All The Time You Need

by Melissa Mayhue

  Annie stared at her friend in disbelief. Like Lissa thought she could actually keep the stone away from Annie if she decided to take it by force? A tiny slip of a thing like Lissa? Annie would have laughed if her friend weren’t so serious. She would have laughed if it didn’t hurt so much right now.

  “Fine. I’ll do as you ask.”

  She turned her back and left the room, heading for the stairs and the courtyard beyond the keep.

  Lissa was right. Confronting a problem head-on was undoubtedly the best way. What would it hurt? Nothing. There was no way anything could hurt her any more than she hurt already. It was only that confrontation wasn’t Annie’s way. Escaping to avoid confrontation was more her style.

  “Coward,” she hissed, forcing herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  Alex had said he was headed to the lists with his friends. No doubt, she’d find him still there.

  Her footsteps slowed as she spotted him and her heart pounded in her chest. She stopped by the outbuildings, not daring to approach him just yet. She needed to compose herself first. She needed to figure out what to say, how to ask the question whose answer would truly break her heart.

  Peering around the side of the building, she watched him. He was shirtless, the muscles moving in his back with each thrust and parry, and she couldn’t help but remember how those same muscles felt under her hands the first time she touched him, that night in the arbor. She couldn’t fight off the visions of how they felt each night in bed as he held her close. Memories—painful, vivid memories—flooded her mind. Memories of how tenderly he held her, of how just a kiss from his lips made her want to rip off her clothes and his.

  A thousand little memories assaulted her as she leaned against the wooden wall, needing its support to keep her on her feet. All the moments of kindness he’d shown her. Every touch, every word. The scent of him as he drew close. The feel of his hands on her body. The exquisite joy she felt when they joined.

  “Oh, no,” she breathed, as she understood at last what emotion held her in its vise-like grip.

  The truth of her situation wrapped around her, strangling her, and she knew the weight of her loss was so much worse than she’d originally imagined. Once again she found herself revising what she’d told Lissa. It wasn’t being married to someone who didn’t love you that was so bad. It was being married to someone who didn’t love you when you realized that you loved them with all your heart.

  * * *

  They’d been working in the lists long enough that Alex’s arm had grown weary, and the sun that had beaten down on them all afternoon had begun its journey down toward the horizon. He’d stripped out of his shirt long ago, but he felt little relief from the heat.

  With a touch of his sword to his forehead, he stepped away from the mock battle in progress and headed for the buckets of water near the edge of the lists. He must be getting soft that he should feel so tired. Tired and impatient for the day to end so that he might retire to his chamber and his wife.

  His wife. Just thinking the words sent a trill of happiness up his spine.

  Leaning down, he grabbed a bucket and upended it over his head, letting the water pour over him. As he straightened and wiped the stream from his eyes, he spotted her.

  Annie stood at the corner of the smithy’s shed, her eyes fixed on him, her hair wafting away from her face as a little whiff of wind picked up the curls and tossed them back.

  His. The idea that she belonged to him filled his heart in a way he never would have expected.

  He lifted an arm in greeting and strode toward her. When he reached her side, he bent to kiss her but she dodged his touch, surprising him.

  “What is it that brings you out here?”

  “I need to ask you a question and I need you to answer it truthfully. Will you do that for me?” She seemed out of breath, her cheeks pink as if she’d been running.

  “Aye,” he said.

  “I need you to swear it. On your honor.”

  A needle of apprehension pricked at his mind. Something was definitely amiss.

  “I so swear, wife. Though you’ve no need for such from me. I’d never be untruthful with you.”

  Her shoulders moved up and down, and she took another step away from him. “I need to know if something I heard is true. That when you came back home to Dunellen, your only reason for coming back was to tell your father that you planned to set off adventuring with Jamesy and Finn. That you planned to join the coming battle against the English. That doing so was your dream until you found your father ill and the responsibility for everything here fell on your shoulders.”

  He considered asking her where she’d heard this. A part of him wanted to know who would be filling her mind with such unimportant blether. But, in the end, it didn’t matter where she’d heard it. She had. It only mattered that she knew that everything was changed now.

  “Aye, that was my plan when I returned to Dunellen. But circumstances had something else entirely in mind for me. Circumstances brought you into my life.” He reached out for her, pulling her close to wrap her in his embrace. “You needn’t worry, my sweetling. None of that matters anymore. I’d never leave you to go off with Jamesy and Finn now that we’re wed. You’ve nothing to fash yerself over. I understand my duties as a husband and I willna let you down. No’ ever. On that you have my sworn word, too.”

  “Thank you,” Annie whispered into his ear, her warm breath sending threads of desire snaking through his body. “Thank you for your honesty.”

  “As I said, you’ll never get anything but honesty from me, wife.”

  She stepped back from him, an almost-smile trembling on her lips. “I have to go. Lissa is waiting for me.” She reached out toward him, but dropped her hand and then turned toward the keep, her footsteps picking up speed until she was running.

