Destiny Disgraced

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She could only blame fate.

  Again.

  “Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “Woolgathering.” Falling in love with the wrong man.

  He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and frowned. “You look sad. Is something wrong in your den?”

  She started to shake her head, then stopped. “Not really. Everything’s just so new.” She looked over her shoulder, aware they’d caught the attention of a few wolves going about their business. “I shouldn’t speak about it here, though.”

  Mitchell looked her over before giving her a tight nod. “Let’s head back to my place and talk.”

  She shook her head fully this time. “I can’t. I told Brie I’d stop by her place.”

  “She can wait if you need time to center yourself.”

  Dawn blew out a breath and took a step back from him. It was hard to ground herself with him touching her. “I don’t want to be rude, and I think seeing Fallon might help.”

  He met her gaze before giving her a nod. “When you’re done, though, come to my place.”

  She raised a brow at the order in his voice. “You’re not my Beta, Mitchell. Watch the tone.”

  His lips quirked into a smile. “I thought you liked the tone.”

  When she rolled her eyes, he leaned forward and captured her lips—in full view of his Pack. Her heart sped up before squeezing far too tightly.

  She’d have to back away soon. Leave him and what they were doing to each other behind if she wanted to keep any part of herself whole in the end. But for tonight, she’d have him, if only for a few breaths.

  “I need to go, but I’ll stop by your house on my way out. You’ll be there?”

  He studied her face before nodding. “I have some paperwork to go over, so I’ll be in my home office. You can walk in whenever you’re ready.” He paused. “I keyed you in so you don’t have to knock.”

  He was killing her one generous moment at a time.

  “Thanks,” she said softly, her throat tight. “I, uh…will see you soon.” She didn’t run from him, but it was close. Perhaps if others hadn’t been around, she’d have moved even faster, but there was only so much embarrassment and pity she could take. And it was pity, she knew. Oh, sure, the others around them didn’t know that Mitchell had already been mated and lost his other half, but they knew something was off, knew there was no mating bond between Mitchell and her, even though it was obvious there was more than simple attraction.

  Yet she’d only done this to herself and, therefore, only had herself to blame.

  Brie stood on the porch when Dawn came into view of the Alpha’s home. The other woman gave her a soft look before walking down the path toward her. Without saying a word, she held out Fallon, who smiled widely at Dawn and reached out with her chubby, little arms. As soon as Fallon’s soft weight hit Dawn’s chest, her wolf immediately perked up, pressing slightly into her skin.

  “You looked like you needed that,” Brie said with a small smile. “Come on in. I have cupcakes and tea.”

  “Cupcakes?” Dawn asked, kissing Fallon’s plump cheek.

  “Frosting makes everything better.” They walked inside together, Fallon in her arms and Brie by her side. They sat down on the couch, ate too much frosting, and drank some tea while Fallon ate a soft cookie.

  After the adults had talked for a while about trivial things that calmed Dawn enough so she could breathe again, the little girl put her hands on Dawn’s cheeks and pressed her forehead to hers. Immediately, Dawn’s wolf perked up even more and sat in awe of the quiet power of this young pup.

  This was what Dawn had been missing, not the daughter of the Alpha, a future leader in her own right, but the presence of a soft soul that needed comfort and guidance. It would be years, if not more, before the Centrals were ready for that step, meaning Dawn would stay in this state of limbo until that happened.

  Her wolf held back a whimper, and Dawn sighed, hugging Fallon close.

  She was a ball of emotions lately, and she wasn’t sure she liked it. No, she was pretty sure she hated it.

  “I need to put Fallon down for her nap,” Brie said a few minutes later. “Will you be here when I get back, or are you headed to Mitchell’s?”

  Dawn picked at her jeans, trying to figure out her answer. “I think I need to go to Mitchell’s.”

  Brie stepped forward as Dawn stood, Fallon in her arms with her head resting on her mother’s shoulder. “I wish there was something I could do for you both. I know you’re hurting, just like he is, and I know he’s been hurting for a while. Maybe since I met him. I also know it’s not my place to ask why.” She licked her lips and met Dawn’s gaze. “He told us,” she whispered. “About Heather. He didn’t mention your name, but I know, honey.”

  Dawn’s heart sped up, and tears pricked at her eyes. “He told me he was going to tell Max. I didn’t know he told everyone else.”

  “Just the family.”

  But the Brentwoods were a large family, so that meant Mitchell was finally able to reveal his secret and release some of his burdens.

  “Did everyone react okay?” She bit her lip, annoyed with herself for even daring to say that aloud. She wasn’t Pack, nor was she family, and, technically, she had no right to stand up for Mitchell. But she didn’t want to see him hurt any more—especially by family members who might not even know they were doing it.

  “They didn’t attack him, if that’s what you mean,” Brie said softly. She rocked back and forth, a sleepy Fallon yawning in her arms. “I think we all knew there was something in his past holding him back from fully being in the here and now. Though I don’t know what haunts him more, losing Heather, or knowing he would have lost her anyway because of age.” Brie’s eyes filled, and Dawn shook her head.

