by Brie Paisley
“I don’t get it. What’s so funny?” I totally called that, and it makes me laugh even harder. Poor girl. She really is clueless.
Caden looks at her with a disbelieving look and says, “Never mind. Here.” He hands her the vodka bottle. “Take a swig, Sugar.” I wonder if Caden even knows the blonde’s name. I’ve yet to hear him call her anything other than Sugar. I cringe as she takes a huge gulp of it and I can tell she instantly regrets that. She starts coughing and fanning her face. Caden rolls his eyes and says, “I told you a swig. Not chug the bottle!”
“Oh my God! It burns,” she says in between coughing, and I can’t help but feel a little sorry for her. Carter snickers beside me and Cason has a bored expression on his face.
Caden takes the bottle away from her and before he takes a drink he yells, “NO RAGRETS!”
I double over, holding my sides, hysterically laughing as Cason says, “I know you didn’t just quote We Are the Millers.”
Caden clears his throat and nods, saying, “I did. That movie is the best.”
“What’s We Are the Millers?” Blondie asks.
“I’ll let you handle that, Caden.” Cason gets out of his chair and walks inside. I tune out Caden trying to explain to the blonde what she doesn’t understand, and turn to face Carter.
He still has an arm around me, but he’s looking down at his phone. I watch him type out a message, but I can’t see who he’s talking to. Plus it wouldn’t be right of me to spy on him. I take another drink of my wine as I lean back in my seat watching him. He’s really interested in his phone, and I can’t help wanting to know who has him so distracted. I eventually pull my gaze away from him, and start listening to Caden and the blonde. I quickly lose interest, plus I’m not really paying attention. I’m getting lost in my thoughts again, and feel the familiar urge to run. It’s so frustrating when the feeling slowly starts. It begins as an uneasy feeling, then it builds into an absolute need. Imagine being around people, but feel totally out of place. It’s a sense of not belonging anywhere, and I shake my head trying to make the urge go away. I have no reason to feel like this. I know I’m welcome here, and that I’m a part of the Harlow family again. Granted it’s not as it was before, but it’s a start. I down the last of the wine hoping it’ll help turn my stupid flight response off even more.
I turn to Carter when he places his hand over mine and he asks, “Everything alright?” I give him a small smile, and it’s funny how he knows I’ve slipped back into old habits. His touch grounds me and the urge slowly dissipates. “Need a refill?” He asks as he points to my glass.
“Yeah, that would be great.”
He gets up out of his chair and says, “I’ll be right back.” I watch him walk into the house, and frown when he pulls out his phone again. I reluctantly turn my head away, wishing I wasn’t jealous of a damn cell phone. It does sting a bit, knowing he asked me over to spend time together, and he’s on his phone talking to God knows who.
I begin to wonder where he went to after a few moments pass. Come to think of it, Cason has been gone for a while too. Right before I get up to go find Carter, he reappears with Cason behind him. I smile when I see Carter holding another beer in one hand and my glass in the other. Cason is holding a bag full of wood, but my smile fades when I see Bethany walking behind Cason. I haven’t seen her since the night Cason and Caden brought me over to talk to Carter. Seeing her here and remembering how she spoke to me, well it’s not a pleasant feeling. I know she doesn’t care for me, and it still shows. Carter places my wine in front of me, and I turn away from her angry gaze. I don’t know what I’ve done for her to dislike me so much, but on the other hand, I’m starting not to give a shit about her or what she thinks of me. I’ve spent most of my adult life caring about what everyone thought of me, and being exactly who Easton wanted and expected me to be.
I won’t do that again.
If Bethany doesn’t want to get to know me and learn the truth, then fuck her. I’m done trying to please everyone else, and for once I’m doing what I want. I pick up my glass and watch as Carter pulls her off to the other side of the porch out of the corner of my eye. I try not to let my jealousy take hold, and I wish I could hear what they’re talking about. It does seem like a heated conversation. I take another hefty drink of my wine when I noticed Carter looking at me, and I turn my attention to watch Cason start the fire in the fire pit.
Once he gets the fire situated, I stare into the flames before I sense someone sit beside me. “What’s got your panties in a wad?” Caden asks, and I snicker at his choice of words.
“Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because since someone showed up unannounced, you’ve been holding onto that glass like a lifeline.”
I shrug, not really wanting to talk about it. I finish off my wine before saying, “I’m going to need a lot more wine before I tell you all my darkest secrets.”
He takes my glass from me and says, “More wine coming up then.” I chuckle as he leaves and he returns moments later with my refill.
One bottle of wine and five shots of vodka later, I feel pretty damn good. I know I’m drunk. I probably should’ve stopped after I finished off the bottle of wine, but I just couldn’t seem to stop. It doesn’t help every time I look over at Carter sitting across from me, Bethany is touching him or laughing at something he’s said. Jealousy is a cruel bitch. Every time Carter would try to talk to me or even look my way, Bethany would ask him something. Pretty much anything to take his attention away from me, she did. I don’t want to feel second best, but I do. Which is another reason I’ve let myself have so much to drink. Not to mention Caden hasn’t helped me any tonight. He’s been right by my side the whole night since Bethany has shown up, and it’s as if he’s been reading my mind. It could be the fact he’s seen me clench my fists when I watch her touch Carter, and every time Caden would notice, he would pull out the vodka and tell me to drink.
The blonde is still here too, and she’s been hanging all over Caden. Once she gets up for a bathroom break and I lean over to Caden and ask, “Do you even know her name?”
Cason pipes in and adds, “Yeah Caden, what’s her name?”
Caden takes a drink of his beer before answering with, “The fuck if I remember.”
I laugh, knowing I was right. “Wait, you brought a chick here, and you have no idea what her name is?” I ask him, and Cason rolls his eyes.
“What’s wrong with that? She’s been messaging me on Facebook, and she wanted to hang out.”
I raise my eyebrows at his admission and Cason asks, “You met her on Facebook?”
“Yeah. So what? Something wrong with that?”
“It’s like I don’t even know you. Facebook is not a place to meet chicks. What if she’s a serial killer? Or worse. What if she’s like Summer?”
It doesn’t go unnoticed how another girl could be worse than a serial killer, and I definitely don’t miss Carter’s head falling back. “Who’s Summer?” I ask the twins.
Cason looks over to Carter, who by the way is letting Bethany lean on him, and says, “Sorry man.”
I frown, as Caden hands the vodka bottle and tells me, “Here, drink up.” I do as I’m told and feel the harsh burn of the clear liquid as I swallow. I hand him back the bottle as he explains who Summer is. “Carter you remember, Summer?” Carter nods and groans and I turn away when he glances at me. I don’t know if I can listen to his dating life. “Okay, Summer was this chick Carter met once. They went on one date and afterward, she started stalking him.” Cason chuckles as Bethany rolls her eyes. “Anyways, Summer had it in her head that her and Carter were going to get married, and have three kids.”
“I don’t think it went that far, Caden.” Carter states. I can only sit back and listen. My head starts to feel fuzzy hearing all this.
“I think it would’ve if you hadn’t changed your number and told her to fuck off.”
“I wasn’t that harsh. But I did change my num
ber,” Carter tells everyone. They continue to talk about this Summer chick, and I can’t help but feel sorry for her. Apparently she was obsessed with Carter, but I can’t say I blame her. They crack jokes about how she would randomly show up at the firm, and I don’t miss Bethany getting irritated as they keep going on and on about it.
When I start to get queasy I state, “I have to pee.” I can’t listen to them talk about some girl Carter was with. I awkwardly stand and sway. Caden starts to get up, but I give him a thumbs up letting him know I’m fine. Stumbling into the house, I hold onto the wall, making my way to the much needed bathroom. I suddenly regret drinking so much. My mouth feels dry, and I can barely focus on anything. I’m seeing double, and the booming music isn’t helping. Thankfully, I don’t puke while in the bathroom like I thought I would, but I do pee for a good five minutes though.
Once I wash my hands, a task harder than it should be while intoxicated, I walk out of the bathroom. I hear everyone laughing outside, but I’m not ready to go back out yet. Instead I head to the kitchen, and grab a bottled water out of the fridge. I walk to the side of the fridge, leaning against the wall as I take a few sips. I move my hair out of my face wishing I hadn’t drunk so much. I can’t even drive home now, and I’m going to have to stay here. I’m pretty sure all of us are drunk, and no one will be able to drive tonight. I lightly bang my head on the wall frustrated at myself. I can’t listen to Caden talk about Summer anymore, and I can’t stand to see Bethany hanging on Carter either. I’m stuck here and I don’t like it.
