Where Shadows Lie

by Kim Stokely

  The First Lesson

  The following morning, my grandmother led me to the place the Elders had decided I would have my time alone. I wasn’t sure I bought into all the mumbo-jumbo they tried to convince me of, that God . . . Ruahk . . . whatever . . . was going to speak to me. I figured the chance to be on my own for a few days might be enough to get my brain screwed back on right. It seemed too long since I’d been alone with my thoughts in the meadow in Guilford.

  We left the grassy plain where the Elders pitched their tent and then climbed up stone steps of the cliff dwellings. Dark skinned children, their eyes wide with curiosity, watched us from the mouths of their cave homes. As we continued up, more and more families gathered in the thresholds. Grandparents, mothers with babies in their arms, fathers with their arms resting on the shoulders of their sons and daughters, hundreds of faces, all observed our trek. An old man, with skin weathered from the sun, muttered what appeared to be a prayer as I passed by him. I sighed with relief when we finally reached the top of the hill, glad to be free of all the curious stares.

  My respite wasn’t a long one, as I could see larger mountains rising up from a forest in the distance. The rocky ground crunched under my feet as the late autumn sky hovered gray and foreboding over the trees. The air felt wet against my skin. “It feels like snow’s coming.”

  Maris’s eyes scanned the horizon. “Soon.”

  I rubbed my arms for warmth. “Should I maybe have dressed a little warmer?” I wore the cream linen tunic of the Elders. I didn’t even have one of the colored vests that most of them wore. I wished I had socks and sneakers on, not leather sandals that laced up around my ankles. “Will there be blankets or something where I’m going?”

  She didn’t look at me. “No. You will have to depend on Ruahk to provide for your needs.”

  I stopped walking. “What?”

  Maris continued toward the woods. “The decision to bring you here was not made lightly. The Council prayed and this place was discerned to be best for you.” She kept walking as she talked so I had to catch up with her in order to hear what she said. “All of us questioned the wisdom of this site, but the choice was clear by the casting of the lots.” She turned to me then. “Much has been given you, Alystrine. Your gifts far exceed that of ordinary Elders.” Her blue eyes seemed to cloud to gray. “It is for that reason you may be tested greatly.”

  She reached out her bony hand and took mine. “I have faith in you.” She tightened her grip. “Kennis may not have taught you about Ruahk, but he has brought you here. I see his hand in all that has happened. Call on him when you feel you cannot go on. Call on him and he will show you the way.”

  This hadn’t been what I’d expected when I’d asked for some time away. I thought maybe a tent of my own for a night or two. Maybe one of the cave condos in the cliffs around the Elder Lands.

  Maris loosened her hold but I didn’t let her go. We walked in silence until we got to the forest. My grandmother stopped. “I must leave you here.” She passed me the flask she carried at her waist and I took a long drink. I’d hoped she might let me keep it but she held out her hand and refastened it to her belt. The forest spread out before me, thick and black. I looked over my shoulder. The tents of the Elders were no longer visible.

  “If you turn away now, you will lose the blessing Ruahk has for you. You will never reach the potential of who you can become.” She brushed her fingers along my cheek. “Go now into the woods. Seek Ginessa’s Glade, high in the hills.”

  “Ginessa? I’ve heard that name before.” I thought of the waterfall I’d seen with Tegan and Brice.

  “She was one of our most powerful Elders. Back in the beginning of Ayden, before the power of the Messengers had faded from our blood. Before we’d been betrayed by the Mystics.”

  My eyes searched the woods. “This isn’t the Fey, is it?”

  “No, although these trees do border it along the western edge. Keep to the eastern hills. That’s where you’ll find the glade.”

  I didn’t move. Maris pulled me into her thin body and wrapped her arms around me. She smelled of vanilla beans and warm spices. Homey smells. Comfort.

  “The Elder Council has vowed to fast until you return. We will ask all the Elders to join us in fasting and prayer while you are gone.”

  “How will I know when I have to come back?”

  “You will know.”

  “But how will I find my way?”

