The Quilting Circle

by Amy Lillard

  Mariana smiled at the sweet words. Eileen had much more important things to do than look after her. She had two little girls now, sweet things with blond hair and angelic brown eyes. But whether or not they would get to stay still remained to be seen. Eileen had agreed to foster the children from the Englisch home in neighboring Pryor with hopes of adopting them herself one day. Making sure two little girls had everything they needed and were adjusting well to the different lifestyle was more important than Mariana’s well-being. She had known this day had been coming for almost a year now. And definitely within the last month. She trusted God to get her through it. That was always the best way: trusting God.

  “And I’ll be fine,” she said.

  Eileen gave her “that look,” then squeezed her hand and moved away.

  Mariana straightened her spine and resisted the urge to sigh as she rubbed the pounding at the back of her neck. She just needed a little more time. Not to get used to the reality of Leroy’s death. But there were . . . other things. She pressed her hands to her stomach and hoped no one noticed. It wouldn’t do for her news to get around this soon. Leroy hadn’t been buried more than an hour.

  “Mariana?”

  She pasted on her bright smile and whirled around to face Reuben Weisel, Leroy’s best friend and business partner. “Reuben.” Her face relaxed as her smile turned genuine. “I thought you’d gone on home.”

  He shook his head and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve been out in the barn. Feeding the horses and stuff. I figured you could use a hand with that.”

  She’d been feeding the horses for a couple of months now, but today she hadn’t thought about it. Not even once. How am I going to take care of a baby when I can’t even remember to feed the horses?

  “Thank you, Reuben. That means a lot to me.”

  “I thought I might stop by tomorrow.” He twirled his hat in his hands. He seemed nervous, though Mariana couldn’t figure out why. He had known as long as she had that Leroy’s time was growing short. “To check on things, you know? Make sure you’re doing okay.”

  “That’s not necessary,” Mariana said. She had enough food to last all of this week and half of the next. And Reuben had been coming by steady since Leroy went down. Everything was caught up. Nothing needed to be done.

  Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She had to figure out what she was going to do with the rest of her life and how she was going to support herself and this baby. After fifteen years of waiting and praying and wishing for a baby and being envious and jealous of all the new mothers in the community, then praying about that as well, she was finally pregnant. Four months, to be exact.

  Thank heaven she carried a little bit of extra weight anyway. No one really noticed the belly that had started under her mourning black. She only wished she had realized that she was having Leroy’s baby before he died and was able to tell him when he was still coherent enough to understand. She could only hope now that he was up with Jesus, smiling down, knowing that their dreams had come true even if their time together had been cut short.

  “I would feel better if I stopped by.”

  He was a good man, Reuben Weisel, and Mariana couldn’t figure out why he had never married. He was caring and kind, hardworking and handsome. Not that she had thought about his looks much over the years, but it was true. Reuben was a fine-looking man. His dark, curly hair only held a touch or two of gray and seemed not to want to lie in the typical Amish “chili bowl” style. His green eyes sparkled as if he had a secret that no one else knew. He hadn’t reached his fortieth birthday, at which time unmarried Amish men grew a beard regardless of their lack of a wife. So there were no whiskers to detract from the dimples framing his smiling mouth or the one that bisected his chin.

  “Mariana?”

  She pulled herself from her own thoughts and centered her attention back to the man in front of her. “Jah?”

  Concern puckered his brow. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can get one of the ladies to stay with you. Verna maybe. Or your sister.”

  Mariana shook her head. “My sister has her own family to take care of. She can’t stay with me forever.” She had to get used to the fact that Leroy was gone. And that was all there was to it.

  “You just seem . . . distracted or . . .” He stumbled, unable to find the word.

  “I’m fine.” She shot him her best smile just to prove it. She might not be fine now, but she would be. Leroy was in a better place. He was no longer in pain. He was healed and hopefully with God. She had to be happy for him, even as she was sad for herself.

  “If you’re sure,” he said, though he didn’t look convinced.

  “Positive.” She walked with him to the door, only then realizing that he was the last one to leave. “Good-bye, Reuben.”

  He donned his hat on the way out the door, then turned to face her as he stood on the porch. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Mariana bit back her protests. He was only being kind. And she had the feeling the more she protested, the more he would dig in his heels over coming to check on her.

  In typical Reuben style, he loped down the steps and over to his tractor. He climbed aboard and gave her one last wave before starting it up and heading back down her drive.

  It was better to let his concern run its course. She would have plenty of time to be alone now that Leroy was gone. Five more months, to be exact. Then she would have the baby.

  She rubbed a hand over her slight pooch as tears filled her eyes. “Oh, little one, what are we going to do?”

  * * *

  Reuben came by every day for the rest of that week, just as he had promised. Truthfully, she was glad he had. It gave her something else to look forward to each day besides feeding the chickens and trying to figure out how she was going to support herself and the baby.

  “Have you given it any thought?” Reuben asked. He took a sip of his coffee and steadily eyed her over the rim of the mug.

  She had given it more than “thought.” Not much else had been on her mind in the few days since they had buried Leroy. “Some.”

