Lambert's Code

by Hauck, Rachel

  Staring straight ahead, Julie shared her burdens, not surprised by the older woman’s insight. “Yes, we just found out about it. And we quarrel a lot, each wanting our own way. I’m resentful I can’t have children and how easily he seems to move on with life.” The words bounced around the walls of her soul like the crashing of the waves on the shore.

  “Lars and I couldn’t have children.” Kit tightened her grip on Julie, stumbling a little on the uneven sand. “Of course, in those days we didn’t have all the medical wonderment people have today.”

  “It didn’t help. Just drained us and made me emotionally wacky at times.”

  “So what’s next for you two?” Kit tugged on her arm.

  Julie looked over at her. Light emanated from her hazel eyes. “You don’t give up, do you?”

  “The Lord’s had me praying for you.”

  Julie blinked away her first batch of tears in over a week. “Someone had to be praying for me.”

  “Will you adopt?”

  “We don’t know. I always pictured myself with little Ethans and little Julies.”

  “We were going to adopt a baby. The ladies at church hosted a baby shower for me. We bought baby furniture; I knitted booties and a sweater. Lars painted the nursery, built shelves.”

  Julie’s heart swelled with emotion at Kit’s story.

  “There we were, a couple of expectant parents, batting around names. Leslie if we had a daughter. John for a son, named after Lars’s father. Oh, we were like a young couple in love again.”

  “What happened?” Suddenly Julie could feel their anticipation, waiting for a newborn to fill their arms.

  “The mother went into labor, and by the time the little tike made his appearance, the girl’s father refused to let her give him up. So she changed her mind.”

  Julie pressed her hand over her heart. “Oh, Kit.”

  “After that, a little piece of me died. Lars wanted to try again, but I just couldn’t.”

  “That’s how I felt the day I left the doctor’s office. I even questioned why I married Ethan in the first place.”

  “Oh, love, don’t start questioning. Marriage is for more than children. I can see God made you two for each other.”

  “I hope so. Lately I’ve begun to wonder.” Julie wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  “Marriage takes work. And you have to communicate about your plans and desires.”

  Julie laughed softly. “Lambert’s Code.”

  “Lambert’s Code?”

  “It’s Ethan’s grandparents’ code: Submit to one another.”

  “Sounds like a good blueprint for success, if you ask me.”

  They walked in quiet harmony for the next five minutes, the day breaking over them, the sun warming the frost from the air.

  “Where’s Lars now?” Julie ventured.

  “He passed away ten years ago at the tender age of sixty. One minute, he was standing at the kitchen sink, and the next, he had collapsed on the floor. A heart attack took him instantly.” A longing for her husband reverberated in her voice.

  “I’m sorry, Kit. That had to be hard. I know you must miss him.”

  Kit nodded. “Yes, but I’m so busy with the symphony, the quartet, and my friends that if I had a husband and children, they’d accuse me of neglecting them.”

  “Were you ever resentful? Of not having children, I mean?” Julie asked, still searching for understanding of her own feelings.

  “For a while. Being barren comes with certain harsh emotions. But God healed me. He will heal you, too, if you let Him.”

  “I want Him to, Kit. I do.”

  Kit pressed her fingers to Julie’s cheeks and pushed her lips into a smile. “Your life is just beginning. God has wonderful plans for you. He’s not forgotten you.”

  “I wish I had your confidence.”

  “Just one word of advice.”

  “Yes, please.”

  “If you ever are widowed and alone, don’t buy a bunch of cats. Too cliché.”

  Julie laughed, deep and full. “My sentiments exactly.”

  ❧

  It was snowing again. Big flakes landed on the office windowsill and piled against the pane. Ethan stared out, hands in his pockets. He had work to do but didn’t feel much like doing it.

  Three days without his wife and he thought he’d go crazy. They’d been apart before, like the time he went on a mission trip to Guatemala. But this separation came on the heels of discord.

  He wanted to see her, hold her, kiss her, and tell her everything was going to be all right. Tell her he loved her.

