Love's Dance

by Marianna Roberg

  "I do, I really do. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be in control of anything that moves."

  "Nonsense. You're doing fine."

  "Right. Which is why I just about turfed it." She chuckled and shook her head. "Now what are we doing?"

  "Let's walk the bikes on that path," he said, nodding to a path through the trees.

  "Okay." Jaina fell into step beside him.

  After several minutes, she said, "I have a confession to make."

  He looked over, blue eyes curious. "Yeah?"

  "Yeah. See... back when we met, I tried to hate you."

  "Me? Why?"

  Feeling intensely stupid for bringing it up, Jaina blushed. "Um. It's complicated. And it kinda starts with my ex-fiancé."

  "That Jack guy?"

  "Yeah. Have I told you why we broke up?"

  Colin shook his head.

  "I was gonna move in with him. I showed up a day early... and found him in bed with... another man." She swallowed. "And I've heard..."

  "That I'm gay."

  Jaina nodded. "I'm sorry. It's just..."

  "I understand. Really, I do."

  She stopped. "I've offended you."

  "No, you haven't." Colin studied her face. "Why are you telling me this?"

  She looked down. "What I was saying is, I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't. You wouldn't let me. And it's..."

  Jaina sighed. "I'll shut up now."

  "It's fine. Actually, that wasn't a surprise. Your not liking me."

  "It's not that. I like you."

  "Well, now you do." He watched as she scuffed the toe of her sneaker on the ground. Her body language screamed that there was something she wanted to say, but couldn't.

  Jaina could have kicked herself. She shook her head. "Forget I brought this up."

  She pushed her bike forward, fighting a fierce flush. She couldn't believe she'd even brought it up. What had she been intending, to confess her undying love for a gay man? "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she muttered under her breath.

  Colin caught her, his hand on her shoulder. He'd left his bike leaning against a tree some distance back. "Jay-"

  Jaina whirled around, brown braid whipping around to smack her in the face. "Why do I always fall for the gay ones?" she demanded.

  His bike helmet fell from his hand as his mouth dropped open and his eyes bugged. Jaina sighed miserably, feeling as if her face were about to melt off, it was so hot. She dreaded the next few words that were likely to come out of his mouth.

  But when they emerged, it was the last thing she'd expected.

  Colin took a deep breath. "I have a confession, too."

  She looked up, green eyes questioning.

  "I'm not gay."

  Chapter Twelve

  After staring at Colin for several moments in incomprehension, Jaina jumped on her bike and pedaled away as fast as she could.

  Her brain refused to take in what he'd said. It would mean he'd been lying to her for months now. But why would he reveal the truth to her now, of all times?

  He didn't follow her home. Jaina left her bicycle in the garage and went into the backyard, where she sat for several hours, by herself, until Teniel came outside.

  "Jaina? Is something wrong?"

  Jaina straightened, hastily wiping tears from her cheeks. "No, I'm fine."

  It was obvious Teniel didn't believe her. "You're sitting in the cold, crying. You're not okay. What happened?"

  What could she say? Her best friend was a liar? If he was telling the truth, and he wasn't gay... he didn't want her. He'd had plenty of opportunities to tell her, to make some sort of move. If it was obvious to Angela how she felt, surely it was obvious to him, too. Especially after her self-incriminating outburst in the park.

  She didn't know what was worse, his being gay, or his not being gay and not wanting her anyway.

  "I'm fine," she repeated. "I'd just like to be alone for a while."

  Teniel didn't want to leave Jaina outside by herself, but knew that pushing wouldn't help. "Okay. Dinner's in an hour."

  She nodded wordlessly. Teniel went back in the house.

  Jaina put her head on her knees and cried.

  ♥♥♥

  When Jaina ran into Colin the next morning, she did an abrupt about-face and ducked into the makeup trailer. To her mortification, he followed.

  "Jaina. You're avoiding me."

  "Thank you, Counselor Troi." She tried to slip past him, out the door.