  “And what do you think you’ll do?”

  It was a valid question. How was she going to support herself? That was what Reuben wanted to know. What he didn’t know was that it was not just her anymore. That she had to have a job so she could support herself and the baby. Honestly, she didn’t know how those Englisch women did it. Just the thought of juggling a baby and a job so she could keep her house was almost more than she could comprehend. Maybe she should talk to Caroline Fitch. She had raised Emma for over a year before she ended up married to Andrew. And she had worked at Esther Fitch’s bakery. That was back before Esther married Abe Fitch and Caroline had married his nephew.

  “Mariana?”

  She swiveled her attention back to Reuben. “Jah?”

  “You were off in dreamland.”

  Hardly. “I’m okay.”

  A frown puckered Reuben’s normally line-free brow. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. You sure you’re all right?”

  She would be. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m worried about you.”

  She shook her head. “There’s no need to concern yourself. I’ll sell baked goods or jelly or—”

  “Or what?”

  She had no idea. Esther had lost her husband and started the bakery, though with the Englisch grocery store selling cookies, cakes, and pies of all sorts, she wasn’t sure that Wells Landing was large enough to support another store of that kind. It might be, but she wasn’t willing to take that chance. Old Katie Glick took in sewing and had for as long as Mariana could remember. She had been in the same situation when her husband had died and she needed a way to support herself. She did darning and mending for the bachelors, sewing projects that became too much for the parents come Christmas pageant time, and made quilts to sell to Englisch tourists.

  Mariana supposed she could sell jelly in a stand at the front of her house like a lot of Amish people did
. But she couldn’t say that her jelly was any better than anyone else’s. Tolerable, she thought her father would’ve said. It tasted all right, but it wasn’t spectacular. She needed spectacular if she was going to be able to support herself and this baby she carried.

  She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms protectively over her stomach. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” She couldn’t imagine trying to raise a baby on the amount of money she would make from selling only to whoever happened by her drive.

  “Don’t worry,” Reuben said. “You will find a way. God always provides.”

  It was the one thing she was certain of. God would provide for her. And He would provide for her baby. But she also knew that she had to be an active participant in her life. She didn’t have time to settle in with her grief, get to know it and get comfortable with it. She had to fight back, get on her feet, and make a living. She had no other choice; she would soon have a baby depending on her. Leroy’s baby. The last piece of him. And a child that special needed special care.

  “I’m here to help, you know.” His eyes turned serious, and the corners of his mouth went down.

  Suddenly his concern was almost more than she could take. Tears rose into her eyes as emotions burned the back of her throat. She covered her face with her hands as tears shook her.

  She barely registered the scrape of his chair before he was next to her, crooning softly. “It’s going to be okay, Mariana. Somehow. Some way. No one here is going to let you starve.” He patted her on the arm, though the action seemed awkward. She needed to pull herself together. This sort of behavior wasn’t helping anyone. She sniffed and sat up in her chair.

  Reuben handed her a handkerchief.

  She dutifully wiped her eyes as she struggled to get her runaway emotions under control.

  He patted her arm once again, then moved to sit in the chair next to her. He had been seated across the table. Now he was close enough so she could see every line of worry, every fleck of gold in his eyes.

  “You really are a good man, Reuben Weisel.” She sniffed again and handed him back his handkerchief.

  He tucked it into his pocket without responding. “Maybe you should go and stay with your sister.”

  Mariana shook her head. She and Elizabeth had never been close, most likely because of the difference in their ages. By the time Mariana had gotten old enough to remember spending time with her sister, Elizabeth had been preparing to get married and move into her own house.

  The truth of the matter was Reuben was more of a friend to her than her own kin had been. She had family scattered all over. It was unusual for an Amish family to be so dispersed, but she had heard whispers about differences in beliefs that had led her mamm and dat to move from Indiana all the way to Oklahoma. They had settled in Clarita, leaving behind everyone they had known to start over in the tiny settlement. So there were no cousins to speak of, no aunts or family to take her in as she faced this time of need. Just her sister.

  “She lives all the way over in Clarita,” Mariana said. “I don’t want to go all the way over there.” She wanted to stay here, in her own house, with the neighbors she knew and in the church district she loved.

  “I’m worried about you.”

  Those tears welled again, and Mariana bit her lip to keep them from falling.

  The concern so clearly written on Reuben’s face increased. “You can’t stay here like this.” His lips pressed together and his chin took on a stubborn slant. “You need to be around people.”

  She shook her head. He didn’t understand.

  “I’m not talking about months or even weeks. Just give yourself a few days to come to terms with this, then you can come back.”

  “No.”

  “Mariana, you can’t go around sobbing like this whenever someone mentions Leroy’s name.”

  “I’m not crying because of Leroy. I’m crying because I’m pregnant.”

  “You’re what?” he whispered.

  But Mariana had said it once. She wasn’t about to repeat it. Men and women didn’t talk about such things. But Reuben wasn’t just any man. He was her husband’s business partner and best friend. A wonderful friend to them both.

  “A baby?” His gaze flickered from her face to her thickening waistline.

