Silent Ground Part 2

by Quil Carter

  “I didn’t see this home when I was in the back all sick,” Kel said when Lex was parking the car in front of the garage. “It’s so big! It’s bigger than my house, isn’t it?”

  “That’s right,” Sasha said. He hopped out of the car and helped Kel get out as well. Jobe and Lex were hovering around them, neither of them had said much. “Our house is pretty big too, but this one is so big, it has an extra apartment in it, that’s where I live.”

  “Cool!” Kel said, awe clear on his face. He looked around, the brown Wendy’s bag in one hand and his frosty in the other, the crutch he was supposed to be using being carried by Sasha. “Show me where.” Kel began to limp towards the house and Sasha followed him.

  “Jye!” Kel said excitedly. He’d just hobbled into Sasha’s apartment, and had found Jye sleeping on Sasha’s bed. “I missed you! Sasha, watch this!” Kel held open his arms, cast and all, and Sasha flinched when Jye ran over and leapt into them.

  But Kel only laughed. He held Jye tight to him and began nuzzling Jye’s face as the cat nuzzled him back, an eruption of loud purrs filling the bedroom as the content serval reconnected with his second owner.

  “How’s your arm, is it okay?” Sasha asked. “I don’t think the doctor would like you holding wild cats…”

  “It’s okay, his weight is mostly on my good arm,” Kel said. “It’s so weird seeing him here! He’s always on the property. I bet deer are getting into my strawberries, and rabbits! Jye catches the rabbits. They’re probably having a party.” Kel let Jye jump back onto the bed and began batting the cat fur off of him. “This is your bedroom? It’s nice, but messy; Master Kheva would never let you get our room this dirty.” Kel sat down on the bed and bounced up and down several times, before, once again, flinching. It seemed like he kept forgetting he was injured.

  “It’s a lot better than it was before,” Sasha said, sitting beside Kel. “Kheva has taught me a few good habits.”

  “Yeah,” Kel said. He leaned back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Can I sleep in your bed with you tonight? I hated sleeping alone, it made me sad.”

  “Oh…” For a moment, Sasha floundered at the request, but then he shook his head clear of the hesitation. Jobe and Lex would be sleeping on Lex’s side of the house, it wasn’t like they would even know. “Sure, you can. But, ah, none of that other stuff, alright?”

  Kel’s lower lip stuck out. “But we’re going to be getting migraines tonight, and I haven’t done anything in weeks and Master Kheva says I’m not allowed to do it myself unless he gives me permission…”

  “Kel,” Sasha began. He glanced towards his bedroom door, it was open but the door to the main part of the house was closed, mostly to prevent Jye from eating Jockster and Friskie. That meant no one would be listening at least. “My uncle and Jobe… they know that Master Kheva and you have both hurt me and it’s upsetting them. They wouldn’t be happy if they found out we were doing things like that.”

  Kel’s pout turned into a frown. “What if I promise not to tell them?”

  “You’ve been pretty crappy at keeping things like that secret,” Sasha said flatly. “I don’t trust your self-control to not blurt things out.”

  Kel crossed his arms. “I’m great at keeping secrets,” he snipped, and in a huff, he turned his head to the left and stuck his nose up in the air. “I have plenty of secrets, and I’m great at keeping them.”

  Sasha smirked, and decided to be a bit of a dick. “Oh yeah? Prove it, what’s your most secretive secret?”

  To Sasha’s discreet hilarity, Kel thought for a moment, and seemed to contemplate this. “I’ll tell you a big big secret… if you’ll let us play together tonight.” His eyes were bright, the dark blue so prominent Sasha could see the small flecks of midnight in them.

  And in truth, this intrigued Sasha, it sounded like this was a secret worth knowing. However, there was the fear that it had to do with Kheva…

  “It doesn’t have to do with Kheva,” Kel said.

  You really need to warn me when you’re tuning into my thoughts, Sasha said in his head, an unimpressed expression on his face.

  ‘You should already be able to tell,’ Kel said back, and he smiled. ‘It’s comfortable in here, it’s like you have your arms wrapped around me.’ In his physical form, Kel shifted over and put his arm around Sasha. “I miss you, I love you.”

  “I missed you too, I’m glad you’re okay,” Sasha said. “And okay, if you tell me this secret that apparently has nothing to do with Kheva… we’re not having sex, but we can––” How the hell to put this… “––help each other out.”

