by Nic Starr
Jackson took a deep breath. “It’s hard to put into words why I left. Someone started a rumour about me and a guy at school, and people started saying stupid things at school and on Facebook. No one really did anything bad; I just couldn’t face it anymore.”
“Using words to hurt people is still bullying, Jackson.”
“I guess.”
“I assume you didn’t try to ask your teachers for advice. Did you try to talk to your friends?”
“Sort of.”
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t know what to say. I told them to cut it out, but they didn’t listen. It was hard, you know, ’cause Ben had seen…. Doesn’t matter anyway. They didn’t care.”
“And what about your friend Dylan? Was he able to give you any support?”
Jackson blushed. “Um….”
“Oh!” The lightbulb went on. “Dylan’s the one you were with when Ben saw… whatever he saw?”
Jackson’s cheeks were now flushed a deep pink, reminding Nate just how young he was, but he looked Nate directly in the eye. “We weren’t doing anything. Just sitting at the beach, talking about Dylan leaving school, but Dylan was holding my hand and Ben decided to make something of it.”
“But you wanted to be holding Dylan’s hand?” Nate prompted.
Jackson nodded slowly. “Dylan and I are sort of boyfriends.”
“That’s great,” Nate said, injecting positivity into his tone. “I’m glad you found a sort-of boyfriend. I think your sort-of boyfriend has been worried about you.”
“I know. He’s been texting and we’ve spoken on the phone, but he couldn’t leave because he’s just started his apprenticeship.”
“Like you want to be doing?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you talk to your mum about it, about finishing school?”
Jackson shook his head. “I didn’t want to disappoint her. I figured I only had this year to go and I could start an apprenticeship next year. But when I got to school….”
“Oh, Jackson, it all got a bit much, didn’t it? Being at school when you didn’t want to be there, feeling like Dylan had deserted you and was out doing his thing, while you had the pressures of Higher School Certificate studies and the bullying on top of it all. No wonder you cracked.”
“You don’t think I’m an idiot?”
“I can’t say I agree with running away, especially worrying your mum like that, but I can definitely see why you felt the need to do it.”
“You didn’t come out.” Nate felt pinned by Jackson’s gaze and the accusation he saw there. Before he could respond, Jackson continued. “You just moved away and didn’t tell anyone except for Mum.”
Nate sighed. “That’s what I meant when I said I hadn’t set a very good example. I’ve given you reason to doubt yourself and the way you feel. And those bullies at school have only reinforced that. I’m so sorry, Jackson.”
Jackson’s eyes softened and his small smile was reassuring. “I understand, though. It must have been harder for you, I mean back in the olden days.” His smile widened.
Nate returned Jackson’s grin. “Cheeky bugger!” He leaned closer and gave Jackson a reassuring squeeze. “I know I said this before, but it’ll be okay, mate. How about you go take a nice long bath or shower? I’m sure things will look a lot brighter after you’ve caught up on some sleep.”
Jackson stood. “Okay.”
“And Jackson?” Jackson stopped on his way to the bathroom and looked back. “Nothing’s insurmountable. I’m with you the whole way. Your mum too.”
Jackson gave a half-smile and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Nate settled back in the chair with a sigh.
That didn’t go too badly.
JACKSON HAD been in the shower for about fifteen minutes when Nate heard the key card and the door swung cautiously open. Damien peered around the corner, meeting Nate’s gaze before looking around the rest of the hotel room. “Is the coast clear?”
“Yep. He’s in the bathroom cleaning up. Poor kid has had a rough few days.”
Damien placed a cardboard tray with takeaway coffee cups on the table and took the seat Jackson had vacated. “But he’s all right?”
“He said he’s fine. Just a bit shaken. I think the shared accommodation and being around strangers kept him on edge. Then having his stuff stolen was the last straw.”
Damien passed him a coffee and Nate took a grateful sip. The drink was still hot and nice and strong, with a dash of sweetness, just how he liked it. “Thanks, D. I needed this.”
“You’re welcome. I wasn’t sure what Jackson would want so there’s a latte and hot chocolate. He can choose what he prefers.” Nate noticed the little sachets of sugar and a couple of artificial sweeteners. “I wasn’t sure if he took sugar,” Damien said in response to the unanswered question. Nate sipped his drink again, a warmth in his belly from a combination of the coffee and the knowledge that Damien knew how he liked his drink and ordered it that way.
