by Sarah Pond
Olivia wanted to see if she could start to mend her relationship with Jasmine. She missed how comfortable it used to be, working together. Jasmine had practically shut herself off, and hardly came out of her office. Olivia decided to take a big step. It was after work one day, and Jason and Laura had already left. Olivia tentatively knocked on Jasmine's door, 'Can I come in? I just wanted to talk to you.'
'Of course, sit down,' Jasmine gestured towards the sofa.
Olivia sat down and looked at Jasmine, who sat back in her chair. 'This is difficult, but I thought we should talk. I know things have been really hard, but I think it's time to move forward now. You can't shut yourself away all of the time.'
Jasmine sighed, 'Look, I just have to deal with things in my own way. I know it's my fault, I should have never told you how I felt about you.That's why I've always kept work completely separate to my personal life.'
Olivia felt for her, 'You can't protect yourself from feeling. You're such a passionate person, that's one of the things that I love about you, and you can't let this change who you are.'
Jasmine looked up at Olivia, had she really just said what she thought she had? She looked at Olivia, and Olivia held her gaze. She was so beautiful, and it hurt so much. Jasmine broke the gaze, and looked down. Olivia seemed to be dealing with everything so much better than Jasmine had. After an interminable silence, Olivia got up to leave. She walked over to Jasmine, and touched her arm. Jasmine felt the electricity race through her body, and she let out a sigh. Olivia said, 'Also, I just wanted to let you know that Will broke up with me. He thinks I'm in love with someone else.'
Jasmine watched as Olivia walked out of the office, closing the door behind her.
Jasmine looked at the closed door. What was that about. She knew things had been awkward, and she also knew that was partly her fault. She shouldn't have told Olivia how she felt, she used to be good at keeping her feelings to herself. Also, had she rushed Olivia too much? Olivia had never had a relationship with a woman before, was it any surprise that she had freaked out. But Jasmine couldn't shake that last thing Olivia had said, about Will thinking she was in love with someone else. Why would she tell Jasmine that, unless... No, she couldn't go there.
Back at home, Emma came and sat down next to Olivia on the sofa. 'Livvy, what's up. You haven't been yourself for weeks now.'
Olivia remembered her own words to Jasmine, about not changing who you are. She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that she was in love with Jasmine. So what, it didn't define her. She couldn't deny the feelings that she had for Jasmine any longer. She was a woman who had fallen in love. She knew that the time that she was with Jasmine was the happiest time of her life, why would she throw that away because things had turned out differently to how she had expected they would. Olivia sighed heavily, 'I am in love with someone. Hopelessly, deeply in love. The trouble is, I got scared and broke it off, and I broke their heart, and I don't know what to do.'
Olivia started sobbing, and Emma put her arm around her. 'Maybe you should tell this person how you feel,' said Emma. 'Who is it, is it someone I know?'
'Um, no. Well, yes, actually, you did meet her a couple of times.'
Emma was a bit confused, 'Her?'
Olivia looked up, 'Do you remember the Turner book, with the inscription from J?' Emma nodded. 'J is Jasmine. My boss.'
Emma exclaimed, 'Oh my god, I thought it was Jason you liked. How on earth did that happen?'
Olivia told Emma everything, then paused to wait for Emma's reaction. 'Well, that's got to be one of the most sexy and romantic stories that I've ever heard,' she paused, letting this information sink in. 'Oh my god, that day when I came back, and you were both on the sofa, looking as guilty as hell, that makes sense now! You've got to try and get her back. From what you say, she's crazy about you.'
'But I hurt her so badly. I couldn't get my head around it, it all happened so quickly. I feel like she's unleashed a part of me that I never knew existed, and it scares me, and it excites me, and I've never felt more alive than when I'm with her,' sobbed Olivia.
Emma said, 'Look, she'll understand that. All I can say is, that you never looked happier or more beautiful than when you were with Jasmine.'
Olivia looked up through her tears, and smiled, 'Really?' Emma nodded.
The next week at work was strange for Jasmine and Olivia. Olivia was trying to give Jasmine meaningful looks, and kept making excuses to go into her office. Jasmine was wary, and still remained guarded, but she could see that Olivia was behaving differently. She didn't quite know what to make of it. Each evening, Emma would ask Olivia for an update, and by the end of the week, she said it was time to take action.
