Sex in the Sanctuary

by Lutishia Lovely

  Cy continued his perusal of the Sunday churchgoers. He checked out the band members, grooving in sync as they led the congregation in glorious praise. He gave a quick nod to Darius Crenshaw, the minister of music who was largely responsible for the success of the Kingdom Citizens’ Chorale. Theirs was one of the best and most sought after choirs in the country, and Darius had become a celebrity with the release of his CD, D&C, Darius and Company. God had gifted Darius tremendously, and on top of a voice that Gabriel would envy, the man was phenomenal on keyboards, held his own on the saxophone and could pinch hit for the drummer should the need arise. He was self-assured without being cocky. Genuinely kind, with the type of sensitivity women drooled over. Like Cy, Darius had his share of problems with the ladies. He was what women labeled a pretty boy, in addition to being successful and single. They had shared war stories on occasion, and Darius was one of the few Kingdom men able to truly empathize with what Cy went through. Cy thought about Darius for Millicent. Maybe they’d make a love connection. As far as Cy knew, there was no one serious in Darius’s life at the moment. He knew that Darius had been married and that his wife had left him for another man. That undoubtedly had hurt, but that had been a few years ago. Cy knew Darius had dated a couple other women, but it obviously wasn’t serious. He also knew that Stacy, who worked in the youth ministry, had aspirations where Darius was concerned, but such feelings had obviously not been mutual between them. Cy remembered hearing a rumor that Darius was gay, but had dismissed it immediately as a vicious lie probably started by a woman scorned. Yeah, Darius would definitely be considered a good catch by any female’s standards.

  Darius gave the signal, and soon the sanctuary was filled with the illustrious sounds of “God, My Jehovah,” one of the original singles from Darius’s CD.

  God, my Jehovah, Awesome Wonder

  Full of power, full of might

  God, my Jehovah, Lord, Redeemer

  God, my Father, my Delight.

  Immediately, worshippers began standing throughout the congregation to become active participants in the praise and worship process. Cy smiled at the looks of reverence and awe on faces lifted toward Christ. His head nodded in time to the beat as his eyes continued to scan the masses. As his eyes took in different women in various stages of worship, another woman’s essence filled his mind. Hope. He closed his eyes and smiled as thoughts of their recent conversations bubbled up and into his consciousness. What a delightful surprise she’d proven to be. He’d become more and more enamored each time he talked to her. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was that made her different exactly, but somehow she reached places inside him no other woman had been able to touch. She was the only woman in a long time in which he’d thought her name and the word “wife” in the same sentence. That revelation had startled him initially, but he found himself warming to the idea more and more. In fact, he’d decided to share his thoughts with Pastor before long because, even though she didn’t know it yet, Hope Jones was going to be his wife.

  He opened his eyes, still smiling, and looked directly into the eyes of Millicent Sims. Millicent had thoughts of marriage on her mind as well. Thoughts that included Cy Taylor and did not include Hope Jones.

  With or without you, I’m moving on

  Tai poured the glass of wine she’d vowed not to have. She intended to have all her faculties about her when she talked to King, wanted her mind to be clear. But when the clock struck two A.M. and King still wasn’t home, she couldn’t take it anymore. She reached for calm in the guise of a glass of Merlot.

  Tai was too through. King had obviously taken her silence for consent, her kindness for weakness. It was now August, the third month of their impasse, and he hadn’t done one thing to let her know he held any desire to see their marriage continue. No, instead the nights away from home became more frequent, he was creeping in later and later in the wee morning hours. After his initial questioning and seeming reluctance to Tai’s taking the guest room, he’d actually endorsed it by bringing in some items she had left in the master bedroom closet. Through all of this, Tai remained silent. She said nothing, but she observed everything.

  In the past, she’d yell, issue ultimatums and cry. During his blatant affair with Tootie a decade earlier, she and the kids had moved out for a brief period, before she and King reconciled and they bought this place. After the second affair, with Karen, he’d moved out. And now, here she was again. She was estranged and alone, in another room, another bed, apart from her husband. Her quiet demeanor hadn’t brought him back to her; instead, it seemed to push him farther away. She’d been fasting and praying and concentrating on God and herself. She’d lost weight, bought a new wardrobe including some fancy negligees that King had yet to see, and further enhanced the updated hairstyle she’d adopted earlier by adding more golden highlights. She’d done so well in her computer class that the instructor had encouraged her to pursue a degree in computers or a related area. She’d continued, and was taking the advanced course.

