“It may have escaped your mind, but I actually have some work to do.”
“You’re the boss, right? Therefore, you can take a day off.”
“If you insist, my Mimi.” He paused for a moment, raising his eyebrows. “I can call you that, right?”
Mimi turned to her side, pulling her dress off the floor and covering the bareness of her chest.
“Yes…you can call me that.”
She ran her fingers along his jaw line, specked with stubble.
They spent the afternoon with the balcony doors wide open, snoozing, laughing, and making love. For the first time, the freshness of the wounds from Joel being at the ranch and finding out about Meg seemed to have less of a sting. The thoughts still crept into her mind every so often, which was quickly met with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she knew it was all a process. She must go through the motions to come out of it on the other side.
“Tell me about your childhood. You know all about mine,” Austin said. The sunlight had long given way to the darkness that filled the room.
“It was simple, I guess. I had good, hardworking parents and the most amazing sister, Larna.”
The mention of her love for her sister made Austin’s eyes dim.
Somehow, talking about a sibling always brought them back to Joel. It was as if Joel would come up and slice through the foundations of their relationship. She found herself needing to catch herself, careful not to hurt Austin’s feelings.
When she thought of her childhood, bam, smack in the middle of it all, was Meg. She still hadn’t addressed the feelings she felt about her betrayal. She sometimes found herself wondering if the woman she’d called her best friend, who she had shared so much laughter with for so many tears and so many firsts, felt any regret over what she had done.
Mimi didn’t hold back when she told tales of herself growing up, and she forced herself to mention Meg in all of this, although her name seemed to get lodged in her throat. She was like a taboo subject, but she still pressed on, giving Austin pieces of her life.
***
Mimi flicked the light on in the hallway. It was just past twelve in the morning and she couldn’t sleep. She made her way down the stairs and opened the front door, her bare feet crossing the porch. She sat on the swing, allowing her foot to push her backwards and forwards. She breathed in the cool air, letting it fill her lungs. She liked how it was so peaceful and calm with nothing but the starlit sky to look up to, the landscape drowned in darkness. She needed the solitude, a moment to herself.
She hugged her arms into her middle and closed her eyes. On the inside of her eyelids, she thought about Joel. She wondered where he was, what he was doing.
The images of him had become crumpled. She wondered if she had ever truly known him; she wondered if she had ever known Meg.
Her throat was choked with tears. She had been betrayed by the two people that she had trusted the most, and although she had now found solace in Austin, it still didn’t mask the fact that her perception of Joel and Meg were just a good show of smoke and mirrors.
It was only in the darkness of her life that she was able to see truth.
If Meg had been with her when she found out about their affair, she would have grabbed her, shook her, and screamed, but she hadn’t been there.
She hoped that her happiness at the ranch would be enough to push the entire episode behind her. Maybe it all really was a blessing in disguise. She allowed her mind to creep to where it wanted to go, letting her tears flow freely like a river down her cheeks.
She needed to come to terms with what happened and finally put the nail in the coffin. Only she knew there was still more to come. A divorce lay ahead of her, legal documentation that would end their marriage, and that would sever the ties that bound them. It had taken the chain of tragic events to lead her to the place she was supposed to be.
Behind her, the orange glow of light fell over the porch, followed by footsteps.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” She managed a sleepy smile.
“You’ve been crying.”
“Just thinking.”
She didn’t want to lie to Austin. She had been lied to and she didn’t want to become the person that kept secrets. If she was going to go into this new chapter of her life with him, she needed to be an open book.
Chapter 30
Joel
He lay in the darkness, the ceiling fan swirling above his head pushing the hot air around the room. Outside, he could hear a horn of a speeding truck drown out into the distance on the highway. The vacancy sign flickered on and off, lighting up the worn carpet next to the bed. He was a few miles away from the ranch, out toward the city.
He ignored the broken mattress springs stabbing his back. The interstate that the taxi driver needed to take to get to the ranch had been closed because of an oil spill, so he stopped off at a motel to rest and gather his thoughts.
When he closed his eyes, he could see Mimi. He knew she would be with him right now. He could feel the blood rushing to his head, and his heart felt like it was going to thud out of his chest. He was so angry, but mostly he was angry at himself for making so many mistakes by keeping so much from the one person who had believed in him the most.
When he thought of Mimi, he saw her standing on the edge of a cliff top in Yosemite. He remembered the moment when she had been so afraid to climb the face of the rock, but with his reassurance alone, she had made it to the top. It broke him into a thousand pieces knowing he wouldn’t be that voice, her man, that would pull her through in life.
If he had just been honest with her from the onset and kept away from her best friend, he knew he would be the one holding her right now.
He walked into the bathroom and let the cool water run from the sink. He splashed his face and held the basin on either side, staring back at himself. A rage filled him. His anger shot to the surface. He was filled with a jealousy that could not be tamed, like a lion that was thirsty for blood.
