Angel Star

by Jennifer Murgia

  I followed his gaze but quickly looked away when I realized whom he meant. “Um, they’re not my friends.”

  Sensing my unease, Garreth rescanned the room, resting his gaze on the back table. He defensively stepped between me and Brynn’s glare, and to my delight, I felt his hand protectively settle on the small of my back. At last our little white cups materialized on the tiny countertop and we were free to leave. It was entirely too crowded and too hostile in there.

  I was hardly aware of the Jeep moving swiftly over the blacktop beneath us. Between sips, I stole glances at him, wondering if he felt the strange comfort I felt when we were together. I wanted to see inside, into his heart, to see if it raced in my presence like mine did when I was in his. Was I the only one affected?

  Of course I was. That was logical.

  If I looked like Brynn Hanson, perhaps he would show signs of being as physically altered as I was, but then why was I there and she wasn’t, never mind the fact that she needed a major attitude adjustment.

  Before I could gather my mental and physical bearings we came to a stop in front of a small playground.

  “So how do you like Carver?” I asked as we walked toward a pair of swings.

  “It’s better now that I’ve met you.” He cast me a crooked little smile, watching for my reaction.

  I felt the predictable redness spread across my face as I chewed the inside of my cheek and I looked down at the grass.

  “I’m sure you’ve made other friends.”

  “No,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “Not a single person besides me? That’s impossible.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to make other friends. Maybe I’m happy with the one I already have.”

  “Is that what I am? Your friend?”

  My heart was pounding as his eyes sought mine and held them. Were the questions stewing inside me being answered? Then why was I so confused? Why was he so darned interested in me? And why was it easier to ask that instead of “Why wouldn’t he be interested in me?” I wished right then and there that I hadn’t been born so insecure.

  Garreth pushed off the ground with his long legs, propelling his swing into the air. He held his arms taut as he leaned back, closing his eyes.

  “Do you remember doing this when you were little?” he asked, his eyes still closed.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Did you ever pretend you were flying?”

  “Okay, you win. I used to do it all the time.”

  “Admit it. You still do,” he said with a smirk as his swing passed me once again.

  I giggled. “Fine.”

  Was it really so bad if he knew that every so often, when no one was around, I would still swing, that I still leaned back, feeling the air kiss my face like I was flying through the clouds high above the park. I couldn’t help myself. It was so much fun.

  “Come on,” Garreth urged me.

  He looked so content with the breeze mussing his hair, splaying his blond curls in all different directions. He looked like an extremely handsome little kid without a care in the world.

  My feet pushed hard off the mulch and before long my swing was catching up with his. We looked over at each other and laughed. Then he grabbed the chains of my swing and we were going crooked together, bumping our knees into each other, trying to avoid the steel posts holding us up, which made us laugh harder.

  “So tell me, how did your parents come to name you Teagan?” Garreth asked when we were done laughing.

  “I don’t really know. I think my father was Irish or part Irish, anyway.”

  “He’s not around?” he asked quietly.

  “No. He sort of disappeared when I was little so I never got the chance to know him.”

  “Disappeared?”

  “Yes. Everyone tried to convince my mom that he had left us, but she was insistent that it was foul play. I guess lies are easier to swallow than the truth.”

  “That’s a shame.”

  “Yeah, my mom misses him a lot.”

  “I meant it’s a shame he never got to know you.”

  I looked at Garreth swaying on his swing. He had such a way of spreading a warm feeling over me, a way of saying just the right thing, and I realized that played a huge part in why I liked him so much. It wasn’t because he was out-of-this-world handsome. It had nothing to do with his looks at all.

  Here was a boy, starting over in a new school, who appeared to have everything going for him, so he could have chosen anyone he wanted to bring here today. More so, he could easily choose to be the most popular kid at Carver High School, but he didn’t seem to want that. In fact, for today, he made me believe he wanted me.

  “I think your name is beautiful.” Garreth smiled.

  Once again, I blushed. “So who picked your name, your mother or your father?” I asked.

  “Neither. I don’t have parents, biological anyway.”

  A tiny gasp escaped me and I instantly felt horrible.

  “Don’t worry. No harm done. I happen to live with a wonderful family.”

  His beautiful smile told me to let it all go but I couldn’t let it evaporate that quickly. My thoughts flickered to asking him if he had a foster family, or was adopted, but I couldn’t bring myself to and I muttered a tiny but sincere, “Sorry.”

  “But it has a pretty cool meaning, though. It means “light.”

  How does he do that? No matter how stupid I act or feel, all he has to do is smile that perfect smile and it erases everything.

  “It fits you,” I said with a smile.

  “Do you have any siblings?”

  “No. Just me and my mom.”

  “So you two are very close to each other.”

  “Very. We’re sort of all each other has.”

  I thought of my mother and how she probably thought I was doing my homework right now. Guilt was sinking in.

  “You don’t have to be nervous around me,” his soft voice whispered, sensing my unease and interrupting my reverie.

  “I’m not, I…”

  Garreth looked down at the ground. “You want to ask me about yesterday, don’t you?”

  “I…” I stammered, making him look up at me.

