My Earl the Spy

by Audrey Harrison

  Mr Connor looked between the pair; his face had flushed at Henry’s words, his expression one of annoyance. “If you are betrothed, may I be the first to wish you happy. Your mother hasn’t mentioned anything Milly.”

  Milly had stiffened in Henry’s arms when he made the announcement, but at Mr Connor’s words, she took a breath as if to speak. Henry swooped down and kissed her quickly but firmly, preventing any words being uttered. “We haven’t announced it as yet. I’m the happiest of men because I’ve got the best of women to agree to be my wife. My darling is assured that I want her and no other. Everyone will be jealous, and rightly so, wouldn’t you agree Connor?”

  “Of course,” Mr Connor said, but looked anything but happy at the words he was forced to utter out of politeness. “I shall leave you alone and look forward to your announcement when you make everyone aware of the happy occasion.”

  Henry smiled at the calling of his bluff. “We shall be through shortly. Close the door on your way out, Connor.”

  Mr Connor used more force than was necessary when he slammed the door behind him. Henry moved to kiss Milly once more, but she placed her hands flat against his chest and pushed away from him.

  “Why on earth did you say that, of all things?” she asked in disbelief. Her whole body was shaking, and it was not as a result of the kisses.

  “We were caught in a compromising position. I wasn’t allowing him the upper hand after what he did to you.”

  “Laudable sentiments, My Lord, but your actions are a little extreme, even for you.” Milly did not know whether to laugh or cry at Henry’s words.

  “This is why I need to marry you; you constantly prevent me running ahead of myself. I find the thought reassuring that I’ll always be able to rely on you to keep my over-inflated ego firmly in its place,” Henry said with a smile. The words about a marriage had been uttered in the heat of the moment, but the more he thought about marrying her, the more the idea appealed to him.

  Milly shook her head. “Impossible man!” Her legs had almost given way when he had stood up to Mr Connor and saved her from censure and ruin, but he would change his mind, of that she was sure. It had been a gallant gesture but not one she would take seriously. She had to be practical about it.

  “Maybe so, but we need to make an announcement to your friends and family, or there will be repercussions. It is a perfect solution to everything; I’m surprised I didn’t think of it earlier. Joshua Shambles wouldn’t dare to approach you if you were Lady Grinstead. I like the sound of that,” Henry smiled.

  Milly shook her head; everything was running too fast; she had to take control. “Stop! Please!” she begged, her hands at each side of her face as if the action would stop the noise. “I’m not going to marry you. I refuse to have my heart broken when you decide that you’ve changed your mind.”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “What, you could promise me love, faithfulness and honesty? Being a traditional husband with no running around putting yourself in danger by spying for the King?”

  “I could try,” Henry said.

  “And you wouldn’t be bored within a week when you feel obliged to come to me every night instead of frequenting whatever clubs you belong too?”

  “I don’t think marriage means turning into a hermit!”

  “No, it doesn’t. It does mean considering another’s needs, sometimes above your own. Are you really prepared to consider my needs for the rest of your days?” Milly asked reasonably.

  “It surely isn’t so bad?” Suddenly Henry was beginning to realise the reality of his words. Marriage meant no longer being able to do exactly as he wished. He had been carried away with the thought of being with Milly but, of course, there were the everyday monotonies to consider. That thought certainly put a dampener on his thoughts, but he tried to keep smiling.

  Milly saw that the smile no longer reached his eyes, and her heart sank even though she had been expecting the response. “Trying isn’t good enough. I need to be with someone who wants to be with me above all others. As I found out with Mr Connor, second best doesn’t result in happy endings.”

  “Don’t class me the same as that fortune hunter!” Henry spat.

  “Both of you don’t want me as a person, so in that respect you are similar; although I do concede that the circumstances are different; you are acting out of chivalry, for which I thank you. It isn’t enough though is it? It would be a disaster,” Milly said sadly.

  “I want you,” Henry said, moving across to Milly and cupping her face in his hands. He kissed her gently. “I do want you.”

  Milly pulled away. “Wanting isn’t enough, as much as everyone will consider me a fool,” she said quietly. She could so easily go along with what he said and marry the man she loved, but she had to be realistic. He would hurt her a thousand times more than Mr Connor had, and she was not sure she would survive that level of misery.

  “We’ll have to announce our engagement, or there will be consequences for you.” Henry realised that he had gone too far and was not going to upset her further. He had never caused anyone to look at him the way Milly was now, and inside it was tearing him apart. It was as if he could see her heart breaking through the anguish in her eyes, and he was stirred deeply, which seemed to be occurring more and more with Milly. He just wanted to make things better for her and yet he had caused this.

  “As I leave in two weeks, I suppose it won’t really matter. We shall have to make some reason why we are marrying away from Farnham and, if you leave at the same time as I, no one will be any wiser.” Milly was as practical as ever.

  “You wouldn’t be able to return home.”

  “I probably wouldn’t have done anyway. I’d accepted that this would quite possibly be my last visit.”