  Right now, life seemed to be a jumbled mess. The strain between them grew obvious to their family. Sunday, his mother pulled him aside and reminded him they were there for him if he needed to talk.

  He thought about Dr. Patterson’s diagnosis and how they had yet to tell their parents. We can’t put it off much longer.

  Ethan turned at the light rap outside his door.

  “Bobby, come in.”

  Bobby perched on the edge of Ethan’s desk and picked up his handgrip. “Do you have dinner plans?”

  “No. I thought I’d hit the diner again.”

  “Elle said to ask you for dinner. She feels bad about giving Julie opposite advice from Grandpa and Grandma’s.”

  Ethan rubbed the back of his neck. “Not really opposite, just not what I wanted.”

  “I suppose that’s the lesson you’re learning these days. Can’t always get what you want.”

  “You’re telling me.” Ethan shoved his desk chair around and sat down.

  “What’s God saying to you in all of this?” Bobby squeezed the handgrip, making the tiny apparatus squeak.

  “Get over myself. Love my wife. Submit to one another.”

  “You finally figured out Lambert’s Code?” Bobby winked at him, grinning.

  “Well, I understand it. Not sure I know exactly how to enact it.”

  They talked a bit more before Bobby left for a sales meeting. On the way out the door, he paused. “Elle’s niece is staying with us for a few days. Just wanted you to know.”

  Ethan squinted at him. “Okay, Bob, thanks for the warning. Is she a shrew or something?”

  “No, no, she’s just going through a hard time.”

  “Ah, so I’ll have some commiseration.”

  Bobby fanned his hands. “Maybe. I’ll see you at the house, six o’clock.”

  Ethan stared after his cousin. Lord, what is he up to?

  Nevertheless, he liked the idea of company. Not spending the evening at home alone, missing his wife. He’d found Julie’s cell phone charger, so he understood why she never answered his calls. But he wanted to hear her voice, not the recorded one on her voice mail.

  He paused to pray for her. Instantly the Lord’s peace settled his anxious heart. Now if only this week would end and she would come home.

  “Ethan,” Grant Hansen called over the intercom.

  Ethan pressed the Talk button. “What’s up?”

  “Need you down on the floor.”

  “I’ll be right there.” He’d barely stepped out the door when he heard his office phone ring. He hesitated. Ignore it. They can leave a message. But on the second ring, he scurried to answer.

  “Ethan Lambert.” If this is a vendor, I’m going to be mad.

  “Hi, Ethan.”

  Ethan sank to his chair, a cacophony of emotion rising within him. “Babe, I miss you so much.”

  “I miss you, too,” Julie said, a ripple in her words.

  Ethan pressed his fingers against his eyes and breathed deeply. “How’s Florida?” He hoped he sounded chipper and casual, but his voice wobbled.

  “The sun shines every day.” She sighed. “At least the two we’ve been here.”

  Ethan swiveled his chair around to peer out the window. Still snowing. “How are Kit and the rest of the quartet?”

  “Fine. We slept the first day and went to the beach. But we’ve been practicing today. Kit’s c
ousin set us up with an event for tonight. A retirement party.”

  “Do you have enough money?”

  “I took a hundred dollars out of our account before I left. And tonight’s performance is a paying gig, so I’m actually earning money.”

  Ethan sighed. “Okay, good to know.”

  “How’s everything there?”

  “Everything is fine here, besides missing you.” Over the phone, Ethan heard the rhythm of the shore. “I tried to call you.”

  “My cell battery is dead. I didn’t bring the charger.”

  “I know. I found it in the bedroom.”

  “I left you a message.”

  “When? On my cell?”

  “No, on the answering machine.”

  “Oh, Jules, I never check that thing.”

  “Well, you should.”

  The office intercom interrupted. “Ethan, we need you down here.”

  He wrenched around to answer. “Be right there, Grant.”

  “Do you need to go?” she asked.

  “Well, in a minute. I went down to Kit’s to see you off.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I got there too late.”

  “Kit likes to leave on time.”