  “I can see it in your eyes.” His face was so close to mine.

  “I really don’t know what happened yesterday,” I whispered back.

  “Are you afraid to know?”

  “Should I be?”

  “Tell me something. Do you ever remember your past? I don’t mean yesterday or last week, but do you ever wonder if you’ve lived before?” His voice was soft and reflective, sneakily changing the subject, and I slowly lifted my head to look at him again.

  “Do you mean like feeling déjà vu?”

  “In a sense, yes. But more.”

  “Sure I do.”

  I thought deeply for a moment. How else could I explain certain feelings and memories that pop up on me from out of nowhere, as if they had just happened yesterday? It was very similar to how I felt around Garreth, that strange sensation of being familiar with him even though he was very much a stranger to me. Though I hoped to change that.

  “What does this have to do with yesterday?”

  “More than you know,” he said under his breath as he looked away. “Do you believe things happen for a reason? That it’s possible for certain people to come into our lives, to cross paths with us for a certain purpose? A part played in one master plan?”

  He took the chains of my swing and pulled me closer to him. Our knees touched and nothing could prepare me for the shock waves that rolled through me. He smelled utterly delicious, as though he were surrounded by an ancient aura, something old and familiar...comforting. I was able to pick up a definite blend of vanilla and something more earthy, like teakwood, spicy and masculine.

  “Do you believe that?” His eyes were deep with emotion as they intently searched mine, bringing me back to the conversation.

  “What are you trying to tell me?” I whispered, mostly
to myself.

  It was hard to stay clearheaded around him. I caught that familiar scent again as his face bent toward mine. My incense. My insides twisted with a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on, like a strange memory recessed too deeply for me to recall. He hesitated, drawing in a deep breath.

  “Do you believe there is a heaven?” Garreth whispered, his face close enough that I could feel his breath on my hair.

  “Yes,” I whispered back. How could I possibly tell him that if heaven were real it would be here. Now.

  “And angels?”

  My mind flashed back to yesterday...my foot slipping off the curb...Garreth coming to help me...the strange fact that no one else seemed to notice, as if time had stood still or had been reversed somehow. A couple of seven year olds invaded the quiet, racing for the jungle gym, but they were like silent ghosts to me as Garreth smoothed his thumb across my forehead, as though feeling where my thoughts came from. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart racing behind my ribs...wings came to mind.

  I slowly looked up at him and asked what I knew was slightly irrational. “Are you for real?”

  “Do you think I’m real?” He flashed a sly smile. Deep down I doubted he was joking.

  “I’m not sure I can answer that,” I whispered as we hopped off the swings and headed back to his car. I was beginning to feel that everything he had asked me was from a previous conversation, but a conversation I had held recently in my own thoughts.

  Then a horrible, sinking feeling hit me. I wasn’t ready to have him drive me home and say good-bye just yet. Our afternoon together was entirely too short. I felt teased by it, selfishly wanting more time with him, feeling like I needed to figure him out. To figure me out. I wasn’t ready to end the dream.

  Still, I tried to make the best of the short ride home to my house, trying not to appear childishly disappointed. Garreth squeezed my hand gently. He had held it practically all afternoon. I was sure my fingers would go into some sort of shock in his absence.

  We turned onto Claymont Street shortly after I gave him directions to my house. My mother would be heading home soon and it was my turn to start dinner. I was trying desperately to push aside the thought of how long it would take for the weekend to pass. Monday felt like an eternity away.

  The Jeep came to a quiet stop and slowly idled at the curb.

  “Well, thanks for the coffee,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to say good-bye.

  “I’m sorry if I bewildered you with my questions.”

  “Was that your intention?”

  “No. Just curious.” He lowered his head and looked up through the fringe that delicately concealed his eyes. “I suppose I’m not too good at this, at getting to know someone. I just don’t want to scare you off.”

  “It’s all right. Angels and heaven don’t scare me.”

  I leaned the slightest bit in his direction that I could possibly manage without appearing too eager. His eyes were unreadable to me right now. They appeared almost distant with longing, and wise, as though they belonged to a soul much older than the teenage boy sitting next to me, yet ageless somehow. His hand smoothed a lock of my hair that had loosened during the ride home, triggering something in my subconscious that lingered there.

  “I suppose you need to call your friend. Claire, is it?” I was surprised by his attentiveness but completely distracted by how close he was to my lips.

  “Yes,” was all I could manage. I stared at his mouth wondering, hoping, it would touch mine. My first kiss.

  “You never answered my question.” His fingers reached out, cupping my face gently.

  “Would you mind repeating that question one more time?” I was drowning again, completely lost, submerged in an aqua pool. I didn’t want to resurface.

  “It was really your question, actually. You were wondering if I was a figment of your imagination.”

  “I still...don’t...know.”

  I was spiraling deeper and deeper into a warm pool of intense and ageless blue. I didn’t care if he was my imagination or not, I wasn’t going to let this slip away from me. Claire was absolutely right. It was time I had a boyfriend.

  “Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that you are not real, could you visit me in my dreams so I don’t have to wait until Monday to see you again?” Was I being bold? I felt our time together coming to a close and was reluctant to get out of his car, reluctant to release myself from the grip I so willingly allowed him have on me.

