Sex in the Sanctuary

by Lutishia Lovely

  Tai began a slow swing back and forth, back and forth. She tried to imagine life without King. What would she do? Where would she go? She’d have to leave the church, of course, and having formed many deep friendships while being first lady of Mt. Zion, she knew that wouldn’t be easy. Would she stay here, in this city? Probably not, she decided. It would be hard enough trying to make a new life for herself without the thought of running into him or Mt. Zion members every day. Where could I go? Tiny beads of perspiration gathered around her neck before trickling down her back. That was all the encouragement Tai needed to go back inside. She stood up then and looked around. She could almost hear the sound of the children, especially the twins who had practically grown up in this very yard. She thought then about the children—the twins, Michael and Princess. How would they feel about their parents’ divorce? She’d always tried so hard to keep the bad parts of her marriage away from the children and was almost certain they had no idea how close they were to becoming part of a single-parent household. When asked about the new sleeping arrangements, she’d simply said that like Timothy and Tabitha the year before, she and their dad now needed their own rooms. The twins were “too near her not to hear her.” They had shared a room until they turned twelve and accepted the explanation without question. Michael was doing very well at Northwest University, and Princess had accepted Tai’s explanation that she and King were having a major disagreement and needed space between them. All the children had such bright futures ahead of them, such promising paths. She wondered how filing for divorce would affect them, how it would change their lives.

  Her main concern was for the twins, both of whom worshipped their father. They had good reason. No matter how King behaved as a husband, he was always an exemplary dad. She wouldn’t do anything to color the children’s image of their father. They’d find out soon enough about his character flaws. Timothy was especially close to both King and his grandfather, the only child out of the four she could see following in her husband’s footsteps of ministry. He’d take it hard, Tai decided, but Tabitha would be there to help him through it. The twins, as most twins were, had always been extremely close. Tabitha was the rational one among her children, all logic and wisdom with a just-the-facts-ma’am mentality. Tai smiled as she thought of her studious young daughter, glasses pushed low, brows drawn together as she tried to dissect and figure out the problems of the universe. Truth of the matter was, she figured them out better than some adults most of the time. Tabitha would be okay, Tai concluded. And, so would Michael. Princess would be very disappointed and would probably blame her. She’d always been a daddy’s girl. And, Timothy, well, he was at the age that if he wanted to stay with his father, that would be okay.

  Tai was confused. Was divorce what she really wanted? On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, she knew for sure she’d leave. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, she changed her mind and decided the marriage could survive. On Saturdays she tried not to think about it, and on Sundays she almost succeeded. She still hadn’t officially mouthed the words “I want a divorce” to King. So did she want the divorce? Or did she want the marriage? Today, Tai didn’t know what she wanted.

  She headed for the kitchen and a large glass of water. That was one of the nutritionist’s suggestions that she’d taken to heart and felt better because of it, to drink more water. She filled her glass and leaned back against the counter, still deep in thought. It floored her how she was standing here, calmly entertaining the thought of a life without King. If anyone had told her she’d have such thoughts, even a year ago, she’d have laughed in their face and called them a fool.

  Tai reflected back over the last six months and tried to envision when King could have been meeting April. Most evenings, at that time, he’d been home. Of course, that just gave him all day. Tai had no idea what the other woman did for a living, or if she worked at all. Suddenly Tai stood straight up. Money! Was King giving this bitch money? Was he supporting her? Tai hadn’t even thought about the financial repercussions of what all this meant. She’d never concerned herself too much with the finances. King and their accountant handled the money. That was going to have to change. It was time to find out just where everything stood, including their financial situation.

  The thought of Miss Thing getting a penny of what should have been her and the kid’s money sent her blood boiling. Tai thought about the fancy little bistro in Kansas City’s elite shopping district, where she’d busted King and his little paramour tramp. She thought of all the shops surrounding that area and the price tags on the merchandise in those shops. Her imagination began conjuring up all sorts of scenarios, none of them pleasant. She saw King buying the other woman gifts, maybe even meeting her for private getaways at a luxurious hotel. Where had they been meeting? Not at the church, she would have heard about that, just like she heard about last month’s visit to the church parking lot.

