This Heart Of Mine

by Susan Elizabeth Philips

  He gave her the same stubborn look she’d seen on his face when he’d refused to let her go to a co-ed sleepover after her high school prom. The same look she’d seen when he wouldn’t let her postpone college to backpack through Europe. But she hadn’t been a teenager for years, and something inside her snapped.

  “You had no right!” Without planning it, she found herself hurtling across the room to get to him.

  She wasn’t a violent person. She wasn’t even hot-tempered. She liked rabbits and fairy tale forests, china teapots and linen nightgowns. She’d never struck anyone, let alone someone she loved. Even so, she felt her hand curling into a fist and flying toward her brother-in-law.

  “How could you?” She caught Dan in the chest.

  “Molly!” her sister cried.

  Dan’s eyes widened in astonishment. Roo began to bark.

  Guilt, anger, and fear coalesced into an ugly ball inside Molly. Dan backed away, but she went after him and landed another blow. “This isn’t your business!”

  “Molly, stop it!” Phoebe exclaimed.

  “I’ll never forgive you.” She swung again.

  “Molly!”

  “It’s my life!” she cried over Roo’s frenzied barks and her sister’s protests. “Why couldn’t you stay out of it!”

  A strong arm caught her around the waist before she could land another blow. Roo howled. Kevin drew her back against his chest. “Maybe you’d better calm down.”

  “Let me go!” She jabbed him with her elbow.

  He grunted but didn’t release her.

  Roo clamped on to his ankle.

  Kevin yelped, and Molly jabbed him again.

  Kevin started to swear.

  Dan joined in.

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake!” A shrill noise split the air.

  Chapter 5

  Sometimes you need a friend really badly, but everyone’s gone away for the day.

  Daphne’s Lonesome Day

  Molly’s eardrums rang from the blast of the toy whistle clamped between Phoebe’s teeth.

  “That’s enough!” Her sister marched forward. “Molly, you are offside! Roo, let go! Kevin, get your hands off her. Now, everybody sit down!”

  Kevin dropped his arm. Dan rubbed his chest. Roo released Kevin’s pant leg.

  Molly felt sick. Exactly what had she hoped to accomplish? She couldn’t bear looking at anyone. The idea that her sister and brother-in-law must know by now how she’d attacked Kevin while he slept was beyond humiliating.

  But she was accountable for what had happened, and she couldn’t run away. Taking a cue from Daphne’s fans, she grabbed her lovey for comfort and carried him to an armchair as far away from the rest of them as she could get. He gave her a sympathetic lick on the chin.

  Dan took a seat on the couch. He wore the same stubborn expression that had unglued her. Phoebe perched next to him looking like a worried Vegas showgirl wearing mommy clothes. And Kevin…

  His anger filled the room. He stood next to the fireplace, arms crossed over his chest, hands locked beneath his armpits, as if he didn’t trust himself not to use them on her. How could she ever have had a crush on someone who was so dangerous?

  That’s when it sank in. Phoebe, Dan, Kevin… and her. The creator of Daphne the Bunny was up against the NFL.

  Her only strategy lay in a strong offense. She’d look like a bitch, but it was the kindest thing she could do for Kevin. “Let’s make it snappy. I have things to do, and this is just too boring for words.”

  A dark blond eyebrow shot to the middle of his forehead.

  Phoebe sighed. “It’s not going to work, Molly. He’s too tough to scare off. We know Kevin is the father of your baby, and he’s here to talk about the future.”

  She whirled toward Kevin. He hadn’t told them! Phoebe would never be talking like this if she knew what Molly had done.

  His eyes gave nothing away.

  Why had he kept silent? Once Phoebe and Dan knew the truth, he’d be off the hook.

  She turned toward her sister. “The future doesn’t involve him. The truth is, I—”

  Kevin sprang away from the fireplace. “Get your coat,” he snapped. “We’re going for a walk.”

  “I don’t really—”

  “Now!”

  As much as she hated facing him, talking with Kevin alone would be easier than dealing with him in front of the Calebow Mafia. She set her lovey on the carpet and rose. “Stay here, Roo.”