  She separated herself from my arms. “Ruahk will lead you home.” Her eyes watered, from the cold wind or from worry, I couldn’t tell. “Go now.”

  She turned and walked back the way we’d come. I watched her until her white tunic faded into the gray sky. I chewed my lower lip and started into the woods.

  I fought with myself as I tramped through the dead leaves and fallen twigs. Why was I doing this to myself again? I’d had enough of trekking through the forest the first time I’d come to Ayden.

  I found myself drawn along a certain path. As the sky darkened, I started climbing uphill. The ground grew steeper and I used my hands to grab hold of branches and rocks to pull me up the path. By the time I reached a plateau, the sun had set. I searched by the fading light for a cave and shelter from the cold.

  Nothing.

  My stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten since that morning. I found a spot where two trees had fallen over together, forming a low arch. I gathered several more branches and made a crude hut. I’d watched enough survival shows on TV to know I had to do everything possible to keep warm. Before the darkness surrounded me completely, I filled the space with as many leaves as I could find and burrowed under them like a squirrel.

  My tiny shelter smelled of dirt and pine. Bits of dried leaves tickled the inside of my nose as I breathed. The temperature dropped as the night creatures stirred around me. I tried not to think about how the leaves itched my body and sticks poked into my sides. I tried not to think about what scurried near me. Did they have bears here? Mountain lions? Snakes?

  I curled into a fetal position, trying to conserve my body warmth. It didn’t do much good. My teeth chattered.

  This was stupid. Why was I here again? How was I supposed to be contemplating anything if I was too busy freezing to death?

  I thought about returning to the Elder Lands but didn’t think I could find my way in the dark. With my luck, I’d end up wandering into the Fey–a place of brigands and evil spirits, the place I’d been shot with an arrow just a few weeks ago. At least all I heard so far were owls and maybe a fox or some other nocturnal hunter. Nothing big. Nothing slithering. Nothing with a crossbow.

  Of course, I could always find a passage back to Kennis. My body warmed with the thought. I didn’t have to wander anywhere. I knew I was connected to my mother. I knew I could find her again no matter where I was.

  But I didn’t want to disappoint her.

  Any of the others, and I didn’t think I’d care at this point. Geran, Devnet, even Maris,as much as I knew intellectually how much they had sacrificed for me, it wasn’t the same as Kennis. After knowing how much she had given up, how much she’d lost again when she came back with me this time. But she’d come so I wouldn’t be alone. I couldn’t go back without trying to do what they’d all asked me to do.

  And what was that, exactly? Commune with God? I groaned through my chattering teeth. I didn’t even believe in God. I take that back, it’s not that I didn’t believe in him, I just didn’t think about him. He wasn’t part of my life because he’d never been a part of Kennis’ life.

  Renee and Josh believed in God. Was it the same one? I thought again about the story Javan had told me back at the Sanctuary. If Ayden was really Eden then yes, the same God made both places. If he was the God of both worlds, then maybe Tegan had been right to keep his distance. Who knows what kind of punishment God would have demanded if our kissing really was some kind of sin? Renee’s voice echoed in my mind. We’d been talking once about karma and how I thought I was being punished for so
me reason. She told me, “God doesn’t press the smite button when we do something wrong. But there are consequences to our choices.”

  But what about the people who didn’t do anything wrong? People like Josh who were decent and good and still got wrapped up in horrible crap that wasn’t any of their business to begin with? I mean really, if this God of Renee, Tegan and the Elders was so perfect, why was Josh in a prison?

  I stuck my hands into my armpits as the night grew even colder. The leaves made my scalp itch but I wouldn’t free my fingers to scratch it. My cheeks and nose turned to ice, I tried to shuffle the leaves by my head around so they’d cover my face. I fought back tears, afraid if I let them fall they’d freeze on my skin.

  At this point, I didn’t care about anything but getting warm again. “God, if you’re out there, I’m begging you, please don’t let me die out here of exposure. Help me to get warm.” No campfire appeared miraculously out of thin air. No thermal blanket or pup tent drifted into view.

