He gradually pushed her away and wiped her tears. “Tell me.”
Tatum sighed and explained the entire story. She stopped a couple of times, trying to force back the tears.
“You know they don’t matter. The only thing that matters is us.”
“I know that, but—”
“What?”
“I’ve always expected to face prejudice being in an interracial relationship, but not from family.”
“Why?” he asked. “They’re people with opinions too.”
Tatum nodded. “But…”
“There’s no but. The most important thing is that they’re nothing but opinions.”
He was right. For the first time in her life, she realized they were nothing. When she slept with Seth at night, the two of them were the only ones in the room, family be damned. They weren’t going to keep her warm at night. They didn’t love her for who she was. They didn’t care about her. They cared about perception. And people like her grandmother, aunt, and uncle didn’t like her going against what they found acceptable.
“You know what bothers me the most?” she asked. “I believed that Myra and Reggie were on my side. Anita was on the fence, but they were supposed to be there for me. How can people tell you one thing and do the opposite?”
“Don’t think about them. Focus on yourself. What do you need from them?”
She shrugged. That wasn’t the question she’d expected from him so she didn’t know how to answer it.
Suddenly, anger filled her. “I want to tell them off.”
“Good,” he said. “We’ll have a party and you’ll do exactly that.”
She shook her head, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Babe think about it. Do the same thing they did to you. Set their asses up and knock them down.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“It’s…cruel.”
“Do you think they thought how cruel they were when they set you up?”
Tatum didn’t want to think about this. She’d just put their hurtful words behind them. She was ready to move forward. “I don’t want revenge. I told them off before I left.”
“If you told them off, then why were you waiting for their calls?”
She couldn’t answer that question. She didn’t want to. Tatum glanced away, but Seth made her look at him.
“Sometimes you have to be cruel before people will take you seriously,” he explained.
“But I’d rather focus on us. I trust you. You’re not one of them.”
“Babe,” he challenged, “it’s going to hang over our heads until you let them go. Thanksgiving was a good start, and tonight is great too, but you have to do something.”
Although it made sense, she didn’t want to hear it. Call it running away or ignoring the issue, she didn’t care. She just didn’t want to deal with it.
“I’ll be there,” he told her. “I’ll protect you.”
Tatum turned around and lay down. “I’m tired. I’ll think about it later.”
He kissed her on her temple. She could feel him still watching her. Tatum wasn’t asleep. She didn’t want him to go. She still needed him.
“Seth,” she said as she struggled to stay awake.
“Yeah babe,?”
“Stay with me until I fall asleep.”
Seth joined her in bed and hugged her.
“I love you,” she told him before falling asleep.
Tatum was going stir crazy. She needed to get out of her apartment before the walls suffocated her. A couple days had passed since her breakthrough moment with Seth. Although she felt much better physically, her heart still ached over what had happened at Thanksgiving.
She was glad to finally pass Seth’s personal test of wellness. He didn’t want her to get sick again. It meant they could go out.
However, she brushed her opinions aside. Tatum was happier at the prospect of going out. They could have walked down the street and back and it would have felt like Paris in the springtime. Instead, they went to the movies and then a coffeehouse.
She loved the old red brick walls and intimate feel. It wasn’t one of the major coffeehouse chains, but one of the rare independent ones that had survived. There was a fireplace in the corner, which warmed the small place. Couples and small groups were scattered around enjoying their drinks. Seth and Tatum sat a couple feet away from the cashier.
“When are you going back to work?” Tatum asked.
“I’m not sure.” Seth was surprised by the question. She laughed. “What’s so funny?”
“I don’t know,” she honestly replied. “I guess I never picked you for a homecare provider.”
That made him chuckle. He’d found a new appreciation for people who took care of their sick people. It was the most selfless act in Seth’s eyes. The easiest thing would be to hire someone to do it for them. He had to admit that years ago, he would have done just that.
“Babe, you just gave me a good idea.”
Now Tatum was lost. “What?”
“I’m going to offer anyone who takes care of an ill family member free dinner.”
“How would they prove it?”
He hadn’t thought about that aspect. Seth didn’t care either. “I’ll have to trust them.”
She shrugged.
“Are you ready to return to my case?”
“I thought you didn’t like to mix business with pleasure.”
Seth was surprised by the comment. “Well, I’m just concerned about my case.”
“Adam will handle it.”
Seth studied her. Something was wrong. “You okay?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You sound like you’re mad or something.”
“I am fine, really.”
“I was thinking about us spending the weekend somewhere,” he suggested, caressing her hand.
“I’ve been sick for almost a month.”
“Yeah, and you need time to relax and have fun.”
“Adam is probably going insane.”
Seth countered, “Adam can take care of himself.”
“What about your case?”
He shrugged. “I’m going to lose anyway.”
She laughed. “Where’s the faith?”
“You tell me,” he questioned, not sharing her humor.
Tatum looked down at the wooden table.
“I take it that’s a no?” he asked, breaking into her thoughts.