  Tai put her head in her hands, but straightened as she heard Mama Max and the kids coming through the front door. A welcome reprieve; the situation was too much to think about, too much to consider. All she knew was that she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And she was tired of thinking about the marriage mess. So she joined everyone in the family room and turned on the stereo—loud. Before long she, the twins and Mama Max were all praise dancing, the adults trying to mimic the kid’s moves. Nothing could lighten one’s mood faster than a good dose of gospel music. With all that was going on, Tai needed as much “good news” as she could get.

  Everything is not all right

  King looked around inconspicuously as he left April’s condo. Not that he thought he’d see anyone he knew; April lived in a very suburban area. He felt certain few if any from the church even knew of the complex’s existence.

  He hit the car alarm/unlock mechanism on his key chain and opened the door, pulling off his suit coat before getting inside. He was tired, yet rejuvenated. This was his first time being with April in almost a month, and she’d let him know in no uncertain terms how much she’d missed him. That made him smile. One thing about April, she turned him on in every possible way and would do anything he asked to please him. Anything.

  Some of the things she’d done occupied his mind as he turned onto the boulevard and headed for the freeway. April had been a roaring flame that could not be doused. She’d literally begged him to stay the night, although he’d explained to her that that would never be possible. Not yet anyway. And just what did he mean by that? King pondered the thought for a moment. Could he really see himself with April on a more permanent basis? He thought of her walking in as first lady of Mt. Zion and of the probable looks on some of the members’ faces, such as Sistah Stokes and Sistah Wanthers, and laughed out loud. I’d really get a chance to see them prove their unconditional, Christian love. He laughed again. No, he honestly couldn’t say that he loved April that way. He admitted to a deep, deep affection and immense attraction, but to divorce Tai and marry her? Granted, she moved him in a way he hadn’t been moved in a long time, but there were more things to consider than his physical pleasure. But was it just sex? He thought about the conversations he and April had, about life and the world, society and finance. April was very bright, the daughter of a banking executive, and she’d grown up having and knowing how to handle money. At twenty-seven she’d already traveled extensively and seemed well informed on societal issues. No, it wasn’t just a physical thing; April stimulated both heads.

  So what was it, then? Why could he not see himself going to the next level with her by his side? Well, for one thing, April was totally ignorant of church matters in general and the Black church in particular. True, he’d been sharing parts of that aspect of his life in the months they’d been seeing each other, but he dared not invite her to the church. And with good reason—as thoughts of the Italian bistro confrontation flashed into his mind. At least he had that much sense. He didn’t want his woman and his wife in the same church at the same time. By his invitation, no less. But somehow, April did n
eed the benefits of a church setting, fellowship with other believers. Was it really fair of him to deny that part of God to someone he loved? Loved? Where had that come from? Did he really love April? He deliberated on that thought for a moment and, drawing no concrete conclusions, moved on to other thoughts, like his mama. She’d demanded he end the affair. He’d refused, told her it was his life.

  Besides, she hadn’t said anything that he didn’t already know. He knew how Tai loved him. He knew how hard a divorce would be on the kids. He knew the ministry might suffer if he started openly seeing April, even after a divorce. “What are you thinking?” she’d barked at him. Her words played in his head like a song he couldn’t forget. I raised you better than that, and Negro, as long as you Black, you bet not think of bringing this kind of shame on the family! I didn’t raise no fool, so for the love of God, stop acting like one! That was when he’d walked out of the room, not stopping until he was in his car and heading down the drive. They’d spoken little since.

