***
Mimi woke before sunrise. She lay in the warmth of the plush duvet shielding her from the slight early morning chill. She studied the room she had slept in for the past two nights. It had come to feel like home, a place that had taken her heart. There was an empty fireplace that looked like it had remained dormant for a considerable amount of time. She imagined how pretty it would be with flames dancing to its own rhythm.
She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. It had been another night where her sleep had been disturbed. She pulled out her journal and began to write another letter to Joel:
Dear Joel,
I’m here wishing you were next to me. I awake in a place that feels like home, only you aren’t in it. It’s like I am waiting for you to walk through the door.
I’m waiting for your brother to talk. He says there are things that I don’t know. What are those things, Joel? What are the things that have been hidden from me? I hate being left in the dark like this. There is so much that I don’t know. In so many ways, I feel dumb and stupid.
Did you know you have a nephew? His name is Jake and he’s adorable. If we’d had a son, he’s exactly the child I’d imagine us to have. I have to admit, I’m quite taken by him. I got your feather. Thank you so much. It proved to me that you can hear me. It tells me you are near. God, it hurts living without you. I feel like I don’t have a right to smile, although I know you would want me to. I know you would want me to go on, but, Joel, I don’t want to move on without you. It doesn’t seem right.
Yesterday, I got an email from Jessica, Eric’s wife. Is it bad that I actually felt jealous of her? She carries a part of Eric with her, the baby that grows inside her. I am left with doubt and questions. Did you ever want to share your feelings with me? Had we never reached that level of trust, like I thought we had? Austin’s lack of information has spoken volumes. Despite all of this, I would give anything to have you here. I miss you!
With love always,
Mimi Mimi xoxo
Mimi placed her pen and journal on the bedside table, and then she heard footsteps. She got out of bed and peeked through the crack of the door. It was Austin. He was fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Mimi noticed a large scar slashed across his chest, deep and obvious.
Every scar had its own story to tell, so she wondered where this violent mark could have come from. A short while later, the smell of freshly ground coffee drifted up the stairs. She quickly showered and applied her makeup, enough to make her look fresh and presentable, but not too much so she looked like she was trying to overdo herself and impress Austin. In truth, her perfect tanned face and deep chocolate brown eyes didn’t need makeup to enhance her already evident beauty.
Austin was in the kitchen preparing a packed lunch for Jake.
“Morning,” he said, his voice low and gruff.
“Morning.” Mimi jumped onto a stool and played with a piece of string left on the counter.
“So, I was thinking…I’d love to go riding again”
Austin ran his hand through his dirty blond hair. She watched him move swiftly around the kitchen, cleaning as he went along. Jake flew into the room, grabbed his things, and shouted over his shoulder that his ride to school was there. He gave his father a quick kiss on the cheek, hugged Mimi, and raced out the door. As Jake left, Austin set his hands on the kitchen table.
“I can arrange for that. I can see if Jake’s trainer, Uma, is free today. I think she should be.”
Mimi felt a rush of disappointment. She tried not to show it by replying in a high-pitched upbeat tone, “Well, that would be great…I mean, if she’s free.”
“I’ll give her a call this morning for you.”
“So, what are you doing today?” She kept her gaze down as she tied the piece of string into tiny knots, avoiding looking at him.
“I gotta work.”
“What is your work exactly?”
“Running this ranch. I have contractors all over the place. Somebody needs to be in charge.”
“Yes, of course. I didn’t mean anything by my question.”
“No offence taken. This place may have belonged to my parents, but if nobody runs it, then it falls apart.”
“Did Joel ever help out?”
The colour drained from Austin’s face.
What are you thinking?
“When we were younger, yes. Our mother made him. As you know, Joel enlisted in the Corps a day after his eighteenth birthday. He left immediately. After that, it was on my shoulders. I was only seventeen. I had help from our uncle for a while on the business side of things, but I guess you could say I had to grow up quickly.”
“And then you had Jake.”
“Yup, and then I had Jake. I took on a lot young, but I don’t have any regrets, especially when it comes to that kid. He’s my life.”
“He’s very special.”
“Yes, he is. And I’ll spend my life protecting him,” Austin said with conviction. “If you want, there are some albums of us when we were kids that I have in the attic. You’re welcome to look at them.”
“Thank you, I’d love that.”
“Sure. It will save you from going into my bedroom and having to sneak around, right?”
Mimi felt her cheeks burn red. She thought she had escaped being caught when quite clearly she hadn’t.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gone into your room like that.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I get that you are curious and you want to know things, but if you are going to stay here, then we really need to put some boundaries in place.”
Mimi nodded in agreement. She knew that she was crossing a line when she went into his room like that. She would have hated for anybody to go into her home and think it was acceptable to walk into her private sanctuary.
He pursed his lips together. “Right. Well, I’ll quickly grab those albums for you and then I need to head off for a meeting in the city. I’m going to be gone until Jake gets back from school. You know where everything is, so help yourself to anything you want in the fridge.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem. I will give Uma a quick call now.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile.
