by Nic Starr
“And you know that I don’t agree with you.”
“Why are we arguing? I don’t want to argue with you, Damien. Not now.”
“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the best time. How about we finish up here and head back to the hotel? Things will look better in the morning, and it’ll probably do us both a world of good to get a good night’s sleep after the late night last night and all the running around today.”
Nate nodded, reluctant because it seemed Damien was content to let the conversation be finished, but it seemed so much was unresolved. Although Nate wasn’t in the right frame of mind to continue the discussion, he almost didn’t want to let the topic drop, wanting to know that Damien understood where he was coming from. Nate didn’t think he’d be getting much sleep that night.
THE DIGITAL clock emitted a dull light that flashed every time Nate lifted his eyelids. And that’s just what Nate did. Every minute or so he found his eyes opening and taking in the dimness of the hotel room and the annoying light of the clock. It only added to his frustration as he watched the numbers slowly tick over.
He rolled to the other side and pulled the sheet over his shoulder, to ward off the chill of the air conditioning. His thoughts swirled as he contemplated Damien’s words from earlier in the evening. No matter how he looked at it, Nate couldn’t deny there was truth in what Damien had said. Nate did hide himself from everyone except Trish and Damien, and the few friends he had here in the city. Why hadn’t he told Jackson and Belinda? Was he concerned they wouldn’t understand? Was he worried they’d talk and the word would spread like wildfire? He guessed it was most likely he was used to not saying anything, and on top of that, it pissed him off that he, or any other person, should have to make an announcement about his sexuality.
With a rustle of the bedclothes, he turned to the other side, opening his eyes to see another few minutes had passed. He looked farther past the bedside table to the raised mound in the other bed, envious that Damien was obviously asleep.
Damien.
Just thinking about him brought a smile to Nate’s face. He probably looked stupid grinning in the dark, but he couldn’t help the warmth that filled him from being so close again. And it wasn’t just because Damien was gorgeous, although there was no doubt his dark good looks pushed all Nate’s buttons; it was the way he cared so much. Damien’s concern wasn’t just limited to Nate either. He was worried about Jackson and sympathetic to what Trish was going through, having spoken to her earlier in the day when Nate had been in the shower and unable to answer his phone.
“C’mon here, Nate.” The words were whispered in the quiet of the hotel room.
“Huh?”
“I can hear you thinking from over here. Get your arse over here.”
“I—”
“I promise to be on my best behaviour. I’ll just hold you, I promise. No mucking around.”
Nate didn’t need to be told twice. He scrambled from his bed and crawled under the sheet Damien held up for him. They lay there for a moment, both of them on their backs, staring at the dim ceiling. The only thing visible was the tiny green blinking light on the fire alarm.
Damien reached his hand out and grasped Nate’s. “I know I said this before, but it’ll be all right. You’ll see.”
Nate squeezed Damien’s hand. “Why am I so lucky to have you as a friend? After everything we went through—dating in secret, then hooking up a few times a year—I can’t believe you want to have anything to do with me. Then when I told you I didn’t want to see you anymore….”
Damien propped himself on one elbow, and Nate turned his head to look at him in the darkness. “You’re going to have to find a way to get past this, Nate. I can’t say I was always happy, but we were kids. Relationships start and fizzle all the time, especially long-distance ones. We were lucky we lasted those years before you headed to the city, let alone any of the time after that.”
“Lucky you didn’t kick my arse to the kerb, more like it.”
Damien chuckled. “Obviously I liked your arse enough to want to have it around, even if you only wanted to be friends with benefits or whatever.”
“You liked my arse, huh?”
“I still like your arse.” Damien leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Nate’s lips.
