He managed to bring himself back to his feet and he found a fountain, where he splashed water across his face. He hung his head over the stainless steel bowl and watched the water swirl into a tornado and drain away.
Everybody around him had a purpose, a reason for being at the airport. Whether it be the janitor cleaning the bathroom, travellers going on vacation or on business, or pilots ready to fly planes…every person around him knew where they were going. As Joel stood, watching the world turn just as it always had, he realised for the first time that he was truly alone.
He needed to get back on the ground again and do something, but he knew that was out of the question. Medical orders, or so they called it. He should be back in London, back with Mimi, but she was with him.
He’d told Mimi it was just once, and Meg too had stuck to that, but neither of them had told her that there was a time after that and another time after that. He hadn’t considered it an affair as much as he considered it somebody he was just seeing.
Each time he had left Meg, he would always say that it couldn’t happen again, only it did. He seemed powerless to stop it, although he wanted to. Every time Mimi would arrange nights for them to all go out to dinner with whichever guy Meg happened to be seeing at the time, Joel would always make his excuses and say that he had to be on duty.
On the rare occasions he had seen Meg in a group, he always insisted it be at a pub or a nightclub, somewhere he could disappear off into a crowd and not feel on edge the whole time, fearing that Mimi would somehow guess.
“Last call for Gate 19 to London, Heathrow.”
He quickly came to his senses and started running as fast as he could. He pushed past people, beads of sweat dripping from his lower back.
When the sun hit him as the glass doors slid open, he looked across at a busy line of taxis and mini buses. He weaved his way around to get to the front of the line.
An overweight, bald man pulled him by his shoulder, getting too close to Joel’s face, and said, “There’s a line here, buddy.”
Without thinking, Joel pushed him backwards, knocking the man to the floor. His wife kneeled by his side, wide-eyed and startled.
Joel stood over the man who was holding his hand to his chest, gasping for breath.
“I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.” Then he jumped into the waiting taxi.
“Where to?”
“Eastleigh Ranch, out West.”
“That’s too far, man. I—”
Joel reached into his pocket and pulled out several hundred dollars.
“Buckle up,” the driver said, turning his body to face the road. He flipped the indicator on.
Tick tick tick.
Joel squeezed his eyes shut, reminding himself it wasn’t the sound of a bomb about to explode. The driver gripped his hands on the steering wheel and pulled out. An oncoming car slammed on its breaks. The sound of the car horn was deafening. Joel felt his body go rigid. He kept his eyes closed until the tires were in motion, and then he let out a sigh.
“You just get back, man?” the driver asked, looking into the mirror.
“What?”
“You’re a soldier, right?”
“US Marine, sir.”
He watched the driver’s head bob up and down, sweat creased into the folds of his neck.
“Thought so. I see it. I’ve seen that look so many times.”
He pointed his index finger up to his eyes. Joel ignored him and looked out of the window. He was determined to get back the woman who belonged to him.
***
Mimi
Mimi tore out the pages of the journal containing the letters she had written to Joel. Once again, the threat of another headache loomed and the wave of nausea that had been coming and going for days seemed to be getting stronger.
She reached into her bag containing the bottle of her pills. A pack of tampons fell out and scattered at her feet. She bent down to pick them up. As she rose, her mind started calculating the last time she had a period.
Her fingers brushed over the blue tampon box. She reached into the inner zip of her makeup bag and found the negative pregnancy test that she had taken before she had come to Texas. Shortly after that, her period had arrived.
At first, she told herself that with everything her body had been through—the accident, the heart failure—there was no possible way that she could be pregnant. She dismissed the idea, putting it down to stress, and quickly dressed in a white cotton dress, which illuminated next to her dark brown tan.
She found Austin out on the porch looking out onto the hazy early morning sun.
He smiled when he saw her and pulled her in close. “Cast matches your dress,” he joked.
“So glad this is finally coming off today.”
“Yeah, kind of feels like I’ve always known you with it.”
“Appointment is at ten. How long will it take to get to the hospital?”
“Around thirty minutes, so I was thinking, since we have some time, do you want to maybe go back upstairs for a little bit?” He raised his eyebrows and smiled.
Mimi took him by the hand, moving into the house and up the stairs. She wrapped her fingers around the door knob of the bedroom door. When she pushed it open, her hand quickly flew to her mouth. She ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. As she fell next to the toilet bowl, her head hanging, her body trembling, something told her she needed to take a test.
“Mimi.” Austin tapped his knuckles against the door. “Honey, are you all right in there?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” she shouted.
He stood at the door, waiting for her to emerge. When she did, he put his arm around her.
“Good thing we’re going to the hospital. Maybe we can ask them about this sickness?”
“Austin, I think I know what might be wrong.”
He looked at her, waiting for an answer. She coyly moved across to the bed. She didn’t meet his gaze. “I think I’m pregnant.”
The blood drained from Austin’s face. He tried to steady himself against the door, but he was caught completely off guard. “Is it his?”