  And she felt good. For the first time in a long time, she felt worthy of respect and adoration. Where before she’d just seen herself as the children’s mama, she now felt like a woman, her own woman again, sexy and self-assured. She felt that she had something to offer, not only to her husband, but the body of Christ. Her working with Vivian and the S.O.S. Summit had restored a confidence she hadn’t realized was lacking. She was excited about spending the upcoming time in California, excited about God doing a new thing in her life. Because that was how she felt; like God was up to something, something good.

  These were wonderful transformations taking place, things a wife wanted to share with her husband. But she and King rarely spent time alone these days. Most of their conversation was limited to the dining room table, and then most talk was directed to Princess and the twins. King had been accepting more and more out-of-town speaking engagements, and more often than not, his secretary knew his schedule better than she did. When King was in town, he spent long hours at the church and on church business. Then, when he was through with God’s business, he was spending time with her. His other woman, April.

  He’d been the epitome of discretion since the bistro fiasco, but Tai wasn’t fooled. Of course, she’d heard about the little witch’s visit to the church parking lot and, while not able to prove it, was sure April had King’s private number at the church. How could he conduct his adulterous affair from God’s house? Just steps away from the pulpit. Was he crazy, or had he just lost his mind? No, Tai knew the affair was still going on and wasn’t sure April was the only woman tied to King’s affections. Several times in the last month, someone had called the house, only to hang up when Tai answered the phone. Tai had caller ID, but the person blocked their number so she still didn’t know who was calling. King assured her it wasn’t April, and that he hadn’t given anyone else their number. Tai wasn’t convinced.

  Tai walked from her bedroom down to the kitchen and refilled her glass. She grabbed a bag of popcorn, then, looking at the wall clock in the kitchen, changed her mind. She didn’t want to eat this late or this early depending on how one looked at it. Focusing on the time made her angry all over again. What kind of man would be so disrespectful, almost flaunt an affair, coming in at all times of night with no explanation and no remorse? Well, she’d been booboo the fool one time too many. It was time to shit or get off the pot.

  Working on her outline for the Sanctity of Sisterhood Summit had caused Tai to do some deep thinking regarding her own situation, her own life. What kind of example was she being to the body of Christ, to women in the faith, to be in a situation where adultery was being continually committed and not do anything about it? What kind of example was she setting for her own daughters? That it was all right for their father to sneak around? That turning one’s cheek and eyes and ears in another direction and feigning ignorance was the solution? And if it was, for how long? Did love really conquer all, especially when that love was one-sided? In spite of all that had hap
pened, Tai had been willing to fight for the marriage. But she would not, could not do it alone.

  She’d simply intended to tell King her upcoming plans regarding her trip to California, but King’s late arrival home had allowed her too much time to think, and by the time she heard his footsteps on the stairs, a whole other conversation had formulated in her mind. She’d thought that maybe this time a different tactic would bring different results. And she’d gone back and forth on what she wanted those results to be. Well, now she knew. She was not going to stay where she was not wanted. And she was not going to share her husband.

  “We need to talk,” Tai stated simply as King passed her in the hall on his way to the master bedroom. He didn’t stop or turn around. Tai followed him into the bedroom. “Did you hear me? We need to talk and we need to talk now.”

  King didn’t say a word. He walked over to the sitting area and set down his briefcase. Then he walked over to the dresser and took off his watch, cuff links, tie pin and solid gold bracelet. Still not speaking to or acknowledging Tai, he walked past her to the large, walk-in closet where he started to undress. Tai’s patience was wearing thin; in fact, it was gone. She turned and walked from the room. King thought she’d changed her mind about conversing, but she’d only gone to refill her wineglass and to place the bottle in her room for easy access. She walked back into the master bedroom and sat on the edge of their four-poster, brass bed. If looks could kill, King would have been a dead man.