The touch was fleeting, but enough to leave Nate craving more. Without a second thought, he chased Damien’s retreating mouth, capturing it with a kiss of his own. He licked across Damien’s bottom lip, and their tongues met as Damien opened his mouth to Nate. Nate deepened the kiss and put all his emotions into it. The kiss felt new and exciting but familiar at the same time, and a warmth settled in Nate’s gut. Damien pulled him in tight, drawing their bodies together. When Nate’s hard dick pushed into Damien’s thigh and pleasure simmered in his belly, he couldn’t hold back the groan. Yes, this is what I’ve been missing.
Becoming aware of what he was doing, Nate flopped back onto the pillow, his hand going to his mouth and tracing his bottom lip where Damien’s touch had been only moments before.
“D? What are we doing?”
“If I have to tell you, I’m doing something wrong.” The chuckle was soft in the darkness.
“You know what I mean. This. You and me.”
Damien drew him in close again. It wasn’t until Nate was wrapped in Damien’s arms that he realised just how lonely he’d been, how much he’d missed this closeness, a real connection, not just a warm body. Once again he found himself questioning the choices he’d made.
“Can I tell you something?” Damien’s voice rumbled in his chest under Nate’s ear. He didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m not sure what’s going through your head at the moment. I know you’re worried about Jackson. I also know you’re not 100 percent comfortable with you and me, trying to keep a bit of distance between us. Your head is telling you we can only be friends, but I’m not sure the rest of you is with the program.” He ran his hand along Nate’s arm, sending a shiver through his body.
“I just—”
“Maybe you need to relax a bit, Nate. Just let things take their course. What happened was a long time ago. Can you try to put things behind you, maybe just see where our friendship heads? I just want to have my friend back.”
Nate sighed. “I’d like that too. Friendship, I mean. But I’m not sure I can forget the past. I feel so guilty about everything.”
“Guilty?” Damien continued to stroke his upper arm, the touch comforting. Maybe it was quietly talking in the darkness, but it seemed easier to talk in this cocoon of safety rather than have to face Damien in the harsh daylight.
“I feel like I’ve not done right by the people I love, I guess. First you. Keeping you at arm’s length. I used you when I came home. Hell, I didn’t even ask if you wanted to come to Sydney, just stopped seeing you.”
“Seriously? You think you used me? Shit, Nate, that’s ridiculous.” Damien pulled his arm from where it rested under Nate’s shoulders and leaned on his elbow again, his face only inches from Nate’s. “Listen to me. We were young. We had fun. Did I love you then? I think so, at least the kind of love you have when you’re young. I liked going out with you, even it if it wasn’t in the open. Then when you moved to Sydney, I liked your visits; I looked forward to them as much as you did. What sane guy wouldn’t want to get their hands all over you whenever they had the opportunity? So let’s get that bullshit out of the way.” Damien chuckled. “And for the record, there was no way I’d move to Sydney for you or any other guy.”
“Well, that’s certainly telling me.” Jesus! That wasn’t what Nate had expected to hear.
Damien laid a palm against Nate’s jaw and turned his head to face him. “That doesn’t mean I don’t think we could have made something long-term between the two of us. Hell, I wanted long-term. I would have loved you to stay in town, maybe build a relationship. But it wasn’t to be, not then anyway, and if anything is to happen now, then the ball’s in your court. But I’m a grown man, Nate. I can look afte
r myself, decide what I can and can’t put up with. And right now what I really want to put up with is you.”
Damien gently touched his cheek, his eyes dark in the dimness of the room as they held each other’s gaze. He didn’t move, rather held still as if waiting to see what Nate would do, so Nate followed his instincts and finally gave in to what he wanted to do. Nate only needed to raise his face a couple of inches to bring their mouths together once more.
The kiss was gentle and sweet for a moment, but as desire flared deep in Nate’s belly, he gave in to the lust. This was what he wanted, to lose himself in his feelings for Damien, to let himself go and just enjoy the moment. His fingers dug into Damien’s shoulders as he pulled the man down on top of him. The weight and heat were perfect, forcing a moan driven of pure pleasure blended with contentment. Nate exposed his throat as Damien kissed across his jaw, his stubble rasping against Nate’s skin. He nuzzled into Nate’s neck while he pushed Nate’s legs apart, insinuating his thigh between them. Damien groaned low as he gathered Nate to him, his face buried into Nate’s throat, his panting breath hot against Nate’s skin, and his hips moving in a sensuous roll.