  He put an arm up to bar the way. "Look, I know I should have told you earlier-"

  She pointed at him. "Yes, you should have! You should have been honest with me!"

  Colin ran a hand through his short, spiky hair. "I wasn't planning on it becoming an issue. Do you realize that you're the first person I've told since the rumor started?"

  Turning her back on him, she concentrated on putting a CD into her player. She angrily stabbed the "random" and "play" buttons.

  Colin moved beside her. "Jaina. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would make a difference."

  "A difference in what?" she demanded. Without giving him a chance to reply, she continued, "You've seen me practically naked!"

  "I didn't mean to walk in on you! I've told you that repeatedly! And anyway, you're the one who assumed I'm gay. I never said I was."

  "Until yesterday, you never said you weren't!"

  He stared intently at her, as if trying to read her mind. "Would things be any different if I had said it earlier?"

  "What difference would you want?" she responded. Jaina help up a hand. "I don't want to talk about this right now, Colin. I have work I need to do."

  "So we're back to not speaking? That's very mature, Jaina." Frustrated, he stalked out.

  ♥♥♥

  The next two weeks were made awkward by Jaina not speaking to Colin, and his repeated attempts to talk to her. She rushed him through his makeup and shoved him out the door.

  One afternoon, Colin was sitting dejectedly at the "bar" in Porkie's, when Jacob sat next to him.

  "You and Jaina aren't speaking to each other," the older man observed. "Did you quarrel?"

  "Yeah," Colin sighed. "And she won't let me apologize."

  Jacob was a little surprised. "It looked to me like the two of you were the best of friends."

  The younger man gave him a rather bitter smile. "That's what I thought."

  "Well, give her time. She'll cool down and listen eventually." Jacob stood up. He gave Colin one of those enigmatic smiles frequently used by his character. "Just give it time."

  ♥♥♥

  Jaina was just finishing Marlene Baxter's makeup when Colin came in. She maintained a pleasant smile until Marlene was out of the trailer.

  "What do you want, Colin?"

  His eyes raked over her appearance. Hair curled, makeup expertly applied, hiding faint blue circles. Obviously, she hadn't been getting enough sleep lately. She wore black jeans, black ankle boots, and a sage green chenille sweater, one of those soft ones that begged to be touched. A sage green rock wrapped in gold-colored wire hung around her neck.

  "To talk," he replied. "Actually, I want to apologize."

  "Why?"

  He wandered over to her CD player, which had her Goo Goo Dolls CD in again. "For not telling you the truth. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry you feel I lied to you."

  Jaina sighed. "Apology accepted. But you never answered my question."

  "What question?"

  "What difference would you have wanted it to make?"

  Colin was looking at the CD player. He nudged the sound up a bit.

  "Well?" she prompted.

  Colin walked over to her with his hands in his pockets. "The difference I would have hoped... and possibly still hope for..."

  He pulled his hands out and pinned her between his body and the makeup counter. Jaina's green eyes widened.

  He looked at her for a moment, then grimaced and drew back. "Forget it."

  She grabbed
his arm. "Don't you dare go running off. I want you to tell me, to say whatever it was you were about to say. I miss you and I want things to be okay again. It's been bad because other than Angela, you're my only friend in this country, and I-"

  Suddenly, she couldn't continue because his mouth was on hers, silencing her.

  It took Jaina's brain several seconds to process that Colin was kissing her. His lips were as soft as she'd imagined, his arms just as strong.

  Colin leaned her back against the counter, lost in the heady sensation of her supple body pressed against his. She tasted of vanilla, and the smallest hint of the mint toothpaste she used.

  Jaina had time to think, "Angela's totally right," and Colin pulled away. She stood gaping at him, feeling like her eyeballs were spinning.

  He cleared his throat. "I, uh... We need to talk, but not here."

  Jaina swallowed and nervously licked her lips. That could have been a fortunate mistake, because he groaned and dragged her against him, mouth crushed against hers. A moment later, she was sitting on the makeup counter, her hands in Colin's hair.