“Did you get to have a good chat?”
“I think so. We only touched on what was bothering him and it seems a combination of things. I think his sexuality is the biggest factor, but combined with the importance of this final year of studies, and the fact he doesn’t even want to be at school, he just lost it.”
“Poor kid. I can completely understand. We all put so much pressure on ourselves at that age and every decision seems huge. Teenage years can be some of the toughest in our lives.” Damien’s brown eyes shone with empathy.
“And some of the best,” Nate couldn’t resist adding.
Damien smiled. “We did have some good times, didn’t we?”
“The best.”
The conversation was interrupted by Jackson’s return. He looked so unsure as he stood there with the huge white hotel towel wrapped around his waist.
“Hey, Jackson. Bet you enjoyed the shower. Great water pressure in there, isn’t it? I love hotel bathrooms. Lots of hot water, big fluffy towels and all those little bottles of products.” Jackson relaxed slightly at Damien’s easy flow of words. “Anyway, once you’re dressed, I’ve got a coffee for you, or there’s a hot chocolate if you prefer.”
“Thanks.”
Nate stood and moved to his bag. “I’ve got some spare clothes in here, some shorts and a T-shirt that should be just about right on you. Sorry you’ve got to wear my underwear.” Jackson screwed up his nose and Nate chuckled as he tossed Jackson the clothes, which Jackson snatched up before scuttling back to the bathroom.
“He looks good,” Damien said.
“Yeah. Thanks for lightening the conversation. I think he’s had enough of the heavy talk today.”
“I bet he has. So what’s the plan?”
Nate glanced at his watch. “It’s only early but I think he could do with a few hours of shut-eye. Are you okay to hang in the room or did you want to go out for a bit while I stay with him?”
“How about a movie? Do you think he’ll be able to sleep if we watch something?”
“Sure. And if he doesn’t sleep, I’m sure he won’t mind watching the movie with us.”
Jackson appeared in Nate’s slightly oversized clothes, but the close fit reminded Nate just how near adulthood Jackson was. No longer a boy, but not yet a man—that awkward in-between age, his choice of hot chocolate reinforcing the kid still in him. He finished the drink and ate a muffin from the bag of assorted pastries Damien had thoughtfully purchased, but he looked exhausted. Jackson shuffled off to the bathroom to use the hotel-provided toothbrush, and as soon as he returned to the room, he crashed onto one of the beds, crawling under the sheets and sprawling across its width.
Damien shrugged and pulled down the covers of the other bed. He toed off his shoes and removed his socks before settling on the mattress. He picked up the remote control from the bedside and patted the empty space beside him. Nate smiled and settled next to him, and together they spent the rest of the afternoon and evening watching Jason Bourne run fro
m the bad guys while Jackson slept soundly in the bed adjacent to them.
It was only hunger that eventually drove them all to move, so they enjoyed a simple room-service dinner. Jackson had hardly spoken as he’d picked at a burger and fries, and had been happy to have an early night despite the amount of sleep he’d already had that day. He’d washed up and reclaimed his bed from earlier in the afternoon.
It made sense for Nate and Damien to sleep together when they finally settled in for the night.
It was the most contented night Nate could remember for a long time. Jackson was safe, and he knew in his heart that he’d be okay. But Damien’s comforting presence was the main factor. Although they didn’t touch and were both clothed, Nate was fully aware of Damien’s warmth. Nate listened to the sound of Damien’s regular breathing, a sound he really wanted to get used to.
“Night, Nate,” Damien whispered.
“Night, D.” Nate smiled into the dark.
Chapter TEN
THE TIMING couldn’t have been more perfect. They were in Sydney and it was the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.
Nate said a silent thanks to whomever was responsible for the last-minute cancellation at the hotel, and it didn’t take long to gain Trish’s agreement to bring Jackson home the following day. That left the night open to a world of possibilities.
The crowds along the route of the Mardi Gras parade were immense; great hordes of people lined up for kilometres along Oxford and Flinders Streets, all buzzing with anticipation. It was loud and congested, but the excitement was palpable, the joy contagious. Nate, Damien, and Jackson jostled for position, Nate trying to ensure Jackson would have a prime view of the parade.
“If I’d known we were coming, I’d have arranged a better viewing position, but this will have to do,” Nate apologised.
