The Only Thing

by Marie Harte

  “Wait, who’s an asshole?” came an amused, husky voice from behind him. The same voice he dreamed about, had naughty fantasies about, and generally obsessed about as he drew picture after picture of the smokin’ blond.

  He turned slowly. Damn. Hope Donnigan. Sophie’s niece and a McCauley family cousin. Here, within arm’s reach.

  He gave a slow smile, thinking dinner tonight might not be so bad after all.

  She saw him, and her eyes widened, the golden brown the same color as the honey he wanted to drizzle over her body, then lick off, bit by bit.

  “J.T.’s the asshole, as if that really needed explaining,” Del muttered. “What are you doing here?”

  “Nice.” Rena frowned at Del, then turned a welcoming smile Hope’s way. “Your aunt said you needed a break from your mom. Welcome to the beginning of a great weekend. I don’t know if you remember me, but we met at Del’s wedding. I’m Rena.”

  Hope nodded, her gaze now suspiciously avoiding J.T.’s. “Sure, I remember you. Hi, Liam. Del.”

  “Hey there, girlie.” Liam gave Hope a hug, taking the petite blond off her feet. Since he and his dad were the same height, J.T. figured Hope to be maybe a few inches over five feet, if that. Small but curved in all the right places. She’d fit him just right.

  J.T. cleared his throat. “Hey, Hope. Remember me?” he teased. “I’m J.T.”

  Her gaze returned to his and stuck.

  She knew who he was. He just wanted to see her sweet blush before she stammered her response. When she said nothing, he frowned. “You doing okay? Seen Greg lately?”

  * * *

  Hope couldn’t find it in herself to blink, focused on God’s gift to womankind. Her aunt’s invitation to dinner had come at the perfect time, giving Hope an excuse to avoid her mother’s weekly nagathon. Since her idiot older brothers had hooked up with the loves of their lives, her mother had deemed Hope fair game again. So much for their pleasant détente, when Hope had stopped blaming her mother for her many issues and Linda Donnigan had stopped getting on Hope for breathing wrong.

  Yet Hope hadn’t anticipated seeing J.T. Webster. He hadn’t been at the last two dinners Aunt Sophie had invited her to. “Greg?” she asked, her mind on other things.

  Like how incredibly J.T. filled out a simple T-shirt and jeans. The man had the prettiest chestnut-brown skin. She could stare at him for hours.

  Hope swallowed a sigh.

  Liam was white, and she knew J.T.’s mom had been black. She also must have been gorgeous, because J.T. had his dad’s height and brawn, as well as the face of an angel who liked to sin. A lot.

  She swallowed a sigh and continued to visually eat him up, wondering if the size of his hands and feet could be correlated to the size of other things.

  God, get your mind off sex, Hope. His father is here! Aunt Sophie is here! And you’re off men, remember?

  “Yeah, Greg,” J.T. said, looking concerned. “Gas Works Park ring a bell?”

  Geez, she’d seen Greg and J.T. just last week. “Oh, no. No problems on that front.” To Liam, who studied her a little too intently, she explained, “Ex-boyfriend. A jerk I ran into. No biggie.” She shot J.T. a look, pleased when he kept quiet.

  Last weekend, Greg, a guy she hadn’t dated or seen in over four months, had accused her of using her brothers to bother him. But Hope hadn’t thought about Greg the Cheater since she’d dumped him, so she knew her brothers couldn’t care less about the guy. When Greg had tried to get a little gropey at the park, she’d taken him down, courtesy of the self-defense classes her brothers taught.

  J.T. hadn’t had to do more than watch her take Greg out. She’d been so proud of herself…when she’d been able to tear her imagination away from what J.T. would look like naked.

  Those images played over and over in her head. So sad.

  “Right.” Liam stared from her to J.T., a question in his eyes.

  “So who’s pregnant?” she asked, hoping to shift attention away from herself.

  Rena squealed. “Del is! A tiny little bun in her McCauley oven.”

