This Heart Of Mine

by Susan Elizabeth Philips

  As a child who’d been emotionally abused, she had a strong survivor’s instinct, and it kicked in. “Tell me about the trade.”

  “Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s talk about us. About our future.”

  “I can’t talk about the future until I understand the here and now.”

  He must have known she wasn’t going to let it go, but he still tried to sidestep. “I’ve missed you so much. Without you, I stopped being happy.”

  It was everything she’d wanted to hear. And yet… “All I have to do is call her.”

  He wandered toward the fence. “All right, we’ll do it your way.” He braced a hand on the top rail. “I wanted to try to set things right with them once and for all, so I went out to the house. Dan wasn’t around, but I saw Phoebe. I told her I loved you and that I was going to ask you to marry me for real. I said I wanted her blessing.”

  Molly needed something to hold on to, but there wasn’t anything around, so she sank down in the weeds, drew her knees to her chest, and concentrated on sucking in air.

  He gazed down at her. “You could look a little happier.”

  “Tell me the rest.”

  “Phoebe didn’t like it.” He pushed himself away from the fence, the lines around his mouth deepening. “As a matter of fact, she hated it. She accused me of using you as an insurance policy toward my retirement.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Everybody knows I want to coach eventually, and I’ve talked to Dan about his front-office work.”

  Molly finally got it. “She said you were using me to guarantee your future with the Stars. Is that it?”

  He erupted. “I don’t need a guarantee! I proved myself a long time ago! There’s not a player in the league who knows more about the game than I do, but she looked at me like I was a no-name parasite. Molly, I understand that you love your sister, but football’s a game about winning, and I have to tell you right now that I’ve lost all respect for her.”

  Her legs had regained enough strength for her to stand. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

  His expression was a mixture of anger and confusion, as if he couldn’t comprehend how a life made of gold could have developed any tarnish. “She said I could have you or the Stars, but not both. She said if I saw you again, my career with the team was over. If I stayed away, I still had my job.”

  Something warm opened up in Molly’s heart. “And you believed her?”

  “You’re damn right I believed her! And it’s her loss! I don’t need the Stars. I don’t even want to play for them anymore.”

  Her loving, interfering sister… “She was scamming you, Kevin. This whole thing’s a scam.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “She wants me to have a Great Love Story like she had with Dan.”

  “I saw her face. This wasn’t any scam.”

  “She’s very good.”

  “You’re not making sense. What do you mean that she wants you to have a love story? I’d already told her I loved you.”

  “She’s a romantic. Almost as much as me. An ordinary love story isn’t good enough. She wants me to have something I’ll remember my whole life, something to pull out and examine if you forget to send flowers on our anniversary or get mad because I put a dent in the car.”

  “I’m sure you understand what you’re talking about, but I don’t have a clue.”

  “If you were a woman you would.”

  “Well, excuse me for having a—”

  “Words are wonderful, but every once in a while a few women are lucky enough to have something extra, something unforgettable.” This was so basic to her that she had to make him understand. “Don’t you see? Dan saved her life! He was willing to give up everything for her. Because of that, Phoebe always knows she comes first with him—ahead of football, ahead of his ambition, ahead of everything. She wanted me to have the same thing with you, so she convinced you that you had to choose.”

  “I’m supposed to believe that she jeopardized the entire team just to force me into making some kind of grand romantic gesture?” He was starting to shout. “I’m supposed to believe this?”

  Kevin loved her! She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his frustration. He’d been willing to give up the team for her, and her heart sang. But the sound was almost drowned out by another noise—one as unexpected as it was inevitable.

  The clang of a fire alarm.

  She tried to ignore it. Even though she knew Kevin’s career with the Stars was as secure as ever, he hadn’t known it, and the fact was, he’d been willing to make the sacrifice.

  Yes, her heart was definitely singing. Yes, this was a moment she could spend her entire life reliving. A moment that was perfect.

  Except for the fire alarm.

  She refused to listen to it. “You seem a little angry.”

  “Angry? Now, why would I be angry?”

  “Because you thought Phoebe kicked you off the Stars.”

  “You forget that I don’t care about the Stars anymore. You forget that I want to play for a team with an owner who understands that the point of the game is winning, not jeopardizing millions of dollars in revenue so her star quarterback can play Sir Galahad!”

  The fire alarm clanged louder. “Then you didn’t make much of a sacrifice.”

  He was a champion, so he could spot the blitz coming from a mile away, and his expression grew wary. “This is important to you? This whole romantic-gesture thing?”

  Clang… Clang… Clang… “I have to get ready for tea.”

  “I haven’t done enough? You want something more?”

  “Not at all.”

  A muffled curse, and then he swept her into his arms and began carrying her toward the woods. “How’s this for a romantic gesture?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, crossed her ankles, a perfect portrait of petulance, but she felt sick. “If this involves naked bodies, it’s sex, not romance.”

  Unfortunately, he set her down instead of kissing her until he’d drowned out the sound of a thousand fire alarms. “You think I don’t know the difference between sex and romance? You think because I’m male, I’m obtuse.”