  “Of course. If I’m not real I can do anything,” he smiled, playing along.

  “Then it’s a date.”

  Garreth stepped out of the Jeep and walked around to my side, opening the door for me like a perfect gentleman. He leaned very close this time, brushing his lips along mine, and then hesitated. I found myself unsteady, and leaning in closer to him, wanting to press my lips against his more fully but he pulled away slowly. I knew it was time to say good-bye.

  It took genuine effort to climb up the five steps to the porch and I was grateful for the railing’s support. I twisted my key in the lock then stepped inside. I had roughly thirty minutes to call Claire before I needed to start dinner. But, as much as I wanted to be a good friend for her right now, I couldn’t tear myself away from my place in the doorway. I stood watching the gray Jeep getting smaller and smaller as it drove farther away from me.

  Chapter Five

  I shut the door and walked in a dazed state down the hall into the kitchen. I honestly couldn’t function properly, still feeling his finger trace my lower lip and his warm hand on my face. I still smelled the incense that had saturated his shirt, his hair, his skin, and I felt the pulsing blood beneath my lips from the airlike brushing his lips had given mine, full of newness and hesitation, a kiss that wasn’t quite a kiss.

  It took all I could to force myself to think of anything else. Then it dawned on me why I was so comfortable with him. He made me feel safe. I felt an undeniably protective bubble around me whenever I was with him.

  I looked at the phone and knew I had to call Claire. I wondered if she had noticed I left school with Garreth, but when I checked the answering machine the little red message light wasn’t blinking. It glowed steadily, which surprised me.

  Then I remembered the argument I had witnessed through the window of Garreth’s Jeep. I felt bad for Claire. True, she could stand on her own two feet during uncomfortable situations much better than I ever could. Look at how she had handled Brynn yesterday. But this was different. Her relationship with Ryan was still fresh, still new, and arguments weren’t supposed to happen yet. At least, I didn’t think so.

  I picked up the phone and dialed Claire’s number. It rang several times before I heard her voice on the other end.

  “Hey!” I said excitedly. “You’ll never guess what I did today. Go ahead and take a guess, Madame Woo.”

  “Do you have any idea how long I waited for you?” Her voice was a monotone.

  “Um, yes. Sorry. I got a ride home with Garreth.”

  “I know that already, Teagan. Everybody knows that.”

  “Well, aren’t you happy for me? Don’t you want to know all the juicy details?”

  “Yeah, I’m happy, Tea. But, if I know you, the details aren’t that juicy yet.”

  Okay, that was a stab but for one reason or another it wasn’t affecting me. I was still flying high, even though the “Well, what happened” was seriously missing from this conversation. Then I reluctantly shifted to the parking lot confrontation.

  “Claire, is everything all right with you and Ryan?”

  I heard her sigh into the receiver.

  “You can tell me”

  “No. I can’t.”

  I twisted the phone cord around my arm. It had become stretched out from years of talking to Claire.

  “It’s Friday. Why don’t you spend the night? You’ll feel better. We’ll eat chocolate and plan horrible, ingenious ways to get back at Brynn for years of misery. Then Madame Woo can read my future and give me a sea
weed wrap.”

  A giggle surfaced and at last the ice was breaking. “I can’t.”

  At least it was half-hearted. I would definitely take that, although I was hoping for a different answer.

  “I’m going out with Ryan tonight.”

  “Oh. So things are okay between you two?”

  “Yeah, they will be.”

  I said good-bye, still wondering what was going on with Claire. Still feeling a little slighted that she didn’t ask about my afternoon with Garreth, the one I’d just had and the one I would continue in my dreams.

  With task one completed, I set about taking care of task number two. I set a large pot of water to boil on the stove while I raced around the kitchen, pulling a box of pasta and some basil from the pantry. I emptied tomato sauce and paste into another pot, then added water and a bay leaf. As the sauce began to simmer, I busied myself slicing the bread, hesitating for a moment to glance at the wall clock and scolding myself for staying at the park with Garreth for so long.

  As I finished setting the napkins on the table, I heard my mother letting herself in the front door, her footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor of the hall. Without seeing her, I could tell she was tired and I couldn’t help feeling relieved that my invitation to Claire hadn’t worked out.

  “Hi, honey. Mmm. Smells good in here.” My mother kicked off her shoes and settled herself into her chair at the small kitchen table. She looked weary. My fun-loving mom, my pillar of strength, appeared as though she had aged significantly since I left for school that morning.

  “Do you feel okay, Mom?” I kept my eyes on the steaming colander I was now balancing over the sink. “You sound pooped.”

  “Just a long day, sweetie. How was your afternoon?”

  I shuddered involuntarily. I wasn’t very good at keeping secrets from her and I worried that this one could be classified as an outright lie. I knew the time would come around soon enough for her to ask how I had actually spent the remainder of my day, the day I started off so excited about. Surely she would want to know about that. I decided to be somewhat truthful. To a degree.

  “I got a coffee after school then spent some time at a park. It was too beautiful to be cooped up here at home.”