“No, it’s impossible.”
“You’re sure about that?”
“Certain.”
His eyes widened. “Wow, we are moving fast.”
He paced to the balcony adjoining his room. He turned back to look at her. “Well, we will need to get this confirmed.”
“Austin, if I’m pregnant, it’s yours.”
“I don’t mean that. Jesus, Mimi, I mean we need to find out if you are actually pregnant.”
“If I am?”
She suddenly felt deeply insecure. She hadn’t had time to think how he might react and she wasn’t sure she was even ready to be a mother. This was never how she planned to have children. She needed space to think. That was something she realised since this all happened that she hadn’t had.
“If you are, then I am here for you and we are in this together. How do you feel about this? Is it something you want?”
She turned to look at him. This man in front of her, a man she had not planned to fall in love with, her brother-in-law, may very well be the father of her unborn child. The reality of the situation weighed heavy on her. She shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t know. This is so sudden, I don’t know how I should feel.”
She felt as if she were drowning, sinking, unable to swim to shore safely. Nausea whirled in her stomach, a niggling reminder that she could be carrying a life. She wasn’t sure how she was meant to support another person. How could she if she didn’t know who she was?
She felt like a boat on dry land.
“I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t a shock to me, Mimi. Far from it. But none of this has been easy, and somehow I feel like everything that is happening is just pulling us together. Or am I just kidding myself?”
He ran his hand through his hair. In the glowing sunlight, it looked fairer and his eyes looked greener. A needlin
g of anxiety began at his brow. He wasn’t used to being so out of control. He always had a hard exterior, and no woman had ever been able to get past it, not since Sara and not since he became Jake’s dad.
He didn’t always like the vibe Mimi gave off; it made him so unsure. Mimi’s eyes were glassy, and she wasn’t in the moment with him. He didn’t know if he should move closer to her or keep a distance. He was finding it increasingly difficult to gauge her wants and needs.
Dazed, Mimi turned to Austin and held her hand out to his.
He moved toward her, and without saying another word, he pulled her up and into his arms, wrapping his arms into a tight grip around her hips.
He took in the sweet scent of the shampoo she’d used that morning. Her head rested gently on his shoulder, the softness of her breath warming his neck.
She had no idea where her life was taking her. She felt disconnected from all reality around her, lost in a sea of thoughts, and the pressure of constantly processing was making her tired.
Mimi could not escape the feeling that Austin felt reassuring to her, but every so often, doubt would take over. Was she just upgrading Joel?
***
When Mimi stepped out of Austin’s truck, the heat hit her like the opening of an oven door. She had always been a lover of the summer. She hated winter and craved the tropical warm days and swimmingly cool nights.
She could see the heat waves modulating off the pavement. Her cotton dress was damp from sweat. Her flip flops clattered against the soles of her feet as she made her way to the entrance of the hospital. She glanced up at a plane, the tips of the wings gliding freely like a bird.
Her mind drifted back to when she had been on a plane, making her journey from London to Texas. Meg had set next to her. Mimi had been so unaware of her betrayal and thought her best friend had been nothing but a pillar of support in her time of need. She wondered why Meg had travelled with her:
Perhaps out of guilt?
Sometimes she wished she could have seen what was going on right under her nose, but in another way, she determined that ignorance was bliss. Being a fool was easier than heartbreak, and then there was Austin. If all of this hadn’t happened, he would have never happened. He was like her angel, a blessing that had come to her when everything else around her had fallen to pieces.
As the automatic doors sprung open, Austin took Mimi’s hand and squeezed it tight. “No matter what, you have me,” he whispered into her ear.
A wave of affection came over her. His voice was tangy and reassuring, deep, but soft, and although she felt nervous, with Austin by her side she knew she couldn’t fall.
Ahead, there was a directory crammed with information. She tried to search for Department 17, where she was due to report to. Austin pulled her toward the elevator.
“Up a level,” he said.
When they entered the lift, Mimi glanced at the swollen belly of a pregnant woman. She didn’t look tired or fed up, like so many of her pregnant colleagues in the past. She looked like the picture of contentment.
Austin caught Mimi staring at the lady. She quickly averted her eyes to the floor. They both were thinking the same thing—in just a few short months that could be her.
When the doors opened, they stepped out onto the busy ward. Mimi felt panicky. The sterile smell of the hospital walls seemed to get caught up in her nose, bringing back a memory of the accident. A flashback of the collision haunted her mind.
They took a seat in the waiting area. Mimi gently rested her head against Austin’s shoulder. He raised his arm and wrapped it around her.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Excited to get the cast off,” she joked, avoiding the real reason he asked the question.
“Mimi Marcus,” a nurse called.
They both stood, moving toward the consult room.
“Wait here,” she said, pushing him back. It took him by surprise.
He said nothing. He simply stepped back and turned away to sit back down. Although she knew she had pissed him off, he did his best to contain it.
Mimi was relieved to see a female doctor sitting in the room. She was older and stand-offish. She flipped through papers on a clipboard.