  Her Great Love Story was on a downhill spiral because of a fire alarm that had grown so loud she wanted to cover her ears. “I guess only you can answer that question.”

  “All right, here’s what I’m going to do.” He took a deep breath and met her gaze straight on. “I’ll win the Super Bowl for you.”

  She realized he meant it, and little starbursts of happiness exploded inside her—each one punctuated by the noise of the alarm. Right then she understood that she was facing the fundamental question of her life, a question that had its roots in the heart of a little girl who’d been emotionally abandoned when she was much too young. Kevin Tucker was strong enough to slay dragons for her and strong enough to win the Super Bowl for her, but was he strong enough to love her even when she wasn’t lovable? She needed an answer that would quiet the fire alarm forever.

  “It’s only July, loser,” she sneered. “By Super Bowl Sunday I’ll have forgotten your name.”

  “I seriously doubt that.”

  “Whatever.” She scratched a mosquito bite, looked bored, and spoke the ugliest words she’d ever said. “My mistake. I really don’t think I love you after all.”

  Horrified, she began to snatch it back, then stopped because he didn’t look upset, only calculating.

  “Liar. Have you ever heard of the Saxeten River Gorge?”

  “Can’t say as I have.” Had the fire alarm lost a few decibels? “It sounds boring. Did you hear me say I didn’t love you?”

  “Yeah. Anyway, it’s in Switzerland, and it’s as treacherous as they come. But I’m prepared to rappel to the bottom, and once I get there, I’ll carve your initials in the rock.”

  Yes, definitely not as loud. She tapped her foot in the grass. “Touching, but Switzerland’s almost as far away as the Super Bowl. Besides, when it
comes right down to it, all you’re talking about is a little graffiti, right?”

  “There’s a sport called parapenting. You parachute off a mountain peak—”

  “Unless you’re going to write my name in the sky on your way down, don’t bother.”

  His eyes lit up.

  “On second thought,” she said hastily, “you’d probably misspell it. And the closest mountains are on the other side of the state, so what about the here and now? Okay, maybe I do love you, but truth is, champ, all this Iron Man stuff might impress the guys in the locker room, but it won’t get you babies and home-cooked meals.”

  Babies and home-cooked meals! A family that was all hers. And a man who satisfied her to the very depths of her soul.

  Just like that, the fire alarm went still forever.

  “So we’re going to play hardball,” he said.

  Kevin understood her better than anyone on earth. He understood her so well that he still hadn’t thrown up his hands and stomped away. She listened to the glorious silence inside her and wanted to weep with the joy of knowing that this man’s love didn’t have to be earned with perpetual good behavior.

  “I was willing to give up the Stars for you,” he reminded her, his expression shrewd. “But I guess that’s not good enough…”

  “Oh, yes… “ Kevin without the Stars was unthinkable.

  He didn’t take his eyes off her. “So I’ll have to give you something more.”

  “Not necessary.” She smiled her love at him. “You passed the test.”

  “Too late.” He grabbed her hand and began pulling her back toward the campground. “Come on, sweetheart.”

  “No, really, Kevin. It’s all right. I was just—It’s the fire-alarm thing. I know it’s neurotic, but I wanted to be sure you really loved me. I—”

  “Could you walk a little faster? I’d like to get this over with so we could start working on one of those babies you mentioned.”

  A baby… And this time it would be all right. She realized he was pulling her toward the beach. “You don’t have to—”

  “We’d better take one of the rowboats. Not that I don’t trust you in a canoe, but let’s face it, you’ve got a spotty record.”

  “You want to go out on the lake? Now?”

  “We have unfinished business.” He led her onto the dock. “You’re still looking for that great romantic gesture.”

  “No I’m not. Really! I’ve already had the most romantic gesture you could possibly make. You were willing to give up the Stars for me.”

  “Which didn’t impress you.”

  “More than you can imagine. I’ve never been so impressed.”

  “Could have fooled me.” He stepped down into the row-boat tied to the end of the dock, then pulled her in with him. “Apparently I still haven’t met the Dan Calebow Standard.”

  “Oh, but you have.” She sat on the seat. “I was just being… careful.”

  “You were being neurotic.” He untied the line and picked up the oars.

  “That, too. So do we really need to take to the high seas?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He began to row.

  “I didn’t mean it. When I said I didn’t love you.”

  “You think I don’t know that? And you can tell me how romantic I am when we get to the middle of the lake.”

  “I’m not being critical, but I don’t imagine you’ll be able to do anything too romantic out there.”

  “That’s what you think.”

  She loved him so much that it wasn’t hard to humor him. “You’re right. Rowing us to the middle of the lake is a very romantic gesture.”

  “I do know my romance.”

  He didn’t have a clue about romance, but this sweet-talking son of a preacher man knew everything there was about love. Daphne rippled on his chest with the movement of his muscles as he rowed. “I like your T-shirt.”

  “If you’re right about your sister—which I hope you are, even though I swear I’m going to report her to the commissioner—I’ll have them made up for all the guys on the team.”

  “Maybe not your best idea.”

