by Brie Paisley
“I can’t believe you kept it after all this time.” He grins, shakes his head, and his eyes light up. “Do you remember what I said when I gave it to you?”
Of course I remember. It’s committed to my memory, and it’s one that I used to think of often. “I do. Instead of me giving you a graduation present, you gave me this.” I glance down at my necklace, thinking back to that day. It was a happy day, and I was so proud of Carter for graduating, and getting accepted into Harvard Law. I wasn’t expecting a gift from him, but I remember being excited when he showed me what he bought. I blink, coming back to the present as I say, “As you put the necklace on me, you said it was to remind me how much you loved me. That no matter how far apart we were, it wouldn’t matter because our love for each other was strong.” I glance away from him, as I repeat his sweet words from a lifetime ago. “I remember you saying, that my necklace was your way of giving me your heart and that we’d always be able to find one another.”
I look back at Carter, noticing he’s rubbing his chest. I want to ask him if he’s alright. But I don’t. I know that day meant so much to the both of us. I could see and feel how much he cared about me back then. Which made when he broke my heart that much more painful. He clears his throat before saying, “I’m glad you kept it, and it’s brought you good memories when you needed them.”
I suddenly feel shy, and a bit out of place. The emotions running through me scare the shit out of me, and the room feels as though it’s closing in. Reliving the past then the emotions running through me now … it’s too intense. I look away from him and place my necklace back in my shirt. I get off the stool and say, “I think I should head back to Annie and William’s. I’m sure they’re worried where I am.” I don’t look at Carter. I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes because he’ll know what I’m doing. I hate that I can’t seem to stay around him, but the wave of all the past emotions and the present ones colliding is overwhelming. I have to get away from it.
“Yeah, okay. I can drive you there since it’s on my way.” I nod and head back to his room to grab my shoes. I remind myself to breathe and stop over thinking everything. It’s stupid of me to act this way, but going for so long without feeling any of this … it’s frightening.
I quickly slip on my flip flops, and walk back into the kitchen to grab my purse. Carter’s sitting on the couch in the living room, and when he sees me, he makes his way to the door. We don’t speak as I follow him to his truck, and I can’t help but feel remorseful for shutting him out and running away. I just can’t help it. I’d rather push him away, than have him hurt me again. Once we get to his truck, he opens my door like the perfect gentlemen, and I climb inside. It takes me a few tries before I’m able to get in since it’s so high up, but Carter patiently waits until I’m situated then shuts my door. He climbs in and once I’m buckled in, he starts the truck and pulls out of the driveway.
The drive to Annie and William’s is quiet, but thankfully short. When Carter pulls in at their house, I want to jump out and run to the safety of my room. I quickly undo my seat belt, but before I open the door Carter grabs my hand. I still and slowly look at him. “I’m sorry I overwhelmed you earlier. But I want you to know I meant every word. I still want us to start over and give our friendship another shot, but I need you to promise me something.”
I relax in my seat and ask, “What do you want me to promise you?”
He lets out a rush of air then says, “That you won’t run every time you feel the need to. If you want to get away or feel like you need space tell me, and I’ll back off. I want you to promise that you won’t shut me out, and you’ll talk to me about why you feel the urge to get away.”
I turn away and look out the window as I consider his request. Running a hand through my hair, I wonder if by making this promise will I be able to keep it? I sigh, turning back to him and say, “Carter, I can’t promise you that.” He looks away from me and rubs his chin. Before he can say anything, I add, “It’s not that I won’t promise you what you want. It’s just going to take me some time to get used to opening up to you again, and getting used to feeling … the way I do when I’m around you.” I glance down at my hand in his, and I can’t believe I just told him that. “I went through a lot while I was in South Carolina, and all I can give you is, I’ll try.” I look back at him and see understanding in his eyes. “I will try to let you back in, but I just need you to be patient with me.”
He squeezes my hand and responds with, “I can do that.” I nod and reach for the door handle again. I open the door, and before I hop out he asks, “Can I see your phone?” I frown and shrug as I pull out my phone for him. He takes it from me, and I watch him as he punches in something. He hands it back, and I see he added his number into my contacts. I shake my head, and he says, “I’ll call you later.”
I smile as I get out of the truck, and when I turn to shut the door I whisper, “Okay. Until then.” I shut the door, and I know he heard me by the grin on his face. When I get to the porch, he honks his horn and waves to me. I watch him as he leaves and I realize I’m still smiling as I walk inside.
I can’t help the wide grin that forms when I notice Carter messaged me. I feel like a teenager again, and it’s all because of him. Two months of constant texting, late night phone calls, and hanging out … just feels right. I’ve kept to my word of trying not to run, and I’ve been getting better at not shutting him out. Plus it’s always been easy to be around and talk to Carter. He just makes it simple, and he doesn’t push me into talking. It seems as if we’ve never been apart, and I can’t help the excitement that runs through me every time he calls, texts, or when I see him. I open the message, reading what he says, and let out a giggle. I don’t giggle, at least I haven’t in a long time, but Carter brings out the giddy part in me.
“Someone’s in a good mood today,” Annie says as she sits on the couch by me. She and William have picked up on my old self, and I can tell they like the improvement.