  “It’s late, Tai, let’s talk tomorrow,” King stated wearily, walking naked from the closet to the bathroom. After twenty years of marriage he had the audacity to close the door. Without having to think for a second, Tai could picture exactly what he was doing. How he looked when he used the rest room, which hand grabbed the toothbrush and which one the toothpaste, how he held the washcloth to his face after cleansing it with the special soap he used for acne-prone skin, everything about his bathroom ablutions were committed to her memory from years of watching him perform his bedtime ritual. King’s closing the door made her feel the slap’s sting, a slap that only fueled her unchecked anger. She walked over and pushed open the door. “I’m out of tomorrows, King, we need to talk now.”

  King finished gargling, spit out the mouthwash, grabbed a washcloth and wiped his mouth and looked at her warily in the mirror before turning around and walking past her toward the bed.

  Tai watched his retreat with a clinical albeit not total detachment. Even in her anger, her belly did a mild flip-flop at the sight of his well-toned buttocks gliding above strong, hard thighs and beneath a smooth, muscled back. That feeling lasted for only an nth of a second, followed by a certain nausea at the thought that that ass had probably been hovered over the open thighs of April Summers for most of the night. It certainly hadn’t hovered over hers in quite some time, and Tai knew that King’s was an ass that had to hover somewhere. Celibacy was not his ministry, not at all. She followed him to the bed and stood over it as he walked around and got under the covers, repositioning his pillows before lying back with the determination of one who wanted nothing more than to sleep at this moment. It was not to be; Tai had some things to say.

  “You know, King, I thought it would be different this time. I thought that after I ran into you and your whore at the restaurant that you’d see the error of your ways and change them. I thought you’d come to me seeking forgiveness, apologizing for your transgressions and begging for another chance. I imagined the conversation you’d have with her, letting her know that the affair was over, that it had just been about sex for you, but that your wife and your family meant everything, much too much to throw it all away for some peepee.” King looked over questioningly but didn’t comment. “Yeah, peepee, pink p-u-s-s-y. That is the color of the one you’ve been looking at lately, isn’t it?” Tai felt her anger mount and tried for a bitter laugh that came out more as a choking, strangling sound. King lay back, closed his eyes and didn’t move.

  Tai stood for a moment, quietly watching as her husband feigned sleep, or disinterest or both. Similar to when she’d first seen April, Tai’s raging anger was replaced by an eerie calm, as if a force outside her was in control. Indeed, only seconds before, she’d empathized with the spouses who murdered their mates in fits of passion, because King’s lack of interest in her had caused thoughts of violence to flitter in and out of her mind with increased regularity. But now, suddenly, she was calm. Focused. Determined. But for a split second she had imagined an AK-47 with her finger on the trigger.

  Before she could embellish the image in her mind, Tai moved from the bed and crossed over to the sitting area, picking up a picture she and King had taken on their fifteenth anniversary. This had been one of the good years, she thought, as memories from that celebration filtered through her mind. The church had given them a trip to Hawaii that year, and this picture had been taken as they were going out to dinner. The woman in the picture seemed like a stranger to Tai, with bright, shining eyes full of love and happiness for the man at her side. King looked especially handsome in his white silk suit with collarless, colorful Versace shirt. One arm was placed protectively on Tai’s waist, his other hand resting possessively on her shoulder. Tai remembered how they’d walked on the beach that night, made love under a full moon like two love-starved teenagers. She remembered the joy of their time in paradise, the renewed passion, the renewed commitment, the feeling that their marriage had faced the battles and overcome them; that they had come to the river Jordan and crossed over to the other side. Tai put down the picture and turned back to King, who still lay unmoving. No, they hadn’t crossed the river. It was still in front of them. Pharoah’s army in the guise of a woman named April was blocking the path behind them, and Moses was nowhere to be found. She walked to the edge of the bed and stood over her husband.

  “I’ll be in California the entire month of September,” she said, having come up with this idea on the spot and voicing it simultaneously. Before, she had planned to fly in every weekend. “While I’m gone, decide whether you want your other women or this family, because you can’t have both. I’m through waiting. When I come back, with or without you, I’m moving on.” She drained her glass and, like a gauntlet, threw it down on the bed. She then turned and without a backward glance walked out the door.

  King waited a moment after the door closed before opening his eyes. He stared at the door and then at the empty wineglass on the bed beside him. Drops of deep red Merlot wine, eerily resembling stains from their marital wounds, dotted the plush comforter. Sleep didn’t come immediately for King that night. In fact, as the fingertips of dawn brushed the horizon and slices of sunlight streaked into the room, Tai’s calm, quiet words still rang in King’s ears while the escape of slumber eluded him.

