“And then your wife left for the lure of Cold Plains. I can see how that would make it hard for you to trust me.”
“Not you.” He wanted to say all women, but that wasn’t strictly true. “Well, not lately. I’ve had a problem with trusting anyone. But since you’ve been here you’ve made me see things differently.”
Well, he’d had that one relapse when he discovered she was back in Cold Plains, but now might not be the time to discuss it. He knew the kind of panic he’d experienced that night was a thing of the past.
“So it’s not that I don’t trust you,” he added quietly. “I do. But now that I know you well, I can see you’ve been holding back. Not telling me everything. You know my faults.”
He laughed softly. “Pointed most of them out to me. But I don’t know anything at all about yours. Or your past before you took off with Melody’s father. I think you’re the one who doesn’t trust.”
* * *
“Oh, but my background isn’t important. Not like yours. It doesn’t mean anything.” Her whole life didn’t mean much when she thought of it.
The only thing Susannah felt she’d ever done that made a difference in this world was Melody. And as much as she loved her little girl and would die for her, she’d been an accident—not something Susannah had wanted or planned.
She’d stumbled into the best thing that had ever happened to her…typical.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop putting yourself down. You always do. Like you think you’re not worthwhile or something.”
“No, I don’t do that.”
“Sure you do. Putting yourself down was what made you vulnerable to Samuel Grayson. You believed that he could make you a better person. When actually you’re a thousand times better a person than he is or ever will be.”
“But…” Was that true? When she really thought about Samuel, maybe it was.
“And I have a feeling that same attitude is what led to your going off with a drug dealer you barely knew and getting yourself pregnant. You don’t believe you have anything to offer someone decent. But the truth is you have so much to offer.”
She wanted to complain, to tell him that wasn’t true. But then she thought back to the person she once was—before Nathan. Was that really the kind of person she’d been then?
“I… Maybe you’re right.”
“Tell me who you are—or were,” he demanded in a gentle tone. “Why don’t you have a family somewhere who can help you?”
She’d tried hard to forget, to deny her past. When she became pregnant and found Cold Plains, she’d been determined to change. Funny… By giving her life up to Samuel Grayson’s lies, she hadn’t changed at all.
She did owe everything to Nathan and his family. And though she hadn’t told this story to anyone ever, she should tell him. He deserved to know what kind of person he’d been harboring. He’d made all the difference in her life, and he wouldn’t know that unless she told him why.
“I suppose my mother and father are still alive—somewhere. But they wouldn’t help me to a drink of water if I was dying of thirst. I’m not sure I could even find my father. Or would want to.”
She drew in a breath and let it out. “Worse yet, I’m not positive I know my father’s real name. He ran out on my mother and me right after I was born.
“Crazy, isn’t it?” she added. “Melody’s father didn’t even stick around for that long. I thought I was in love with a man who turned out to be just like my father, when I’d always sworn never to do anything so stupid.”
But that wasn’t the worst. Lord, give her the strength to tell him all of it. She owed him that much, even knowing he would probably look at her with disgust from now on.
Nathan didn’t say a word. But he took her hand in his and locked their fingers, giving her strength to go on.
“I don’t know why my father took off. It doesn’t matter now. But my mother always blamed me. In her wildest ravings, she claimed they were happy until I came along. She said I was a terrible baby, crying all the time and sickly. And that I cost too much money to keep. And that’s why he’d left.”
Closing her eyes, she saw the first image of her mother that she could ever remember. A tall, cold woman, screaming about how terrible and no good a child she was, right in front of the neighbors.
“I worked hard to stay out of her way. I learned how to become a shadow when she was around. Still, if I needed her to sign a report card or give me permission to take a field trip, I usually ended up afterward in a crawl space in the attic, curled up so I could become invisible.”
“I’m sorry,” Nathan whispered. “How did you survive?”
“By believing what she said. I didn’t need anything because I was worthless. Everyone else got lunch money. I ate their throwaways. That was good enough for me. Other people had friends, but I didn’t deserve such luxuries.”
She didn’t mean to make her past sound so pitiful. It was bad, but others had it a lot worse. She hadn’t wanted to tell him the whole story at all. But she’d gone this far and couldn’t find a way to stop now. Please don’t let him turn his back when I’m done.
He squeezed her hand. “Didn’t you have any teachers who noticed your situation? No one who paid attention?”
“My mother remarried when I was in the second grade. To a career army man. Her treatment toward me never changed, but from then on we moved from place to place a lot. I never got to know my teachers well enough for them to see what was going on. I wasn’t smart or particularly bad. I was easy to overlook.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t run away from home.”
“That’s what a strong person would’ve done. Or a smart person. I wasn’t either one. Besides, my mother had two more kids with my stepfather and didn’t treat them any better than she’d treated me. I was pretty useless, but I couldn’t leave my little brother and sister on their own, could I?”
“But you did. Eventually.”
“No.” She almost smiled at her stupidity. “They left me. I’d just turned nineteen when my stepfather accepted a transfer to Germany. I couldn’t be counted as a dependent, so I couldn’t go.”