“Probably not,” she told him. She must have seen his disappointment. She leaned over and kissed him. “Why don’t I spend a couple of weeks at your house?”
It wasn’t a bad idea, Seth decided. There was just one problem. “We can stay at the apartment.”
“What’s wrong with staying at the house?”
Finally the question, he thought. He knew it was only a matter of time before she asked. Reluctantly, he answered, “My house has become more of a bachelor pad.”
“So?”
“Well,” he said with his blue eyes sparkling, “I’m not exactly feeling like a bachelor.”
“Let’s go back to my place so I can start packing.”
“What do you have a taste for, pancakes or waffles?”
Seth was dressed and already deciding on breakfast. Tatum was barely awake and hating his happy mood as she searched for the coffee. only to be disappointed.
Seth chuckled. He shoved a glass of orange juice into her hand.
“Orange juice is better for childbearing women,” he told her happily.
“Tell a childbearing woman who cares.” Tatum set the juice on the island table.
“You never answered my question: pancakes or waffles?”
She shrugged. “I don’t care.”
Seth decided to make both. Let her choose later, he thought.
She left to enjoy a long shower, and Seth hoped it would improve her mood. He knew something was bothering her. He tried to ignore the backbiting comments, but his patience was wearing thin. Tatum wasn�
�t sick anymore. She shouldn’t be acting this way.
“Finally, the mistress of the house has arrived.”
She sat down at the island table in the kitchen, and Seth set the plate of food in front of her before taking a seat himself. He ate. She didn’t.
Tatum studied him. Catching her long stare, he asked, “What?”
“Why were you there when I was sick?”
Seth shrugged before answering. “You needed me.”
She still stared at him.
“What?”
“How did you know I needed you?” she questioned, clearing the table. He stood too.
“I went into the office and you weren’t there. I instantly knew something was wrong. I came here and found you.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” he asked, still confused.
Seth struggled to understand what she wanted from him. He knew she was searching for something.
Grabbing her hand, Seth said what he thought would make some difference. “When I went to that office and you weren’t there, I was worried to death. I envisioned all these bad things happening, and I was ready to battle to set it right. I was ready because I love you.”
“Yeah, but why was it you?” She let frustration show in her voice. “You shouldn’t have been here. It was supposed to be Myra or my grandmother or my uncle. They were supposed to be there for me.”
“Damn it, Tatum.” He paused to force his anger away. “Don’t you understand that they messed with your head because they wanted you to sell your soul? They don’t care about you the way I do. They don’t love you the way I do. If they did, they wouldn’t have hurt you that way. Tatum, this isn’t a black or white thing. This is about respect and acceptance.”
Tatum turned away from him. He made her face him again. “You have to understand that I more than love you. I respect and accept you. They don’t.”
“You…you can’t say that.”
“Tatum, I don’t have to ever look at them to know what they are about. If they loved you, they wouldn’t care if you loved every white man in the world. They’d be there for you.”
Silence.
Seth grabbed her, shook her. “Have you seen a white man leave a black woman penniless, abused or with a thousand kids?”
“No, but…are you saying things like that don’t happen?”
“I’m saying times have changed,” he answered. “Hell, I can tell you of a couple of times where black women have left me.”
“Look, you have no problem leaving your family. I do. My family will be there when…”
“When I won’t?” His eyes turned ice cold. “Then you tell me where they were when you were sick or crying.” She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice faltered. “That’s right.” His voice was strained with pain and resentment. “I get it, Tatum. I get it. No matter what I do, it won’t be enough.”
“It…”
“No.” Seth held his hand up to stop her. “Don’t tell me anymore. I get it.”
“Wait. You’re—”
“Tatum, I got it. I went about loving you the wrong way.” He shook his head and jammed his hands in his pocket. His voice was calm and devoid of emotion. “Maybe I should’ve gone to your birthday party, drank up all your liquor and lied to you. Then I should have invited you to Thanksgiving dinner and turned my back on you. You’d love me then.”
“That’s not true.”
He chuckled in disbelief. “Still can’t stop defending them?”
He was making fun of her, but she couldn’t think about that now. Tatum reached to touch him. “I was talking about loving you. I do love you.”
Seth stepped back. “You love forcing me away. You have no idea how to love me.”
“Don’t you dare question my love,” she screamed. “I love you with all my heart.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
She hugged herself. Tears fell down her face.
“You know what.” He walked past her and grabbed his keys off the table. “I don’t need this.”
Tatum frantically followed him to the doorway. “You can’t leave in the middle of an argument. You can’t leave me.”
Seth wasn’t going to respond, but her statement sliced his heart like a shape knife. “I can’t leave someone who was never in the relationship to begin with.”
Tatum must have gone through all the stages of grieving while she waited for Seth’s return. She wasn’t leaving. She couldn’t. She didn’t know what happened or how to make it better. Seth didn’t think she loved him. He questioned their relationship because she couldn’t choose him over her family.