  Del looked embarrassed, which was funny, because Del could outswear the mechanics she bossed around on a daily basis and took woman power to the next level. She had arms covered in tattoos, funky ash-blond braids, and icy-gray eyes that seemed to look through and not at a person.

  Hope could see a faint resemblance from brother to sister, despite their different skin tones. Both J.T. and Del had eyes shaped like their father’s and the same stubborn chins. Only someone as obsessed with J.T. would have noticed that, she realized, and felt like a moron for being so enthralled with the man.

  Fortunately, Liam and Rena started badgering Del for details, letting Hope off the hook.

  Since she hadn’t yet greeted her aunt, Hope started to turn and found J.T. suddenly in her way. “Oh, sorry.”

  He put a hand out to stop her from bumping into him. And sweet baby sexy, she felt the touch go from her arm all the way through her body, centering between her legs. Oy.

  “Sophie’s in the kitchen.” Which was about four steps behind him. “I’ll take you.” He wrapped his graceful fingers around her arm, his large hand spanning her wimpy biceps with ease, and tugged her gently away from the others. “You look good.”

  Her face felt hot, her entire body like an inferno next to his manliness. “Oh, uh, thanks. You too.”

  He chuckled, and that deep rumble had her quelling a shiver. J.T. was huge, his body corded with muscle. His square jaw and high cheekbones—in addition to that dark-eyed stare that seemed to see everything—made him look more like a predator than an even-tempered artist. Though she could totally see that he’d earned his reputation as a ladies’ man.

  “This old thing?” J.T. glanced down at his T-shirt. “Took me forever to pick it out. I mean, I want to look perfect for family.”

  They’d entered the kitchen, and Aunt Sophie overheard him. She smiled. “You always look handsome, J.T. I’m glad you came for dinner. Hope, you too.”

  He left Hope to give Sophie a kiss on the cheek, his big body totally engulfing Sophie’s smaller frame. “What’s for dinner?”

  “Always thinking with your stomach. Just like your father,” Sophie teased.

  Hope had always loved Aunt Sophie, especially because, like Sophie, Hope didn’t fit the mold her family expected of her. Unlike Sophie’s two older sisters, Sophie hadn’t married and had children right away. She’d traveled the world, fell in and out of love, and enjoyed an art career that had spanned several decades.

  She’d always been the fun aunt, with stories that pulled Hope away from life in dreary Seattle and took her into far-off castles and cafés, living through Aunt Sophie’s escapades.

  To see her aunt so in love, at her age, gave Hope, well, hope. If her aunt could live a full life without a man by her side, then choose to find someone later in life, so could she. Unfortunately, Hope didn’t have a career she loved or grand adventures overseas. After earning a business degree, she’d bounced from job to job in Seattle for years until finally settling into a cozy role as an administrative assistant at her cousin’s financial firm.

  She liked it. She’d become good at it, and she thought she might just have a head for organizing and money matters. Yes, Hope could be just like Aunt Sophie. She wanted to be just like Aunt Sophie.

  Yet for all her positive thinking, the job didn’t fill that loneliness inside her.

  “Right, Hope?” Her aunt was looking at her with a bemused expression.

  “Oh, sorry. I was thinking about something else. Say that again?”

  “I was telling J.T. that this recipe is a family secret.”

  Hope raised a brow. “Really?”

  Sophie gave her a mock frown. “What does that mean?”

  “I, er, hadn’t realized our family had secret recipes. Mom doesn’t cook, a
nd Aunt Beth is so-so in the kitchen…but don’t tell her I said that. Since when are you into cooking?”

  Sophie blushed. “Liam’s not much good in front of the stove, so I decided to take up a new hobby. We take classes together.”

  J.T. stared. “Classes?”

  “Cooking classes. It’s fun.” Sophie smiled. “You two should try it. Besides, cooking is cheaper than eating out all the time.”

  Which her aunt could well afford. Hope thought the woman just liked cooking for her man. It must be nice to do fun things together. Yet she had to admit she couldn’t see big Liam wearing an apron and taking instruction on how to flambé.

  She shared a look with J.T. that told her he thought the same. Wisely, they said nothing.

