Where Shadows Lie

by Kim Stokely

  He let out a strangled cry, then pushed me away. “Stop!”

  I fell back into the sand. “What’s wrong?”

  “You’re a married woman, Ally.”

  My mind whirled in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  “Ye signed a betrothal contract with Lord Braedon.”

  The wind whipped around us, blowing tiny eddies of sand across the beach. “Yes, to save your life. But I haven’t married him yet.”

  He sat back on his feet. “In Ayden, the signin’ of the contract means yer already man and wife.”

  A sea gull glided above the water. Its cry sounded like mocking laughter. I tried to swallow, but couldn’t. “What?”

  “The only thing he cannot do is take ye to his bed. In every other way he’s considered yer husband.”

  “But . . . .” I felt as if I’d fallen from a horse. My lungs wouldn’t take in a breath. They wouldn’t let one out, either. The gull laughed again. “No one told me that.”

  “How could ye not know?”

  I crawled toward him. “It doesn’t matter. We’re here now. In this world it’s different. A marriage isn’t final until the ceremony.” I tried to touch him, but he backed away from me.

  “It does not matter? Ally, in the eyes of Ruahk yer a married woman. I cannot lay a hand on ye again.”

  “But we’re not in Ayden! Your god doesn’t even exist here!”

  Tegan shook his head. “He’s everywhere.”

  “No!” I screamed into the rising wind. “He’s not in this world! He can’t see what we do here!”

  “Even if I believed that, I still could not be with ye, don’t ye see?”

  “No, I don’t,” I sobbed. “I did it for you. To save your life.”

  “I told ye not to. I told ye I could die a happy man with just the moments I’d had with ye. But this . . .” He groaned and tried to stand up. “This havin’ ye so near and not bein’ able to touch ye.” He managed to get to his feet. “This hurts too much.”

  “Then do it!” I ran after him.

  He yanked his arm away when I touched him. “No! Even if what ye say is true, and somehow Ruahk doesn’t exist here, when I died I would still be judged by what I knew to be true. And in my heart I know ye are a married woman. I cannot have that sin upon me, Ally. Not even for ye.”

  I’d never known such pain. It rose over me like the ocean waves that pounded against the shore. I backed away from him, sure my heart would burst in my chest.

  But it didn’t.

  It kept beating, even though I begged it to stop.

  I ran down the beach toward the now purple horizon, splashing into the water, letting the waves pummel me. Even with the late summer heat, the temperature of the Sound didn’t rise out of the seventies. The cold water numbed my legs but couldn’t numb the ache in my chest.

  “Why?” I whispered into the breeze. I couldn’t believe I was even trying to talk to Tegan’s unseen god. “Why would you do this to me? I just wanted to save his life.” Another wave crashed against me, forcing me backward. I stumbled and fell into the surf. The salt water mingled with my tears.

  I sat in the water until the sun disappeared into the ocean. Purple and red clouds still streaked across the sky, but twilight melted the world around me into a gray haze.

  “Ally?”

  I didn’t turn around.

  “It’s gettin’ dark. They’ll be worryin’.”

  I staggered out of the surf. I couldn’t look at Tegan. It hurt too much. I shuffled through the sand until I found my flip flops. The wind pressed my wet clothes against my body. I shivered, but not because I felt cold.

  I assumed Tegan followed me to the car but didn’t look behind me to see for sure. I hadn’t brought a towel, I knew Kennis would kill me if I got the driver’s seat all wet and sandy, so I unlocked the doors and emptied one of the shopping bags. Tegan slid into the passenger seat.

  I slammed the back door shut then hit the top of the car with my fist. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to have gone. We were supposed to watch the sunset in each other’s arms, swearing our undying love for each other. Now my favorite place would forever be associated with this . . . whatever this was. I swore under my breath before covering the front seat with the plastic bag and getting in.

  We made the twenty minute drive home in silence. I pulled into a parking space, turned off the headlights, then opened the back door and got out my sling. Tegan retrieved the bags from his side. I slipped my arm into the sling and flipped the strap over my shoulder, but I couldn’t get the stupid clasp to fasten together. I leaned against the car, growing angrier with each failed attempt.

  Tegan came around to my side and put the bags down. “Let me help.”

  I closed my eyes as he took the two ends of the clasp. He pushed them together until they clicked. My skin tingled where his fingers touched me.

  “Ally . . . .”

  I slid away from him and pressed the button to lock the car. “Don’t say anything.” I started up the path toward the condo, but stopped as my stomach lurched.

  The plastic bags crinkled loudly as Tegan picked them up off the ground. He stopped by my side.

  I couldn’t face them. My mother . . . Geran . . . Quinn. I couldn’t have them asking me what was wrong.

  Tegan didn’t move.

  “Here.” I thrust the keys into his hand. “The silver one opens the door.”

  I walked away.

  “Ally?”

  I crossed the parking lot to the sidewalk.

  “Ally! Where are you goin’?”

  “I need some time alone. I’ll be back.”