And I did.
She rested in his bed and waited. Hugged his pillow and inhaled his scent. It wasn’t him, but it was the only thing she had. Slowly, the light faded. Darkness encompassed the bedroom. She refused to turn on the light. It would bring the harshness to light. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t in the other room making dinner or watching television.
Tatum closed her eyes and pretended he’d come back. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to talk about what went wrong. He just wanted, no needed, to make love to her. He knew how to make her feel better. It was nearly four in the morning. She couldn’t sleep while waiting for his return.
Tatum decided he was wrong to think she was pushing him away. She wasn’t. Not really.
Tatum just wanted him to know she was black and he was white. They’d have to face racism. Unfortunately, he would have to deal with her family. Tatum would have to deal with the potential he’d leave.
A harsh white light forced its way between the slits of the blinds. Tatum shielded her eyes. She had no idea when she finally went to sleep. Sitting up, she let Seth’s pillow go and searched the room for any evidence he’d returned. When she didn’t find any, Tatum’s body sagged with disappointment.
It was Sunday and they’d had plans to go to an art show. Now, she was at his home alone. Tatum forced herself to get ready. With any luck, he’d meet her there.
You’re kidding yourself.
She sighed.
He still hadn’t returned by the time she was ready to leave. Tatum didn’t know what to do. She didn’t have a key to his apartment. She couldn’t lock up. Well, she could, but it would mean she couldn’t get back inside.
Opening the door, Tatum stopped. An older white woman stood with her hand up. Obviously, she was posed to knock on the door. Tatum didn’t know who was more confused, her or the woman.
“Is this the Carter residence?”
“Yes,” she told her, still confused.
The woman, short with graying hair and a gently used thick coat, stared at Tatum. She took the time to size her up. Tatum didn’t feel right calling the woman elderly. She just looked like she’d had a hard life. The woman nervously wrung the purse strap in her clenched hands.
“May I help you with something?” Tatum tried to put the woman at ease.
“I’m looking for Seth Carter.”
Tatum stepped back to let the woman inside. The stranger looked hesitant. “You’re welcome to come inside. This is Seth’s place.”
The woman finally entered. She looked around the apartment like she’d never seen anything so grand. Tatum closed the door. The woman jumped and turned around.
“Is he here?”
Tatum struggled to find the right words. “He’s not, but this is his place. He went out.”
“Do you know when he’ll be back?”
“No,” she honestly told her.
The woman stared at her. Now, she was really nervous. She didn’t know who this woman was or what she wanted with Seth. The worst part was that Tatum had no answers for her. She didn’t expect to have to explain Seth’s disappearance to a stranger.
“Maybe I’ll return later. I tried his home, but I didn’t get an answer, so I thought he’d be here.”
“You can wait for him.”
The woman dismissed the suggestion. “I took the bus down here. They stop running out to Ham
ilton around five.”
Hamilton? Was this Seth’s mother? Tatum stared at the woman, searching for Seth’s features. Obviously, she stared too long because the woman backed away.
“I’ll try another day.”
“No, don’t leave.” Tatum rushed to block the door. She knew the woman must have thought she was crazy, but she couldn’t let her go yet. “Please stay. I’m not sure when he’ll be back, but I’ll drive you home.”
“No, I’ll try later.”
“I’m Seth’s girlfriend,” Tatum explained, hoping it wasn’t a lie. “You know, I know what happened. I just don’t want Seth to miss out on this.”
The woman began to waiver. She looked down then around before her gaze returned to Tatum. “Okay, just a little while.”
“Great. Let me get you something to eat or drink.”
“Coffee would be fine,” she said, following her to the kitchen.
Tatum nodded. The woman sat at the island table. After taking her coat off, she introduced herself. “I’m Kate Carter.”
Tatum removed her coat and hurriedly made the coffee. She dropped things a couple of times. She knew she was being watched and it made her nervous. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d met a boyfriend’s mother.
“You must be someone special.” She slid the coffee to the woman then sat down across from her. She didn’t respond to the comment. It just reminded her of their argument. “You two had an argument, didn’t you?”
Tatum avoided her intense stare. Suddenly, she knew where he got the piercing peek into a person’s soul. His mother was doing the same to her.
Tatum cleared her throat nervously. “I’m sorry that I don’t know when he’ll be back.”
“Would you like to talk about it?” Kate gently prodded. There was a long pause. “I know my son can drive a saint crazy.”
“It was bound to happen. You know, we’re totally different.”
“Why don’t you let me hear what happened?”
Tatum couldn’t believe this woman. She’d just met her and already she expected Tatum to spill the whole sad story. She looked at Kate, studied the stern but comforting look and knew she didn’t have a choice.
She explained everything. Tatum couldn’t believe she started from the beginning. She couldn’t stop talking. The more she looked at Kate and didn’t see her expression change, the more she wanted her to understand. She ended by saying, “It was a mistake from the beginning. We are just too different.”
The Score Page 19
