A glance at the clock sent me flying upstairs. I still needed a shower, and I remembered that my driver’s license was still in my old denim purse in my closet, where it’s been since the day I passed my driver’s test.
“Are you sure you don’t want bacon?” my mom’s voice trailed up after me.
“Ha-ha,” I yelled back down to her and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door on her giggles.
Chapter Twenty-nine
I pulled into Claire’s old parking space.
Everyone looked as if they had just seen a ghost, but when they recognized me through the window, they went on with their lives as before. I sat there for a few minutes, not getting out, not playing with the gigantic megastereo that was still in her car, though the buttons looked pretty tempting. I was feeling the difference between now and all the other times I had sat in that car. And it wasn’t just because I was no longer a passenger; Claire had let me practice driving plenty of times.
Now it was just plain lonely.
I flicked the vanilla-roma freshener with my finger, watching it sway, and thought of all the times Claire and I drove around for something to do. It was always the three of us: me, Claire, and this car. There were nights in winter when we rolled the windows down, with the heat going full blast, and anyone who witnessed us singing our lungs out as we drove up and down the streets must have thought we were crazy. I guess a part of me was hoping a piece of that would still be here, embedded in the leather seats, that the memories of Claire would hit me so hard as soon as I sat in the driver’s seat that it would be like the old times were still here, strong enough to go on and last forever. I’d never have to miss her. But it wasn’t the same. She was gone.
I closed my eyes and soon the vanilla scent floating around me was sickening. It was letting another crushing reality hit me and it hit me hard. I pictured sitting in a different car, the same boxy shape, but with an entirely different aroma filling me. His car. His scent. A second loss. It was more than I could bear. I got out and locked the door behind me, not turning back to look at the car that was now mine as I walked into school.
Thousands of words floated through the halls, thousands of voices, and yet it was only a splintering silence that I heard. My feet walked, preprogrammed, from class to class where I feigned interest and did what was expected of me. It was the end of the last period and Garreth was still a no-show.
Some surprise.
I was instantly reminded of that day when I couldn’t find him anywhere. I had felt all jittery and panic-stricken. My heart had pounded uncontrollably at the very thought of running into him, and when I didn’t, the pounding in my chest grew unbearable.
All I could think about now was hearing the last bell ring and making a bolt to the car that I still couldn’t bring myself to take ownership of yet.
My car.
That just sounded too weird.
As the bell rang, I rose from my seat and in a cheerless daze headed out into the hall, the wanting-to-bolt feeling seeping out of me with each step. Rounding the corner, I headed to the end of the hall to a row of metal lockers, absentmindedly turning the round combination wheel until I heard the lock open with a click.
My week-old gym clothes were in a bag stuffed into the bottom, and as I reached down to grab them, it occurred to me that I was no longer alone. I pulled my head out of my locker the instant I noticed a body behind me, wearing a great pair of faded blue jeans. My heart pounded. It was just like Garreth to make me sweat it out for the day and then show up, knowing I’d cave and forgive him.
“Is this my surprise...?”
I ended up getting a real surprise as I looked up into Ryan’s brown eyes. I cringed and wanted to back into my locker. Whatever he had to say to me couldn’t be good. Not after the last time I saw him.
“Hi, Teagan.”
I was stunned for a few seconds. He was being civil?
“You’re not mute all of a sudden, are you?” A wide grin spread across his face, bringing out very deep dimples. He was actually pretty cute.
Eew! What am I thinking?
“I’m sorry. Are we having a conversation here?” I turned back to my locker and pulled my backpack out.
“Well, I’d like to if you’d give me the chance.” He leaned against the next locker, waiting patiently for me to come around.
I slammed my locker shut. “Fine. What do you want?”
He let his gaze wander out into the constant momentum of the hall then reeled it back in, studying the shuffling of one of his sneakers against the other. I was growing impatient.
“I’m sorry, Teagan. I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I still can’t remember what got into me.”
I thought back to when I had truly feared him, to when I knew him as scary and intimidating, to when the predictable wall between us had crumbled and a lot of terrible questions were left in its place. But now I was looking into the face of a boy, not the same boy he used to be. He was different now. Like me.
It occurred to me that he might not be at fault. He probably didn’t even know what happened.
“I’m sorry I accused you…” I responded.
“S’okay. Like I said, I was a jerk.”
People were staring now as they walked past us. First, I show up at school in Claire’s car, and now I’m in a quiet conversation with her old boyfriend. I knew what it looked like but I didn’t quite care.
Ryan let out a deep sigh. “Teagan, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore.” He gave me a weary smile. “I really miss her. I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like, I can only say that it seems like hell.”
I leaned my head against the locker and smiled back. “Trust me, I understand.”
Ryan was staring off again, dealing with the ghosts in his head. I knew all too well what he was feeling, and not just about Claire. I would soon be hit with this feeling all over again when Garreth leaves me. It had been building itself up in me for days now, preparing me, but it still hurt.