  The porch light illuminated Tegan’s jog up to the front door. If I didn’t hurry, I’d have Kennis, or maybe even Quinn, dragging me back to the house. I kicked off my flip flops and took off running down the road, then cut across a neighbor’s yard to a different street, putting some distance and turns between me and the condo. I wished I’d worn my sneakers, but after running around Ayden without good shoes, my feet were pretty tough.

  Kennis shouted my name.

  I ignored her.

  Alystrine.

  Get out of my head, Quinn.

  What has happened?

  I tripped over an uneven block in the sidewalk and found myself sprawled on someone’s lawn. Leave me alone.

  The travel through the passage has taken too much from me. I cannot come to you. And Geran is too weak. Come back to your home.

  I smiled up at the sky. They couldn’t use a passage. I got off the ground. I need to think.

  Trees grew tall along the sidewalk. Their branches overhung the road giving me the claustrophobic feeling of being in a tunnel. I turned right and kept running, not knowing where I headed until I came to the elementary school.

  My old haunt. The place my best friends, Renee and Josh, and I would go to work out whatever problems we thought our parents wouldn’t understand. Following the sidewalk around to the back of the building, I used my good arm to pull myself up the chain link fence. Once I got to the top, I swung my legs to the other side and jumped awkwardly onto the spongy tar of the playground. I crossed over to the swings and sat down.

  I felt empty. Vacant. Like I had spirit traveled somewhere and forgotten how to get back to my body. I knew I couldn’t stay in this world for much longer, but I didn’t want to go back to Ayden. It would be easier to forget Ayden ever existed. Send Tegan and whoever else wanted to go back, and leave me here to pretend it had all been a dream.

  “Ally?”

  I jumped at the voice and tried to discern the person who’d called out as they walked toward me in the dark. There was no mistaking the petite frame and pixie-like steps of my friend Renee. My heart split between wanting to hug her and wanting her to go away. I decided to stay where I sat.

  She took the swing next to mine. “Hey.”

  I rocked back and forth. “Hey.”

  She mirrored my actions. “Your mom called wondering if you’d come
by our house. I told her you hadn’t even called to say you were home.”

  “I just got back.”

  “I figured you might be here.” Her head bobbed in the dim light. “Josh was pretty ticked you didn’t at least text us. He’s on his way over from Barry’s house.” She waited for me to answer, but I didn’t. “What did you do to your arm?”

  “Nothing.”

  She let out a frustrated sigh. “Then why the sling?”

  “I hurt my shoulder.”

  “How?”

  Did I tell her I got shot with an arrow while fleeing demonic beasts on my way to a mythical race of people who wanted to make me their queen? I laughed under my breath. She’d have me committed. I looked up and tried to think what lie I could tell her, but got distracted by her hair. “It’s not spiky anymore.”

  “What?”

  “Your hair.” I pointed. “It’s not spiky.”

  “You cut yours, too.” She twisted her swing around to face me. “I never thought you’d go short.”

  I hadn’t wanted to, but to pass as a boy, it had to go. I tried to discern what color hers was dim moonlight. “Is it still pink?”

  “No, it’s blue now. I dyed it for prom.”

  I smiled. A real smile, not a forced one. “You went to prom? With who?”

  “David Peters.”

  “Wow, a senior. Are you guys dating?”

  “Stop it! We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you. Where have you been?”

  I stopped rocking and stared at the ground. “Sorry.”

  “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? You ditch us at your birthday dinner and disappear for like, three months. No call, no post card, and now all you can say is ‘sorry?’ What gives?”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” No, I never mean to hurt them, but somehow people wind up whipped, or beaten, or dead anyway.

  “Well, you did. You hurt both of us.” Renee kicked at the tar with the toe of her sneaker. “And your mom acted all funny, too. Wouldn’t tell Josh and me anything, but we could see she was upset. She told us some story about a boarding school, but it didn’t make any sense. Did you two fight? Did you run away or something?”

  What could I tell her? I wanted to tell her everything but knew she’d never believe it.

  “Ally, come on! Talk to me!”

  “I can’t!” I stood and walked toward the wooden fort in the center of the playground.

  Renee followed me. “What do you mean, ‘you can’t.’ You owe me.”

  I whirled around. “I didn’t know our friendship was on some kind of barter system. Just what do I owe you for? What should I trade you for it?”

  I could see her struggle in the moonlight. Renee wasn’t like most teenagers. She didn’t swear, she rarely got angry, and she never said a bad word about anybody. But I could tell she wanted to say something now. She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “I’m going to let your mom know you’re okay.” She walked to the fence.

  “Renee, wait!”

  She stopped but didn’t turn back.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Talk to me again when you really mean it.” She climbed the chain link and dropped to the other side. The glow of her cell phone cast her face in blue light as she walked around the corner.

  Kennis would be here in five minutes if she hadn’t left the house. Less if she was already riding around looking for me. A car squealed into the parking lot.

  I took off for the far side of the playground before I got caught in its headlights.

  “Ally?” A voice called from the car’s open window. It wasn’t Kennis. I turned back as the tires skidded to a stop and someone hopped out.

  Josh stood silhouetted under one of the parking lot lights, tall and lean. He ran toward the fence and easily hurdled it. “When did you get back?”