  Phoebe picked up the poodle as he began to whine.

  With her spine ramrod straight, Molly marched out of the room. Kevin caught up with her in the kitchen, gripped her arm, and hauled her into the laundry room. There he shoved Julie’s pink and lavender ski jacket at her and snagged Dan’s brown duffel coat from a hook for himself. He threw open the back door and gave her a none-too-gentle nudge outside.

  Molly pulled on the coat and tugged at the zipper, but it didn’t come close to meeting in the front, and the wind cut through her silk blouse. Kevin didn’t bother fastening Dan’s coat, even though he only wore a summer weight knit shirt and khakis. The heat of his fury was keeping him warm.

  She reached nervously into Julie’s pocket and found an old knit cap with a faded Barbie patch. The remnants of a glittery silver pompon hung by a few threads at the top. She yanked it on over her hair. He pulled her to a flagstone path that led to the woods. She could feel the anger rolling off him.

  “You weren’t going to tell me,” he said.

  “There was no need. But I’m going to tell them! You should have done that when Dan showed up and spared yourself a long trip.”

  “I can just imagine his reaction. This isn’t my fault, Dan. Your perfect little sister-in-law raped me. I’m sure he’d have believed that.”

  “He’ll believe it now. I’m sorry you had to be… inconvenienced this way.”

  “Inconvenienced?” The word was a whiplash to her. “This is a hell of a lot more than an inconvenience!”

  “I know that. I—”

  “This might be an inconvenience in your rich-girl’s life, but in the real world—”

  “I understand! You were a victim.” She hunched her shoulders against the cold and tried to fit her hands into the pockets. “This is my situation to deal with, not yours.”

  “I’m not anybody’s victim,” he snarled.

  “You were mine, and that makes me responsible for the consequences.”

  “The consequences, as you call them, add up to a human life.”

  She stopped walking and looked up at him. The wind snatched a lock of his hair and slapped it against his forehead. His face was rigid, his too-handsome features uncompromising.

  “I know that,” she said. “And you have to believe that I didn’t plan any of this. But now that I’m pregnant, I want this baby very much.”

  “I don’t.”

  She winced. Logically, she understood. Of course he wouldn’t want a baby. But his anger was so fierce that she crossed her arms protectively over her waist. “Then we haven’t got a problem. I don’t need you, Kevin. Really. And I’d very much appreciate it if you’d forget all about this.”

  “Do you really think I’m going to do that?”

  To her this was personal, but she had to remember this was a professional crisis for him. Kevin’s passion for the Stars was well known. Phoebe and Dan were his bosses and two of the most powerful people in the NFL.

  “As soon as I tell my sister and Dan what I did, you’ll be off the hook. This won’t affect your career at all.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You aren’t telling them anything.”

  “Of course I am!”

  “Keep your mouth shut.”

  “Is this your pride talking? You don’t want anyone to know you were a victim? Or are you that afraid of them?”

  His lips barely moved. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “I know the difference between right and wrong! What I did was wrong, and I won’t compound it by bringing y
ou any further into this. I’m going back inside, and—”

  He caught her arm and gave her a shake. “Listen up, because I’m jet-lagged and I don’t want to have to say this more than once. I’ve been guilty of a lot of things in my life, but I’ve never left behind an illegitimate kid, and I don’t intend to start now.”

  She drew away and clutched herself tighter. “I’m not getting rid of this baby, so don’t even suggest it.”

  “I’m not.” His lips tightened into a bitter line. “We’re getting married.”

  She was flabbergasted. “I don’t want to get married.”

  “That makes two of us, and we won’t stay that way for long.”

  “I won’t—”

  “Don’t waste your breath. You screwed me over, lady, and now I’m making the calls.”

  Normally Kevin enjoyed the dance club, but now he wished he hadn’t come. Even though his confrontation with the Calebow clan had taken place yesterday afternoon, he still wasn’t fit to be around other people.

  “Kevin! Over here!”

  A girl with glitter on her eyelids and a cellophane dress called to him above the noise. They’d dated for a couple of weeks last summer. Nina? Nita? He no longer remembered or cared.