  “I…I need to go.” She couldn’t stand there and see the pity in Brie’s eyes. The other woman didn’t mean anything by it, but it still hurt.

  “Of course. But, Dawn? I’m here for you. No matter what.”

  Dawn nodded and walked out, but knew that the last part wasn’t quite true. Mitchell was Pack, family. Dawn was just a new friend that kept showing up in their den. Once again, Dawn felt lost and hated that she kept putting herself in this position. If she were smart, she’d get in her vehicle, head out of the den, and never come back.

  Only she knew she wouldn’t be smart.

  Not tonight.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Though Mitchell had left the door open for her, Dawn still knocked, apparently not ready to take that step. He had a feeling she may not ever be ready if they remained in this broken fragment of a relationship.

  When he answered the door, a frown on his face, he immediately pulled her into his arms. She wrapped herself around him, inhaling his scent and pressing her cheek to the soft cotton of his well-worn shirt.

  “You told them,” she whispered. “Are you okay?”

  He closed the door behind her and kissed the top of her head, all the while keeping his hold on her. “I should have told them long ago.” He tightened his arms around her. “They don’t hate me.” He swallowed hard. “I thought they would hate me.”

  “For keeping your secret? No. They might be disappointed, but they can’t hate you for what you had to do. Everyone keeps secrets when there isn’t another option.”

  “I lost her,” he said after a moment, his words heavy. “It’s been so long that I can barely see her face without thinking really hard.”

  Dawn stilled in his arms, and he felt like a fool for talking about his dead mate with Dawn in his arms. Goddess, he was going to Hell for sure.

  “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  “No, you need to talk about her.” She cleared her throat and took a few steps away. His wolf mourned the loss, and Mitchell knew if he weren’t careful, he’d hurt Dawn more than he ever thought possible.

  “I did my talking.” He cupped her face. “Why don’t you talk to me about what’s going on with you? Are you still feeling left out within the P
ack?”

  She sighed. “Yeah, and I hate myself a little more each day because of it. So what if the moon goddess didn’t give me a title? It doesn’t make me any less the wolf I was before.”

  He nodded, understanding. “Your Pack is still finding its place. There will always be that part of its memory trying to atone for what happened before you were even born. Add in the fact that you’re a maternal without children in the den, and there’s reason for you to feel a bit off. You shouldn’t feel bad.”

  She gave him a self-deprecating smile. “You know, it never used to be an issue before I came to your den. I think it was easier before I knew what I was missing.”

  “It’ll come,” he said softly, unsure how to help her.

  “I know. And I know I just need to remain strong and do what I’ve always done. I guess I just needed a little pity party.” She gave him a wide smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I guess that’s why I’m happy you’re my friend. It gives me someone to talk to who isn’t Pack.”

  It was a shot to the heart, and they both knew it. But if they didn’t keep their boundaries clear, it would hurt more later.

  Of course, that was all a lie, and he needed to back the fuck away. So, of course, that’s why he leaned forward and kissed her, hard. “Come to bed with me,” he said softly. “I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

  “Oh, yeah?” she asked, her wolf in her eyes. “So, sex is how I can get over the whole new Pack thing?”

  He nibbled down her neck. He couldn’t figure out who had attacked her in that alley, didn’t know who had come after his Pack, he also didn’t know what he was going to do about his own choices since his wolf still wouldn’t think about a true mating. What he could do was distract her.

  “It might help. Let’s try it out and see.”

  She laughed, and he knew the human part of him had fallen in love with her.

  If only his wolf would get on board.

  “And maybe we should try more than once. Just for practice.” Her eyes danced this time, and he picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom as she laughed. They were complicating their ties even more, but he couldn’t back away. Maybe if he kept holding her, kept loving her, his wolf would understand why they were ready to take the next step.

  Maybe.

  Somehow, even though they tried to keep their hands on each other the entire time, they stripped out of their clothes and lay naked face-to-face on his bed, slowly trailing their hands over one another. Each time they’d been together before, it was fast, almost too quick for him to learn every curve of her, ever dip and valley.

  The human part of him never wanted to let her go, wanted to finish what they’d started and take a step he might regret not taking.

  His wolf half thought of it as a betrayal—though…not as much as it had before.

  It was no wonder he was constantly conflicted when it came to the woman in his arms, in his bed.

  He brushed his fingers along the swell of her breast, luxuriating in the way her nipple pebbled by just the barest graze of his touch. He bent forward and took that peak into his mouth, knowing the stubble of his beard scraped along her soft skin. However, he also knew she loved when he did that, so he purposely hadn’t shaved. She’d slowly become part of his daily routine, had affected small aspects of his life without even trying. Though he wasn’t sure what he would do about the larger picture, for now, he planned to take in the smaller moments and know that it was just now part of who he was.

  Their hands slid over one another as he rolled so he hovered above her and moved between her legs.

  “I need you,” she whispered, her eyes wide and dark. “I…I need you. Please.”

  He lowered his head and kissed her. “You never have to beg.” He swallowed hard, emotion a hard knot in his throat. “Do I need to find a condom?”