He would sell his soul if he knew he could win Mimi back. He was driven by a force somewhere deep within him that knew he had survived because he had something to fight for. He couldn’t let Austin keep her. He would do whatever it took, anything, to have her with him again. He was sorry for everything he’d done, but that was not enough to let her go. He needed to be the one to make her happy. He couldn’t get past it. He wouldn’t let his brother be the one to keep her heart.
The digital clock read 2 a.m. He gazed out of the window. The sky was tar black. The large clouds gathered fast and furiously. Soon, the gentle specks of rain flicked against the window. As it grew heavier, the tarmac on the car-park soon turned into a black river. He saw a man quicken his pace and slip into a beaten old truck.
He opened the door, letting the rain fall on him, drenching through his clothes. He moved out into the stormy weather, needing to wash away the hurt that lay inside him.
He remembered having this feeling once before, after the death of his father. It was then that the divide between him and his brother had become even greater. It had torn them apart, ripping them at the seams. Austin had stolen Joel’s father, and now he was taking his wife. He had no control over the first time, but he swore he wouldn’t let Austin win this time.
Blood pounded in his ears. He was still at war, but this time with himself.
The wind started to pick up, whipping through his body. The rain battered him like sharp blades. He needed to feel alive. Since he had left the ranch and left Mimi, he had become a ghost, weaving in and out of memories, and it was as if she couldn’t see him, couldn’t feel him, no matter how much he had begged her to give him one last chance.
When she told him about Austin, he had suspected it. He saw it in her eyes. He knew it was beyond Jake, beyond Meg even. There was something that had changed, and he saw it when he saw the way she looked at Austin. Still, the confirmation of her saying the words out loud was deafening. It felt l
ike he had taken a bullet through his heart, which had exploded inside him on impact.
Her words, “He is ten of you,” echoed in his head ever since. She had cast him aside, and he couldn’t claw his way back to her. He was living a nightmare he was desperate to wake up from, like when he had woken in Afghanistan. Back then, he had been rescued. It seemed that nothing could rescue him from the fire around him now.
He squinted through the rain and his tears. He hadn’t cried in years, not even when his father had died and he had seen his body still and lifeless.
For the months and years since losing his father, Joel had thrown himself into combat training. It gave him power. He was able to let out the demons of grief that lurked deep inside him, but now they couldn’t be suppressed.
His life without Mimi was nothing.
When she had said that their marriage had ended, it was as if all the life he had held onto had been sucked out of him.
The world around him seemed so slow.
He noticed the glow of a cigarette coming from the truck. Gentle puffs of smoke drifted out of the small crack of the window. He moved toward it. He stood next to the driver’s side.
A man opened the door. His skin was weathered, his eyes bulging. It was as if he had lived his life out on the open road, bouncing from motel to motel along the way. Joel noticed a pile of empty soda cans, cigarette boxes, and a Penthouse magazine peeking out from the glove compartment, the stale fog of smoke clinging to the fabric seats.
“What the hell do you want?” the man asked, his voice gruff and low.
“I need a ride.”
“Do I look like a taxi? Fuck off.”
“I don’t think you heard me. I need a ride.”
The man pushed open his door and his boots splashed into the puddle beneath his feet. He was at least three inches taller than Joel.
“I don’t think you heard me, boy. Now get the hell away from my truck or I’m gonna bust your sorry ass.”
He pushed Joel backwards. Joel raised his hands in the air and started to turn his body as if he was about to walk away, but then he swung back, connecting his iron fist to the man’s face. He could see him wincing in pain.
The man started to get up, but Joel kicked him in the stomach, and then again and again until he couldn’t stop. The sound of explosions echoed in his head. He could hear gun fire. His body may be in Texas, but his head hadn’t truly left Afghanistan.
When the man lay still, he searched his pockets and took the keys. He could see he was still breathing. He dragged his body under the canopy of the reception roof. Then he ran toward the truck.
His hands shook as he tried to put the key in the ignition. As soon as the truck roared to life, he backed out and turned the steering wheel quickly. The tires screeched along the surface of the road. The windscreen wipers swished furiously against the windscreen. He kept driving, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
He hit the brakes too quickly and the truck shook from side to side. Passing drivers honked their horns furiously. He squeezed his eyelids together several times to try and take the blur out of his vision and steady his focus.
He looked down and saw that blood had splashed back on his t-shirt. The colour red brought back unwanted memories. The truck soon started to steam up with condensation on the inside, so he turned the fan up high to expel it, but it didn’t work.
He leaned over, popping the catch of the glove compartment open. Inside, he found a grease-stained rag. When he pulled it out, the clunk of the shiny steel metal toppled out, falling onto the stained car seat. He recognised it immediately—a weapon that seemed to be waiting for him, almost as if it was all planned.
He kept his eyes on the road ahead. When he saw the exit for Eastleigh, he told himself that he would get her back, no matter what it took.
Chapter 31
Mimi sat out on the porch long after Austin had left her with her thoughts. He had given her a respectful space to think. She sat there long enough for the weather to change. The wind rustled through the trees. Thunder rumbled in the far distance followed by a flash of lightning. The dry soil hit by the rain filled the air with a musty dampness.