  Kel grinned. “I can’t wait,” he said. He kissed Sasha’s cheek and then rose to his feet with the help of his crutch. “Show me the rest of the house!”

  It was surprising, even now after knowing Kel for months, just how utterly clueless he was to social cues and censoring himself. Kel was just Kel, he spoke his mind, no matter what horrible things were in that mind, and every person who was nice to him was automatically his friend.

  That didn’t mean you were safe however, as Sasha had learned at Ciel Lake, even if you were his best buddy, at the snap of Kheva’s fingers, Keluva Swift will decimate you, in all possible ways.

  Kel had blurted out something that Sasha had been trying to keep secret since he’d arrived here, even if it was apparently a secret in name only. As Sasha showed Kel the house, Sasha’s side and Lex’s side, he merrily went along, admiring and commenting on many things while limping along on his crutch. The man had no idea that what he’d done to Sasha was wrong, and no idea that, even though they were treating Kel with kindness, Jobe and Lex probably hated him.

  Sasha got Kel settled in his side of the apartment and stayed with him for the next hour. Once Kel was full of food and content watching the television, Sasha walked over to Lex’s to face what he knew would be a heavy conversation.

  Sasha had been living in denial, Jobe and Lex knew; they knew Sasha had been forced against his will. But it looked like, even though they both were carrying that knowledge, they’d been coping solely on the fact that Sasha didn’t know they knew.

  It was some fucked up secret that could no longer be hidden in the attic. It was out in the open, plain as day.

  And now, Sasha knew it was time for them to talk about it.

  Oh fuck, did he ever not want to talk about it.

  And it looked like it was going to be worse than expected. Sasha walked in to Jobe crying on the couch, with Lex beside him. Lex’s own eyes were red, and there were two tumblers full of whisky in front of them.

  “Guys…” Sasha said, his heart pulling. “I’m fine now. You know Kel’s not all there. He didn’t know he was doing anything wrong.”

  Jobe looked up at Sasha, anguish etched deeply into his features, but the moment his red-tinged eyes connected with Sasha’s, his face twisted into despair and fresh tears came.

  “Jobe,” Sasha said, his voice a plea. “Please don’t cry. Fuck, I hate it when you cry.” He sat down on the other side of Jobe and put his arm around him. “I’m okay, baby. Look at me… I’m okay.”

  “You’re not okay,” Jobe said through his choked sobs. “You have no idea how hard it’s been having this knowledge, of – of what they did to you. I can’t hold it in anymore, Sash. It’s devastating.”

  “Jobe…” Sasha whispered. He squeezed Jobe to him. “I’m okay though. I promise I’m okay. Kel didn’t know he was doing anything wrong. You must’ve understood that… you two were treating him nice.”

  “But you want to go back to the one fucking monster who did know what he was doing!” Jobe cried. “You fucking want to go back to that damn house!”

  “I need to make sure Kheva’s okay, and I have to talk to him about some stuff,” Sasha said, trying to keep his composure. “I’m fine. Kel didn’t know what he was doing, and with Kheva… it was my training. It strengthened my powers, and not only that, it made me stand up for myself too.”

  “Sasha,
fucking listen to yourself!” Lex cried. Sasha flinched from his loud voice, his head giving him the first warning pang that a migraine was coming. “You were raped! Sasha, they raped you; they fucking raped you and you’re defending them!”

  Kheva never raped me…

  Sasha’s eyes shut, another throb coming quickly. “I’m getting a damn headache,” he said through locked teeth. “Look, you guys know, and I know you know, but I’m fine. Okay? Please, can we just enjoy a nice night tonight? It’s been a really long few days and I need it.”

  “Enjoy it… before you leave us again?” Jobe whispered. Sasha looked over at him and saw Jobe’s eyes staring down at his hand, before they rose and he grabbed his tumbler of whisky. “Before you leave to go back to Kheva? Fucking… go back to Kheva’s willingly.” Jobe’s lips pursed tight and his head slowly shook back and forth. “You don’t even see how insane this is, do you, Sash?” He chuckled, a dry husk of a laugh, dead before it even left his lips.