Jasmine was on her way home on Friday evening. She was tired, as it had been another full on, busy week. Maybe her friends were right, she should ease off a bit. As she walked up the road to her house, Jasmine could see someone sitting on her doorstep. Olivia. Jasmine slowed down as she approached her home. 'Hi,' Olivia said, 'Can I talk to you please?'
Jasmine looked at her quizzically, 'Um, yes. Let me open the door, and we can talk inside.'
Olivia followed Jasmine inside. Jasmine took off her jacket, and hung it up, then took Olivia's jacket, hanging it up next to her own. 'Come in, I'll put the kettle on,' Jasmine said as she walked to the kitchen.
Rocky padded over to greet Jasmine, and she bent down to stroke him. Olivia watched as Jasmine put the kettle on, and prepared some food for Rocky. When the drinks were ready, Jasmine asked, 'So, what did you want to talk to me about?'
Olivia stood and looked at Jasmine, how beautiful she was, those gorgeous dark eyes. She could see that Jasmine was wondering what Olivia was going to say. Olivia was feeling really nervous, and she could feel her heart beating so fast. Oh, well, here goes, she thought. Olivia stated, 'I'm in love with you. Madly, passionately, deeply in love with you. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realise it. I thought you should know.'
Jasmine's mouth dropped open, and she stared at Olivia. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Olivia said, 'Can we sit down and talk.'
They went into the lounge, and sat on the sofa facing one another, and Olivia started to explain. 'As you know, things happened with us so quickly. You really swept me off of my feet, and although I couldn't get my head around it, when I went with my extinct, it did feel right. I just got so overwhelmed. And when Liam came to London, it was so easy spending time with him. After you and I broke up, I did sleep with him once, and I knew immediately it was a mistake. At least we both knew that it really was over.'
Jasmine looked at Olivia, tears in her eyes, 'So what about Will?' she whispered.
Olivia sighed, 'Emma got fed up with me moping around, and made me go out. Will was such a nice guy. The thing is, all of my life, I'd always assumed I'd meet a nice guy, settle down and maybe have kids one day. Being with a woman had never entered my head. I knew that I wasn't meant to be with Liam, and I was hoping that there was someone else for me. Then I realised there was. It was you. You blew me away, and I can't bear the fact that I threw it away.'
As Olivia was talking, tears ran down her face. She continued, 'I know I really hurt you, and I can't tell you how bad I feel about that. Will you give me another chance. Please.'
Jasmine sat there, looking at Olivia, so beautiful, so vulnerable. Oh god, how she wanted to kiss her, to hold her. The tears now started down Jasmine's cheeks. 'I can't. I mean, I'm with someone. Her name's Chloe.'
Olivia's face fell, and her head suddenly felt as though it was in a goldfish bowl, everything was muffled. Jasmine could see the shock and hurt in Olivia's eyes. 'Oh shit, I never even thought... shit, I have to go.'
Olivia rushed to the hall to get her coat, and disappeared, closing the door behind her. Jasmine just sat and watched her go, then she started to sob, big heaving sobs, and leaned forward, hugging herself.
Olivia headed straight back home, but could hardly see her way with the tears in her eyes. How could
she be so stupid to think that Jasmine wouldn't end up meeting someone. Christ, she had been dating Will, Jasmine would have had no idea how Olivia really felt. When she arrived home, she went straight to her room, and fell on the bed in a heap. It was getting late when Emma came home, and when she saw Olivia's bag on the coffee table and her bedroom door closed, she feared that the evening hadn't gone so well.
In the morning, Olivia went to the kitchen to make coffee. Emma came in to see how she was, and could see by Olivia's tear stained face and smudged mascara that it was not good. She walked over and gave Olivia a hug, and Olivia sobbed in her arms. Once she had calmed down, she explained to Emma what had happened. Emma said, 'I'm so sorry. At least she knows how you feel about her. If you hadn't told her, you would have always regretted it.'
Olivia knew that she was right, but knowing that didn't take away the pain. Emma said that she would run a bath for Olivia, then said they could spend the day together if Olivia would like to. Olivia said yes please, she didn't want to be on her own today.