  “Kevin! Hey, buddy, come on over here and let me buy you a drink!”

  He pretended he didn’t hear either of them and made his way back through the crowd in the direction he’d just come. This had been a mistake. He couldn’t deal with friends now, let alone fans eager to talk about the championship game he’d lost.

  He claimed his coat but didn’t button it, and the cold air of Dearborn Street hit him like a fist. On his drive into the city, the car radio had announced that the mercury had dipped to three below. Winter in Chicago. The valet spotted him and went to get his car, which was parked in a prominent space less than twenty feet away.

  In another week he’d be a married man. So much for keeping his personal life separate from his career. He handed the valet a fifty, then slid behind the wheel of his Spider and pulled away.

  You have to set an example, Kevin. People expect the children of clergy to do the right thing.

  He shook off the voice of the good Reverend John Tucker. Kevin was doing this to protect his career. Okay, so the idea of an illegitimate child made his skin crawl, but that would bother anybody. This sure as hell wasn’t some leftover preacher’s kid thing. It was all about the game.

  Phoebe and Dan weren’t expecting a love match, and the fact that the marriage wasn’t going to last long wouldn’t surprise them. At the same time, he’d be able to hold up his head around them. As for Molly Somerville, with her important connections and her careless morality, he’d never hated anyone more. So much for marrying the silent, undemanding woman Jane Bonner loved to taunt him about. Instead, he had a snooty egghead who’d take big bites out of him if he gave her the chance. Luckily, he didn’t intend to give her one.

  Kevin, there’s right and there’s wrong. You can either walk through your life in the shadows or you can stay in the light.

  He ignored John Tucker and accelerated onto Lake Shore Drive. This had nothing to do with right and wrong. It was career damage control.

  Not quite, a small voice whispered inside him. He shot into the left lane, then the right, then the left again. He needed speed and danger, but he wasn’t going to get either on Lake Shore Drive.

  A few days after Phoebe and Dan’s ambush, Molly met Kevin to take care of the wedding license. Afterward, they drove separately downtown to the Hancock Building where they signed the legal papers that would separate their finances.

  Kevin didn’t know that Molly had no finances to separate, and she didn’t tell him. It would only make her look loonier than he already thought she was.

  Molly tuned out as the attorney explained the documents. She and Kevin hadn’t said a word about what role he’d take in her child’s life, and she was too dispirited to bring it up. One more thing they needed to work out.

  Leaving the office, Molly gathered her courage and tried once more to talk to him. “Kevin, this is crazy. At least let me tell Dan and Phoebe the truth.”

  “You swore to me you’d keep your mouth shut.”

  “I know, but—”

  His green eyes chilled her to the bone. “I’d like to believe you can be honorable about something.”

  She looked away, wishing she hadn’t given him her word. “These aren’t the 1950s. I don’t need marriage to raise this child. Single women do it all the time.”

  “Getting married won’t be anything more than a minor inconvenience for either one of us. Are you so self-centered you can’t give up a few weeks of your life to try to set this straight?”

  She didn’t like the contempt in his voice or being called self-centered, especially when she knew he was doing this only to keep himself on good terms with Dan and Phoebe, but he walked away before she could respond. She finally gave up. She could fight one of them, but not all three.

  The wedding took place a few days later in the Calebow living room. Molly wore the winter-white midcalf dress her sister had bought her. Kevin wore a deep charcoal suit with a matching tie. Molly thought it made him look like a gorgeous mortician.

  They’d both refused to invite any of their friends to the ceremony, so only Dan, Phoebe, the children, and the dogs were there. The girls had decorated the living room with white crepe-paper streamers and tied bows on the dogs. Roo wore his around his collar, and Kanga’s perched crookedly on her topknot. She flirted shamelessly with Kevin, shaking her topknot to get his attention and batting her tail. Kevin ignored her just as he ignored Roo’s growling, so Molly knew he was one of those men who believed that a poodle threatened his masculinity. Why hadn’t she considered that in Door County instead of looking for burps, gold chains, and “You duh man”?