  His thoughts turned to Tai. She’d moved out of the master bedroom, and he wasn’t surprised. At least this time it was just out of the bedroom; the times with Tootie and Karen one of them had left the house. He felt too guilty to take the lead and encourage the candid conversation that was needed between them. What was there to say except, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” He knew that was the right thing to do. At times he felt horrible about being with April. He still loved Tai. He’d known her more than half his life, how could he not? They’d been through a lot together, built a life together. But he was cheating on her. Why? Because April brought an excitement, an edge, to his life. Something had been missing, and she filled it. April made him feel good.

  King didn’t know what to do. Was it better to let things ride and hope that one day Tai would get over it and forgive him? Forget April ever happened? Put the past behind her like she had before? No, for some reason, this time felt different. Tai was different these days, more confident, more sure of herself. These were things that should have made King proud, but they served only to make him more uneasy. He wondered what she was really thinking, but at the same time was almost afraid to find out.

  King thought of April again. He’d reprimanded her fiercely for making the scene at the church before he went to Cleveland, and his not seeing her for almost a month was her punishment, even though he, too, had felt the emptiness of her absence. She seemed to have gotten the message. She’d tried to justify her behavior but eventually became contrite; assuring him that it had been only her frustration at his not returning her phone calls that had led to such drastic measures. She knew he was married and not always available. Things would have to be on his terms or on no terms at all. She promised never to do anything so foolish again. Then she’d ducked down beneath the sheets and made him forget that he was ever angry with her, using her mouth to say things that words could never convey.

  King exited the freeway and entered the subdivision where he and Tai had lived for almost ten years. He decided that after this stalemate, it was time for a real conversation. He was the man of the house, and he couldn’t let things continue the way they’d been going indefinitely. He needed to know where her head was, what she was thinking. Shoot, he didn’t even know what he was thinking. How could he be sure what was on her mind? At any rate, they needed to talk—she was his wife after all. And even with all that was going on, he couldn’t imagine a life without her in it.

  “Maybe tonight,” he said aloud as he turned down his street. Without warning, a picture of April, all sexy and spicy in the black lace teddy he’d purchased, along with garter belt and hose, swam before his eyes. “No, my mind is too distracted,” he decided with a grim smile. “I dealt with April tonight; I’ll deal with Tai tomorrow.” He punched the garage door opener and saw that the choice might not be his to make. Tai’s SUV was nowhere in sight. Tai knows she should be at home! King frowned, totally forgetting that he himself was just pulling in the driveway. He muttered indignantly as he reached for his briefcase before closing the door. Tai needs to remember that she’s a wife and mother first, that nothing is more important than that.

  King’s anger continued as he opened the door and felt rather than heard the driving drumbeats of hip-hop music. Lights were on everywhere. He walked through the kitchen and into the den where Timothy and Tabitha were playing videos.

  “Go tell Princess to turn that music off…NOW!” King’s uncharacteristic bellow caused both kids to jump.

  “Ooh, Daddy, you scared me,” Tabitha said as Timothy flew by her and bounded up the stairs to happily deliver his father’s command. “What’s the matter?”

  King took a deep breath, tossing his briefcase on the well-worn couch and taking off his jacket. “Where’s your mother?” He answered Tabitha’s question with one of his own. The booming bass stopped suddenly, and the house once again stood still.

  “She left.”

  King’s heart stopped. Just quit beating. Anger quickly turned into something else. His worst fear was being realized—and he hadn’t even known it was his worst fear. “What do you mean, left?”

  “She said she needed some time to herself and to call Jan if there was an emergency. She said we had to go to bed at ten ’cuz she might be out late.”

  King’s heart started beating again—even as he thought about what Tabitha just said. Call Jan in case of an emergency? Not me? Not their dad? Fear turned back to anger.

  “Why does Mama need time to herself, Daddy?” Tabitha turned large, probing eyes on him, her head cocked slightly to the left. Suddenly she looked older than her years, and King felt older than his.

  “I don’t know, baby.” King searched his mind for a logical explanation, knowing that that was the only kind that would fly with Tabitha. “Maybe so she could hear herself think over that loud music.”

