Mystic Caravan 11 - Freaky Mage

by Amanda M. Lee

  “Definitely,” I agreed.

  “It’s going to be a difficult transition,” Zoe continued, not missing a beat. “Aric and I have loved each other through a lot of difficult times. I mean ... he’s likely to rip your head off if we’re not careful.”

  “There will be no ripping off of heads!” Kade looked toward me. “This was an accident.”

  “How was it an accident?” I purposely kept my face blank. “I mean ... you did put your hand on her butt.”

  “Yeah, but I thought it was your butt. She’s wearing your clothes.”

  “Are you saying her butt feels like my butt?”

  “No. I ... no.” He vehemently shook his head. “I’m not saying that at all. At freaking all. I just wasn’t thinking.”

  Zoe folded her arms over her chest and regarded him. “Are you saying you don’t want me after the butt-groping incident?”

  “It was an accident,” Kade insisted.

  “Well, that is ... disappointing.” Zoe slid her eyes to me. “I’m feeling very rejected right now.”

  “I don’t blame you.” I was solemn. “That’s a horrible thing to have happen.”

  “Is it because I’m old?” Zoe asked.

  “You’re not old. In fact, you’re really hot.” As if realizing what he said too late to take it back, Kade darted his eyes to me. “You’re still the hottest woman in the world, baby. The absolute hottest. I love you with my whole heart.”

  I was starting to feel sorry for him, but Zoe wasn’t letting up.

  “It’s probably a combination of things,” she said. “I’m old and I’ve had a kid. Honestly, once you pop one of those little suckers out your life will never be the same. I wanted to be knocked out with drugs, but they told me that was impossible.

  “Plus, because we figured Sami might put on a magical show at birth, I had to go to this mean midwife who was aware of the paranormal world,” she continued. “I threatened Aric with bodily harm for the entire labor, which went on for days.”

  “You were in labor for days?” I asked. “That’s ... horrible.” That was my worst nightmare.

  “Maybe it just felt like days,” Zoe conceded. “Seriously, though, your body will never be the same again. I pee now sometimes when I laugh.”

  Sami, who had been walking by with Nellie, pulled up short. “What did you just say to him?” She looked horrified.

  “Nothing,” Zoe replied. “Go away. This is an adult conversation.”

  “You’re talking about pee.”

  “What are you talking about?” Aric asked as he trudged in from the parking lot. He’d found Cole somewhere along the way and they were deep in conversation. He appeared largely uninterested in our mindless chitchat but was too polite not to ask what we were talking about before interrupting.

  “Mom was telling them how she pees when she laughs now because of me,” Sami replied. She looked utterly scandalized. “Can’t you get a muzzle for her or something?”

  “I kind of like it when she says goofy things,” Aric replied, dropping a kiss on top of his daughter’s head and grinning when she jerked away. “Sorry. I forgot you’re not big on the public displays of affection these days.”

  “I’m not,” Sami agreed, her eyes on fire. “I’m too old.”

  “Oh, don’t break your father’s heart.” Aric mock clutched at his chest. “When you were little you used to climb in my lap and demand that I put on the monster show.”

  I was curious. “The monster show?”

  “The Walking Dead.”

  I did the math in my head. “How old was she when she started watching it?”

  “It’s been out about ten years, so I guess she was about four. She went from rooting for Carl to lusting after Daryl in the blink of an eye.”

  “Not Daryl.” Sami was incensed at the suggestion. “Daryl is gross. He doesn’t look like he bathes. I liked Jesus. Jesus! He was hot.”

  “He was totally hot,” Cole agreed. “I was crushed when he died.”

  Sami made a sniffling sound. “My life was ruined that day.”

  Aric’s smile was pronounced. “I’m still confused about why we were talking about you peeing, baby.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Zoe’s cheek. “Were you just trying to embarrass Sami? If so, I’m always a fan of that.”

  “It came up because Kade doesn’t think my butt is as good as Poet’s,” Zoe replied.