  J.T. squeezed her shoulder. “I’d better go rescue Del from Dad. Did you know she’s pregnant, Sophie?”

  Sophie’s green eyes twinkled. “I heard. I’m so happy for her.”

  J.T. grinned, and Hope steeled herself to stop mooning over the man. After he walked away, she turned to see her aunt watching her. She prayed her ogling hadn’t been too obvious.

  “So, what’s new with you and your mother?” Sophie asked. A familiar topic.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  Sophie patted her arm. “Don’t worry, sweetie. My mother and I used to argue like cats and dogs too. But as we got older, we put our differences aside. She mellowed out, and we could finally just accept each other for who we are.” Hope just stared at her aunt…who sighed. “Yeah, I don’t see your mother relaxing either. She’s a lot more like our father than Beth or me. You know, I used to think Beth was the worse of the two when I was growing up. Linda used to be the nice one. But as she grew older, she grew more…”

  “Aggressive? Hostile?” Hope paused. “Domineering?”

  “I was going to say ‘determined.’” Sophie laughed. “Of the three of us girls, she was always the most ambitious.” Her smile faded. “I know you two seem to butt heads more often than not, but honey, she really does love you. She wants the best for you.”

  “I know.” Which was what made Hope’s feelings for her mother so confusing. “The problem is she thinks she knows what’s best. But she doesn’t care what I want.”

  Sophie nodded. “And that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? What do you want, Hope?”

  Hope shrugged, feeling the dissatisfaction she’d been trying to deny for months. “I wish I knew, Aunt Sophie.” Because anything had to be better than feeling so lost all the time.

  Chapter 2

  Hope sat through the rest of the dinner, smiling with the others while remaining adrift, like an observer—watching but not exactly taking part in the group dynamic.

  More than lonely, she felt…empty. Something was missing, and she had no idea how to fill that void. Men sure the heck hadn’t been the answer. She’d stopped dating nearly five months ago, tired of picking up loser after loser. Greg had cheated on her, then turned verbally abusive. Before him, Jim had been a sleaze, hitting on anything with boobs. Rob demanded she obey him to the letter, and Brian had firm rules about what and how to do everything.

  Hope wanted to think she had enough smarts to steer clear of trouble. But in retrospect, Greg was one in a long line of mistakes she continued to make.

  Laughter distracted her, and she tuned back in to the conversations around her.

  Rena and Del teased each other with affection. J.T. joined them while continuing to watch Hope out of the corner of his eye, which made her jittery. And Liam and Sophie looked so happy together, their joy should have been contagious.

  But all Hope could feel was a kind of emptiness as she tried to ignore the self-pity threatening to turn her inside out. It felt as if everyone she knew had found love and happiness. Everyone except her.

  Even as she thought it, she wanted to smack herself. She had a job she actually liked and a terrific boss. Cam was a genius when it came to money matters, and she enjoyed being his assistant, taking care of the administrative tasks as well as being the bright face that welcomed clients to his swanky firm.

  Hope genuinely loved her cousin and his wife and baby…

  Hmm. Maybe that’s the problem. My biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away.

  She’d wondered about the possibility, but she didn’t feel desperate to conceive.

  J.T. leaned close to whisper, “Hey, you still with us?”

  She took a sip of water, embarrassed to have been caught zoning out. Again. “Yeah. It’s been a long day. Sorry.”

  “Nobody noticed but me.”

  She turned. A mistake, because they sat nose to nose, so close she could see the warm brown of his irises, see his eyes crinkle when he smiled. A crazy part of her wanted to stroke his cheek, to see if he felt as sexy as he looked.

  His smile widened. “You’re so pretty.”

  Not sure how to handle such blatant flattery, she blinked and regrouped. Her face felt hot, and this close to J.T., she couldn’t think.

  Then she gathered her wits, reminded herself she was taking time off from relationships, and gave him a grin. “You’re pretty too.”

  She turned her attention back to the table and made small talk with Del about life with the McCauleys. Finally, some genuine mirth melted the ice around her heart, and she was able to enjoy herself despite sitting way too close to J.T.