“Uma…Austin Marcus here.” He took his conversation out into the hallway and returned a minute later.
“Sorry about that. The signal is bad in the kitchen. Well, she can do it. Said she can get here by eleven if that works for you?”
“Sounds great.”
“Okay. Enjoy yourself then, and remember what I said.”
“Always expect the unexpected!”
“See you later.”
In the living room, Austin had placed two small cardboard boxes on the coffee table. She walked barefoot across the hardwood floor and sat on the edge of the sofa. Inside those boxes were important pieces of her husband’s childhood.
She drew in a deep breath as she opened the musty flaps of the cardboard box, revealing four large hardback brown photo albums. The sun had flooded the room. She drew the curtains slightly so she could see the pictures clearly.
The first image was of their mother, smiling adoringly at Joel. Next to the photo was a scribble:
Joel aged 3, Aunt Edna’s house.
She flicked through hundreds of snaps. This family that once existed was no longer. Austin was the only survivor out of the family of four. She wondered how that affected him. Although he seemed to have his life in order, Mimi knew he had not come out unscathed. He may have buried his feelings deep, but she knew he was carrying a lot of heartache inside. He seemed so serious and cautious, always holding his cards close to his chest, being careful not to lose his poker face.
Mimi shed a few tears as she looked at the memories that didn’t belong to her. She wished she was sitting with Joel whilst he showed her his past. They could have laughed at his silly haircuts and naked baby photo’s.
She had l
oved listening to his stories of his training in the Corps, about being pushed to the limit, climbing mountains, and running alongside muddy swamps. He had told her that boot camp was hell on earth.
They break you, they knock you to the ground, beat you ‘til you’re blue so you can build yourself back up and become stronger, tougher, and more determined than you have ever been in your entire life.
Mimi made herself a cup of coffee. She took a sip and pulled out the final album from the box. As she flipped open the cover, a piece of paper slipped out.
She gazed at the document, feeling numb. She read over the contents several times to make sure there could be no mistake. For a brief moment, she thought she was going to be sick. The room spun. She held the corner of the coffee table to steady herself.
Birth certificate: Jacob Lewis Marcus
Date of Birth: 11th August 2003
Place of Birth: Dallas, Texas
Mother: Sara Veronica Richards
Father: Joel Justin Marcus
Blood pounded in Mimi’s ears. So this was the big secret: Joel was Jake’s father. Every single fibre within her felt crushed. Who was the man she married?
Chapter 10
At four thirty that afternoon, Mimi heard a key slotting into the door. Austin and Jake were home. She had spent most of the day with the birth certificate in her hand, looking at photos she had of Joel, and her heart felt heavy with grief and confusion. She thought of calling Meg, but decided against it. She needed to process things on her own.
The one person she did need to talk to was Austin.
A deep wave of loneliness haunted her more than ever. Austin’s words had echoed in her head all day. It’s not my place to tell you. It’s Joel’s.
The sound of Jake’s laughter floated down the hallway to where she sat in the kitchen.
Jake is Joel’s child.
Mimi had gone over a million different scenarios in her head, but her tangled thoughts could not rationalize how her husband had fathered a child and kept it hidden from her. How had his younger brother been the one to raise him? She needed to know the truth, every single last detail. She came to Texas to search for her husband’s start in life. She never imagined she would find this unforgivable betrayal.
Her grief turned to anger. She wanted to grab Joel and shake him, hit him, and scream at him for this awful secret he had kept hidden from her. Then she thought of Jake—dear sweet Jake, who had come into this world with his father disowning him. Mimi had always put Joel high up on a pedestal for his bravery and willingness to fight for his country, but those memories were now tarnished. For the first time ever, she considered Joel a coward.
As Austin and Jake approached the kitchen, Mimi tried to appear normal, but she was never good at hiding her feelings. Jake was bright and breezy, holding a see-through box with holes punched into the plastic lid.
“Look what I found, Mimi—a frog!”
Mimi looked into the box to see the little green creature sitting on a bed of grass, his webbed feet sprawled out like fans, his chin expanding and disbanding like a balloon.
“He’s cute. Where did you find him?” Mimi asked, trying to keep her tone even and cool, careful not to arouse any suspicion of the shock swirling around inside her.
“The cat had him. Me and dad rescued him.”
“Dad and I,” Austin corrected him.
“I see. Well, what are you going to do with him?”
“The vet is coming to check on two of the cattle tomorrow, so we thought he could check over our little green friend when he’s here. If all is well, we can let him back in the wild. Isn’t that right, champ?” Austin said, rubbing the top of Jake’s head.
How could you walk out on your own child, Joel? How could you?
“Mimi, Uma said you cancelled today.”
“Yeah, I didn’t feel too well. I think I’m coming down with something. Actually, if you don’t mind, I think I may go lie down for a while.”
“Sure,” Austin said. “Can I do anything for you?”
Mimi swallowed hard. “I’m fine,” she lied as she removed herself from the kitchen. Once again, for the fiftieth time that day, tears washed down her face. She hung her long hair over the front of her shoulders, making sure her sadness could not be seen.