  I tried again.

  “If you can’t get me warm, can you at least help me to forget how cold I am?”

  Something jumped onto the roof of my shelter and I stifled a scream. I couldn’t see it but it was heavy enough that the branches above me sagged under its weight. It snuffled and scratched above me. I clenched my teeth, afraid it might hear them chattering.

  Scratch, scratch, sniff.

  My heart skipped a beat in relief. This wasn’t the wet sounding snorting of the Black Guards, but something smaller. Hopefully a lot smaller.

  Scratch, scratch, sniff.

  I didn’t want to become anything’s midnight snack. Please, make it go away. Make it go away.

  Something scurried outside among the leaves and the animal on the roof pounced. Whatever creature it had found squealed once before dying. At least, I hoped it had died before it became dinner. I tried not to listen to the crunching sounds of bone and teeth. I thought about my own hunger and what I’d like to be eating. It was then I realized that the adrenaline I’d pumped out when I’d been afraid had warmed me up.

  I reveled in the feeling for a moment. I didn’t know if this had been an answer to my prayers but I thanked God for it anyway. Just in case.

  The dream surprised me because I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep. Visions from the Breaking assaulted my mind in an instant. The human-faced serpent again. Why was it always him? He slithered up beside me among the leaves.

  “What are you doing, Alystrine?”

  “I think I’m freezing to death.”

  He didn’t call any of his friends this time, coiling up onto my chest instead. His weight brought some needed warmth to my body, even though the snake himself was cold. “Why not go back?”

  “They’ll be disappointed if I do.”

  “No one will know if you take a passage to the Other World. They’ll think you died here in the woods. You could live the life of your own choosing there.”

  It would be great, to go back to being a normal teenager. In a home with heat and running water.

  “You’d be unhindered by responsibilities and others’ desires for you. Alone.”

  I stared into the serpent’s green eyes. “But I don’t want to be alone forever.”

  He hissed as if I’d struck him. “What if we could send the boy back with you?”

  “Josh? Or Tegan?”

  “Yes, Tegan. The boy you love. What if we could make him yours? Would you go back then?”

  “What do you mean? Make him mine?”

  The creature circled once on my chest before answering. “We could make him forget this world.”

  I shivered, but not from the cold. “It wouldn’t be right for him to forget his family. He loves them, too.”

  “He would be bound to you alone. Forever.” It nodded. “We could make it so.”

  “I want him to love me because he wants to. Not because he has to.”

  The snake scowled. “What do you want then, daughter of Etain? What would it take for you to leave us alone?”

  “I’m not doing anything to you.” It felt a little odd, arguing with a talking serpent, but then, anything could happen in a dream. “You’re the one who won’t go away.”

  I swear the thing growled. An angry cross between hiss and a snarl. “We want you gone, Alystrine. We know what your name means. What your purpose is. We want you gone from Ayden. Tell us what you desire, it will be yours, if you go from here.”

  “I don’t want anything from you. It won’t be real.” I tried to sit up but the serpent’s weight held me against the ground. “How come you know what my purpose is and I don’t?”

  “We know the desire of Ruahk. Ever since the Elders let us back into Ayden, we have sought to rule this world as we do the Other. He desires only restoration to that which He created. We crave separation.”

  I thought of Kennis forced to live apart from Quinn. I thought of Tegan’s rejection. I didn’t want that for anyone’s life. “Get off me!”

  The serpent dodged as if my words caused him pain. “I am older than time itself. I am sure of my purpose, of who I am. You cannot defeat me.”

  And yet, by his reaction, I knew I could. I yelled as I tried to sit up, “Get away from me!”

  “We do not want to destroy you.” The snake raised its head. “To turn you away from the path would have been a sweeter revenge. But if we must end your life to stop you, we shall.”

  Fangs protruded from its mouth. Its emerald eyes seemed to glow. My mind grew fuzzy. I was drawn into its stare. The serpent drew back as if to strike. A bolt of energy surged through my body.