  I waited until he reached my side. “This afternoon.”

  “Where’ve you been?”

  I took a moment to stare at him. He still looked the same. Same thick, dark curly hair. Same blue eyes. I glanced over his shoulder, hoping I wouldn’t see the Camry pull in. “Come on.” I scaled the short fence, then wandered out into the field behind the school. Fireflies flickered over the tall grass. My clothes had dried stiff and hard from the salt water. My capris chaffed my thighs. I twisted my ankle on the uneven ground and fell. The grass rose around me like a wall. I laid on my back, watching the clouds slip across the moon.

  Josh laid down beside me. “What are we doing?”

  “Hiding from Kennis.”

  He snorted. “When did you start calling your mom ‘Kennis’?”

  “Since I found out she’s not my mother.”

  Josh rolled over and rested his head against his hand. His blue eyes studied me. “What?”

  “I found out on my birthday that my whole life has been a lie. I wasn’t really born here, my mother wasn’t an orphan. In fact, she’s not even my mother.”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I know you won’t believe this but she’s a fugitive from . . . another country. I guess my family was pretty important back there, and got some powerful people mad.” I was kind of surprised how quickly the story came out. It wasn’t quite a lie, but it certainly wasn’t the truth, either. “My real mother was killed by these people. Kennis was her sister. She brought me to America to try and keep me safe.”

  Josh didn’t say anything. He just stared at me.

  I plowed on. “They found us on my birthday. I . . . I spent the last three months in hiding. It’s why I couldn’t call, we were afraid the telephone lines were bugged.”

  “Why didn’t your mom . . . .” Josh paused. “Why didn’t Kennis go with you?”

  I scrambled to think of a reason. “She’s been closing things up here slowly. So people wouldn’t get suspicious when she left.”

  Too soon, Kennis called for me from the playground. I put my fingers to my lips so Josh would know to keep quiet. We laid flat in the grass.

  “Alystrine!”

  I knew she was worried. I knew I should answer her. But I couldn’t do it.

  “Ally! Please! Let me take you home.”

  Home? Where was that? I knew in my heart Guilford would never be home again. I had a bad feeling that even if I could stay in this world, we’d have to move away.

  “Alystrine!”

  Josh rolled closer. His breath tickled my ear as he whispered, “Why are you hiding?”

  I turned onto my side, our faces only inches apart. “I can’t go home right now. Too many people want me to do too many things. Answer too many questions. I need some time to think.”

  We lay there, staring into each other’s eyes until Kennis’ car drove away. Josh flicked a mosquito off my arm. “It’s a pretty crazy story you expect me to believe.”

  “I know.”

  My nose filled with the smell of dirt, and grass, and summer air. For a moment, I forgot my time in Ayden. I sniffed the warm breeze that carried the scents of dinners cooked on backyard grills, chlorine from a neighbor’s pool, flowers in bloom. Sounds comforted, too. An airplane overhead and the distant roar of traffic on the highway. Sounds I never heard in Ayden.

  “What did Renee say?”

  I shifted my left arm so I could rest my head on the crook of my elbow. “I didn’t tell her. I knew it’d sound too crazy.”

  He watched me for a moment. “Why’d you tell me?”

  “Because you always believe me. Maybe you can help Renee believe, too.”

  “Are you gonna stay out here all night?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  He rolled onto his back. “’kay then.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Staying with you.”

  I snorted softly. “You don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  Josh’s hand closed around mine. He didn’t say anything, but then he’d always known when I needed to think. I stared up at the stars and tried to sort thr
ough everything that had happened in just the past couple of hours. I’d been poisoned, saw a demon, travelled through a passage, met my father and found out the boy I gave up my future for now won’t have anything to do with me.

  I tried to hide my tears, but my shuddering breath probably gave them away.

  Josh squeezed my hand. “Whatever it is, it’ll get better.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Confrontation

  We stayed in the field until the itch of the dry grass and the mosquito bites became unbearable.

  “You ready?” Josh asked.

  “No.”

  “You want to come to our house?”

  I sat up. “I’d better not.”

  He stood then reached down to pull me up. “I could give you a ride.”

  “I’d rather walk.”

  He sighed. “Right.”

  He didn’t let go of my hand. It felt normal. Right. Like I hadn’t been away for weeks. We walked down the center of the road together without talking, because Josh had never made me talk when I needed to think. I stopped when we came to his street. “You don’t have to take me all the way home.”

  “I want to.”

  I smiled.

  I guess it didn’t surprise me too much to see the lights on in the condo when I got home. I gave Josh’s hand a squeeze. “Talk to Renee for me? Explain things.”

  “You going to be okay?”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can finally give you that pizza dinner.”

  “Maybe.”

  Josh pulled me in for one of his classic hugs. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  “Me, too.” I breathed in deep, enjoying the familiar scent of his soap and the Axe he wore. I watched him fade into the shadows as he walked back down the road then I turned toward the condo. I knew it wouldn’t be a pretty scene. I steadied my nerves before trying the door. The knob turned easily.

  Kennis jumped up from the kitchen table where she sat with Geran and Quinn. “Thank God.” She crossed the room and hugged me.