After she returned back to the house, she crawled into bed next to Austin. His breathing was even as he lay in a peaceful slumber.
The room felt too hot. The single sheet clung against his body. She slipped in slowly, careful not to wake him. She lay in the dark, the storm beginning to draw in closer.
She sunk her body into the softness of the mattress and gently reached her arm across Austin. He stirred, pulling her into him and gently kissing her on her forehead, and then drifted back to sleep. She loved how he made her feel so safe. As she nestled her head onto his chest, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
After a couple of hours, Mimi was startled awake by the sound of a bang. She jolted upright, her skin clammy, her eyes not yet focused, and her heart pounding because of the unexpected sound.
The rain fell heavy, lashing against the balcony door, which had flung open. She quickly rushed to close it. The curtain blew over her face. She caught it and bunched it up in her hands.
As she grabbed the door and pulled it closed, she could see a figure standing under the large oak tree. She was rooted to the spot. Her mouth felt dry. The room seemed like all the air had been sucked out of it.
He watched her, his eyes sad. They appeared to gleam in the flash of simultaneous lightning. He appeared to reach out to her, his body bloody and wet.
Mimi remembered a dream that she had a few months before, the night before she had been informed that Joel had been killed, only this wasn’t a dream. She was awake and he was standing in front of her.
She felt the blood drain from her face.
“What is it?” Austin asked.
“It’s Joel. He’s…he’s outside.” Her voice trembled.
Austin leapt out of bed. He saw his brother standing out in the pouring rain. He felt a wave of anger, followed by fear. Joel looked like a ghost—lost, broken—but the way his body stood rigid told him he needed to worry.
“I’ll go talk to him,” he said, pulling on his jeans that were draped over a chair sitting in the corner of the room.
“No, don’t. He looks crazy,” Mimi said, her voice high-pitched.
She’d never ever been fearful of her husband. He had never given her reason to, never any doubt, but in the darkness of this stormy night, something inside was telling her she had cause to panic.
“Just stay here, all right.”
“Austin, please don’t go out there,” she pleaded “Let me go…I’ll talk to him. It’s me he’s come for.”
Austin swallowed hard. “Actually, Mimi, I think it’s me he’s come for.”
Mimi was rooted to the spot as she kept her gaze fixed on Joel.
Austin appeared, walking toward him.
She saw Joel run away. The rain seemed to pour harder, making a clear view almost impossible.
She decided that she needed to face Joel. She needed to find out why he came back.
As she quickly dressed, she took another look outside of the window only to see that both Austin and Joel were no longer under the tree. They had both disappeared. Her eyes frantically searched the grounds, but they were nowhere in sight. She turned and raced out of the bedroom door, her heart thudding as she went down the stairs in a hurried pace.
When she opened the front door, the wind howled into her face, like an angry beast.
“Austin!” she yelled. The rain soaked through her dress immediately.
There was no answer.
She felt sick. She knew that no good would come of them being together.
“Austin, answer me!” she screamed.
She could see the glow of a light switched on in the barn in the far distance. She ran as fast as she could, but her feet sank ankle-deep in mud. She struggled to plough forward.
“You think you can fucking have her, but you can’t!” She heard Joel growl.
She edged her body forward, peeking through the cracks of the barn door. She was careful not to let either of them see her, as she realised that she would be the fuel to the fire already burning between them both.
“She was your wife. You hid your kid from her and you go and cheat on her with her best friend. What gives you the right to still think she should be with you?”
Joel took a swing at Austin’s face. He didn’t fall, and blood dripped from his bottom lip, which began to swell on impact.
“Does the truth hurt, brother?” Austin said, his voice deep, low, and honest.
“And she should be with you? Does she know you left our father to die?”
“It was an accident and you know it. You can blame me all you want, but he would have died even if I’d gotten help a few moments sooner.”
“Bullshit,” Joel said, his eyes narrowing.
“Do us all a favour and get the hell out of Mimi’s life.”
“Fuck you,” Joel spat. “I’m not leaving tonight without her. I’m not giving up on her.”
“She’s given up on you,” Austin yelled.
Joel threw his body toward Austin, grabbed him by the throat, and pushed him into the dirt. Austin groaned as Joel punched him hard on his shoulder.
“You can’t have her! I won’t let you have her,” Austin yelled.
He managed to push Joel off him, stumbling backwards. He curled his fist, ready to fight back if Joel lunged again.
Joel was enraged. Everything he’d been through in Afghanistan rose to the surface. For a brief moment, he stepped back and locked his gaze on his little brother. In that moment, he knew he was willing to do anything it took to get his wife back, even if he knew he was not truly deserving of her. No matter what, he knew his heart was only beating because of Mimi.
“You had a beautiful son and you turned your back on him, and then you have a beautiful wife and you manage to fuck that up. You’re a total screw up, Joel. You think you’re a fucking hero, off fighting in wars and being some goddam hero, but you’re a fucking coward.”
Till Death Us Do Part Page 25