“Carter’s being his usual self.” I send him a quick response then lay my phone down. “Do you and William have any plans for tonight?” It’s Saturday, and normally Saturday’s are our game night or bingo night at the community center.
Annie glances at me and she asks, “Why? Does Carter want you to come over?”
“He said he’s having a get together at his house later tonight. Since it’s cooling off at night, he wants to sit around the fire pit. I told him I’d think about it because I knew Saturday’s are our nights.”
Annie smiles brightly as she says, “I think we can spare you for one night. Go have fun, I know you want to.”
I grin knowing I’m busted. “Maybe a little, but y’all come first.”
Annie starts shaking her head as she declares, “It’s fine if you go. William and I can go to bingo and maybe go to the Steak House for dinner. See, you’ve given us a perfect reason to go out to eat.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Shelby. It’s time William and I do something together besides watch TV all afternoon. Plus it’ll be good for you to spend more time with Carter.” She reaches over, patting my hand. “I’ve seen the changes he brings out of you, and I know he makes you happy. Now go on and get ready. We don’t want to keep him waiting now would we?”
I laugh and reach over to hug her. “Thank you, Annie.” I pull away and get up from the couch. Before walking away I turn back and tell her, “He does make me happy.” I quickly glance away, and make my way upstairs. Admitting out loud how Carter makes me feel like the old me again is a huge revelation. I’ve known for a while, but I kept it to myself. I was afraid if I said it out loud or if I talked to anyone about it, it wouldn’t be real anymore. I can’t let my fears stop me from being happy. I’ve let it control me for a long time, but each day with Carter has shown me how to slowly let go of that fear. I can only hope one day I’ll totally be free of it, and be able to finally live the life I deserve.
I’m a bundle of nerves as I park in Car
ter’s driveway. I turn off William’s truck, and lean back in my seat. I can hear the music coming from inside the house, and I know everyone’s here since their vehicles are parked in front of the house. I’m not sure who was invited, and I didn’t even think to ask. When Carter asked me to come, all I could think about was spending more time with him. I suck in a deep breath, and grab my Cupcake Vineyards wine and my purse. I hop out of my truck and slowly make my way to Carter’s home.
Making my way to the door, I knock a few times. When Carter doesn’t answer, I open the it and walk inside. Music assaults my ears from the living room, and I set my purse down by the couch before making my way to the back porch. As I get closer, I can see that’s where everyone is. I can hear a lot of laughing and notice Caden is doubled over when I stop and stand by the back door. He’s standing by the porch rail, and I sweep my gaze around seeing who all is here. Cason’s sitting down by the outdoor table shaking his head at what I’m assuming is Caden. There’s honestly no telling what’s so funny, with the Harlow’s you can never tell. A skinny blonde is sitting across from Cason, and I wonder if she came with one of the twins. I clench my jaw as the thought of her coming for Carter, but I shake the unwelcome thought off. I frown when I don’t see Carter, and go to look for him. I don’t get an inch away from my spot by the door when I feel a hand on my arm. I tense for a second before relaxing when I realize it’s Carter who’s touching me. “Going somewhere?” He asks with his deep husky voice, and there’s no stopping my stomach from fluttering.
I slowly turn leaning my back on the door frame, and look up at him as I reply. “I was about to come looking for you.” His eyebrows raise, as if he’s surprised by my response. “You didn’t answer the door, so I just let myself in,” I add.
“Sorry about that. Caden insisted on playing this loud ass music, and I didn’t hear the doorbell.” I don’t really hear the music anymore. I know it’s playing, but all I can focus on is how close Carter is standing to me. I clutch the bottle of wine in my hand tighter as I take in his masculine scent, and swallow hard when he runs his fingers through his hair. It still looks damp from his shower, and he’s kept the scruff tonight. I wonder how that scruff would feel against my legs or on my entire body. He gazes into my eyes, and my face flushes. He grins and fuck me, I’m glad he can’t read my mind. It’s shocking how intense being around him is, and how just looking at him is starting to turn me on. I watch him as he looks down. I see his mouth moving, but I’m staring at his lips instead of hearing what he’s saying. “… for you?” He asks.
“What?” I shake my head, clearing my thoughts of Carter and I doing things that I know I’m not ready for.
He laughs and says, “Can I put your wine in the fridge for you?”
I glance down at the wine in my hand, and let out a nervous laugh and respond with, “Oh, right. Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” I awkwardly hand him the bottle, and when his fingers brush against mine, I suck in a breath.
“Hey, Shel. Get your ass out here and stop ignoring me!” And the trance is broken by Caden. I roll my eyes and give Carter a smile before pushing myself off the frame and walk outside. I make my way over to Caden, and glare at him before slugging him in the arm. “Ouch! What was that for?”
He rubs the spot on his arm, and I chuckle as I say, “You know why.” And he does know why. He’s a pest and his usual self. Even as a kid he was the same way. I see some things never change.
“I really don’t, but I’ll let it slide this one time. Just remember, I’m a cop, and I can arrest you for that.”
“Oh really? I’d like to see you try. Plus you deserved it.”