  I grabbed the snake by its neck. I saw its fear and I knew. “You can’t do anything to me unless I let you.”

  “Not true,” the serpent gasped. “I am more powerful than─”

  I squeezed my hands tighter and cut off its words. “That’s why you asked what I desired. You need to trick me into doing what you want. But you don’t have the power to make me do anything.”

  The snake’s neck expanded under my grip until I dropped him. His voice grew in volume, like a crowd of people shouting. “I have enough power to kill you, as I killed Vaschel and Sidon and Andrew.” He rose up again to strike. “As I killed your mother.”

  I remember the words Goram spoke to the demon in the palace. “In the name of Ruahk, leave!” I flung myself outside the shelter and away from the plunging serpent. My face hit the ground. I woke spitting bits of leaves and dirt from my mouth, surprised that I could see the clearing around me. I blinked in the pale morning light, then turned around. A single beam of sunlight illuminated the shelter. I screamed when I saw the serpent inside, pushing myself away in case it decided to strike again.

  It didn’t move.

  I crawled back toward it. A stick must have fallen from the roof during the night. From a certain angle it looked like a snake, but not now. I rubbed my hands together to try to warm them in the brisk morning air.

  I’d survived. I hadn’t frozen to death and I hadn’t succumbed to the dreams of the Breaking. This time I’d fought back.

  I smiled, proud of myself. “That wasn’t so hard.”

  The sunbeam faded from the shelter. The wind grew stronger. A fluffy, white snowflake drifted down from a steel-colored sky.

  “But this will be.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Lesson Number Two

  I spent the morning crawling up the hillside, thankful the snow didn’t fall any harder. If I hadn’t been so cold I would have thought the scene beautiful. The flakes were big and wet. They hung in the air like dandelion fluff. Tree branches donned white coats but it didn’t accumulate on the ground.

  My linen shift clung to my skin as the little heat left in my body melted the snow. I couldn’t tell how long I’d been traveling or in what direction I headed as the pale, cloudy sky obscured any sign of the sun. Something drew me up the hill so I kept climbing.

  My grandmother had called this a hill, but after I slipped on the wet rocks
for the hundredth time, I considered it a mountain. Scratches and bruises covered my legs. My palms were torn and bloody, their color matching the bright red skin on the other side. I knew if I didn’t find shelter soon, I’d be hypothermic before nightfall.

  I spotted a trail to my left that seemed to run perpendicular to the incline rather than up it. I opted to take that for a while. A strange sensation tugged at me as I left the main path for the easier one, but I ignored it. It had been twenty-four hours since my last meal and I didn’t have the energy or the strength to keep fighting the slick rocks.

  The new path stayed fairly level throughout the rest of the morning, and within a few hours the storm eased off and the temperature rose. By late afternoon the sun shone in scattered patterns through the trees. I was psyched to come across a clearing engulfed by light. Untouched by snow, the leaves on the ground still crunched under my feet. I laid down in relief that I’d been led to the one area the snow hadn’t reached. Thank you, Ruahk! The sun’s warmth defrosted my nearly frozen limbs. I closed my eyes and watched the light dance across the back of my lids.

  “What ho?” A man’s voice startled me. I bolted upright, glancing around the trees, but couldn’t make out who’d spoken. “What is an Elder doing in this part of the forest, I ask you?”

  My legs protested as I struggled to stand. “Who are you?”

  “Do you hear, Rab, how she asks about us?” The raspy voice shared Tegan’s brogue. “Should we tell her?”

  I still couldn’t see who the voice belonged to. Whoever he was, he must have been hiding in the trees. “Please . . . where are you?”

  “Where the shadows lie, my lady.” A man, wrinkled and gray haired but clean shaven, shuffled into the clearing. Sunlight and shade flickered about so he seemed to materialize out of thin air. His clothes hung on him as if he’d lost a great deal of weight and hadn’t yet bought new ones that fit. “Here I am, my lady.” He bowed stiffly from his waist. “Old Rab, at your service.”

  I hugged my arms across my chest. “Who else is with you?”