Passion Takes Time (A Promise of Passion Book 4)

by M. E. Nesser

  Jackson looked very serious. I knew he was trying to make the right decision. “I think I would like that very much. Thank you for asking.”

  I handed the baby to Dr. Hadley, she put him in the travelling bassinet that looked like a miniature gurney and off they went. I took the opportunity to close my eyes. I was so tired. I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep, but when I woke up, I saw Jackson sitting in the chair holding Brian.

  “Everything OK?” I asked him quietly.

  Jackson smiled at me. “Sure is. He cried for a second, but then it was over. As soon as I picked him up, he stopped crying. I can’t believe how much I love him. And how much I love you, Sara. I don’t even know how to thank you for giving me this incredible gift.”

  “We made Brian together, Jay. Out of love. I was scared at first, but now I don’t have any regrets. I’ve never been happier. I just had to deliver him, which totally sucked but was totally worth it. Right now I just want to go home. Everyone has been really sweet here, but I don’t think I can take another minute of being in the hospital.”

  Jackson stood up and handed me the baby. “Let me go find someone and make sure the discharge papers are ready so I can bring both of you home.” He walked out the door, and I looked at Brian. I did it. I really did.

  6

  Katharine

  Jackson called me to say they were being discharged in an hour. I told him Ian and I would meet them at home with something to eat. While I was visiting them at the hospital the previous day, I’d put a car seat in Jackson’s vehicle so he could bring Brian home safely. Since the baby had come early, we weren’t totally prepared. It didn’t take much to get everything arranged, however, and now we were ready to bring home our new grandson.

  I put a crib in Sara’s room so it would be easier when the baby got up in the middle of the night to nurse. Once the baby became more self-sufficient, we planned to move him to the room Emily was supposed to use. Her room was right next door to Sara’s. We bought a monitor so the kids could not only hear if the baby woke up but see his movements as well. Ian asked Emily if it was all right to use her room, and she agreed that it made the most sense. It didn’t look like she was planning to move back in with us anymore, so her room was perfect.

  I called Ian and told him the kids were going to be home soon. He offered to call Todd, his brother who owned a successful Italian restaurant in New York City called Pane Vino, and have him prepare a to-go package. I suggested he invite Emily and Martin to join us. When I hung up with him, I had to run some errands on the way home. I picked up flowers for the kitchen and Sara’s bedroom. There’s nothing like the smell of fresh flowers in a room.

  I also stopped by a store to pick up a really soft blanket I had monogrammed with Brian’s initials. As soon as Sara had told us the name of the baby, I’d called the boutique and asked them to put his name on it. I thought it would be a special gift, especially considering the name of the baby. It was very thoughtful for Sara and Jackson to incorporate Jackson’s dad and Ian’s name together. It made me cry when I realized the thought they’d put into it. I never wanted to forget Bryce, and it was obvious Jackson felt the same way.

  I was glad Ian was picking up dinner, so I had one less thing to worry about. I wanted to be home and have things organized as soon as Sara and Jackson arrived, so I could help them settle in. Neither of our kids had much experience with babies. They were going to need as much guidance as possible.

  Sara had asked me at the hospital if it was at all possible for me to take some time off to help her. She admitted she was afraid to be alone with the baby. I assured her I could work remotely until she felt comfortable enough to be alone with the baby. Jackson had to get back and finish up the semester. There was no way he could miss the last two weeks.

  Ian also had a lot of flexibility in his schedule, so we agreed to take turns being home. We wanted to make the transition as easy as possible for Sara. Besides, she had to finish the semester also. The more we could help with the baby, the easier it would be for her to finish her schoolwork.

  I got home before anyone else. I arranged the flowers in two vases and distributed them accordingly. I set the dining room table with china and candles. This was a very special homecoming. Ian sent me a text and said Emily would be coming alone. I worried so much for her. I knew she wasn’t happy with Martin and that she felt trapped. Ian talked to her about it, but she assured him she had everything under control. I didn’t believe her. Neither did my husband.