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing at Kade’s horrified expression.

  “That’s a really weird thing to be talking about,” Aric said after a moment’s contemplation. “What’s wrong with my wife’s butt?”

  “Nothing is wrong with it,” Kade sputtered. “I just ... happen to love Poet’s butt.”

  “It’s really firm,” Aric offered. “I don’t just mean for her age. She does these weird leg lifts in the lake because they’re less work, but they’re really effective.”

  “I can’t deal with this.” Kade covered his face with his hands. “I absolutely cannot deal with this.”

  I was about to swoop in and save him, but Zoe had another plan.

  “Kade touched my butt,” she volunteered. “I’m not talking a simple brush or pat. There was cupping ... and squeezing.”

  Aric’s eyes darkened. “Excuse me?”

  “I thought she was Poet,” Kade snapped. “She’s wearing her clothes ... and her hair is tied up ... and I was distracted with security distribution.”

  Aric slid his eyes to Zoe. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “He doesn’t even want to run away with me like I was expecting.” Zoe almost sounded whiny. “What sort of guy grabs a woman’s butt and doesn’t want to run away with her? It’s pretty distressing.”

  “I can see that, baby. I’m sorry he doesn’t want to run away with you.”

  For the first time, Kade sensed he was being messed with. “Wait a second ... .”

  “Just out of curiosity, who was going to be stuck with the kid if you two ran off together?” Aric asked. “I would be the one grappling with the broken heart, so it’s only fair that you take her.”

  “No way.” Zoe shook her head. “If I’m running away with a new boyfriend, I cannot give Sami the attention she needs. Besides, you’ll be lonely without me and need her to distract you.”

  Aric was firm. “If you run off and join the circus, you’re taking the kid. Then I’m inviting all those young moms who keep trying to entice me with casseroles to the house to defile your hot tub.”

  “Oh, that is just mean.”

  Kade turned to me. “You’re all messing with me.”

  “We are,” I confirmed, opting to put an end to the game. He’d been through enough. “We know it was an accident.”

  Kade turned to Zoe. “It really was an accident.”

  She cracked a smile. “I have no doubt. It’s fine.”

  Kade swallowed hard and then finally met Aric’s amused stare. “I would never move in on your turf. I hope you know that. I’m not that sort of guy.”

  “Oh, you’re so cute.” Aric barked out a laugh. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t make a habit of it or anything — I’m extremely territorial — but if Zoe believed there was something to worry about she would’ve handled it herself. She doesn’t need me to fight for her virtue.”

  “Although it does turn me on when he gets all manly and says ‘mine’ while staring down other men,” Zoe drawled.

  “I did that once,” Aric protested.

  “You did that, like, fifty times to Rafael.”

  “Yes, but he’s one vampire.”

  Their easy rapport with one another — and obvious love — made me grin. “I think it’s nice that you two are completely infatuated with each other more than twenty years after you met.”

  “We’re soulmates,” Aric responded easily. “Our hearts connected decades ago, and if there’s one thing I’m certain of in this world, it’s that nothing can ever come between us.”

  “That is really sweet,” I said.<
br />
  “It’s really gross,” Sami countered, making a face. “I hope you know that touching my mother’s butt completely removes you from my list,” she said to Kade. “You’re now tainted. I can’t even look at you.”

  “I think I’ll survive,” Kade said, tentatively reaching up to brush his thumb against my cheek. “I really thought it was you.”

  He needed reassurance, which seemed funny under the circumstances, but I was more than prepared to give him what he needed. “Kade, I knew what was happening the second it went down. You don’t have to worry. I know you would never willingly cheat on me.”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “You’re a good guy.”

  “With bad aim,” Sami muttered, moseying over to her father. “Did you buy me anything while you were out?”

  Aric snickered. “You get more like your mother every day. That’s frightening because I’ve been convinced you were her attitudinal clone since you were three and started serving me cups of water masquerading as tea, that, come to find out, you were fishing out of the toilet.”