  It was a step. Progress in a direction where they would only have one more chance after tonight to back out. The human part of him needed to form a bond with this woman, needed that connection. His wolf half might be holding back, but he knew this was the time his human half had been waiting for.

  In all the years he’d been alone and in mourning, he’d been waiting for Dawn. She was his light, his next step.

  He just hoped they weren’t making a mistake.

  “I want you now.” She licked her lips. “Just you.”

  He let out a shuddering breath, then slowly, oh so slowly, slid inside her. Without a barrier, he knew he’d found his slice of Heaven.

  “Goddess,” Dawn whispered below him. “I...I never knew.”

  He kissed her, needing her lips, her taste. “I need to move. Are you ready for me?”

  Her eyes opened then, meeting his gaze. “Always.”

  Then he moved.

  Though they’d started slow, there was nothing leisurely about how they moved now. She arched her hips for him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he slammed into her over and over again, his cock going so deep he knew they’d both be sore in the morning. He pulled back and tucked up one of her knees so it pressed close to her chest and gave him an even deeper angle. And when she reached around him and grabbed his ass, squeezing him tightly, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

  So he rolled over again, letting her ride him so he could watch her breasts sway and her mouth part.

  And when he came, the first part of the mating bond snapped into place, however frail and incomplete it might be.

  “Mitchell—” she whispered.

  “Mine—” he said at the same time.

  Their bodies shook, and he knew that they might have just made a horrible mistake. Because even though both Dawn and he had told themselves they didn’t need a mate, they’d been lying. He’d lost one mate, and now, if he wasn’t careful, he could lose another. Their human halves had bonded. Now, it was up to their wolves and everything else going on around them to see if it stuck.

  They were mates, yet not.

  Connected, yet set apart.

  Broken, yet with the possibility of being whole.

  He held Dawn close and inhaled her sweetly crisp scent. He had no idea what they were going to do next, but he had a feeling, no matter what, what they’d done tonight would have consequences that could last beyond the fading wisp of a bond’s beginning.

  The next day, Mitchell rubbed the back of his neck, a sense of dread coating his stomach. He didn’t get whispered words from the moon goddess, and he sure as hell wasn’t a foreseer, but he had a bad feeling about today.

  “What’s up with you?” Max asked from his side. The two of them were on patrol duty that afternoon since the soldier that usually worked with Max was at home with his pup that broke her leg while trying to climb trees. They were wolves, not cats, and some young ones—hell, some not so young ones—tended to forget that.

  At that thought, he frowned. Were there cat pups? No, they’d probably be called cubs, right? And the Aspens were called a Pack since they were known to their world as wolves, but were there all-cat Prides out there somewhere? He’d only begun to think about the ramifications of what Audrey told them, and he knew if he weren’t so distracted with Dawn, he might have made more sense of everything.

  “Okay, now your face looks like you’re trying to do math. Never try to do math, Mitch. You know how much it hurts you.”

  For a moment, Max sounded like his old self, and Mitchell almost tripped as he looked over at his brother. Max’s face didn’t show any of the light that had sounded with that statement, but Mitchell had heard it. It had to count for something.

  “I was just thinking about cats and Prides and naming.” He shrugged but kept his voice down. They were alone for now, but he didn’t want his voice to carry. Until they knew to do with the information, Gideon had chosen not to inform the rest of the Pack—including the elders—about the existence of other shifters. Doing so might threaten Audrey’s life, and do more harm than good, so Mitchell agreed with the decision.

  Max snorted, even as he
kept his eyes on the perimeter. They weren’t at war at the moment, but with the rogue attacks and things still so new with the human factions, their wolves were still cautious.

  “You know,” his brother began, “I’m still not sure what to do with that information. I don’t know why Audrey wanted us in the loop on that particular secret.”

  Mitchell had been thinking about that, as well—when he wasn’t tossing and turning, dealing with the fact that his wolf and his human half didn’t seem to agree on much these days.

  “I’m not sure either, but if the moon goddess whispered it into her ear, then it must have been for a reason.”

  Max shook his head. “The moon goddess seems to be talking to us a lot more these days. Well, not us since I’m pretty sure you and I are the only two wolves—or cats—left in existence who don’t seem to be on a first-name basis with her.”

  Mitchell couldn’t help but smile at that. “It sure seems like it, doesn’t it?”

  The two of them patrolled in silence for a while after that, no words needing to be spoken, as they were both lost to their thoughts and troubles. He wished he could help his brother, but there was nothing he could do except be there when Max needed him. As for Mitchell, well, he had his own problems to sort out. The night before had changed everything with Dawn, and they both knew it.

  Their human halves had made the decision for them, but their wolf halves hadn’t yet accepted their fate. More accurately, his wolf hadn’t marked Dawn as his. What frustrated him to no end was that it was their wolves to begin with that had sent them through the mating dance. Without their shifter halves, they would probably be attracted to each other, but there wouldn’t be this burning need for more. Yet when the time came to take that step and get over the past, his wolf held him back.

  And a part of Mitchell knew that Dawn’s wolf did the same. Only, he had a feeling it was because her wolf was protecting Dawn’s human heart. He’d always known it would be complicated considering who they were, but he never knew it would be like this.