We were only there for a day when we got in the back of a taxi and sacks were pulled over our heads.” I thought about my family, who were probably still searching for me.

  “What were you studying?”

  “Liberal arts. I want to be a fourth-grade teacher.” I noticed the tense I used and realized my ambitions would never happen now. I would die at the hands of my captor. One day, he would hit me a little too hard and cave my skull in. My body would be dumped into the ocean, and no one would ever find me.

  Cane drank his scotch and licked his lips. “Teaching a bunch of brats for shit pay doesn’t sound like fun to me.”

  “They aren’t brats. And I don’t care about the pay.”

  “Everyone cares about the pay.”

  “Not true.” As long as I had a place to live and food on the table, I’d be happy. It didn’t take much to make a home besides love, friends, and family.

  Cane didn’t press the argument. “You were a virgin until you turned twenty-three?”

  That was a sore subject. “I don’t want to talk about it…” Cane may own me, but he couldn’t get me to talk if I didn’t want to.

  He kept his fingers around his glass. “Why not?”

  I nearly rolled my eyes. “I think that’s obvious.”

  “Don’t people say it’s better to talk about things? Get them off our chests?”

  “You aren’t my shrink.”

  “I’m the best you’re going to get.” He uncapped the decanter and poured some scotch into my glass even though I never asked for any. “Come on, talk to me.”

  “Why do you want to talk to me? You said you want to fuck me. So fuck me and that’s it.” I didn’t know why I was being so hostile when Cane was pleasant to me most of the time.

  “And I intend to—sooner rather than later. But a nice conversation wouldn’t hurt.”

  I pushed my food around with my fork.

  “Still not gonna talk, huh?”

  “Why don’t you tell me something really personal about yourself?” I demanded. “Maybe I’m loaned out to you for the month, but that certainly doesn’t mean you own me.”

  “My life isn’t that interesting,” he said. “And the only reason why I ask is because you seemed pretty experienced. Best blow job I’ve ever gotten.”

  My cheeks immediately blushed when I had no room for vanity.

  “Doesn’t seem like you’re as innocent as you claim.”

  “Well, I am. Or…I was.”

  “You were waiting for the right guy? Or marriage or something?”

  He would have something rude to say about my response, but he wasn’t going to drop this so I might as well say it. “I wasn’t looking for the right guy. I was looking for the perfect guy. The Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet and make me stupid in love.”

  Cane’s expression didn’t change.

  “I’ve always been a hopeless romantic…”

  He drank his scotch again. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted.”

  I was surprised he didn’t say something cold. His sympathy seemed genuine, and I appreciated his compassion. Tristan never showed an ounce of it. He kicked me in the face and still didn’t pity me.

  “I know that sounds stupid, but that’s how I feel.”

  “I don’t think it sounds stupid. My sister-in-law said the exact same thing to my brother. Falling in love is what most women want. But I don’t think many of them ever get it. It’s better to keep their expectations realistic. All men want is good sex. And when they find a woman that gives that to them…that’s when they stick around. Love really doesn’t have anything to do with it, even if they claim it does.”

  That was a cold outlook on romance. “By that logic, you’re saying your brother doesn’t love his wife.”

  He drank his scotch again. “He does. I just think it took him a long time to get to that point. At one instance, she left him. That’s when he realized he couldn’t live without her, so he finally gave her what she wanted.”

  “Which was?”

  “Love.” He finished the last few bites of his lasagna then wiped the corner of his mouth with the cloth napkin. “So you aren’t alone. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

  “Well, I’m never gonna have that now, so I may as well forget about it…”

  Cane’s eyes softened in sympathy, but he didn’t give any other outward reaction. “If the situations were reversed, you really think your friend would stick around for you?”

  I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “If she saw an escape route, you think she would ignore it just to spare your life? Even though your life isn’t wort
h living anyway?”

  As true as it was, it was harsh. “Yes.”

  He shook his head. “When people are put in a difficult situation, they always take the easy route. You should try to get out while you can. She would do the same.”

  “You don’t know her.”

  “And if it were me, I’d tell my friend to run and leave me behind. No sense in both of us suffering.”

  I knew I would tell her the same thing if I could. If she saw an opportunity, I’d want her to take it.

  “And if you escaped, you could go to the authorities and turn Tristan in.”

  “She’d be dead by then.”

  He gave me a sad look. “Sweetheart, she’s dead now.”

  My body turned ice-cold when the possibility hit me. Someone may have already snapped her neck or caved her skull in. I remained a prisoner for no reason, and my fate would be identical to hers. “I just can’t, alright? She’s been my best friend since fifth grade.”

  He sighed with disappointment. “I tried…”

  “Why are you convincing me to run? Don’t you want me to stay here?”

  “Of course I do. I like coming home to a beautiful woman every day. But I have a heart…underneath this cold exterior. I’m just trying to give you some friendly advice. Take it or don’t. I don’t give a damn.” He set his empty glass down then cleared the plates. He took them to the sink and rinsed them off.

  I sat there with my back turned to him, his words sinking into my skin. I listened to the water run and the dishes clank together. I should offer to do the dishes, but my legs didn’t feel like moving.

  He turned off the water. “Go to my room in fifteen minutes.” He gave a firm command, leaving no room for argument. He’d given me a week to prepare for this moment, and he wasn’t going to give me another day.

  I knew what would come next.

  “And you better be naked.”

  I stripped everything off, but I took my time when it came to my thong. Once that was gone, I would be truly bare. He’d seen me naked before, had done intimate things to my body, but this would be different.