  I couldn’t wait for everyone to get home. I was puttering around thinking about how much my life had changed in the last three years. So much had happened since my husband, Bryce, died. I had spent a year wallowing in complete despair. I’d been thin and weak. I’d felt like a huge part of me died when my husband died. If it weren’t for Jackson, I’m not sure I would have ever survived.

  And then Ian came into my life and brought the light and joy I had lost back into it. I’d never thought I could feel that happy again. I loved Ian. He made me remember the most important things in life are love and family. He helped me honor a pact I had made with my husband. We had promised one another that we would always find passion in our lives. After Bryce had passed, passion was the last thing I ever thought I would experience again. After he died, that promise made my despair even greater, because I didn’t feel like it was a promise I could keep. Ian changed all of that. He helped me honor that pact and find love again.

  Now we had a grandchild together. It was incredible. I never saw it coming, especially so soon. At first I was conflicted about an impending relationship between my son and my stepdaughter. It definitely took Ian and me some time to wrap our heads around it. I know it was even more difficult for Ian, since he found our kids in a sexually compromising position on his kitchen table before we were even aware they were dating.

  Although they should have been more forthcoming about their relationship, we understood why they omitted telling us. They didn’t want to cause any conflict between Ian and me, which was thoughtful. Finding his daughter naked and covered like an ice cream sundae was not the ideal way to find out they were dating. But the sticky situation, as we like to refer to it, was behind us now. Ian and I were now the proud grandparents of a beautiful baby boy.

  “Mom, we’re home!” I heard Jackson call out. I was in my bedroom changing into more comfortable clothing when I heard his voice. I couldn’t greet them quickly enough. Sara was holding the baby, and Jackson was holding a large diaper bag.

  “How is our baby doing?” I asked them.

  Sara handed the baby to me. I gladly took him. “He is perfect, Katharine. I still can’t believe it. I fed him before we left, and he slept the whole way home. I think he probably needs to be changed, but I don’t want to wake him. What do you think I should do?” she asked me.

  “My mother always told me to leave a baby alone when he’s sleeping. When he wakes up, you can change him. Unless it’s a soiled diaper, let him rest. He needs his rest as much as you do.”

  Just then I heard the door open again. Ian walked into the room and looked at each one of us in turn. “Look at this beautiful picture. How is my baby girl holding up?” he asked Sara.

  Sara walked over and hugged her father. “I’m good, Daddy, just exhausted. I was just telling Katharine that I fed Brian before we left. He eats every two hours, which is kind of a pain, but I’m glad he’s eating well. The nurse told me that a lot of babies have a difficult time latching on. Some women even have to hire a lactation consultant once they leave the hospital to teach them how to nurse. I’m psyched I was able to figure it out.”

  Ian smiled proudly at his daughter. “I’m so happy for you and Jackson. Brian is a beautiful baby. But now it’s time to feed all of you while the food is hot. It looks like Todd packed the entire restaurant in these boxes.”

  Sara and I took the baby into the bedroom and put him in the crib. He never woke up. We both just stared at him and watched him sleep for a minute. I instinct
ively put my arm around my stepdaughter and rested my head against hers. Babies are such a blessing. I was happy for her and Jackson and said a little prayer that their relationship would be able to endure all the changes that were about to happen in their lives.

  7

  Jackson

  I helped Ian open up the containers of food and set them on the dining room table. It reminded me of a sad time in my life. After my dad died, I had a hard time getting my mom to eat. Opening all of the containers of food reminded me of how I would order take out food that she would just stare at. One night, I put food on her plate and watched her play with it with her fork. I couldn’t stand to see her so sad. I remember yelling, “Mom, you have to eat. I don’t want you to die too!” We both started to cry. I dropped my head in my hands and sobbed. Life after dad died was awful. She walked around the table to hug me. She apologized for her behavior and promised to try harder. I gave her a kiss and she sat back down and ate something. It was a defining moment for us. She made more of an effort after that day.

  But it was Ian that brought her out of her funk. I was so grateful they found one another. He brought her back to life. It felt good to be happy again.