  “They’ll wear ‘em.” He smiled. “I’ll make a concession to the defense, though, and put Benny on theirs. And congratulations on saving your books. Lilly told me all about it over the phone. I’m sorry you had to sell your place, but it would have been too small for both of us anyway.”

  Molly thought of the big old Victorian farmhouse on the outskirts of Du Page County she’d heard Phoebe mention was up for sale. It would be plenty big enough.

  “I think we’re about in the middle,” she said.

  He looked behind him. “Just a little farther. Did I tell you how deep it was out here?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Really deep.”

  She could feel her smile spreading all over her face. “I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

  “I know that. It’s my own hopelessly-in-love feelings that are in question.”

  “I promise I won’t ever question them again.”

  “Let’s make sure of that.” He shipped the oars, and they drifted for a while. He looked at her and smiled. She smiled back.

  Her heart felt as if it had somehow gotten lodged in her throat. “You’re the most steadfast man I’ve ever known, Kevin Tucker. I can’t imagine why I thought, even for a moment, that I needed to test you.”

  “Every once in a while you go crazy.”

  “Phoebe calls them ‘incidents.’ And today was the last one. I risked throwing away the most important thing in my life, but I won’t make that mistake again.” Her eyes filled with tears. “You gave up the Stars for me.”

  “I’d do it again. Although I sincerely hope I don’t have to.”

  She laughed. He smiled, then looked serious. “I know you don’t love football the same way I do, but, driving up here, I kept thinking about coming out of the huddle and looking over toward the fifty-yard line.” He touched her cheek. “I saw you sitting there just for me.”

  Molly could see it, too.

  “The wind’s picked up,” he said. “It’s getting colder.”

  The sun shone in the sky as well as in her heart, and she knew she’d never be cold for the rest of her life. “I’m fine. Perfect.”

  He nodded toward the sweatshirt that was still wrapped around her waist. “You’d better put that on.”

  “I don’t need it.”

  “You’re shivering.”

  “That’s from excitement.”

  “Can’t be too careful.” The rowboat wobbled a bit as he stood and drew her up in front of him, where he unfastened the sweatshirt and pulled it over her body. It was so large it came to her knees. He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Do you have any idea how precious you are to me?”

  “Yes, I really do.”

  “Good.” Quick as a flash he crossed the empty sleeves in front of her like a straitjacket and tied the cuffs in the back.

  “What are you—?”

  “I love you.” He brushed a kiss across her lips, picked her up, and dropped her over the side.

  She was so astonished that she took a mouthful, then had to kick furiously to get to the surface. With her arms imprisoned, it wasn’t easy.

  “There you are,” he said when she bobbed up. “I was getting worried.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Waiting till you’re ready to drown.” He smiled and eased back down on the seat. “And then I’m going to save your life. Dan did it for Phoebe, and I’m going to do it for you.”

  “Dan didn’t try to murder her first!” she screamed.

  “I go the extra mile.”

  “Of all the stupid—” She caught another mouthful, coughed, and tried to say more. Unfortunately, she was sinking back under.

  He was in the water waiting for her when she came up—hair dripping in his eyes, Daphne plastered to his chest, his green eyes dancing with the sheer pleasure of being alive, in love, and having such a good time.
There was no woman on earth who could entertain him the way she could. And no woman who would ever love him more.

  Which didn’t mean she was giving in without a fight. “By the time you save me,” she pointed out, “I’ll be too tired to do anything but sleep.”

  Seconds later she watched the sweatshirt sink to the bottom of the lake without her.

  “That was fun.” Kevin’s smile was a mile wide, and his eyes were misty with something other than lake water.

  “Not in front of the children.” Her eyes were misty, too, as she tugged off his Daphne T-shirt.

  They made love in the shadow of the rowboat, holding on to the gunwale and each other, choking and gasping, first one of them underwater and then the other, two daredevils who’d found their perfect mate. Afterward they gazed into each other’s eyes, not saying anything, just feeling peaceful and absolutely perfect.

  Epilogue

  Found in a notebook tucked under the gazebo at the Wind Lake Campground. Author unknown—although there are suspicions.

  All the animals in nightingale woods gathered for the christening. Daphne wore her second-best rhinestone tiara (she’d misplaced her best at a road rally). Benny polished his mountain bike until it shone. Melissa dazzled with a swirly scarf from the rue Faubourg Saint-Honoré, and her new husband Leo the Bullfrog created a beautiful painting in honor of the occasion.

  The ceremony took place under a shady tree. The animals waited until it was over to scurry out from the shadows of the gingerbread cottages and move among the guests, invisible to all but the very smallest of humans.

  Victoria Phoebe Tucker blinked down at Benny from her perch on her father’s shoulder, her green eyes alive with curiosity. What’s up, dude?

  “What’s up yourself?”

  Hey, you look familiar.

  “I know your dad pretty well.”

  Daphne hopped forward. “Bonjour, Victoria Phoebe, and welcome to Nightingale Woods.” She cast an admiring glance at the frothy confection of white lace and pink ribbons that enveloped the baby and draped her father’s large, tan arm. Victoria Phoebe already had an eye for fashion. “I’m Daphne, and this is Benny. We stopped by to introduce ourselves.”