“Look now, I’m an officer of the law. It’s my job to put cop beaters in jail.” I try to hold back my laughter. I really do, but I can’t. Caden is so serious, and I even hear Cason start laughing. “I don’t see what’s so funny. This is no laughing matter.”
“Caden you’re so full of shit,” Cason says in between laughing, then adjusts his hat. Caden shakes his head and walks inside. Once I get control over myself, I take a seat by Cason. I glance over at the blonde, and she’s in her own little world. She’s staring off into the yard, and I give Cason a knowing look. He shrugs his shoulders, and I know then she’s with Caden.
How Deep Is Your Love by Calvin Harris and Disciples starts playing, and I chuckle as Cason’s face turns into a grimace. I hear Caden call out, “This is my jam,” then proceeds to walk outside while singing, beer in hand, very loudly and off key. Cason groans, I laugh, and the blonde starts to bob her head, which in turn, makes me laugh louder. Caden starts to dance around the porch, and I wonder how many beers he’s had already. I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and turn seeing Carter standing by the back door staring right at me. My laughter slowly dies as I notice the look in his eyes. It’s a mixture of lust, desire, and dare I say love? I’m not entirely sure, but his gaze is making my heart beat faster than before. His eyes never leave mine as he comes closer to me, and I notice he’s holding a glass of wine in one hand and a beer in the other.
He takes the seat by me as he places my wine in front of me then he leans over to whisper, “Are your ears bleeding like mine?”
I wasn’t expecting that, but I recover quickly with, “I think it’s almost over.” As soon as the words leave my lips, Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback comes on. Carter’s head drops and Cason groans again as Caden starts trying to sing. And I say try because Caden’s voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. “Oh, God someone please make him stop,” I say to no one in particular.
“Carter, do you have any duct tape? I think that’ll shut him up,” Cason asks.
“Actually, I think I do. Caden, this is your warning. Either stop that screeching sound you call singing, or Cason and I are going to tape your mouth shut.” I snort before taking a drink of my wine. I know they’re serious. Carter and Cason did tape Caden’s mouth shut once when we were teenagers.
“I think you sound amazing, Caden.” Blonde pipes in. I almost spit out my wine at the look on Cason’s face and Carter just shakes his head.
“Don’t worry, Sugar. They’re just jealous because I was gifted with such a beautiful voice.”
“Again, you’re full of shit, Caden,” Cason points at him.
“Why is everyone ganging up on me tonight?” Caden clutches his chest, feigning to be hurt and he stumbles to his seat by Blondie.
I take another sip of my wine as I say, “You were always such a drama queen.”
“I second that,” Carter says. I lean up to set my glass on the table and when I sit back in my chair, Carter places an arm on the back of my seat. I try to act like the small gesture goes unnoticed, but it totally doesn’t. I’m very aware of his arm, so much so I can feel my entire body start to heat up. Carter carries on a conversation with his brothers, but I can’t focus on what they’re talking about. He’s been doing this a lot when we’re around each other, and I know what he’s doing. He thinks he’s slick, but I remember all too well he’s done the same thing once before. He’s trying to get me used to his touch, and his presence. Thing is, I’ll never get used to him. He’s just that one person that my body reacts differently with. Even if it’s just a small thing like now. I can’t seem to think straight around him when he does this. It should worry me that I’m still attuned to his every movement, but then again I knew when I saw him again that it would be this way. I had no idea I still cared so much for him even after not seeing him in thirteen years.
But love like ours doesn’t just go away.
I try once more to pay attention to what’s going around me, but Carter has placed his hand on my shoulder. I can feel the light rubbing of his fingers on my bare skin, and I lean into his touch more. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had someone touch me like this. Gently and without a hidden agenda. I grab my glass of wine off the table and take a big gulp. I don’t want to be reminded of Easton’s callous intentions when he touched me. I shiver thinking about the shameful things
he would do when I would cave for him. Just for a simple touch, caress, or to feel like he loved me.
“Are you cold?” Carter mistakes my shiver, but I don’t correct him. Being that it’s August, nights aren’t cold enough for a jacket yet. I shake my head, and he says, “We’ll start the fire in a minute. I can get a jacket for you.”
I turn to him and say, “Always the gentlemen.” He grins, and I add, “I’m okay, but thank you.”
He pushes my hair off my shoulder as he says softly, “Okay, but you tell me if you need it.” I grin and look away before he can see my blush. Carter’s always been so caring, and I realize how much I’ve missed that about him.
“Can you two get a room already?”
“Dammit, Caden. Can you not stay out of anyone’s business?” I shake my head as Carter cusses under his breath.
“It’s kind of hard not to notice when you two are practically all over each other,” Caden says sarcastically. I watch as the blonde, whose name I still don’t know, beams when Caden puts his arm around her and pulls her closer.
“Would you leave them alone already? No one is saying anything about you trying to bust a nut later,” Cason adds.
I hold in my laugh as Caden shrugs, and he states, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, and other times you feel like fucking vodka!” Cason, Carter, and I burst into laughter as Caden leans down and grabs a vodka bottle. The blonde frowns, looking around at us, no doubt wondering what was so funny.