“Can you confirm your name, please?”
“Mimi Marcus.”
“It says here you are a Mrs. Is that right?”
Mimi started tugging at the hem of her dress. “Yes, that’s right.”
“You can ask your husband to come in with you,” the nurse said.
“Oh, um, no, it’s fine. Actually, I wanted to ask…”
The doctor looked up, her eyes gazing over the top of her dark framed glasses.
“Um, what happens, I mean, when the cast comes off?”
“Well, you may still have some bruising. That’s normal and actually we expect that. Now, to start with, your arm may feel a little weak. You have to remember that there will be loss of muscle, and we expect that you will still experience pain for around another ten to fourteen days.”
Mimi nodded, pursing her lips together.
“So, will I need an x-ray?”
“Yes, I’d like to do one to make sure that we are happy to go ahead and remove the cast for you today.”
“I need to tell you. I think I may be pregnant.”
The doctor remained expressionless and not at all phased. Mimi felt strange saying the word pregnant out loud to a stranger, and one with no bedside manner, not even a thread of one.
“How far along do you think you are?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I kind of lost track after a series of unexpected life events.”
“I see. Well, we can carry out a quick urine test. Emily, will you quickly see if Sandra has any?”
The nurse disappeared out of the room. The doctor turned to Mimi. “Will this be your first?”
“Um, yes.”
“Where are you from?”
“London.”
“Are you here visiting?”
“My husband, he’s Texan.”
Mimi felt like an imposter. Joel was her husband, but her boyfriend was the one outside in the waiting room and she was waiting to find out if he was about to be a father.
Silence filled the room once more.
The nurse handed Mimi a small plastic container. “Just take this to the bathroom, first door on the right, and bring it back to us.”
Mimi took the cup in her palm. Somehow, she felt humiliated. This was never how she imagined becoming a mother. It felt so clinical, so emotionless.
When she came back into the room, she handed the cup that she had covered in a grey paper towel. The nurse dipped a strip into it. Mimi could hear the blood rush to her ears as she awaited the fate for the rest of her life.
“Negative.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Mimi said. She had been so sure, so certain, that she didn’t know how to feel. She had convinced herself that she was pregnant. She hadn’t considered the possibility that she wasn’t.
“We can arrange for you to have a blood test, but since you are not sure of the date of your last period, it’s up to you. Maybe wait it out a week or so.”
When the doctor finished her examination on Mimi, she gave her the all clear to get her x-ray, and then she would be able to have the cast removed.
Mimi pushed the door open. She saw Austin waiting for her, slumped forward. As soon as he saw her, he stood up, searching her expression for an answer.
“I’m not pregnant,” she said.
He pressed his back against the yellow wall behind him. “Well…how do you feel about that?”
“Relieved, but also a little disappointed. I don’t know.”
He gave her a half smile. “Let’s just have fun together for now, and when the time is right, maybe we can plan things properly.”
Mimi felt her heart flutter. “Let’s get this thing off. I have to go to another department.”
***
Austin drove up the crackly driveway. Mimi had the t
ruck window down, letting the wind flow through her hair. When he pulled the truck to a stop, she opened the door and let her bottom slide off the leather seat.
The air smelled of dirt and fresh cut grass. The cattle smells wafted in the light breeze. She tucked her hospital notes under her arm and drifted toward the house. When inside, she caught a scent so familiar to her, it stopped her dead in her tracks.
“Everything okay?” Austin asked.
“Yeah…I think…I think I’m just really tired.”
“Still feeling sick?”
“No. That seems to have passed.”
He placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them. She started to feel the stiffness soften and the tension melt away every time he pressed his fingers into the depths of her muscles.
She turned around and met his gaze.
“I’m a mess,” she said, tears stinging her eyes.
“Let me fix you.” His words were clear.
Slowly, he brought his hand to her cheek and she ran her thumb along his bottom lip. She kissed him, a hard, open-mouthed kiss, desperate and passionate. He felt a rush of intense longing for her. She was like an addiction that needed to be satisfied. His breathing quickened and she tugged at his t-shirt, ripping it away from his body. He could feel her pulse quicken. He promised himself that he would never lose her ever again.
He pulled her dress up, running his hand along the inside of her thigh. “I love you,” he said as he buried his face into the nape of her neck. She didn’t say anything. She simply looked deep into his eyes, pulling him in closer, kissing him harder.
After, he rolled onto his back and Mimi caught her breath next to him.
“Fancy that horse ride?” He laughed. “Or are you too tired?”
She inhaled deeply.
“Tomorrow. Right now, I just want to snuggle.”
“Snuggle?” he said, pulling a face. “I don’t really snuggle.”
She playfully punched his arm. “Of course you do, cowboy.”
“You sound sexy when you call me that.”
“Come on, let’s go snuggle. I want to spend the entire afternoon being lazy with you and eating too much ice cream and binge-watching stuff on Netflix.”
Till Death Us Do Part Page 24