  “I wanted to say good-bye. And—”

  The intercom called again. “Ethan, really, we need you down here now.”

  “Grant, I’m on a call.”

  “You have to go. I’ll call you later,” Julie said.

  “No, it can wait.”

  She laughed. “That’s a first.”

  “I’m working on it.”

  He sensed her hesitation. “It still bothers me that you lied to me.”

  “I didn’t lie. I didn’t tell you something.”

  “Same difference.” Her soft voice sharpened.

  “No, it’s not.” Here we go, arguing again.

  The intercom clicked. “Ethan, we’re going to miss production deadlines if you don’t get down here.”

  Ethan pressed the Talk button, his lips pressed in a thin line. “What’s the problem?”

  “The CNC machine is down. We can’t get it back online.”

  The words weighed on Ethan. He’d have to investigate. Last time this happened, production backed up a week.

  “Listen, you have to go,” Julie said. “I’ll call you later.”

  “Julie, wait.” Ethan stood. “I don’t want to hang up arguing.”

  “Me neither.”

  “I love you, Julie. I do.”

  “I know. I love you.”

  Seventeen

  Kit, Cassie, Mike, and Julie arrived at an exclusive resort on Amelia Island a little after five, dressed in black tie and ready to regale the guests with their light classical repertoire.

  “What’s this gig for again?” Mike asked, tucking his violin securely under his arm. The beach breeze lifted the ends of his tux jacket.

  “Big hospital executive’s retirement party,” Kit said.

  “Then we have your cousin’s rehearsal dinner and wedding for the next two nights.”

  Kit nodded. “After that, we head home.”

  Julie followed them inside, thinking of the night ahead, hearing her cello parts in her head.

  Kit let Cassie and Mike go ahead and fell into step with Julie. “While praying for you and Ethan, the Lord reminded me of biblical heroines such as Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah. He heard their prayers; He hears yours, too.”

  Julie smiled. “Thank you.” She stopped walking and faced her mentor. “I’m usually not this serious. I’m sorry we’re becoming friends when my life is so difficult.”

  Kit pressed her hand gently on Julie’s cheek. “We will be great friends. You and Ethan will take me to Paris for my seventieth birthday.”

  Julie laughed. “Will we now? When will that be?”

  “Next year.” Kit winked, and Julie suspected she would never really understand the hidden depths of Kit Merewether.

  ❧

  The Merewether Quartet wowed the doctors, nurses, accountants, and executive administrators of North Shore Hospital.

  “I’d forgotten the thrill of a live performance,” Julie said, sitting in the back of the van, reveling in the moment.

  Mike looked at her. “It pays to play.”

  Julie laughed. “I’d do it for free.”

  Kit held up a check. “Payment for the night is right here, ladies and gentleman.”

  Since it was late, Kit promised to buy them all a luxurious breakfast in the morning. “I’ll consolidate all the money from the trip and divide it up when we get home.”

  Back at their hotel, they said good night and went into their own rooms. Kit had arranged to share with Cassie, and Julie was grateful for the privacy. Lord, thank you for Kit.

  The elation of the night waning, Julie changed from her performance clothes, remembering to hang them up. Ethan would be proud. She pulled her hair into a ponytail before washing her face and brushing her teeth.

  Around 11:00 p.m., she curled onto her bed and opened her Bible. She read about Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah, searching for wisdom in the trials of her ancient sisters.

  When she closed her Bible, Julie slumped against the pillow, praying, remembering Kit’s reminder that God heard her prayers. Oh Lord, have I made an idol of having children?

  Wanting children was honorable. God ordained. Making an idol of it was another matter altogether, and becoming resentful toward her husband was even worse.

  While she didn’t have a handmaid to give to Ethan like Sarah offered Abraham and Rachel offered Jacob, she had thrown a sports car into the works. Julie considered Hannah. She petitioned God for the desire of her heart. She trusted in the Father. Slipping off the bed and onto her knees, Julie surrendered to the Father. “I feel like I’ve been singled out, and I resent it. Yet, I’ve made an idol out of having children. My dream became more important than You or Ethan. Father, please forgive me.”