“They left you behind?”
“It wasn’t so bad. At least I didn’t have to hear about how stupid and worthless I was from my mother anymore. I did worry about the little kids, though, for a long time. But in a few weeks I was struggling so hard to survive that I stopped worrying about anything.”
“What…” His voice was rough, low. “What did you do?”
“The only thing a girl with no training and no schooling could do.” Here it came: the worst of it. “I walked the streets.”
When Nathan didn’t say anything or even move, she wondered if he would hate her now. “I didn’t last long ’cause I wasn’t very good at that, either. I never enjoyed the company of men. Not until…you.
“And anyway, I almost starved to death,” she went on hurriedly. “Only managed a month or two until Melody’s father offered to take me in. He was on the road a lot and needed someone to…uh…be around when he needed a woman to take the edge off.”
“The drug dealer? Was he also your drug dealer?”
She took her hand back and bit her lip before she answered, “I never did drugs. I couldn’t afford them, and he didn’t want a meth head as a companion. Before I met him, it was all I could do to find food and a place to sleep.”
That explanation seemed a bit harsh. Of course Nathan would think the worst. Why not? So had she.
“I suppose if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with Melody, I probably would’ve gone the drug route eventually. It’s one way of forgetting your circumstances.”
“It’s one way to kill yourself, too.”
“Sometimes dea
d is better.”
She could feel the tears welling up again. Would they never stop? She swiped frantically at her eyes and begged them to go away.
“There you have it,” she said through pursed lips. “My story. Now, aren’t you glad I’m leaving?”
Nathan reached over and turned on the bedside light. The light was low, but it was more than she wanted right now.
“Don’t,” she said with a strain in her voice. “I’ll go back to the bedroom and Melody. But don’t look at me. Not now.”
She swung her feet over the side of the bed, turning her back on him and wondering what had happened to her clothes. She would hate to have to ask to borrow a shirt in order to make it back to her room. But she couldn’t go across the hall stark naked.
“Susannah.” He spoke so softly that she almost didn’t hear him.
But then he was standing right in front of her. “Look at me.” He put his hands on her shoulders and moved closer.
She didn’t want to face him, didn’t want to see the disgust in his eyes.
But she loved him enough to die for him. So she did as he asked and lifted her chin to look up at him.
The man was an amazing specimen. Standing there, it was easy to see he was tough but gentle. She hoped he wouldn’t hate her forever.
“Your story doesn’t make you sound worthless or stupid,” he said, gazing down at her with a tender look in his eyes. “It makes you sound like a survivor. I’m glad you told me. I’ve been frantic about you and Melody having to leave the ranch, worried the minute you left us behind you would become vulnerable to some other bad guy. Now, I’m a little less worried.”
He knelt before her and gazed into her eyes. “I dread the thought of you leaving, darlin’. I…”
His eyes filled, and he shifted his head as if to shake it off. Amazing. The man was so tenderhearted. The sight of him worrying about her ripped at her heart.
Her eyes filled again, too. “You’ve saved me from more than the Devotees. I don’t feel worthless anymore. You made me feel beautiful—and almost capable. Now I can believe I’ll be a good mother to Melody. And that’s all your doing. We’ll be okay. Thanks to you.”
He shook his head more forcefully now. “You did that by yourself. I only showed you one way to be different than you were. You took the ball and ran with it.”
“I’ll never forget you, Nathan. Not ever.” She leaned her forehead to his—unwilling to walk away from this wonderful man.
But she knew it was time. Everything had been said. If she was selfish and grabbed another extraordinary day with him, it could put him in danger.
He leaned in and covered her mouth with his. She poured her heart and soul into the kiss.
As the heat began to take them away to that incredible place they’d found together, she tasted salty tears. But when they broke apart to take a breath, she couldn’t be sure whose tears they’d been.
Oh, Lord, how would she ever do without this man?
* * *
The next morning dawned with her back in her room alone—except for Melody. She was going to have to learn to live with that from now on.
Today was the day she must find a place to go and prepare to leave. If she could, she’d like to be out of here first thing tomorrow. Determined but miserable, she dragged her heels getting herself and Melody dressed for the day, knowing the minutes were ticking away.
When she carried Melody into the kitchen, only Maria was there making breakfast. “There you two are,” she said. “Sit yourselves down at the table, and let me wait on you.”
“Just tea and maybe a piece of toast for me. Melody has had her breakfast.”
Maria set a mug of tea and a plate of biscuits and honey on the table in front of her. “Mind if I join you for a minute, honey?”
“Please do.” She dug into the food. She hadn’t thought she was hungry, but no one made biscuits like Maria.
“I wanted to say something before you leave,” Maria began. “You should know we’ll all be sorry to see you go. You’ve made a big difference around here—a big difference. And you’ll be sorely missed.”
Her hand stilled with the mug in the air as she tried to smile. “Thanks, Maria. But all of you were doing fine before me. You’ll get along just as well when I’m gone.”