  Henry wrapped Milly in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. It was an embrace of true feeling. Milly enclosed his waist with her arms and rested her cheek on his chest. The unprompted act of kindness had brought a tear to her eye, and she did not wish to be exposed. She closed her eyes, listening to the steady, strong heartbeat of the man she loved.

  Eventually, Henry pulled away slightly. “Come, let’s get this over with. At least I will be engaged to you for two weeks, even if it is a sham.”

  *

  Mrs Connor had seemed out of sorts that the highlight of her social year had to be shared with Milly and Henry’s unexpected announcement. She, along with her husband, had played the perfect hosts, but both had worn strained expressions once the announcement of the betrothal had been made.

  Sarah and Mrs Holland had been happy beyond words, but Milly had whispered a few words that had caused Sarah to frown then nod with some comprehension. Of all people Milly could not lie to her friend.

  After a sleepless night, Milly had breakfasted as best she could and then walked directly to Sarah’s home. She did not wish to visit the post office or any other public venue; the strain of maintaining the pretext would be too much after so little sleep.

  Sarah fussed with tea while watching her friend. “I would’ve expected a newly engaged friend, especially to someone as handsome and charming as Lord Grinstead, to be far happier than you are, my dear. What did you mean when you said you’d explain everything?”

  Milly told Sarah the sorry tale and, after she had stopped speaking, Sarah sighed. “I know you hadn’t set out for any of this to happen, but it would solve everything in a way that would be better for you. You would have his protection and his title and money; you wouldn’t need to work ever again. Is it not worth considering going through with the marriage?”

  Milly wondered how much stronger Sarah would argue for the match if she knew just how serious Henry was treating the risk from Joshua. Milly had played the situation down somewhat to Sarah. If Milly told her about Henry pointing out what protection his name would give her, Sarah would probably insist on Milly marrying him! “It was an offer made for all the right reasons, but I couldn’t force him to carry it through. It wouldn’t be fai
r to any of us.”

  “It wasn’t fair that you were discarded at the first sign of trouble by Connor, but you were! This would prevent you taking that job, and you would live in luxury for the rest of your days. Don’t dismiss that the offer was made purely as a result of the situation you were both caught in. I don’t think he’s unaffected by you, Milly. I’ve seen the way he looks at you; it makes me feel quite hot and bothered his gaze is so intense!”

  Milly laughed, “Oh Sarah you are such a sweetheart. Lord Grinstead could have the pick of the season, of any season! He is never going to be satisfied with me.”

  “I don’t like that you don’t see what the rest of us do, Milly. I’m sorry to say it, but I think you pay too much heed to what your mother says.” Both women had witnessed Mrs Holland’s caustic tongue, usually aimed at Milly, more so since her engagement had ended.

  “He has agreed to do what I wish,” Milly responded stubbornly. “There’s nothing left to say.”

  The friends were left saddened by the visit that in other circumstances should have been such a joyous occasion.

  *

  Milly was not aware that Henry was not about to give in to what she wished without speaking to her once more. Admittedly, he was veering from abject panic at what he had done, to ridiculous contentment at the thought of having Milly permanently in his life; but he recognised there were more positives for them both if the marriage did take place.

  He approached the Holland house with flowers and a basket of fruit. Mrs Holland greeted him like a long lost friend, promising to seek out Milly and leave them to have some time alone, unchaperoned. Henry smiled at the thought of being able to spend time kissing Milly instead of drinking tea.

  Milly entered the room, for once feeling unsure and unprepared for what was to come; she had not expected to see Henry. Feeling drab in her striped cotton day dress, she admired his always perfect attire. Whatever time of day or night she saw him, his clothing was impeccable; she, on the other hand, always seemed to be mourning yet another crease or mark on her dress.

  “Miss Holland, I’m delighted to find you in. I rode through the town before making my way here; I hoped to see you on your travels,” Henry said, walking across and kissing her hand.

  “I decided a shorter excursion was preferable this morning,” Milly replied, moving to sit on a chair, but Henry, steered her to the two seater sofa. She wanted to have some distance from him, but it did not seem he shared the same thoughts.

  “Your mother is being very amenable. I think she must approve of our match.”

  “Have you forgotten what we discussed before you made the announcement?” Milly asked wondering where this chipper Henry had come from.

  “I thought that was just nerves of the moment. Surely my suit would be preferable than a position as companion in Ireland? I might be accused of thinking too highly of myself, but is it too egotistical to presume mine is the better offer?”

  Henry spoke with such good-humour that Milly questioned if she was making the right decision. It would be so easy to go along with the scheme and just hope that they would be happy. Ultimately, though, she could not ignore the reality of the offer; accepting his proposal was not wise for either of them. “I haven’t changed my mind, My Lord,” she said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

  The air stilled between them, and Milly was forced to look at Henry. His face had clouded, his frown set firmly between his brows. “You are refusing me?”

  “I refused you last night,” Milly responded. “We would not make each other happy.”

  Henry stood, walking slightly away from Milly, running a hand through his hair. He turned to her in frustration. “If I promised the things you wanted last night? The faithfulness, and whatever other nonsense you uttered? What then?”