  “It’s not like I could reach the sink,” Sami shot back. “Use some common sense. That’s really on you.”

  “I have to agree with her,” Zoe said.

  “And all is right with the world.” Aric reached into his back pocket and retrieved a bag of candy. “Gourmet gummy sharks from a special store. They have a lot of shirts and stuffed animals, too.”

  “Yay.” Sami took the candy and then frowned. “I’m too old for stuffed animals.”

  “Who said they were for you? I was mentioning them for your mother’s benefit.”

  Zoe chuckled. “Go over to the table and eat your candy, Sami.” She must have sensed, as did I, that Aric had something serious on his mind. “Remember, if you eat too many gummy things you get backed up, and you’re a real bear when that happens. Moderation is key.”

  Sami’s eyes flashed. “I can’t believe you said that in public!”

  “I live to torture you.”

  “Oh, you’re the worst.” Sami stomped her feet as she headed toward the table.

  “Good. She’ll sit over there and stew for twenty minutes,” Zoe said. She was all business now. “Did your father manage to help at all?”

  “He got me a contact with the local police department,” Aric replied, his tone matching that of his wife’s. “He wasn’t thrilled when I explained what was going on — he swears he’s not letting us take Sami on vacation any longer because she’s found trouble the last three trips. I called the detective he got me in touch with. He’s a shifter.”

  “That means he’s more likely to share information with you,” Kade said.

  “He wasn’t thrilled about that, but his pack chief called in a favor because my father did the same. Anyway, he gave me a bit more information. It wasn’t much. The cops are baffled by what’s going on.”

  “Did he question you?” Zoe asked. “I mean ... it seems to me he would want to exchange information.”

  “He did, and I volunteered that we’ve had a few run-ins with kooks in robes. He didn’t sound surprised, but he didn’t have much information on the group. I conveniently left out the part about us killing a bunch of people last night.”

  “That was probably wise,” I said. “Did he give you anything?”

  “He said the detectives are looking into several cults. He wanted me to describe the robes we saw. I didn’t see that I had much choice, so I did as he asked. He didn’t even have a name for the group but said they were aware of them and would take a closer look.”

  “He could be lying,” Zoe argued. “Even though he was essentially ordered to share information, he might not be comfortable with breaking ranks. He would have plausible deniability with his own council even if they bothered to call him on his duplicity. How are they supposed to know what he’s been made aware of?”

  “I wouldn’t rule that out,” Aric conceded. “I had trouble getting a read on him. He wasn’t happy about having to play nice with us, so I wouldn’t consider him a reliable source if we need information again down the line.”

  “You can always ask him to meet you at a restaurant,” I said. “I can look in his head if he doesn’t notice me. It might be worth a shot.”

  “That’s worth considering.” Aric stroked his chin. “Let’s just see if we can find something to investigate ourselves before we go that route.

  “As for the cult, nobody knows where their home base is,” he continued. “Apparently they come out during the day and disappear at night.”

  “They were out last night,” Zoe pointed out. “They jumped us in the parking lot.”

  “Yeah, and as far as I can tell the cops know zero about that, which is to our benefit.”

  “You’re saying the cops know less than we do,” I said, trying to staunch my disappointment ... and failing.

  “They did know one thing we didn’t,” Aric countered. “At about the same time we were fighting off cult members, a girl went missing across town. People say they heard her screaming and saw her dragged into a van. They didn’t get a good description of the people taking her.”

  “Were they wearing robes?” Kade queried.

  “Robes were not mentioned.”

  “Witnesses would notice robes,” I mused, rubbing the back of my neck. “Maybe they didn’t wear the robes for the kidnapping because they didn’t want to draw attention.”

  “That’s possible. It was too dark for witnesses to give a description. All they could say was that it was a nondescript white van.”