  Sasha stared at him. “I’m not getting into this again,” he said. “I just want a nice night, okay? This is the first night where I don’t have to worry about Kel, or fucking deal with Nate’s drama. I just want a calm evening for fuck sakes.”

  “Hear him, Lex? He wants a nice night before he goes back to his rapist.” Another vapid chuckle. “It’s ridiculous… fucking ridiculous.”

  Sasha removed his arm from Jobe’s side. “Stop talking about shit you don’t understand,” he said, the annoyance he was in the process of trying to suppress was growing, and quickly. “It’s taken me a long time to get over what was done to me, I don’t need some asshole who has no idea what I’ve been through, telling me how I should feel.”

  Jobe’s face contorted, his eyes closing, his mouth twisting. For the split-second before Jobe made his imminent nuclear meltdown known, it seemed like he was holding back bombs with those pursed lips––and Sasha was right.

  “He fucking raped you, Sasha! They held you prisoner! Lex saw how you tried to escape. Lex fucking saw everything!” Jobe suddenly cried, tears bursting from his eyes. “Kel and Kheva fucking raped you! Kel––We understand Kel is mentally ill, that he’s not even a fucking real person just some nightcrawler byproduct. But Kheva? I don’t fucking get it. How can you be planning on going back there?”

  Sasha’s teeth clenched. “You’re talking about shit you don’t understand,” he said through them. “I want to have a nice night. Just fucking lay off of me––”

  Jobe rose. “I’m going back home,” he said, and just like that, the meltdown was gone, and in its place, there seemed to be a shell. “I can’t be here right now.”

  “Going home to Nate?” Sasha growled. “So, he can fill your head with more shit?”

  “He wants Rob back, and you know what? I understand him now!” Jobe spun around and yelled. “You tried to convince me that Rob was better off as Kel, and, oh, I believed you for a bit there, Sash. But that isn’t Sasha talking, is it? No. It’s not. Because my Sasha would never go back to his rapist. And fuck it, I’ll go there. He wouldn’t save his other rapist and welcome him into his apartment either. Something is wrong with you, something changed, and I’m going to go do what needs to be done to get my Sasha back.” Jobe turned then, and began walking towards the main entrance.

  “What are you talking about?” Sasha yelled. “I am still me, you stupid asshole.” Another throb of pain, it was growing and quickly. “You have no idea what I went through while I was there, what I had to fucking endure. So, don’t tell me I should be acting a certain way when you don’t understand shit. Fuck you, Jobe. I wanted a quiet night and now I have to deal with this shit.” Sasha didn’t realize how much his own words stung until he’d spoken them, words that had despair and longing sewn right in.

  “So many fucking nights, I fell asleep cold and hungry, wishing I was home lying next to you.” The back of Sasha’s throat began to burn, and even though he was grabbing desperately at his composure, it was slipping and fast. “Then I come home and all I fucking get is judgement, all I get is two of the people I love the most looking at me through a microscope, when all I wanted was… was for them to be there for me, and to help me.”

  Jobe paused, now standing in front of the door. Silence claimed the room then, all three men standing still, and awkward, with the weight of their mutual sadness pushing down on them.

  “Every night… we fell asleep wondering if you were dead or alive,” Jobe said quietly, “if we even slept at all. And once we did know they had you, we fell asleep in fear of what they were doing to you.” Jobe turned around, his eyes red, his cheeks tear-stained. “I didn’t, for one second, think that you would walk through this door, begging us to help your rapist, and telling me with honest worry, that you needed to get back to the second asshole who hurt you.” He reached for the door, but held the handle. “I’m going because I love you,” he said earnestly. “I will get my Sasha back, one way or the other. Just like… Nate’s going to get Rob back.”

  “And when do I get Jobe back?” Sasha asked dully. “Oh, right, you guys… your love comes with strings attached. I have to be a masochistic, depressed wreck in order for me to go back to my old life. I don’t get shit from you… unless you get something in return: the ability to be the fucking martyr. Fuck you, Jobe.” Sasha turned then, and began walking back to his apartment, and when he was nearing the hallway… he heard the entrance door click shut.

  Sasha released a dry sob; the knowledge that Jobe had actually left, hitting him where it hurt.

  “Sash…” Lex’s strangled voice sounded, but Sasha only heard it briefly, he fled to his side of the apartment and shut the door, then locked it.