  Hannah’s eyes shone, and she gazed at Kevin and Molly as if they were the central figures in a fairy tale. Because of her, Molly pretended to be happy when all she wanted to do was throw up.

  “You look so beautiful.” Hannah sighed. Then she turned to Kevin, her heart in her eyes. “You look beautiful, too. Like a prince.”

  Tess and Julie let out whoops of laughter. Hannah turned crimson.

  But Kevin didn’t laugh. He smiled instead and squeezed her shoulder. “Thanks, kiddo.”

  Molly blinked her eyes and looked away.

  The judge conducting the ceremony stepped forward. “Let’s begin.”

  Molly and Kevin moved toward him as if they were passing through a force field.

  “Dearly beloved…”

  Andrew wiggled loose from his mother’s side and shot forward to wedge himself between the bride and groom.

  “Andrew, come back here.” Dan reached out to retrieve him, but Kevin and Molly simultaneously snatched his sticky little hands to keep him right where he was.

  And that was how they got married—underneath a makeshift bower of mismatched crepe-paper streamers with a five-year-old planted firmly between them and a gray poodle glaring at the groom.

  Not once did Molly and Kevin look at each other, not even during the kiss, which was dry, fast, and closemouthed.

  Andrew looked up at them and grimaced. “Yucky, mush, mush.”

  “They’re supposed to kiss, you baby,” Tess said from behind.

  “I’m not a baby!”

  Molly leaned down to hug him before he could get worked up. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Dan shake Kevin’s hand and Phoebe give him a quick embrace. It was awkward and awful, and Molly couldn’t wait to get away. Except that was a problem all in itself.

  They made a play of sipping a few drops of champagne, but neither of them managed to eat more than a bite of the small white wedding cake. “Let’s get out of here,” Kevin finally growled in her ear.

  Molly didn’t have to fabricate a headache. She’d been feeling increasingly ill all afternoon. “All right.”

  Kevin murmured something about getting on the road before
it snowed.

  “A good idea,” Phoebe said. “I’m glad you’re taking us up on our offer.”

  Molly tried to look as if the prospect of spending a few days in Door County with Kevin weren’t her worst nightmare.

  “It’s the best thing to do,” Dan agreed. “The house is far enough away that you’ll avoid the worst of the media stir when we make the announcement.”

  “Besides,” Phoebe said with phony cheer, “it’ll give you a chance to get to know each other better.”

  “Can’t wait for that,” Kevin muttered.

  They didn’t bother changing their clothes, and ten minutes later Molly was kissing Roo good-bye. Under the circumstances she thought it best to leave her dog with her sister.

  As Molly and Kevin drove off in his Ferrari, Tess and Julie wrapped crepe-paper streamers around Andrew while Hannah cuddled up to her father.

  “My car’s at an Exxon station a couple of miles from here. Turn left when you get to the highway.” The idea of being closed up together for the seven-and-a-half-hour trip to northern Wisconsin had been more than her nerves could handle.

  Kevin slipped on his silver-framed Revos. “I thought we’d agreed on the Door County plan.”

  “I’ll drive there in my own car.”

  “Suits me.”

  Kevin followed her directions and pulled into the service station a few minutes later. His arm pressed her waist as he leaned across her to open the passenger door. Molly took the keys from her purse and climbed out.

  He roared off without a word.

  She cried all the way to the Wisconsin border.

  Kevin made a detour to his home in one of Oak Brook’s gated communities, where he changed into jeans and a flannel shirt. He picked up a couple of CDs by a Chicago jazz group he liked, along with a book about climbing Everest that he’d forgotten to stick in his suitcase. He thought about fixing himself something to eat since he wasn’t in any hurry to get back on the road, but he’d lost his appetite along with his freedom.

  As he headed north into Wisconsin on I-94, he tried to remember the way he’d felt when he’d swum with the reef sharks only a little over a week ago, but he couldn’t recapture the sensation. Rich athletes were a target for predatory women, and the notion that she might have gotten pregnant on purpose had occurred to him. But Molly didn’t need the money. No, she’d been after kicks instead, and she hadn’t bothered to consider the consequences.