  She cried as she talked to God. Being disappointed, even devastated, is one thing, but questioning her life, her marriage spoke of a deeper issue. Out of her meditation and prayer, Julie suddenly became aware of a new truth.

  Sitting back on her heels, she pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead. “I never realized. . . All my life. . . Oh wow.” An invisible burden lifted, and she laughed the laughter of freedom.

  Julie glanced at the clock. It was after midnight. She hesitated, then dove for the room’s phone.

  ❧

  Around 10:00 p.m., Ethan unlocked the apartment, the day’s mail in his hand. He hung his coat in the hall closet and checked the answering machine in the den. A single red digit blinked in the darkness. Hitting Play, he listened to Julie’s message from three days ago.

  Wandering to the kitchen, he muttered, “Julie, call me.” He flipped on a light and glanced at the mail. The bank sent notice that the new car’s first payment would automatically be deducted from their checking on the fifteenth.

  “Let the good times begin.” Ethan grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went to the den. He clicked on the little lamp Julie had given him for studying the first year they were married.

  He smiled. In those days, she liked to go to bed early. He preferred to stay up late, studying.

  Yet they wanted to be together. The little lamp was their compromise. She curled up next to him and went to sleep while he studied by the lamp’s thin light.

  “Lambert’s Code in action, and we didn’t even know it.”

  Dinner at Bobby and Elle’s earlier in the evening came with an interesting twist. Elle’s niece, seventeen-year-old Abby, was pregnant and contemplating adoption.

  When Ethan realized the intent of Elle’s evening, he got Bobby off to the side. “What are you thinking?”

  Bobby gestured with one arm toward the kitchen where Abby was making brownies with their kids. “She’s a sweet girl who made a mistake. If she finds a nice couple, she’ll give the baby up for adoption. Elle and I thought—”

  �
��Julie’s in Florida after the three toughest weeks of our marriage, and you’re talking to me about adoption?”

  “Well, I know the timing is off, but we thought if you met her, you might talk to Julie—”

  Ethan sighed and peered around Bobby at Abby. “I don’t suppose I can sneak this past her like the golf trip.”

  Bobby shook his head with a chuckle. “Not likely.”

  “We talked today. It went well.”

  Bobby slapped his hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “Elle and I’ve said nothing to Abby. But now that she knows you, she has a frame of reference if you decide to adopt.”

  Ethan grinned. “We recently adopted a car, Bob.”

  The older cousin chuckled. “Yeah, well, I hear you, but parenting is way more rewarding.”

  Ethan glanced toward the kitchen. Slender and petite, Abby barely looked pregnant. Her long blond hair reminded him of Julie, and she had the same guarded disposition. Julie would like her, he knew.

  With his hands in his pockets, his body tense against the cold, Ethan stepped to the back of the porch. “I’m not sure we’re ready to adopt, emotionally or financially.”

  “I understand, but Abby has four months left, so—”

  Four months. At first, Ethan imagined he and Julie only needed a few weeks to fix their marriage problems. Now he knew they had a few months, or more.

  Bringing his thoughts into the present, Ethan found the remote and clicked on the sports news. He dozed in his chair, waking long enough to channel surf, then dozed again. Around midnight, he shut off the TV and headed upstairs.

  Lying awake in the dark, his mind churned with the day’s events. The conversation with Julie, meeting Abby, the possibility of adoption. Were they supposed to adopt? Was that God’s plan for them?

  “Lord, I want Your will.” He closed his eyes, slowly drifting away. The phone’s shrill ring jolted him awake.

  He grappled for the portable. “Hello?”

  “Babe, it’s me.”

  ❧

  “A little late for you, isn’t it?” His voice was buoyant and reminded her of white summer clouds.

  Julie giggled and propped herself against the pillows. “Our concert was amazing. I’d forgotten the thrill of a live performance.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Ethan, you’ve got to spend more time with Kit. She’s fantastic. And, oh, guess what?”