I hear someone call my name, but I don’t know which brother it is. The music drowns out the sound of their voice, and I don’t move from my hiding spot to see who it is. A few heartbeats later, I see Carter beside me. “There you are. Why are you hiding?”
“Figured you wouldn’t notice with you being preoccupied with Bethany.” Shit. I didn’t mean for that to come out, but it did.
He walks in front of me and he has a huge grin on his face. “Are you jealous?”
I frown and shake my head as I say, “What? No, I’m not jealous.” Okay, yeah I am jealous, but he doesn’t need to know that.
He raises an eyebrow, and I know he doesn’t believe me. My heart drums in my chest when he lightly slowly traces his fingertips up my arm. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous.”
“Why’s that?” I whisper.
His eyes stare into mine as he declares, “Because I only see you.” I blink a few times, and I have to remind myself to breathe when he moves closer to me. His hand caresses my face, and his presence is beginning to overwhelm me. His gaze wavers for a moment when I lick my lips, and he whispers, “You’re the only one I want.” Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum starts playing as his other hand grabs a hold of my waist. The song is everything I’m thinking. I don’t know if I should stop him, or even if I want to. I don’t want to mess things up, and I don’t want to rush things with him either. But I do know I want him. I want to feel his gentle touch and his warmth. Everything about him is calling out to me. His eyes look into mine, seeming to plead with me, or to see if I’m really alright with him being where he is. He leans his head on my forehead, and I close my eyes when he mutters, “Let me kiss you.”
It might just be the alcohol talking, but I breathe out, “Yes.” He wastes no time taking my lips, and his kiss is everything I remembered and more. His lips are soft and greedily take mine, as if he’s been dying to kiss me.
It’s the closest I’ll ever come to feeling euphoria.
I drop my water bottle, and my arms wrap around his neck pulling him closer. I run my fingers through his hair, and moan when he dips his tongue inside my mouth. I feel his fingers digging into my waist, but I don’t care. I’m surrounded by Carter being consumed by his gentle, but demanding kiss. He slows his seductive mouth, and I know he doesn’t want to rush our kiss. Instead he starts to take his time, tasting me, and sucking on my bottom lip. I take everything he gives, wanting, and needing more from him. My body craves him, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel my stomach clench with a familiar ache. I arch my hips towards him and savor the sensations running throughout my entire body. I want him more than I’ve thought possible. But he stops for a moment so I can catch my breath, and his hand on my waist moves to my face. He tilts my head the way he wants me, and sweetly pecks my lips. I don’t want him to stop kissing me, or making me feel in absolute bliss. He slowly pulls away dropping his hands, and I swallow down the protest. I feel a sense of déjà vu, and that’s when I remember our first kiss. Granted it wasn’t as intense as it just was, but everything else was the same.
He backs a few steps away, as if he’s trying to gain control over himself and his emotions. I’m grateful for the wall behind me, or I would’ve fallen on the floor by now. My head is swimming. It’s a mixture of alcohol and the taste of Carter. “Oh fuck. Were y’all just making out?” We both snap our heads to Caden’s voice, and I’m glad Carter pulled away when he did. Caden smiles, and Carter rubs the back of his neck. Caden holds his hand up and says, “Hell yeah, bro. It’s about fucking time.” Carter grins, shakes his head, and gives Caden his high five.
Carter turns to me and says, “Ignore him. He’s pretty wasted.”
“What? Who’s wasted? Not me, bro. I’m cool as a cucumber.” I laugh knowing Carter’s right. Caden is hammered.
“Alright, I’m cutting you off and putting your ass to bed.”
“Ah man, don’t be a buzzkill.”
Carter takes Caden by the arms and says to me, “You can have my room. I’ll tuck you in after I put this one to bed.” I can only nod. My nerves suddenly coming to the surface.
I laugh as Caden slurs, “Night, Shelby.” But it ends up sounding more like, knife Swelby.