  She nodded.

  “Leroy’s baby.” He seemed to be having as much trouble as she had understanding the situation.

  “Yes.”

  “This is . . .” He stopped, and for a moment she wasn’t sure what he was going to say. “Wonderful! This is wonderful!” A smile brighter than the sun spread across his face.

  “You think so?” she asked. She was still a bit numb from discovering she was pregnant and burying her husband so soon after the news.

  “I know so.” He scooted his chair a bit closer, his gaze flickering from her face to her belly, then back again. “Did Leroy know?”

  She shook her head and her eyes filled with tears.

  “He would have been so proud.”

  She smiled through her tears. “Pride is a sin.”

  Reuben grinned in return. “Any man who isn’t proud of his children is a fool.”

  “Then he would be proud,” Mariana returned. If there was one thing Leroy Miller wasn’t, it was a fool. His wife, on the other hand . . . well, she wasn’t so sure. How was she going to support herself and this baby? She had to figure out something, and quick.

  “A baby,” Reuben murmured. “Now, this changes everything.”

  Chapter Two

  Mariana let herself into Eileen Brenneman’s house, the screen door bumping into her behind as she stopped just inside the doorway.

  A little girl about four years old stood next to the food table, thumb firmly in her mouth as she gazed at Mariana with serious brown eyes.

  “Hi, there,” Mariana said, moving toward her. For a moment she thought the girl might dart away, but she stood her ground.

  She had to be one of the foster girls that Eileen had taken in. Mariana had heard that Eileen had finally gotten them, but that had been a couple of weeks ago, just before Leroy’s death and funeral. Mariana had missed three meetings of the quilting circle and it felt good to be back.

  Mariana set the plate of cookies and the plastic container of cheese dip on the table next to what could only be Verna Yutzy’s mini pecan pies and Tess Smiley’s experimental goat cheese pizza. At least she thought that was what it was.

  “Hi, I’m Mariana,” she said, extending her hand toward the young girl.

  She looked at it, then back into Mariana’s eyes. She seemed so sad, so misplaced. Then Mariana remembered that these foster children were Englisch, though she made a cute Amish figure in her aqua blue dress and twin braids.

  Joy burst within her chest. A girl. If Leroy were still alive, she would naturally want a boy for him. But he wasn’t, and she wanted a girl. A baby girl who would grow up to be a good Amish woman. A girl that she could teach the proper way to fix her hair, a girl to help her feed the chickens and give water to the horse. A girl she could teach everything to. The heady thought went straight to her heart. She swayed in place as she continued to look at this wonderful creature before her.

  “She doesn’t talk much.” Mariana whirled around as another small face appeared from the kitchen. “Or any,” she continued.

  “Well then, it’s good she has you to speak for her.”

  The young girl nodded. “I s’pose. I’m Crystal. Her sister.”

  “I’m Mariana.” She took a step toward the girl, extending her hand as she had done to her sister. “What’s her name?”

  “Brittany.”

  She took Mariana’s hand into her small one and shook vigorously. There was a maturity about her that belied her young age. If Mariana had to guess, she would say the girl was no more than seven. Yet she had an old air about her as if she’d seen way too much in her seven short years.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Crystal. And you too, Brittany.”

  Brittan
y continued to suck her thumb and warily eyed Mariana.

  “Are you here to do the quilt?”

  “I am.”

  “You weren’t here last week.”

  “I had some family business to take care of.” That sounded much better than I was burying my husband, and I was a little busy.

  “What kind of family business?”

  “Crystal!” Eileen admonished as she came out of the kitchen with another tray of little pizzas. “What have I told you about asking personal questions?”

  “Not to. But how am I supposed to find out anything if I don’t ask questions?”

  Mariana stifled her laugh.

  “You have to trust that I’ll tell you the things you need to know. Now, if you want to stay here while we have our quilting meeting, then you may. But if you do, you may not ask a bunch of personal questions.”

  A small frown wrinkled Crystal’s brow. She scrunched up her face, showing Mariana the gap where her two front teeth had been. Mariana’s heart melted a little more. A baby girl. She couldn’t ask for anything more than a healthy baby girl. “How do I know if the question is personal or not?” Crystal finally asked.

  Eileen sighed. Mariana had the feeling that Crystal’s spunky attitude was beginning to wear on the poor woman. Mariana supposed that was why God gave children to families as babies. He gave them a chance to become accustomed to them before they started walking and talking and otherwise getting their own personalities.

  But this was a special situation. Like Mariana, Eileen had never been blessed with children of her own. Unlike Mariana, she had decided to adopt, starting with foster children to get into the system quickly. She had hoped to have the young girls by Thanksgiving last year, but here it was just after Easter and they had finally come to live with the Brennemans.

  “If it’s not about quilting, or making clothes, or last week’s church service, then it’s too personal to ask. Does that clear things up for you?” Eileen asked.

  Crystal seemed to think about it for a moment. “I guess.” Then she turned back to Mariana. “Why is your dress black?”

  Eileen slammed the tray down and whirled around to face her foster child. “Crystal! That is too personal a question.”