  Girl, you know you need to quit

  Vivian and Tai moved slowly through the throng of women still milling around the hotel’s lobby. Even though the day’s activities had long been over, long enough for Vivian and Tai to retreat to Tai’s suite and change into comfortable warm-up outfits, clusters of women still stood in groups talking. They were no doubt adding their thoughts and ideas to the topic that had been discussed in thorough and blatant honesty this day, Sacred Sex. Upon seeing the first ladies pass by, one young lady broke away from her group and walked in their direction. As she neared them, Vivian could see tears in the young lady’s eyes. She smiled at Vivian, but her focus was on Tai.

  “Sister Tai?” she began tremulously, the intensity of her emotions causing her voice to quiver. “I just wanted to personally thank you for what you said today. You really blessed me. I’ve always felt so guilty about the affair I had with the head of the deacon board at the last church I attended. I thought…” The lady stopped and wiped the tears flowing unabashedly down her face, unable to go on.

  “Shhh, it’s all right, my sister,” Tai intoned gently, taking the young woman by the arm and leading her toward a sitting area in the center of the hotel’s lobby. Vivian followed silently. “Admi
tting our faults is half the battle, asking forgiveness and moving past our sins into lives of liberty is the victory we have in Christ.”

  The woman looked at Tai with admiration and respect. “It’s just that nobody talks about this, not the way you guys did today. It’s like, we know that people cheat and stuff, but we never talk about the man’s role in these relationships, even men in the church who perpetuate this kind of behavior. I’m not making excuses, but I was only seventeen when me and this deacon started seeing each other. He told me if I said anything, I’d be kicked out of the church. That nobody would believe me. And he was right.” The woman was becoming increasingly emotional, and Tai grabbed her hand, calming her by steadily patting it while looking straight into her eyes, into her tormented soul. The woman took a deep breath and continued. “When I finally got the nerve to go to my pastor and tell him what was going on, he blamed me. He asked me what I’d done to encourage the relationship. He said I must have done something to lead this man on, that I knew he was married, that I should have said no. He then questioned whether I was even telling the truth in the first place. I was directing the young adult choir at the time. They ended up making me give up that position and all other positions of visibility in the church. Then somebody leaked that I was trying to ruin this man’s marriage by lying. His wife found out, cornered me and called me everything but a child of God. I don’t blame her—she had every right to be mad. I stayed away from church for two years.”

  Tai’s heart went out to the young woman before her. How many other young female lives had been damaged, even ruined, at the hands of “men of God” who were little more than sexual predators in God’s house? She thought of King and could only wonder at the women she didn’t know who had fallen prey to his ministrations. She thought of April, and while there was no love lost between her and King’s mistress, she admitted it took two to tango and reminded herself that April had not spoken vows of fidelity to her, King had. She could see the faces of women who stared at her husband in awe as he ministered, that looked up in open adoration at the oracles of God coming from the mouth of a Black Adonis. She thought of that handsome face, that sexy smile, those bright, flirtatious eyes. And the thought made her want to puke. Her eyes began to water as the woman continued to weep before her. This was God’s precious daughter. Hurt and betrayed in the very place that should have been her refuge. Misused and mistreated by the very ones who should have been leading and guiding her young life into doing great things for God and His Kingdom. Instead, her excitement had been replaced by anger, and her zeal had turned to shame. Tai thought of the woman, this deacon’s wife, who’d cursed instead of questioned. Again, she thought of how her behavior toward the young, single women in her church was often cautious at best, her interaction with them often shielded behind a wall of defensiveness and skepticism. She never knew whether theirs was a sincerity to serve God or a desire to sleep with her husband. How many women had she judged unfairly? How many women had she accused in error? The woman now watched quietly as a myriad of emotions played across Tai’s face. Tai looked at her and saw all the young, innocent, single women at Mount Zion. She smiled warmly, wiping away the last traces of this dear sister’s tears. “I’m glad you came back to God’s house,” she whispered, pulling the woman into a long hug. “Your sins have been forgiven and God loves you.” Tai pulled back to once again look into the woman’s eyes. “And so do I.”