  Just as quickly as it had begun, Colin jerked away, taking several steps back. He was breathing hard, and her air-starved brain found that very thrilling.

  "My family's out of town until Monday," she said hoarsely. "Are you free for dinner?"

  "Completely."

  "Stop by at seven, then?"

  "I will."

  He took a moment to compose himself, then left. She watched him go, a single butterfly flapping in her stomach.

  ♥♥♥

  For the rest of the day, she had to force herself not to think about the fact that Colin had kissed her. She was pretty sure that if she spent any time dwelling on it, her brain would melt.

  At the lunch break, Jaina was filling a paper plate with some finger food, not even paying attention to it, and Colin walked by. Their eyes met, and she dropped her plate.

  He didn't stop; they both knew if he did, disaster would strike.

  Angela--who didn't film all days, but was usually there to hang out with Jaina--quickly knelt next to Jaina to help her. "What was that about?" she hissed.

  "Just clumsy," Jaina said.

  Angela gave her a funny look, but didn't comment. Jaina was too busy staring after Colin.

  ♥♥♥

  In the afternoon, Jaina had to apply some gore makeup to one of the actors, whose character had been shot. Putting the latex and the fake blood on the man's chest and clothes distracted her enough that she didn't think once about Colin.

  That was, until Colin himself came in for applications of fake blood. Jaina tried not to look at him as she retrieved the bottle of sticky red liquid.

  She turned around. Colin had pulled off the costume shirt--a white button-up-- and stood shirtless before her.

  "I assume Alex will be changing into another shirt?" she asked, forcing her voice to stay calm.

  "Yes," he said. He wasn't looking at her, either.

  Jaina smeared the fake blood over the shirt. "Let that dry. Otherwise, it'll soak through to your skin."

  "I know." He prodded the sticky substance. "Where did your brother go?"

  "They're in Wellington, visiting Teniel's parents. For the twins' birthday. Which is Saturday."

  "Ah."

  Jaina looked at the shirt. "Too bad it isn't the one with the pleats. I hate that one, and would gladly burn it."

  He looked askance at her. "What one?"

  "The blue one with the pleats. And the embroidery. That you wore a lot back when Angela first came on the show. That one."

  "Oh." Colin nodded. "Yeah, that one's hideous. But the costumer chooses those."

  Jaina shook her head. "She should let me have some input."

  "Speaking of Angela... She's been giving me odd looks recently," Colin said.

  Jaina said, "Oh? She's been acting strangely. I wonder if she has to kiss Peter again."

  The door opened and the director's personal assistant stuck her head in. "Colin? We need you on set."

  Colin gave Jaina an apologetic look and left the trailer, slipping into his shirt on his way out.

  She sat for a moment by herself in the trailer, not sure what to do. She'd survived another few minutes alone with Colin, but just barely. The tension had been so high, they'd both stayed well out of arm's reach. The thought that they needed to make her legs shake.

  Chapter Thirteen

  As evening fell, Jaina found herself getting more and more tense. What were they going to say to one another? Was he going to come over and say that even though he'd kissed her, there was no way they'd work out?

  'Quit being so pessimistic!' she scolded herself. 'He wouldn't have kissed me if he didn't want to.'

  The director told her she could leave just before 6:30. She headed out to her car with her stuff, running into Angela along the way.

  "Hey, you wanna go club hopping or something?" Angela asked. "I'm bored out of my mind and avoiding my ex."

  Jaina smiled. "Sorry, I'd take you up on that, but I've got plans tonight."

  "More cooking lessons with Colin? You've so got to get your mind off him."

  "No, no cooking lesson. And I don't think you need to worry about that anymore, Ange." Jaina smiled privately. If things worked out the way she was thinking they would, she wouldn't have to worry about it again.

  With that happy thought, she waved goodbye to Angela, and got in the car.