“Are you kidding? This is fabulous. I love being down here with all these people.” Jackson’s eyes were wide as he looked around, obviously mesmerised by the entire goings-on and not sure where to look as he tried to take it all in. Nate chuckled, pleased to be able to give this to Jackson, to be able to bring him to such an event and share such a wonderful experience. They were surrounded by people from all walks of life—mums and dads, people with families, crowds of young people and old alike. Everyone was in high spirits and rainbow flags abounded.
“It was a great idea to bring him here,” Damien said, his gaze also locked on Jackson. “So good for him to see such a celebration of love.”
“Yeah, I’m hoping it’ll go a long way towards helping him feel not so alone.”
“I think you’ll be the one to do that.” Damien smiled at Nate.
“Maybe.” Nate smiled back. “You and me both.”
The noise of the crowd escalated, and they both turned to look where Jackson was already facing—the parade would be starting shortly, as evidenced by the roar of motorbikes. The noise reached a crescendo as the bikes started passing, engines revving and horns tooting, with rainbow flags blowing wildly. The crowd cheered and Jackson turned and grinned.
Damien nudged his side, leaning in to be heard. “You’d better hope he doesn’t go home and ask Trish for a motorbike.”
Nate laughed as the last of the Dykes on Bikes made their way past, shortly followed by a couple of other groups of motorcycle-mounted parade participants. The parade then transitioned into a mix of floats, either on foot or on the backs of vehicles. Somehow they’d managed to inch forward, and Jackson leaned over the metal barricade that separated the crowd from the road. He waved his flag and cheered with the rest of the people.
The first marchers appeared in an explosion of colour and spectacle. Groups with political messages voiced the need for equality, and proud parents marched for their children’s rights. Corporate floats were decorated in a riot of colour as companies proclaimed their support. The police marched alongside outrageously dressed and colourful characters. The evening turned to night as glamour flourished in the brilliant display that continued with go-go boys dancing to Lady Gaga, followed by feather-clad burlesque dancers. Leather, bears, princesses, drag queens—the parade had it all. The riot of sequins, gold lamé, glitter and body paint was spectacular, and Jackson appeared mesmerised by every moment.
Nate and Damien exchanged glances and smiles every now and then, as they both kept an eye on Jackson.
“I can’t believe you left Sydney to move home,” Jackson said, speaking loudly to be heard over the noise. “If I lived here, I’d never leave.”
“I don’t know. Home isn’t so bad. It has its advantages.” Nate met Damien’s gaze and winked. Damien’s smile was wide and happiness filled his eyes.
“I’m going to move here in a few years when I’ve finished my study and can get a job.”
Nate tore his gaze from Damien and gave his attention back to Jackson. “It sure would be an adventure if you ended up here. But what about marine mechanics?”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “I can do that anywhere. There’s water, right?” Jackson shrugged and turned back to watch the parade. It was amazing to see the change in attitude, to hear the way Jackson spoke so much more positively about his future. Nate was sure Jackson had a way to go and the path ahead wouldn’t necessarily be a bed of roses, but it was reassuring.
The celebrating was loud, with music blaring and crowds cheering, and it seemed like it was never going to end as they watched people revelling. With all the spectacle surrounding him, Nate found himself reflecting on the joy and freedom of being able to express yourself, something he’d been thinking a lot about over the last few weeks especially.
Maybe it’s time I allow myself to be free?
The iconic “I Will Survive” accompanied the next float of dancers, the crowd singing the well-known song and screaming wildly. Nate snorted at the timing.
Damien was standing next to him, their arms lightly brushing, so Nate stepped closer, bringing their bodies together. Damien instinctively reached out and wrapped Nate in a hug. It felt so right to be in Damien’s arms, and Nate followed his instinct and raised his face to Damien’s, joining them in a soft and tender kiss. He couldn’t stop smiling as the kiss ended and he placed an arm around Damien’s waist to hold them together. He was still grinning when he turned to watch the rest of the parade.
Jackson looked back, raising his eyebrows when he noticed Damien and Nate’s arms wrapped around one another. He gave a big thumbs-up and went back to watching the parade.
And Nate, with the support of Damien secure at his side, and his happy nephew waving a rainbow flag in front of him—felt hopeful for the first time in a long time, determined that he was going to make the most of every minute of the rest of his life.
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