  We were chatting quietly when we heard the front door open. It was Emily. I saw her take her coat off and put her purse on a kitchen chair. She walked over to her dad and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

  It always amazed me how different she was from Sara. Sara always hugged her dad as tightly as possible and kissed him hard on the mouth; Emily gave him a dutiful peck on the cheek and a feeble hug. I was so glad my girl was more demonstrative than her sister. Emily was too reserved for my liking. She said hello to me and offered to fill glasses of water for everyone.

  “I’ll open a bottle of wine,” Ian said as he followed her into the kitchen. I could hear them quietly talking. It surprised me that her boyfriend didn’t come with her. I was kind of relieved, though, because Martin seemed to make Emily even more withdrawn and even a little nervous.

  I was finishing opening up the containers of food from the restaurant when my mom and Sara walked into the dining room. Mom had her arm around Sara’s shoulders, and they were chatting and smiling.

  “Is he still sleeping?” I asked.

  “He sure is, and I’m starving! Can we please eat before he wakes up and I have to feed him again?” Sara begged.

  Everyone laughed as we sat down. After we helped ourselves to the most amazing smorgasbord of Italian food, Emily looked at Sara. “So how are you feeling?” she asked her politely.

  “Weird. Sore. Yucky. Amazing. I don’t even know, Em. There are so many things going on in my body and in my head that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. The past three days have been such a whirlwind. I’m so happy about the baby, I want to cry. I’m so exhausted, I could also cry. Basically I mostly feel like crying. The doctor said I have a lot of extra hormones in my body right now, and I’ll probably be more emotional. She wasn’t kidding about that. This is like PMS on steroids. My brain and my heart feel like they’re on overload. On top of the hormones racing through my body, I’m worrying about a gazillion different things right now.”

  “Like what kinds of things?” she asked.

  “Heck, I’m not sure where to start. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired or this excited in my life. Knowing that Brian counts on me for food is thrilling and terrifying at the same time. My stomach looks like pizza dough, and I’m freaking out that I may never get my body back. Everything kind of hurts, which I guess is to be expected. I really hurt down there, and I can’t imagine that part of me will ever feel normal again,” she said with a heavy sigh.

  “Don’t worry, dear,” my mother chimed in. “You’ll be surprised how quickly everything heals. You’ll be back to your old self before you know it. It’s miraculous how quickly the body heals itself after childbirth.”

  “I hope you’re right, because right now I feel like I’m in somebody else’s body. I think I could make an extra-large pizza with all this dough-like skin on my stomach. It really is gross.”

  Emily was still staring at Sara oddly. It was obvious she had more questions. “Is it hard to feed the baby?” she asked. Her questions were polite and unemotional. She was so odd sometimes.

  Sara’s eyes lit up. “No, not at all. The nurse at the hospital said I’m a natural. It’s pretty easy, just exhausting. He wants to eat every two hours. The lactation consultant I talked to at the hospital said that’s normal. I’m super thirsty like I’ve never felt before, especially while he’s nursing. It feels like I’ve been sucking on cotton, and it’s hard to make that sensation go away. I seriously can’t seem to drink enough water. They said I need to drink extra fluids, or I may not produce enough milk. They also said I should be careful what I eat, or the baby could get gassy. I still have a lot to figure out. I’m so grateful to be here with Katharine. It makes it a lot less scary.”

  “What about the rest of the semester?” Emily asked.

  “I am determined to finish. I’m only worried about staying awake to get my assignments done. I know the next couple of weeks will be hard, but I’m doing really well in all of my classes, and my professors said I could finish everything online. I know I can do this. I’ve never been so determined before,” she said proudly as she looked around the table.

  Emily stared at her sister intently like she was assessing her. Her eyes were squinted and her lips were pierced. “You seem different,” she said, “more grown up. I hope everything works out for you guys,” she said solemnly. Then she gave Sara a small smile. I got the feeling she was being honest about wishing us well. It was so hard to read her sometimes. She was being unusually serious and somber today. There was no affect in her voice. I remember when Sara first told her about the pregnancy that she wasn’t supportive. She thought we were too young to have a baby. I wondered whether or not she still disapproved?