Burning heat pooled in Nate’s groin as Damien’s movements pressed their erections together, his hard length providing pressure for Nate to thrust against. “Oh God.” Pleasure danced, but he needed more. He released his grip on Damien’s shoulder, forcing an arm between their bodies, fumbling to reach his goal. Damien rose slightly and Nate didn’t hesitate, quickly shoving down Damien’s boxers to expose his cock. Once Damien was free, Nate pulled out his own dick, and they were finally skin against damp skin.
“Do you want me to—?”
“No. Don’t stop,” Nate panted. At that moment, Nate didn’t want anything other than for Damien to continue the relentless rocking, to keep sliding his hot length along Nate’s ultrasensitive cock. Nate grasped the two of them, holding them together. Perfect.
For long minutes the only thing in the world was the feel of Damien on top of him and the sounds he made as he moaned in pleasure. Damien filled Nate’s hands, his mind, and his heart, until finally they were both sweaty and spent.
Chapter EIGHT
THE NEXT morning, they headed to the Quay after a quick bacon-and-egg sandwich for breakfast. Circular Quay was where the city met the harbour. Multiple wharves projected into the sea in a bay bordered by The Rocks, a historic area, on one side, and the Sydney Opera House on the other. Restaurants and shops were in abundance, as were crowds of people yet again. Nate and Damien dodged around the combination of tourists, often evidenced by the cameras slung around their necks, and the commuters descending from the aboveground train station or alighting from the ferries. They purchased tickets on the Manly run, and boarded the green-and-yellow ferry.
“Imagine being able to travel by ferry to work every day. Wouldn’t it be fabulous?”
“Except in the freezing cold of winter.”
“But with this view, I don’t think I’d mind.” Damien stood at the railing on the outside deck, the breeze streaming his unruly dark hair back from his face. His grin was broad as he took in the sights. “What with the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge, and look—” He pointed under the bridge. “—there’s Luna Park. This is a much more interesting mode of transport. I’d take this over the train or bus any day.”
Nate chuckled. “You love your boats, don’t you?”
Damien looked at him like he was crazy. “What’s not to like? The sea, fresh air, freedom….”
“Seasickness.”
“You get seasick?” Damien asked.
“Not so far, but I’m not sure I’m willing to risk something like an ocean cruise.”
Damien looked horrified. “Ew. Good thing too. You wouldn’t catch me on a cruise. At least, not until I’m old and retired, and that’s a bloody long way off yet. Anyway, I don’t think I mentioned yesterday, but I’m looking to get back into fishing charters. There’s a guy back home who’s looking for a partner to set up a charter business for both fishing charters and also for whale watching cruises.”
“It’s a beautiful spot for it, D. I’m sure it would be a success.”
Damien nodded, his gaze focused on the land, where apartment blocks and large houses met the shoreline. “I like the idea of being able to take people out and show them the joys of nature, get back to the simple things, show them that life isn’t all about work or technology.”
“That’s why I wanted to take Jackson fishing. It was something with so many happy memories. Nothing much to do but relax, stare at the water, and spend time together. I’m glad you’re looking to get back to that.”
Damien turned his attention to Nate. “What about you? What does the future hold for Dr Nate Powell?”
Well, isn’t that just a doozy of a question?
“I guess I’m after the simple life too. Quieter in some ways, but I love what I do and don’t think I’d ever give up medicine. When Trish told me Dr Cook was retiring, it was like fate had dropped an opportunity in my lap.”
Damien chuckled.
“What?” Nate raised a brow.
“Just thinking about opportunities and open minds and fate. Can I ask you something, Nate?”
“Sure. Can’t promise I’ll answer you, though,” he joked.