“No, we won’t, sugar.” Maria patted her arm. “Before you and Melody came, this place felt like a graveyard. Everyone went around with their chins dragging to their chests. Hardly anyone talked to each other. Oh, Nathan and Mr. Pierce would yell sometimes. But no one said anything important. We weren’t really living. Just existing. I don’t know what we’ll do when you’re gone.”
It was the most she’d ever heard Maria say at one time.
Susannah had to swallow hard to speak. “I’ll miss you, too. But you know why I have to go.”
Maria stood up and pushed her chair under the table. “It don’t seem fair. All that talk about being a better person and those Devotees are anything but.”
She fisted her hands. “I’ve got work to do. I can’t be sitting around waiting for everyone to show up whenever they please. Mr. Pierce is the only one not fed yet. If he shows up anytime soon, tell him to help himself.” With that, she stormed out of the kitchen.
The next bite of biscuit stuck in Susannah’s throat. She’d lost her appetite.
“These are good people, Melody.” She turned to her baby in the convertible car seat Mr. Pierce had bought for her. “Maybe someday we can come back for a visit. I want you to get to know the people who saved your life.”
Taking a sip of tea, she listed the steps in her head that she needed to take to find a way to leave. First off, she would seek out Derek. The last time she’d seen him, he’d said he was onto something. Then she would spend some time with Sara and Kathryn. Kathryn was so smart; maybe she could think of some occupation where Susannah would be useful.
“Good morning, my pretty young ladies.” Mr. Pierce came into the kitchen and poured himself a mug of coffee. “No Maria this morning?”
“She said to help yourself. There are biscuits, and I think I spied sausages in the oven.”
“Danged headstrong woman. Good thing she bakes the best biscuits in the state.” He filled a plate and sat down beside her.
“You don’t mean that. I know she’s a little gruff sometimes, but then—”
“So am I?” He laughed. “Oh, Susannah, we will sure miss you.”
“You mean you don’t think I’ve been a big bother? Melody and I weren’t exactly invited guests.”
He stopped chewing and turned to her. “You’ve changed my whole life, girl. If I had my way, you’d never go anywhere.”
She felt the blush, and her first impulse was to say she hadn’t done much. But that would be against everything Nathan had made her believe in last night.
So instead of her usual denials, she only murmured, “Thank you. I’ll miss you, too.”
“You are welcome back here anytime. Nathan says you can’t be anywhere near the ranch for at least six months or so or you’ll be in terrible danger. But…”
His words just died out like he couldn’t manage another sound without choking.
She reached over and took his hand. “We’ll see each other again someday. I want Melody to meet you when she can remember.”
“You listen to me, girl.” His face was scrunched up as though he was about to explode. “You need anything. Anything. Anytime. You call me. You’re my special gal, and I’ll be there whenever you need me.”
Oh, dear. Here came the tears again. How was she ever going to leave this place in one piece if everyone kept saying such nice things?
Darn. Darn. Darn.
CHAPTER 16
“You called this meeting. What di
d you need?” Mr. Pierce settled back into his recliner and pinned Nathan with an affirming stare.
The words and the look seemed so unlike the father he’d known since his mother died that Nathan was taken aback for a second. Everything and everyone around here had changed since Susannah and the baby arrived.
The ache in his chest grew by leaps and bounds. God, this was so hard.
“Susannah and Melody have to leave the ranch no later than tomorrow morning. Hawk says their being here will create a distraction for Samuel Grayson. It’ll drive him crazy until he has to get rid of them—one way or the other. And no one wants all-out war with the Devotees.”
Well, maybe he did. But he was too responsible for everyone else’s welfare to let that happen.
“I dunno,” his father began. “I wouldn’t mind taking a couple of potshots at a Devotee or two.” He grinned over at him, and Nathan felt closer to his old man than he had since he’d been a little kid.
He’d called this meeting for advice and maybe for a little bit of help. But learning everyone was behind him made him feel stronger already.
“Where’s Derek?” His father folded his arms over his chest. “He’s a part of this family, too. He should be included in this meeting.”
Kathryn sat forward in her chair. “He said he’d be here. I’m sure he’s just running a little late.”
“And Susannah?”
“Nathan asked me to have her sit with Sara and Melody while we conduct this meeting. She and I talked about the kind of things she might like to do this morning. She’s really a bright woman. Whatever we come up with, I’m sure she’ll fit in fine anywhere.”
“I don’t like this,” Mr. Pierce growled. “Not in the least. I can’t stand the idea of sending such a sweet girl and her baby off into the world alone. It don’t seem civilized.”
You and me both, Dad. “It’s not the way any of us wants things. But we have no choice.”
“Why don’t you go with her?”
Nathan ground his teeth with frustration. “Damn it, Dad, you know why. I have a ranch to run here.”
Perfect Wyoming Complete Collection: Special Agent's Perfect Cover ; Rancher's Perfect Baby Rescue ; A Daughter's Perfect Secret ; Lawman's Perfect Surrender ; The Perfect Outsider ; Mercenary's Perfect Mission Page 33