Spending time with Emma at the weekend did help Olivia to take her mind off of things for a while. They went out for lunch, then went shopping. They had already been to a few shops, and now Olivia was in the changing room trying some clothes on, whilst Emma waited outside. There was music playing in the shop, and Adele's 'Someone Like You' came on over the speakers. The words cut right through Olivia, and tears silently streamed down her face. Then as she gave in to it, she heaved great sobs. She slid down to the floor, bent over, and thought that the pain would never end. Emma heard Olivia, and looked around the curtain, about to ask Olivia if she was okay. Seeing the state of her, she went in and held Olivia, until her sobs subsided. As she recovered herself, Olivia sniffed, 'Sorry, I will pull myself together. It just hurts so much.'
Emma stroked Olivia's hair, 'I know, I know. When you're ready, we'll go and get something to eat, and maybe a big glass of wine!'
Olivia smiled at Emma, 'Thank you.'
When it came to Monday morning, Olivia was feeling terrible. She decided that she just had to focus on the job, and nothing else. That's what Jasmine had done, she hadn't let her feelings affect work, and Olivia would just have to do the same. When Jasmine arrived, she asked Olivia to come into her office. Olivia's heart was beating so hard, she wondered that Jasmine wouldn't be able to hear it. Jasmine asked Olivia to sit down, which she did, looking at the floor. Jasmine sighed, 'Look, I just wanted to make sure that you're okay.'
Olivia said yes, she was fine. They sat there in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Then Olivia spoke, 'I'm sorry I turned up at your door on Friday.'
Jasmine said softly, 'I'm not.'
Olivia looked up and locked eyes with Jasmine. Fuck, this was so hard. Olivia dropped her gaze again.
Olivia wasn't sure how she managed it, but she got through the rest of Monday, and somehow the rest of the week. After work, she would be exhausted, and couldn't focus on anything else at all. Getting through work was taking every ounce of energy that she had. Emma was being very supportive, and had made dinner for Olivia most evenings. It was good that she could talk to Emma, as no one else knew about her and Jasmine. Olivia hated how she was feeling, particularly because she felt that she had brought it on herself. By the middle of the following week, she knew what she had to do.
Jasmine was finding work really difficult. She hated seeing Olivia upset, but they had to keep work as work. For now, she would only call on Olivia when she really needed to. She gave Olivia some work that she could do on her own, and hoped that things would settle down. On Friday afternoon, there was a tap on Jasmine's door. She said to come in, and looked up to see Olivia standing there. 'Hi, would you like to sit down?'
Olivia looked nervous, 'No thank you. I have to give you this,' and she handed an envelope to Jasmine. 'It's my resignation. I have thought about it a lot, and I think that it's for the best.' Olivia looked down at the floor.
A look of horror came over Jasmine's face, 'No, you can't do this, I can't lose you,' she was panicking.
Olivia simply said, 'I've made up my mind. I've spoken to Laura and Jason. They don't know anything about us, I told them that I have to take care of a personal emergency. Jason thinks I just want a bit of time off, and I thought that it would be easier to ask for without raising questions. He and Laura are not expecting me in for the next week or two. I'm sure you'll think of something to tell him, or you can show him my letter.'
Jasmine couldn't believe what she was hearing, and looked pleadingly at Olivia. 'Please, don't do this.'
Olivia looked up, and tried to talk before her voice broke, 'Thank you for everything, really. Goodbye, Jasmine.' Olivia turned and walked out of the door, leaving Jasmine dumbstruck.
When Olivia got home, she was pleased that Emma wasn't there. She needed time to think, and decided that she wouldn't tell anyone that she had resigned yet, just that she had some holiday booked. Laying on her bed, she started to think about going home for a few days. She rang her Mum, saying that she wanted to come home the next day for a break. Ella was delighted that Olivia would be coming home. Olivia packed her bag and booked her train ticket. In the morning, she went to find Emma to tell her that she was taking some time off and didn't know how long she would be away for. 'I'll let you know when I know myself,' she said.
'It will be good for you. If you want to talk any time, you will ring me, won't you?'
'Of course,' Olivia replied.