  “It’s always a white van,” Zoe muttered. “Well, I don’t see that there’s anything we can do about it right now. The circus starts in a few hours. We have to play it by ear, see if the robed guys come calling again.”

  17

  Seventeen

  Sadie Rose Dawkins was my first client of the day. She barged in and introduced herself with spectacular fanfare, including a flip of her hair and a sashay of her hips. She was nineteen, in her second year of college, and she had a specific idea for her future.

  “Jam.”

  “Jam?” I shuffled the tarot cards and risked a glance at the side flap when I felt a powerful presence invading my working space. I wasn’t surprised to see Sami there, laying low. She seemed intrigued by what was about to happen.

  “Jam,” Sadie agreed. “Sadie Rose Ma’am Jam, to be exact.”

  “Should I recognize that?” I asked.

  “That’s my future,” Sadie replied. “My Grammy made the best jam in the entire state. She hid the recipe before she died because my momma and aunts were arguing over it. She said she would rather the recipe die with her than have them fight over it forever.

  “Well, that was ten years ago,” she continued. “Two months ago, I was cleaning my momma’s attic and came across an old trunk that belonged to Grammy. Guess what I found inside.”

  “The jam recipe.”

  She bobbed her head. “Now, I could’ve told Momma about what I found but I knew that would cause her and my aunts to start fighting again. They’re not happy unless they’re torturing each other. Instead, I’m going to use the recipe to start my own business.”

  “Sadie Rose Ma’am Jam,” I said.

  Her smile was pretty, and a little predatory. “That’s it exactly. The Ma’am is for Grammy.”

  I had a lot of questions. “How are you going to make this work?”

  “Well, I don’t have any money, but I am taking business classes,” she explained. “I plan to finish my degree and not tell anyone about the recipe. In my free time, I’m going to perfect it. I’ve never made it before and expect my first few attempts won’t be great. When I graduate, I plan to start at the farmers markets. Word of mouth spreads fast there. After that, I’ll partner with local grocery stores. Pretty soon after that, I’ll go regional ... and then global.”

  As far as business plans went, it wasn’t the worst I’d heard. “Okay. What do you want from me?”

  “I want
to know just how rich and famous I’m going to be,” she replied. “I don’t mind becoming the next Paula Deen. I just want to make sure that there will be no skeletons in my closet when I make it big. I do not want to be taken down once I become the jam queen.”

  “Good thinking.” I handed her the deck of cards to cut, frowning when she scrutinized the cards for a good ten seconds before handing them back.

  “I’m lucky,” she said. “I’ve always known I was destined for greatness. Lay it on me.”

  I flipped the top card. Sadie was hardly the first of her ilk to end up on the other side of my table. She was the sort of person who wanted the ideas she’d already based her life around to be confirmed. Normally I would’ve told her what she wanted to hear, but I was already getting a tingle where she was concerned.

  “You have a boyfriend,” I noted as I studied the first card.

  “Yes, my Teddy Bear.” She preened. “He’s going to build my empire with me.”

  “He’s going to rob you blind and knock up your future assistant,” I countered. “She won’t be the first one. By the time you divorce, he’ll have three illegitimate children with three different women ... and he’ll get half your fortune because you don’t believe in prenuptial agreements.”

  Sadie’s mouth dropped open. “I ... that can’t be right.”

  “Know a Willa Hampton?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I do.”

  “She’s already pregnant with his kid. She’s going to try to pass it off as some other guy’s progeny.” I cocked my head as I followed that thread and then shuddered. “That poor guy is going to prison soon. Meth. Avoid him.”

  Sadie looked horrified. “Not my Teddy Bear.”

  “He’s going to tell you the first time you catch him with someone else that it was the woman’s fault, that she seduced him.”

  “He’s handsome. Women everywhere go weak in the knees for him.”

  “You’re going to believe him. You’re going to blame two women for toying with his weakness. By the fourth woman you’re going to start looking the other way. You’ll become dead inside and alcohol-dependent.”