“Look,” Ryan began, breaking the awkward silence, “I don’t expect us to be friends, but do you think it would be so horrible for you to let me talk to you every now and then? It would mean a lot to me. Get me back on track.”
He seemed afraid to meet my gaze head-on, but when he did I saw the glimmer of something. Something I’d seen in myself recently.
I smiled at him, catching him by surprise. “Sure, I don’t think there’s a problem with that.”
He smiled back without another word. As I watched him walk away from me and disappear into the crowd, so forlorn and broken, I swore to myself I would never lose sight of who I was.
Not only that, I would never take anything for granted ever again.
Just then, my hand felt tingly, a feeling I wasn’t expecting, and I looked down the hallway to see Sage, Lauren, and Emily stomping their way smugly through the crowd. In the center of their little bunch was Brynn, still the reigning queen of Carver High School. She passed my locker, glaring at me, but she didn’t utter a word. She just kept on walking.
I watched them long enough to see Emily raise her eyebrows at Sage, apparently wondering why Brynn chose to keep on going, not taking part in her usual “pick on Teagan” ritual. What surprised me the most was that Lauren, lagging behind the others, looked right at me and smiled.
I shut my locker and proceeded to walk the other way.
School was over for the day. I took my time walking across the parking lot to the little white car that had waited for me all day long like an obedient pet. I kept my gaze straight ahead, on the windshield, afraid to look away. I couldn’t figure out where that strange sparkle was coming from. As I got closer, my heart tripped a couple of beats.
Unbelievable.
I had spent the whole day in flux. Waiting. Searching. He hadn’t shown up for school today, and on several occasions throughout the day I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or scream because of it. I unlocked the car, slid inside, and reached up to the rearview mirror. I c
ouldn’t hold back my smile.
The blue topaz rosary hung from my mirror, and inside one of the chains was a tiny scroll of paper. It would have taken me hours to get it rolled as tightly as it was. Very carefully, I unrolled the stationery that was as thin as rice paper and Garreth’s absence was instantly forgiven. His amazing scent also unfurled from the delicate paper, filling my car like an embrace, and tears welled up in my eyes. Only a few hours on my own and it hit me how desperately I missed him.
How am I going to cope when he leaves me forever?
I wiped my eyes, worrying I would stain the paper with my tears and his message would be ruined.
I missed you too.
Your surprise awaits you…
I figured it was about time your boyfriend took you on a date. Ready by 6 o’clock.
G.
My hand trembled. Before I realized it, I had read the note at least ten times. I turned the key in the ignition and the little car sprang to life, its engine humming joyously along with my heart. Together we drove home to get ready for my date.
Chapter Thirty
“Stop pacing. You’re wearing a path in the wood and it’s not in the budget to refurbish the floors,” my mom called out from the living room.
“Sorry!” I yelled as I peeked out the window for the thousandth time. “He’s here! See ya!”
“Just hold on a second. If he’s a gentleman, he’ll come to the door.” My mother walked into the hallway, curious to see if Garreth would pass her test of chivalry.
I rolled my eyes, my impatience to be alone with him getting the best of me. And now my mom expected me to play along with her.
“Mom, we’re not going to the prom, you know. It’s just a date. No big deal.”
“If it isn’t a big deal, then how come you’ve been wearing a hole in the floor for the last half hour?” Her smile rubbed it in that she had won this match, and I was left waiting to hear his footsteps on the porch.
My hand flicked out for the doorknob like a streak of lightning as I gritted my teeth and begged with my eyes for my mother to disappear into the other room.
“Fine, fine, I’ll stop hovering. Have a good time.” She planted a kiss on my head and walked back into the living room.
Finally, I swung open the door and there stood an absolutely incredible-looking being in a black leather jacket and dark jeans. My eyes drank him in, traveling from his feet upward. I quickly shouted good-bye to my mom and pulled the door closed behind me.
I stopped short.
I was staring into the beautiful face of my date.
I was staring into the face of Hadrian.
I couldn’t speak.
“You look nice.” Hadrian smiled crookedly, making light of the shock he had just given me.
I didn’t answer, wanting to run back into the house, into the safety net of my living room where my mother was glued to the evening news between commercial flips to the QVC channel. Of course, that posed a problem. How would I explain to my mother who Hadrian was. What he was?
The hairs on my arms rose and tingled in the evening breeze. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Hadrian?
“How? Why…?” I tripped over my words.
When nothing else came out, I simply clamped my mouth shut and stared at him. The familiar trickle of fear pooled deep within me, but even more disturbing was the fact that I felt this need to stay. And it was much stronger than the need to hear why he had come back, how he had come back. This was desire.
“I understand. You’re a bit surprised to see me.” He inched his way forward and I felt my own feet move closer in response. I was powerless to stop them.
He looked different tonight. Handsome beyond explanation. Dangerous. But different. And I had no idea why. He held out his hand to me, and as if under a spell, I placed mine in his. The touch of our skin sent my blood screaming through my veins. My house, my street, my neighborhood seemed to melt away and the air felt perilous and enticing.