  “The fact that you think it nonsense would make me doubtful of your commitment to any of the things I think are important.” Milly couldn’t help the slight smile touching her lips at his words.

  “Do you realise I’ve never asked anyone else to marry me before?” Henry said in disbelief.

  “As you are still single I would presume not.”

  “And you are turning me down.”

  “Yes, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s an eligible offer!”

  “It’s for the best.”

  “Best for whom?”

  “Both of us. I’ve no idea what you want in a wife, and it’s clear that you don’t know what I wish for in a husband. I’m releasing you from the engagement,” Milly said. Her tone was quiet but firm.

  “That just about explains everything!”

  “What does? I don’t understand your meaning?”

  “You wouldn’t release Connor, but you’ve been quick to release me! That shows exactly where your affection lies doesn’t it? I’ve been a complete fool!” Henry snapped striding to the door. He was being unreasonable, but he could not overcome the jealousy towards Mr Connor. A man not used to feeling out of his depth was never going to react well when consumed with irrational jealousy for the first time in his life.

  “Wait! No! You’ve misunderstood!” Milly cried, jumping from the seat and making to follow Henry.

  “Have I? Have I really, Miss Holland? You wouldn’t act to try and prevent some condemnation when dealing with that buffoon that you’d agreed to marry even when it meant you’d be subject to gossip, but you can’t wait to break off the engagement to me! Don’t worry! I won’t be so foolish in the future; I accept the release and can only apologise for wishing for the union in the first place.”

  “Don’t leave on these terms,” Milly begged. She hated that he looked so hurt; she had never expected him to be so affected. The urge to wrap him in an embrace almost overwhelmed her.

  “You can’t agree to the terms I offered; there is no other way to part. I wish you good day, Miss Holland. I shall leave you to deal with the gossips as you see fit. You must be an expert at it by now!”

  Henry stormed out of the house. He did not care that Mrs Holland would know that something was wrong; let Milly deal with her angry parent. He would leave this godforsaken part of the country; he had missed goodness knew how many other entertainments that London had to offer while he was stuck in this backwater. All thoughts of protecting her from Joshua Shambles were forgotten in the heat of the moment.

  He had had his fill of Miss Holland and her high and mighty ideas. Wanting a faithful, loving marriage indeed! His parents had hardly been able to stay in the same room with each other, let alone care for one another. He had determined that he would never let anyone hurt him as they had hurt each other and here he was proposing to a woman so completely on the shelf that she had to move countries to gain suitable employ. Well she was on her own! Good riddance to her!

  Chapter 12

  Milly had managed to avoid her mother for a full day. Mrs Holland was busy visiting everyone to talk about her daughter’s very eligible match. Claiming a headache, Milly had eaten small meals in her room and then retired early.

  She had not lied; her head had been pounding since Henry stormed out of her home and, in all likelihood, her life. She went over and over what she had done but could not bring herself to acknowledge she had made a mistake. If she had agreed to the marriage he would break her heart, although if the way she was feeling at the moment was anything to go by, it had happened whether she had married him or not.

  Crying and falling into a fitful sleep was not an ideal way to end a day, but it was the way her day ended. The following morning she forced herself out of her bedchamber and into the breakfast room. Mrs Holland entered soon afterwards, took one look at her daughter picking at her scones and dismissed the maid, closing the door firmly behind the member of staff.

  “What has happened?” Mrs Holland demanded.

  “I’m no longer engaged,” Milly said dully. There was no point in trying to hide the truth, or lie about it. With Henry leaving for London, if he had not gone already, she could not avoid her mother’s censure.
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  If Milly expected an outburst, she was to be surprised; Mrs Holland sat down heavily on one of the solid dining room chairs. “Why not?”

  “It was a mistake; it should never have been announced. Lord Grinstead was trying to save my reputation as Mr Connor had walked in and caught us sharing a kiss.”

  “So Lord Grinstead did the honourable thing.”

  “Yes, but it was wrong to tie ourselves to each other for the rest of our days just over one small kiss. I could not let him sacrifice his freedom for me.”

  “You foolish, foolish child!” Mrs Holland finally found her voice. “Do you realise what you’ve just thrown away? A secure future! I would give anything to have my remaining days secured, and instead I wake every morning thanking someone else’s kindness for my position and hoping that it continues to last! Have you any idea what it is like to rely so much on others?”

  “Of course I do!” Milly said indignantly. “I’ve spent the last four years with Clara.”

  “And been looked after as if you were a sister, not a penniless cousin! When you take up whatever position you decide on, things will be vastly different. You are staff then, not family and, believe me, there is a world of difference between the two!”

  “A companion is not a maid,” Milly responded, but her words lacked conviction.

  “It’s worse; in most cases, neither staff nor family. Milly, I’ve always thought you were intelligent, not one for dramatics, but you’ve just proved me wrong. You have successfully ruined any prospects of happiness you might have had and caused yourself to be the fool of the town. Can you imagine how this news will be received, especially after what went on with Mr Connor? Oh my goodness! The Connors will love this news!”

  “I don’t care about the Connors!”