  Strange, that. The whole exchange. If he could find the gossip who’d set her mind to worry, he’d have a word or two with them, no doubt about it. Odd, too, that she didn’t seem as happy with his words as he’d expected her to be. He’d declared his fidelity to her. What more could she want of him? He didn’t understand. Not that any man had ever truly understood what any woman really wanted of them.

  Perhaps it was only that Annie had feared his leaving her. Or perhaps she was still thinking of her home, of her own time. No matter. This was her time now. And in time, he would make her forget all she’d left behind. He would do everything in his power to make her as happy to be his wife as he was to be her husband.

  Chapter 21

  Annie had cried herself out when she’d gone to collect the stone from Lissa. They’d cried together, her friend proclaiming her amazement at Alex’s response. Lissa had once again opened the big chest at the foot of her bed and pulled out not only the stone, but also Annie’s missing purse. And then, with no more tears left in her body, Annie had washed her face and gone down to meet Alex for their evening meal.

  Their last evening meal together.

  She picked at her food, unable to force more than a few bites past the enormous lump sitting in her throat. She was grateful that Alex was too involved in his conversation with his father to notice because she feared she’d be unable to carry on a conversation without making a spectacle of herself.

  After what felt like hours, he rose from his seat and extended a hand to help her to her feet. She followed quietly, her hand wrapped in the warmth of his, until, at last, they arrived at the door to their bedchamber and entered together.

  For the last time.

  Though the words cut into her heart every time she thought them, Annie couldn’t seem to stop herself from acknowledging that everything they did, they did for the last time.

  “You’ve had a bath drawn,” Alex exclaimed, sounding pleased with her action.

  “I saw how hard you worked in the lists this afternoon. The hot water should soothe your muscles.”

  It was the least she could do for him. A hot bath to help him drift off to slee
p.

  “Always so thoughtful of others,” he said, pulling his shirt up over his head and tossing it across the nearby stool.

  “Here, let me help with that,” she said as he began to unwrap his plaid.

  For the last time.

  “Certainly,” he agreed, lifting his arms away from his body to allow her full access.

  When she finished, he stepped into the big wooden tub and sank down, hiding all his naked glory beneath the steaming water. Behind him, she sank to her knees, fighting to keep at bay the tears that pricked her eyes. She had to be strong, now more than ever before.

  She picked up the rough-shaped bar of soap that lay next to the tub and rubbed it across his shoulders, massaging the areas where tension had pooled. His sigh of contentment as he leaned back into her hands was more than reward enough. The sound of him, the feel of him, reached down into her body and settled somewhere near her heart.

  How could she bear to leave him? How could she live without him? But those weren’t really the questions that drove her to what she planned. How could she live with herself, knowing she’d robbed him of his dreams?

  She couldn’t. And that was why she had only one course of action open to her. She had to leave him. To leave this world. To return to the place where she was meant to be. She had to set Alex free. She loved him too much to do anything else.

  Unless…

  Maybe she hadn’t been direct enough. Hadn’t Lissa all but accused her of as much this afternoon?

  She kneaded the knot in his shoulder, stalling for time while she forced the words swirling in her mind to come out of her mouth. It was the question that mattered most to her. And his answer would determine what action she took this night.

  “Do you love me, Alex?”

  He opened one eye to look up at her, his brow wrinkling. “Yer my wife, Analise, joined at my side for the rest of time. You should ken that you’ve no reason to question my feelings for you.”

  She had the very best reason to ask, but his non-answer spoke volumes. If he truly loved her the way she loved him, he wouldn’t have hesitated to say so. It was the confirmation she’d feared.

  As she slid the soap down his chest, his hand clamped over her wrist and he pulled her from behind him to look into her eyes.

  “After staying overlong in the lists this afternoon, I had feared myself too tired to partake in the joys of wedded life this night. But, as usual, yer touch has shown me otherwise.” He gently tugged her arm, urging her closer. “Join me in this fine bath.”

  “My dress will get wet,” she protested, though every fiber of her being was drawn to him.

  “You ken that the gown will dry, my sweetling, do you no’? Though now that I think upon it, perhaps you’ve the right of it.” He rose to stand, water sheeting down his hard, muscled body. “Perhaps it’s best we remove yer wee gown and save it a thorough drenching, aye?”

  Desire shot through Annie, filling her with the heat of need.

  “Absolutely,” she responded, completely under the spell he wove each time he touched her.

  She hadn’t planned their evening to go this way, but perhaps it was for the best. This would be a memory for her to carry with her when she left. One last sweet memory to savor for the rest of her life.

  The waiting was sheer torture as he slowly untied her laces. His eyes held hers, even as his hands freed her from the burden of the shift that separated her bare body from his touch. When the gown at last pooled at her feet, he lifted her into his arms, but rather than return to the tub, he carried her to the bed and laid her on her back.

  The grin he wore as he lowered his body over hers made her breath catch in her throat, and she could swear her heart skipped a beat when he nuzzled next to her ear.