  Dinner broke up, and Hope departed with sincere thanks, hustling away from more talk of weddings and babies. And J.T. He’d been a little too intent watching her, as if he could sense her turmoil. Too attractive and not what she needed in her life.

  She drove herself home to her tiny apartment in Fremont, far enough from her parents that they couldn’t walk over to drop in. After parking in the garage, she headed to her unit, locked herself inside, then flopped onto her couch.

  When all was said and done, she decided to stop lying to herself. She knew why she was unhappy. And it wasn’t just a case of loneliness.

  The antithesis of her mother, Hope had never dreamed of earning millions and being the best of the best at her workplace. Fighting to get to the top didn’t appeal. She’d never been overly ambitious about a job.

  A degree in business and the intention of going to law school had seemed to satisfy her parents. Keeping them off her back for four years, when she’d had no idea what she wanted to do, had made sense at the time. But school grew tedious, and business bored the crap out of her. With law school out, a few years of working in cubicles and staring at spreadsheets had made her reconsider the worth of her degree.

  Realizing that business had been a mistake, she’d gone in the opposite direction. A stint in retail had been fun yet ultimately unsatisfying.

  More jobs working for other people had been both good and bad. She’d thought she’d found her dream job working for a unique company that tried to make people’s dreams come true, setting them up on dates and arranging for fantasies to come alive.

  But her boss had been a nightmare and the catty employees too much to handle. After so much chaos trying to find the right job, the perfect opportunity had fallen in her lap. A chance to work for her cousin, a genius investor on everyone’s radar. She had benefits, a boss she literally loved, and a steady paycheck. The job didn’t have much in the way of advancement, but she liked the work and enjoyed the daily challenges of managing Cam’s busy schedule.

  Still, all that was just a way to make a living, not the totality of what made Hope tick.

  It had taken her twenty-nine years to figure out what she really wanted in life—true love. Period.

  Hope liked working, no question. She didn’t want a man to provide her with nice things. She’d buy them herself. And someday she’d figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up, she thought wryly.

  She had her mother’s looks—blond hair and a curvy figure kept toned by regular trips to the gym.
She didn’t lack male attention as much as she attracted the wrong attention. Hope didn’t understand it. She was no one’s doormat, so why did she keep dating men who treated her so badly?

  After some soul searching and a hard talk from her oldest brother, she’d decided to forget about guys and focus on herself. She’d taken a self-defense class at the gym, joined a book club, and started watching foreign films to broaden herself intellectually.

  Unfortunately, she kept falling asleep during the movies. She couldn’t read one more piece of prize-winning literature where the man cheated on his wife and they all died at the end. And the self-defense classes she loved had ended all too soon.

  She’d tried discussing her weird funk with her best friend, Noelle. But Noelle could talk about nothing but Paris, where a mutual friend was currently honeymooning. Yeah, Noelle was a bona fide crazy Francophile now taking French language lessons and a French cuisine culinary class. The woman had made escargot for Hope a week ago, and it had been a slimy disaster.

  To make up for it, Hope had insisted they watch a cartoon about racing snails. Noelle had pledged to never eat another snail again.

  Hope chuckled as she got ready for bed, needing that burst of amusement to shake her from yet another pity party. She was done feeling sorry for herself. Her mother might not realize it, but Hope actually did have a lot in common with her. Determination. Intention.

  She focused and did a few minutes of meditation, clearing her mind of everything except feeling optimistic.

  I’m smart. Healthy. Heck, I’m almost thirty, and I’m living on my own with a great job and good friends and family.

  Wait. Thirty. She blinked her eyes open. God, just another three weeks, and she’d hit the big three-oh. Thirty and single and…

  “Stop it. I’m great. No need to panic because I’m dateless and childless.” Ugh. Saying that out loud sounded awful. “I mean, I’m independent and man-free…by choice.” Yeah, that was better.

  Bucking up, Hope resolved to be productive during her weekend. She had plenty to do to keep herself busy. Needing to reset her attitude into that of the positive, can-do girl she wanted to be, Hope went to bed and envisioned herself having pleasant dreams about her very happy life.