  “Sashy… Sashy, what’s wrong?” Kel’s caring voice rang from the living room. Sasha ignored him, and ran into his bedroom, then he sat on his bed and broke down.

  Sasha buried his face into his hands and cried. The stress that had been gathering into a tight knot reached its peak, and unable to hold it any longer, Sasha just disintegrated into nothing.

  None of this was what he’d expected. When he’d be lying on that lounger in Ciel Lake, or beside Kel and Kheva in the master bedroom, his fantasies about coming home had been nothing like this. In his dreams, they welcomed him with open arms, glad that he knew who he was, amazed at what he could do. They were supportive, loving, and just happy that he was alive.

  Now, never more than now did Sasha feel like he was completely alone. He was surrounded by the most important people in his life, and yet, they were treating him like he was an alien, some parasite that had taken the body of Sasha. No matter how hard he tried to defend his new lease on life, those explanations fell on deaf ears. They wanted the wreck back, and no matter how much Sasha tried to get them to love the new him, their feet were rooted in stubborn defiance.

  And it wasn’t only that: Kheva, and what Sasha was going to have to confess to tomorrow. That reality, that prospect, was terrifying him. Sasha didn’t even have a damn plan, he had no idea what the fuck he was going to do. The thought of having to tell Kheva that he’d deliberately gave Rob strength, that he’d been freely giving him Kheva’s most personal, traumatic memories… for all Sasha knew, tonight could be his last damn day on earth. He could be the meat that feeds Jye next.

  Everything was falling apart. Coming here was a mistake, Sasha should’ve stolen money and found Kel’s I.D and brought him to another hospital, not this one. Uncle Lex and Jobe shouldn’t have ever been notified.

  But I’d missed them… I’d missed them so much my heart ached.

  Panic shot through Sasha when he heard shouting outside of his bedroom. He burst to his feet, his headache giving an angry pulse of pain, and ran to the door.

  “He missed you! He loved you, and you’re being an asshole!” Kel screamed, Sasha was shocked at the anger behind it. “Sasha’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong with him! I love him and Master Kheva loves him.”

  “Get out of my face, you fucking rapist!” Just as Sasha was
pulling open the door, Lex screamed this, and when the door opened, Sasha saw his uncle in the entrance to his apartment, red-faced and furious.

  “Make me do it, you stupid whore!” Sasha’s eyes widened, that wasn’t like Kel at all. “You’re bad! You’re bad but you pretend to be good.” Sasha stepped back as Kel stalked up to Lex, who’d fallen quiet, his dark eyes shining with something that Sasha couldn’t pinpoint.

  Then Lex’s face dropped.

  “How do you know that?” he whispered.

  “Do you really have to ask that?” Kel said, his tone suddenly dropping to an eerie, uncharacteristic silence. “You know what he can do, and now you can see what I can do. What my master taught me to do.”

  Lex’s eyes shifted over to Sasha––there was fear in them.

  “I came over to apologize to him,” Lex said stiffly. “Can you read that?”

  “Sure can,” Kel said. “But maybe I don’t like how you’re treating me. Sasha’s my brother, he’s a part of my family, and he doesn’t like how you’re treating me either.”

  “You raped my fucking nephew…”

  “We had fun together,” Kel said, his eyes never leaving Lex’s. “Apologize to Sasha now. Apologize and stop making him sad. I’ve never seen him this upset. After Kheva’s training, how hard it is, how much Sasha suffered, that’s nothing compared to how sad I’m seeing him now. You’re hurting him, and you need to stop. He doesn’t deserve it.”

  Lex shifted his weight, and his eyes deflected. “I know he doesn’t,” Lex said simply. “We’re just worried about him.”

  “Keep your worries to yourself.”

  Lex said nothing, but he then turned to Sasha, though he didn’t make eye contact. “I’m sorry, Sash,” he said quietly. “Jobe’s been going through a tough time. I’ll talk to him tomorrow when he comes back.”

  “I’m leaving tomorrow,” Sasha said despondently. “I need to get Kel and Jye back home, and I need to talk to Kheva.”

  It was obvious to Sasha that Lex was trying to hide the fear this admission brought, but he wasn’t doing a good job. You didn’t have to be a nightcrawler to sense the apprehension radiating off of him. “Sash… you can’t go back there.”