  “The music wasn’t on when she left, Daddy,” Princess said as she and Timothy bounded down the steps. She leaned down to give King a kiss before heading into the kitchen.

  “That music was way too loud, Princess. I don’t want to come in here and hear it at that volume again. Do you understand me?”

  Princess poked her head out the kitchen door. She wasn’t used to her father speaking to her harshly. “Yes, sir.”

  “Why you mad, Dad?” Timothy sat down next to his father. Tabitha gave an I-told-you-that-you-were-mad look to King before turning back to the television.

  King had had enough. Yes, he was mad, and no, he wouldn’t discuss it. So he shifted the focus to Tai. “Where’d your mama go? She knows better than to walk off and leave you guys by yourself.”

  “We’re not babies, Daddy,” Princess said as she reentered the room with a soda and bag of chips. “Besides, Mama never goes out. She looked good, too—new outfit and everything.”

  Now, where in the hell did she go all dressed up? King grabbed his briefcase and jacket and headed toward the stairs. As he trudged up, he erased the instant images of Tai out with another man. Even as they ran across his mind, he felt a pang of guilt that he, someone who had just left his mistress’s house in general, and bed in particular, could even think to question Tai’s whereabouts. She was probably just visiting some sick and shut-in church member, or over to his mother’s.

  Tai laughed so hard her sides hurt. She grabbed another handful of popcorn and followed it with a long swig of Coke. She looked over at Sandy, who was laughing, almost crying, while eyeing Tai with a satisfied gleam in her eye. “It’s good to hear your laugh again, woman!” she said between chuckles.

  “It’s good to laugh,” Tai said as the crowd roared their approval of the Clean Comedy Monday stand-up comedian. “You don’t know the half.”

  “Well, like I said, you ran across my mind today,” Sandy continued, both of them enjoying the reprieve as one comedian left and pop music filled the room until the next performer took the stage. “I haven’t talked to you in forever, but we had some good times when you were at Sprint. I can’t believe we haven’t stayed in b
etter touch. But then I knew you were busy, with the church and your family and everything.”

  “Well, let me just tell you. I’m glad you thought of me, delighted you called and thrilled to be sitting here. I didn’t even know they had clean comedians like this. I mean, I always loved Sinbad, but I haven’t heard him doing comedy in a while. Other than him, I didn’t know there were a whole group of comedians out that had acts without all the profanity and sex-filled punch lines. All I’d heard of was Def Comedy Jam, and you know I can’t handle that.”

  “Well, I will say you look much better now than when you first arrived. Are you sure everything’s all right?”

  “No, Sandy, everything is not all right,” Tai said, taking a sip of Coke and still smiling. “But it’s gonna be.”

  Before she could ask any more questions, the MC introduced the next comedian, and before long Tai and Sandy were howling again.

  A church girl

  Hope sat back, determined to savor the soothing sounds of jazz guitarist Norman Brown. He was one of Kansas City’s own, and the crowd was especially enthusiastic. The musician’s playing was flawless. It had been so long since Hope had gone to anything other than a gospel concert that she almost forgot how to act. But she was glad to be out. Glad she’d accepted Frieda’s invite to double with her and her latest love interest and do something besides watch videos on a Friday night.

  She bobbed her head to the left and the right, taking a moment to slyly check out her date, Rashiid. She had to admit the brother was fine, although with Frieda she’d expected no less. Frieda believed that there were just as many good men in fine packages as in ugly ones, and she always insisted on unwrapping the fine men first. Rashiid seemed to be enjoying himself, laid back in his seat, his shoulder rubbing against hers as he, too, bobbed his head to the beat. He glanced over and caught her gaze. She averted her eyes, but not before she saw the dazzling smile that eased from his mouth as he noticed her stare. He reached over then and put his arm around her, not possessively, but protectively—as if to say, “Check me out, baby, it’s okay.”