Hadrian led me off the porch and down the steps to the street below.
“Are we walking somewhere?” I asked.
From his pocket he produced a small black key chain and I heard the familiar click of a car unlocking. I stared at the shiny black Jaguar parked across from us and then turned to look at his face.
“Rides like hot glass,” he answered, his laugh melting into the night, along with everything else.
I truly believed my sanity, at that point, was among the missing.
His eyes were shining like the glossy wax job on the intimidating vehicle we were approaching. He opened my door, like a gentleman, then shut it and walked around to his side while I quietly looked across the street, staring blankly at the house that was mine.
Wordlessly, we took off into the night. I had no idea where we were going or what to expect. This was one “surprise” I had never anticipated.
Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I shifted in my seat to face him. “Where are we going?” I asked with as much authority as I could muster.
I watched his profile light up with the passing of each streetlight. This all felt oddly familiar to me.
“You got my note, right?” He smiled at me, finally tearing his eyes away from the road ahead of us.
“Your note?”
“Well, don’t you like surprises?” His eyes grew wide with animation. “My dear, it was only fitting that you would assume the note was from your Guardian. I found it pertinent to exclude the actual source.”
My insides twisted anxiously. The note hadn’t been from Garreth.
It sank in then that I was in a moving car with an angel intent on destruction, and my Guardian never showed up at school today, or after school for that matter.
I was a freaking idiot.
I sat numbly, staring straight ahead, trying to figure out where we were going so I could find a way out of this mess I had foolishly gotten myself into.
No, scratch that. How stupidly I hadgotten myself into this.
With each tree and each sign that passed my window a familiar, uncomfortable feeling tortured me. Something was seriously wrong here. My heart began pounding, I was sure he could hear it. It echoed in my chest and my ears. I looked out the window but it had become so dark suddenly that all I could see was my own worried reflection. I looked down at my lap where my hands rested quietly, aching terribly for Garreth’s.
Perhaps if I…
I slid my left hand over and placed it on top of his, forcing him to abandon the wheel. His dark eyes gleamed with surprise and he took my hand firmly, sending a dark tremor through me.
His hand was like ice.
“Your hand’s freezing.” It was the first thing out of my mouth. My heart’s heavy thumping was nearly uncontrollable now.
I reached out to crank up the heat, seeking normalcy in the situation but got confusion instead as I stared at all the buttons and dials. As foreign as this car and its controls were to me, the complexity of the dashboard wasn’t. Now that I was staring more intently at it, it reminded me of the stereo in Claire’s... I mean, my car.
My emotions were a gnarled mess. I was afraid of where I was, that I was with Hadrian, of what had become of Garreth, what was to become of me... Yet, through it all, an unfamiliar part of me wanted to stay. I had to stay.
There was no hiding the hesitancy in my voice. “Wow, what a system. So this is why these cars are so expensive.” Perhaps if I tried to act in a normal way, I could get myself out of this.
“Actually, it came with a different one, but I switched it out,” he answered.
“You switched it? Why?”
“Does that matter? It wasn’t what I wanted.”
I looked at him long and hard for a moment.
“What? Don’t you like the stereo?” Hadrian asked, playing along with my little game.
“It’s um…” What was the word I was looking for? “It’s a bit...ostentatious.”
“That’s how I like things. Ostentatious.” His
smooth, cold hand gestured to the electronic monstrosity.
The car slowed to a stop and I saw we were parked on a barren stretch of road alongside thick woods. Hadrian turned to me and light from the dashboard splashed across his face so that only the deep intensity of his eyes was visible to me.
“Haven’t you ever wanted something else? Something that perhaps isn’t quite up to your standards, something you can bend and shape into what you want?” He leaned closer now. Close enough that I could smell him.
He smelled of something dangerous, something strong that mixed with earth and pine, as if the line of trees next to us were growing right alongside us in the car.
“We’re not talking about the stereo anymore, are we?” I whispered, shivering beneath his stare.
I felt my insides turn to jelly; my limbs had forged with the black leather seat beneath me and refused to move. The car, the road, the trees no longer existed, only his unfathomable eyes fixed on mine. I felt him breathing me in, and without any regard I leaned in closer to him, unable to stop myself.
“You’re what I want, Teagan.” I felt the strength of his whisper beneath my skin. “You tip the scales when I’m with you. All I thought I wanted means nothing now that I know you exist.” His breath was on my neck, his lips devouring my skin.
I heard something tapping against the roof of the car. It was raining. A streak of white flashed across my eyelids, which were uncontrollably fluttering. Lightning. A second streak invaded the dark, making me open my eyes as he grabbed my wrist. The light flashed across his eyes, blacker than the night and shining with conviction. He was just as mesmerizing as the moment I first laid eyes on him, but I was quickly recovering.
“No!” I pulled away but he held tight. With fear, I realized part of me wanted to stay and my wanting him repulsed me. “You’re dead!”
Angel Star Page 17