  For the last—

  No, she wouldn’t allow herself to think that again. No regrets at this moment, only the joy of being with him. Only the joy of knowing that even if he didn’t love her, he did desire her.

  He made love to her slowly, his hands caressing every sensitive spot on her body until she thought she might scream for wanting him inside her. Even their joining was slow, stretching out her pleasure until the sheer physical pleasure lifted her body and the stars behind her eyelids burst into sparkles that kept time with the pulsing of her body.

  Afterward, she lay next to him, his arms holding her close, his heart beating beneath her ear.

  She would never forget this moment. Never forget this night.

  When his breathing grew soft and slow, she slipped from his arms and climbed out of his bed to pull on her dress and tie back her hair.

  “Why are you up?” he asked, his voice husky with sleep. “Come back to bed, my sweetling.”

  “I’ve something I need to do. It won’t take me long.”

  One last kiss. What could it hurt? She hurried back to his side and leaned in, one hand on his bare shoulder as her lips touched his. He groaned at her touch, encasing her in his embrace, and she had to try one last time.

  “I love you, Alex. With all my heart.” She waited, holding her breath, for what he would say in return.

  “As any good wife should,” he answered, giving her a grin before kissing her again.

  Not the answer she’d hoped for. Not the answer she’d needed.

  She stroked her finger down his shoulder and bit back a sob as the weight of her loss settled around her. But really, it couldn’t be a loss when what she was losing was something she’d never had to begin with. Pushing away from him, she picked up her bag that held the heart-shaped stone and crossed to the door to slip out.

  “Annie?”

  “Hmmm?” she responded, not daring to turn and look at him again, knowing she might not have the strength to leave him.

  “You’ll hurry back?”

  “I’ll hurry,” she answered. “Goodbye, Alex.”

  Chapter 22

  Annie entered the arbor and shut the gate behind her, leaving the key in the lock. They should be able to find it there later. Lissa would know where to look for it. Annie had left it exactly where she’d told her friend she would.

  She set the small lantern she’d carried on the ground next to the big stone bench and reached into her bag, wrapping her fingers around the smooth, heart-shaped stone. Too bad her own heart wasn’t as hard as this one. Maybe then this wouldn’t all be hurting so badly.

  Alex hadn’t responded when she’d said goodbye. In his defense, he’d had no way of knowing that her goodbye was a final one. But then, he wouldn’t really have cared anyway. With her gone, he could get on with his life and do the things he’d always dreamed of doing.

  That was good advice for her, too. Annie needed to get on with her life.

  She stared down at the stone in her hand. Her heart may not be as hard as this, but her backbone needed to be. She couldn’t allow herself to think about Alex right now. She had no more room in her heart for fairness and reason than she did for regret. Sorrow filled every corner of both her heart and her mind.

  Clutching the stone tightly in her hand, she knelt beside the bench, her eyes fixed on the initials carved on either side of the dark opening.

  She couldn’t rob Alex of his dreams and she couldn’t stay here with a man who didn’t love her. This was her moment to prove what she was made of. Yes, she was running away one more time, but this time she’d at least tried to confront the situation first. What she did next would be for the best for everyone.

  A vision of her grandmother kneeling before the bench as she did now fluttered into her mind as she fit the stone into the hole, but she had only a moment to wonder whether Nana Ellen had felt a misery like hers when she’d left this place and her Aiden behind.

  Immediately, the winds rose around her, whipping her hair against her face, and a familiar buzzing filled her ears. This time, when the tiny, colored shards of light surrounded her, she knew it wasn’t insects at all, but the force of the Magic that buffeted her. As she fell into the endless black chasm of oblivion that would d
eliver her back to her own time, the face in her memory was no longer her grandmother’s.

  “Alex,” she murmured with her last breath in his world.

  Alex, her forever love. Forever lost to her now.

  * * *

  The first rays of the morning sun peeked through the shutters and played across the foot of the bed where Alex lay. He blinked his eyes slowly before he stretched and turned to his side, anticipating the moment when his wife would awake in his arms.

  Only Annie wasn’t there. Her side of the bed was as cold as it was empty, indicating that wherever she’d gone, she’d gone there quite some time ago.

  He remembered her leaving on some errand, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember her returning.

  Cursing his exhaustion of the night before, Alex rolled from their bed and hastily dressed. No doubt Annie would be waiting for him to join her for the morning meal, a lovely smile lifting her lips when their eyes met across the room. A smile made all the more special in that it was meant for him and him alone.

  With a smile of his own already on his face, Alex headed downstairs.

  A quick glance around the great hall left him disappointed yet again. No Annie, no warm welcome meant only for him.

  No Annie, perhaps, but his sister sat alone in one corner, toying with a full trencher in front of her. The two women were never far apart. If Annie wasn’t here, Lissa would surely know where he could find his wife.

  As he approached Lissa, she looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen as if from crying, and a trickle of concern took root in his heart. Of all the things his twin might be, a crier was not one of them. In truth, he wasn’t sure he could remember the last time she’d behaved as such.

  “Where is my wife?” he asked, dispensing with any greeting.