Jasmine hadn't managed to sleep at all on Friday night. She had tried Olivia's number, but it went straight to voicemail. She kept trying over the course of the day, and left a message, asking Olivia to call her. By Sunday evening, she still hadn't heard from her, and decided to go to the flat. Emma answered the door, and was surprised to see Jasmine standing there. Jasmine asked whether Olivia was there. Emma said, no, she wasn't. 'I really need to talk to her. Please will you ask her to call me. She won't answer her phone or call me back. I can't do anything if she won't speak to me.'
Emma paused, and asked Jasmine to come in and take a seat. 'She's in Cornwall. She needed some time to think, she's been in a bit of a state recently. She said she doesn't know when she's coming back.'
'Shit, I'm going crazy. I really need to see her. Please will you let me know when you hear from her, and let me know that she's okay. Even if she won't speak to me, I just want to know that she's okay. Please.'
Emma felt sorry for Jasmine, she could see how upset she was. 'Look, I'll let you know when I speak to her. Olivia has to do things in her own way, and she needs this time for herself.'
'I know, thank you, Emma. I can't bear to lose her.'
Emma said that it was only a couple of weeks off of work, she was sure that things would work themselves out. Jasmine's voice broke as she said, 'Olivia handed in her resignation yesterday. I don't know if I'll see her again.'
Emma was shocked, 'Olivia said she had booked some holiday, I didn't know that she had quit.'
She went and got a box of tissues, and handed them to Jasmine. 'Look, I have to ask, if you speak to her, I have to know that you're not going to hurt her.'
'Hurting Olivia is the last thing I want to do. I've been trying to do what I thought was the right thing, but it's just hurting both of us. I just need to talk to her, then it's her call after that.'
Emma said that she would see what she could do, but couldn't make any promises. Emma made Jasmine a cup of tea, and they chatted for a while. Jasmine told Emma how devastated she had been when Olivia had ended things, and hoped that she would change her mind. But over time, Olivia had got together with Liam, then Will, and she had to come to terms with the fact that she had to get on with her own life. So when Olivia had turned up at her home telling Jasmine how she felt, she had really wanted to get back together with her, but at that time she was seeing someone else. Then, when she thought about how difficult things had been at work, and how long it had taken her just to start feeling some semblance of normal after th
ey had broken up, she wasn't sure that she could go there again. Jasmine started crying again, 'I must be stupid, letting her walk away like that. I thought she would want some time, I blamed myself for rushing things with her at the beginning. I never thought that she would leave like that, I thought I was doing the right thing.'
Emma put her arm around Jasmine, 'You weren't to know. I'll talk to Olivia, leave it with me.'
Jasmine wiped her eyes, and looked at Emma, 'Thank you. Sorry I'm in such a state, I didn't mean to get you involved. I've just been so worried.'
'It's fine. You need to go home and get some rest. I'll call you when I've spoken to Olivia.'
Jasmine got up to leave, thanking Emma again. When Jasmine had left, Emma slumped back down on the sofa. Boy, those two needed to get sorted. They were obviously mad about one another, surely they could work something out.
Ella was thrilled to have Olivia back home. She thought that Olivia seemed very quiet, but Olivia had just said that she was tired, that work had been really busy, which was why she needed a break. She went to bed early on the day she got home, and slept heavily well into the next morning. She woke up feeling tired and aching, and Ella told her to stay in bed. She dosed Olivia up with echinacea and vitamin C, and gave her lots of water to drink. 'Darling, you're exhausted. A few days rest in bed is just what you need.'
'Thanks, Mum,' and Olivia drifted off to sleep again.
A couple of days later, Becky went round to see her, taking her some flowers and chocolates for when she felt better. They chatted, and Becky told Olivia all about what was going on at the gallery, and what she, Dan and Liam had been up to. Olivia told Becky that she was just on holiday. She wasn't going to go into everything that was going on at the moment. She needed to decide for herself what she wanted to do, not what other people thought would be best for her.
At work, Jasmine was missing Olivia so much. Laura noticed how quiet she was. One morning Laura commented on how it wasn't the same without Olivia, and she noticed Jasmine disappear into her office quickly, closing the door. Jasmine hadn't said anything to the others about Olivia resigning yet. If she did, she knew that she would have to tell them what had been happening, and she really couldn't face that at the moment.