An hour later, Austin tapped on Mimi’s door.
“Knock knock,” he said.
“Come in.”
Austin walked into the dimly lit room. Music was playing, setting the mood to a reflective feel.
“How are you feeling?”
“Just a headache. I’ll be all right.”
Austin’s green eyes looked even deeper into Mimi’s. He knelt down beside the bed in front of Mimi. Here they were, two strangers connected by one man and a lie which had changed everything Mimi thought she knew.
She thought about confronting Austin there and then, but she couldn’t seem to find the words. He hadn’t lied to her, but Joel had. It was clear that Austin was a wonderful father. She wondered if Jake knew that Austin was his uncle and not his father, but who would tell an eight-year-old that? She knew Austin hadn’t told her because he needed to protect his ‘son.’
Mimi wasn’t ready to be a mother when she and Joel met. She knew she wanted to be some day, but she wasn’t ready to raise a child as a single parent whilst Joel was deployed. She wanted to be settled. After Joel died, she felt robbed of the chance to be a mother, but now she felt destroyed.
“I was thinking, Mimi. On Saturday, why don’t we spend some time together and go riding?”
“Yeah…sure,” she hesitated.
Would this be the moment he would tell her the secret she had already discovered? The moment where at least one of the Marcus brothers would be honest with her?
***
Meg had finally re-emerged. She contacted Mimi by text and told her she was heading back to the B&B without Bo. She sounded edgy during their phone conversation. Mimi suspected things had not gone to plan with this mystery stranger who owned the coffee shop. Meg texted her two days after Mimi had made the shocking discovery. She carried the weight of finding out about Joel and Jake around with her. Mimi had cried herself to sleep into her pillow every night since.
Mimi drove back to the B&B just before lunch. She knocked on the door. It was a different room than the one they had previously stayed in. The door creaked open. There were no lights on and Mimi could see Meg’s outline in the darkness.
“Meg, are you all right?” Mimi said, alarmed.
Meg sat on the floor and leaned against the bed. Mimi lowered herself down and sat next to her.
Meg was silent, her expression haunted. Mimi’s heart started to race. She placed her hand on Meg’s shoulder and whispered, “What’s wrong?”
“I should have never come.” A single tear ran down Meg’s face, and then, through the crack of the curtain, the mid-morning sun caught her left cheek, highlighting the dark grey bruise. Meg quickly lifted her hand to shield her face, but Mimi immediately pulled it away.
“What the hell happened?”
“I didn’t want to sleep with him, so he got angry and, well, this is the result,” she said, brushing her fingers against the swelling.
“Did he do anything else to you?”
“No…you should see his face.” She half-heartedly laughed. “We were drunk. We went back to a hotel and he put the moves on me. I guess I led him on, but I decided he wasn’t going to get in my pants. Anyway, after I let stupidly him kiss me, he started moving quickly. It felt wrong. I can’t explain why, but I told him to stop. He did, but he immediately got angry. He called me a whore. I called him an asshole and that’s when he hit me.”
“We need to report this to the police.”
“Yeah, I already did.”
“And?”
“And they filed a report. There were no witnesses, so it’s his word against mine.”
“That son of a bitch!”
“Yeah. Anyway, lesson learned. I mustn’t go off with
strange men.”
“Are you okay? I mean really okay?” Mimi felt responsible since she was the reason Meg was there. Somehow, all this trip seemed to have brought them was additional trouble.
“I’m not going to lie, I’m shaken. I’ve never been hit before, and I’ve never been in a situation where I thought the outcome could end in disaster, but yes, I’m fine.”
Meg got back onto her feet and walked across the room to the dresser. She pulled out her passport.
“I’m ready to go home. I know we were meant to be here for a couple more nights, but really, I need to get back.”
Mimi felt a knot in her stomach. She wasn’t ready to return back to the UK. Right now she knew she belonged in Texas, and she needed to gather the last pieces of the puzzle to get a clear picture of how and why Joel kept his love child a secret. And then there was Austin. She felt a pull toward him in a way she hadn’t yet admitted to herself.
“Meg, I can’t go home with you. I’m so sorry, but I need to be here.”
“For how much longer?”
“I don’t know. A while.”
“I wish you were coming back with me, Mimi. But I understand. Have you started to find out the answers to your questions?”
Mimi felt a lump rise in her throat. She said, “Do you fancy getting out of here for a bit and going for a walk or something?”
***
The girls got in the car and drove randomly for a few miles until they found a bar overlooking an open field that was freshly ploughed. Meg pushed open the heavy door which scraped against the wooden floor. It was instantly obvious that this was a place that was only used to the faces of locals.
Meg turned to Mimi with a smile and said, “Do you want to leave?”
“It will only be more awkward if we leave, don’t you think?”
Meg nodded.
They sat in a quiet corner, exposed to the sound of the roadway where large trucks roared past.
A bone thin woman with overly bleached blonde hair walked over to them a short time later, her apron tie twisted round her body three, maybe four, times over.
Till Death Us Do Part Page 8