  ♥♥♥

  She broke several laws driving home, hell-bent on getting there in time to calm herself, before Colin got there. Luckily, she wasn't pulled over.

  From the moment Colin's lips had touched hers, Jaina had been a jittery mess. Crushed against him as she'd been, she no longer had any doubts. He wanted her, and badly. She felt giddy at the thought.

  Glancing at her watch every two minutes, Jaina flitted nervously around the house. She whipped together something, and shoved it in the oven. Her hands were shaking. She needed some calming music.

  She was fond of compilation tapes, just as much as Colin's character Alex was. She had made one for every mood she could think of. In her bedroom, she put in one of the calming ones, and set it on "repeat".

  Feeling a little calmer, she kicked off her shoes and socks, then went down to the kitchen and set a bottle of sparkling cider to chill. The volume was up high enough she could hear the music drifting through the house. She leaned against the counter, by the "window" in the separator between the living-and-dining room and the kitchen.

  A footfall near the doorway made her look up. She’d told him to just come in when he arrived. Instantly, everything she'd thought to say left her mind.

  For a moment, she stopped breathing at the sight of Colin in the doorway. He was wearing his jacket and no hat, though it was snowing outside. The light where he stood was dim, the living area lit only by light spilling from the kitchen door and through the counter. He was, she saw, still wearing the grey-green sweater she liked so much on Alex, and black slacks, the outfit he'd changed into after the bloody shirt.

  They stared at each other for what could have been a few seconds, or an age of the world. Neither of them said a word as he moved into the room.

  He stopped a few feet in.

  Jaina couldn't look away. She set down the washcloth she'd been holding for no particular reason and moved around the edge of the counter and out of the kitchen.

  Colin couldn't have spoken if he'd wanted to. She was breathtaking, golden-brown hair tousled around her face, green eyes large and luminous, full lips parted.

  He took another step.

  Jaina met him halfway, reaching for him as he drew her into his arms. She closed her eyes as their lips touched. A thrill shot through her, making every hair stand on end.

  Colin hadn't know what he'd intended when he'd walked in. But he hadn't expected this.

  He dragged her hard against him. Her lips were soft and pliant, her body curved in all the right places, fitting against his perfectl
y. The swell of her breasts against his chest, combined with the first flick of her tongue against his, stole his breath and took the strength from his legs.

  Jaina grabbed handfuls of his shirt. She couldn't think, let alone breathe. When he propelled her backwards, she went willingly. They bumped into the counter.

  He broke away and gasped for air. In the middle of his inhale, Jaina grasped him by the back of the head and kissed him again.

  Colin moved back, aiming for the sofa, but reaching the doorway to the foyer. Jaina pulled back and gazed up at him, green eyes cloudy with passion. He bent his head and kissed her.

  Holding his shirt, Jaina began moving him towards the stairs. They stumbled against them and fell, laughing breathlessly. He leaned over her, the blue of his eyes darkened to a deep sapphire. Her laughter died, her breath catching in her chest.

  Jaina began to speak, but Colin placed a finger against her lips, stopping her. This time, when he kissed her, his mouth pulled slowly at hers, sending all attempts at forming even a mildly coherent thought straight to hell. Her brain shut down and her body took over.

  Her fingers slid into the short, dark hairs on his head. She gave a low moan that sent shivers down his back as he settled against her.

  Kneeling on the step below her, Colin slid his hands over her legs, from her knees to her hips, and then slipped his hands under her sweater. Jaina arched into his hands, making a small noise of pleasure as his fingers played over her skin.

  Pulling back, Colin looked down at her, one brow lifted in question. Jaina met his gaze, and slowly nodded.

  Without a word, he stood, her legs wrapped around his hips, and carried her up the stairs.

  ♥♥♥

  Colin shoved the door of her bedroom open. He kicked the door shut and leaned over the bed, setting Jaina on the covers. They kissed again, slow and lingering. Without pulling away, Colin struggled out of his jacket and dumped it on the floor. They spent several moments with their foreheads pressed together, breath mingled.