I watch Carter lead Caden out of the kitchen, and I push myself off the wall. I pick up my water, and head towards Carter’s room. I open the door, set my water down on the bedside table, and kick off my shoes before I sit on the bed. I wish I’d brought my pajamas but then again, I didn’t know I wouldn’t be sober enough to drive home. As I wait for Carter, I smile thinking about our kiss. I don’t know if it means anything, or if we’re going to start dating. All I do know is, I want to kiss him again. And again. Maybe in the morning we can talk about what our kiss meant, and where to go from there. I also try to push thoughts of where Carter’s sleeping tonight out of my mind. The drunk me would love nothing more for him to climb in the bed and hold me. And if anything were to happen, let’s say my lady parts are okay with that. But the sober me, the one that’s slowly coming around, is telling me it’s too soon. It’s too fast. I’ve known Carter almost all my life, but we both have changed over the years. I need to get to know him as he is now and not the memory of how he was. I snap out of my inner dilemma when I notice someone has turned off the music and soon after, I hear a light tap on the door.
Carter walks in the room and I don’t try to stop the grin from forming. “Hi.”
He stays by the door, seeming unsure of what to do. “Hey. Comfortable?”
“I should’ve came prepared. Sleeping in jean shorts and a tank isn’t going to be very comfortable.”
“I can let you use one of my shirts if you want.”
“Thank you. That would be much better.” He nods and I watch him as he walks over to his armoire. He opens it and pulls out a plain white T-shirt.
He makes his way back and hands me the shirt, as he says, “I’ll let you change.”
I frown but nod. He quickly leaves the room, and I undress as soon as he shuts the door. I pull his oversized shirt over my head, and I’m glad I’m alone so he can’t see me smell his shirt. It smells of him, his unique scent, and I neatly fold my clothes, setting them on his dresser by his bed. I crawl into bed, and I get under the covers as I wait for him to come back. My eyes start to get heavy as I wait, and I blink the sleep away. I feel my stomach flutter when he finally comes back in the room, and he smiles at me as he walks over to the bed.
&
nbsp; Once he reaches me, he brushes my hair back and asks, “Do you need anything?” Well isn’t that a loaded question. I need … him. I need his touch, and his hot mouth on my lips again. I need all of him. He must sense where my thoughts go because he says, “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”
I pout, yes childish but I’m still drunk, as I ask, “Why?”
He takes a deep breath and caresses my cheek and says, “Because you’re drunk and when I make you mine again, I want you sober so you can remember everything I plan on doing.”
I feel my face flush and swallow hard. “When?”
“Yes, Shelby. When. Not maybe, or second guessing these feelings between us.”
I pull away from his hand as I roll on my back. He takes a seat by me and I say, “You sound sure of yourself. What if I wake up and don’t remember any of this?”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll help you remember if you forget, but I have a feeling you’re going to think about our kiss for days.” I lick my lips knowing he’s right. There’s no way I could ever forget that kiss. When I don’t respond, he leans down and I hold my breath as he kisses my forehead. “Goodnight, Shelby.”
He gets off the bed and I say, “Night, Carter.” He shuts off the light and shuts the door. My last thought before I fall into a deep sleep is Carter’s lips taking mine.
I wake with a huge smile on my face. I stretch, remembering everything that happened last night, and blush thinking about me wanting Carter to do more than kiss me. I am glad he was a gentleman and didn’t take advantage of me. I have no idea what time it is, but I’m suddenly energized, and I need to see him. I need to confirm what I remember just to be sure my fucked up brain isn’t playing tricks on me. I toss the covers off me and hop out of bed. I quickly make my way over to the dresser and grab my shorts. I almost trip trying to get them on, but thankfully crisis adverted.
Again, I chastise myself for not being prepared for another sleep over. I desperately want a toothbrush and a hairbrush. I make do again with my fingers, and smooth out my hair with the palms of my hands. I walk over to the bathroom in Carter’s room, and almost jump with joy when I see his toothbrush and toothpaste by the sink. I don’t think he’ll mind if I use his toothbrush. I mean, he kissed me last night, and this is basically the same thing. I think about our kiss again, and smile widely as I quickly brush my teeth. When I’m finished, I clean up after myself and put everything back where it was. I look myself over before going to find him, and smile once more when I see the light shining back in my eyes.