  “Thanks, Em. We got this. Right, Jay?” she asked me hopefully.

  “You know it. Now stop jabbering and finish eating. Your two hours are almost up, and you know who is going to need his mommy,” I said teasingly.

  Emily didn’t ask any more questions and the exchanges between the rest of the family flowed with a renewed sense of energy. It was as if we wanted to talk about as much as possible before the baby woke up. The mood was happy, and we talked about a variety of baby-related things. After Emily questioned Sara, she became even more sullen. It was obvious that something was bothering her. She didn’t participate in any more of the conversations and remained quiet throughout the rest of the meal. I had no idea if she felt uncomfortable about the baby, was overwhelmed with law school, or was just plain unhappy. All I knew for certain was that she was acting really strange and seemed really sad.

  8

  Emily

  I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough. There my little sister was, madly in love with this great guy, and now she had a baby. They were so happy. I should have been ecstatic for them, but I wasn’t. On the contrary, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The situation seemed so much more real now that they were out of the hospital. I’d be lying if I said their happy family scenario made me feel good. It was just the opposite. I couldn’t be around them. I felt angry and jealous. Everything seemed so unfair. I know that I told myself in the hospital that the baby was a good thing and I could deal with it, but now I was having serious doubts about my ability to deal with anything.

  Unlike Sara, I was living with a guy I wasn’t even sure I liked anymore—not to mention love. It was really difficult for me to be around them and witness all their love and joy. Sara was always the happy-go-lucky sister. Things seemed to work out in her favor regardless of the circumstances. I was feeling such conflict, and no matter how hard I tried to change how I felt about the situation, I couldn’t adjust how I truly felt. To make matters worse, feeling this way made me feel guilty. I wanted to be more accepting of the baby, but it was harder than I thought. I needed to get a grip on my emotions, be
cause I felt like I was going crazy. I know I should be happy for her, but happy wasn’t what I was feeling.

  Why was life so much easier for her? She got knocked up before she even finished college. She wasn’t engaged or married. But none of that mattered because the golden child always came up on top. Jealous? Yeah. I’ve always been jealous of her. Life was always different for me. There were so many more pressures being the oldest. I felt like I always had to be the serious, more levelheaded sibling. And I was over it. Damn, I wanted to be happy too.

  I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was simply jealousy or if there was more to it. I shouldn’t have been jealous. Sara is my sister and I love her. I know I should be thrilled they had this healthy, beautiful baby boy. And if I was honest, I didn’t want a baby right now. It seemed like a tremendous amount of responsibility and work. Law school was tough enough without adding an unwanted pregnancy to the mix. Besides, the way Sara described the delivery made me want to consider adoption as a more reasonable means of getting a child.

  After our mom abandoned us, I had so many conflicting feelings about relationships. Seeing the bond between Sara, Jackson, Katharine and dad was difficult to witness. They were so excited about every little thing: the crib, the blanket, and the baby’s outfit. Heck, they got excited about changing his diaper, for Christ’s sake. They all were so happy and united. I felt like an outsider.

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to crawl in bed and cry, go for a long run, or hit something. I had been feeling out of sorts for weeks, and the baby just made my spirit even more despondent. Cognitively, I knew I had to be excited for my sister, because a child is truly a gift from God. Emotionally, I wasn’t even remotely happy for her. Sara was prettier, more outgoing, more fun and now had this beautiful baby boy. It just didn’t seem fair.

  The last thing I wanted to do was go home to Martin, but I didn’t have a choice. I had a class early the next morning and needed to go to sleep. I didn’t think sleep would come easily, but I knew I had to try. My business law class at eight in the morning was a bitch. The professor was extremely demanding, and the assignments were long and arduous. With my unhappy emotional state lately, I was having a difficult enough time concentrating as it was. If I was exhausted, I knew I’d be in trouble.