“I’ll take a shot anyway.” Damien smiled. “Since we’ve been on this trip, you haven’t shied away from PDAs. I mean, it’s not like you’re all over me, but you’ve grasped my hand and leaned on me. And at the hotel, you didn’t blink when requesting the room. I guess I’m just a bit confused. I thought you weren’t open about your sexuality, didn’t want to leave yourself open to speculation.”
“How do I put this? This is my normal when in Sydney. I don’t really give it much thought. I wouldn’t go around inviting trouble by open displays of affection, but I don’t think I’d do that even if I was with a woman—some things are just meant to be private. However, I haven’t hidden here and it feels comfortable. At home, back where people know me and know what I do for a living, it feels different. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“If I’m honest, I don’t think I fully understand, but it really does seem it’s just about your job, isn’t it?” Nate nodded and Damien gave his arm a squeeze. “I respect the decisions you’ve made and how you want to live your life. It’s just a shame.”
They stood for the remainder of the trip, both of them staring at the beautiful landscape passing by. But Nate gave little thought to his surroundings; instead, he focused on Damien’s words. Again.
THEY DISEMBARKED the ferry at the Manly Wharf, walking slowly amongst the throng of people walking towards the Corso. The paved pedestrian walkway, surrounded by shops on either side, led to the ocean beach on the opposite side of the small peninsula.
“Do you want a coffee or something to eat?” Nate wasn’t very hungry but the coffee sounded good, so he agreed and headed for one of the nearby cafes, of which there was no shortage. Sydney people liked their coffee.
Two large lattes later, and they were seated on a bench at the edge of the large pedestrian mall, enjoying the sunshine.
A few metres away, a couple of children were eating hot chips, or more accurately, were feeding the chips to the seagulls. Gulls squawked as they fought over the fragments of potato, swooping to snatch the pieces and hopping away with their prizes. The little boy and girl shrieked with delight while a woman—their mother?—kept half an eye on them and the other on her phone.
“That reminds me—” Nate indicated the small family. “—I haven’t heard from Trish since first thing this morning.”
“She said she’d call if she heard anything. She obviously hasn’t got any new information.”
“I know.” Nate checked his phone anyway, making sure it was switched on and he hadn’t missed any calls. He swiped to take a quick look at his e-mails, but there was nothing there of any real importance.
Damien stood and held out his hand. “C’mon, let’s wal
k. Every time we stop moving, you start mulling over stuff.”
Nate took the offered hand and pulled himself up, not really relying on Damien to haul him from the bench, but enjoying the brief touch of their hands. They tossed the empty coffee cups into a garbage bin and continued on their way.
“I wish we were here under different circumstances,” Nate mused as they crossed the road to the beach. “We should be eating ice-cream cones, and heading to the beach for a swim, not scouting out the local backpacker accommodation. Manly is a real summer destination.”
They dodged a group of teens on skateboards as they moved from the footpath to the grass.
“Hey, have you ever been to Hawaii? I’ve been looking to take a trip soon. Part business, part holiday. Maybe you should think about joining me. Sun, sand, surfing, fishing—”
Nate grinned. “Pools, fruity cocktails with umbrellas, luaus. Sounds like heaven.”
“Great. I’ll stop by the travel agent and get some information.” Damien’s excitement was obvious in the wide grin and sparkling eyes, and Nate couldn’t help but share his enthusiasm.
Nate’s thoughts were full of Damien in a tropical hideaway, wearing nothing but a Speedo and glistening with coconut oil. Damien would be in his element, being able to explore the various islands and fish for species that didn’t live in the temperate waters off the New South Wales coast. It did sound like a perfect holiday. Unfortunately, the happy thoughts were also accompanied by the feeling Nate was yearning for something he could never have. Or could I?
They stopped under the shade of one of the huge Norfolk pines that lined the beach. It was a welcome relief to get out of the sun’s harsh midday rays, even though today Nate was dressed more appropriately for the warm weather in a thin T-shirt.
