Slow Burn

by Isabel Morin

  She looked dubious, but she sat up straighter, a gleam in her eye like she was ready for business. “Okay then, fire away and I’ll see what I can do.”

  “I’ll play the song through first, and you just listen and think about how you might sing along. I’ll play it through again and you can jump in. You can start with the chorus and see what happens after that.”

  She nodded and took a sip of water, her eyes on him.

  ***

  The song sounded familiar, and at first she thought it was just that she was used to his rhythms and the sound of his voice, but after a few bars she recognized it as the tune he occasionally hummed under his breath when he was filling up on gas or stringing his guitar. She hadn’t realized he was thinking about music constantly, even when he seemed to just be humming absently.

  It was a love song, if you could call it that. He sang about being better off without his lover, and at some points in the song the chorus was bitter as he sang “I’m better off without you.” At other points it was more tender and apologetic, “you’ll be better off without me, too.”

  It was beautiful, though an edge crept in occasionally, sometimes in the fierce way he played, sometimes in they way he sang the lyrics. Before he was through she thought she understood what he was asking for and she was eager to sing along. If she’d heard it on the radio, she’d have been singing along with it, anyway.

  She watched his hands as he played the last few bars, letting the song trail off into silence.

  “What do you think?”

  I think you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met.

  She’d never say it, shouldn’t even think it in case he somehow read it off of her. But she wasn’t any different than all those fans who wanted him. He was insanely lust-worthy, even more so now than at his shows. He wasn’t performing, and in fact she had the feeling she was seeing a truer part of him. Serious and intent, focused on his music, trying to be better.

  “It’s a great song,” she said, even though that’s not what he’d been asking. He wasn’t looking for compliments, but she gave it anyway. “I think I get what you’re looking for. Just let me know if I’m off track.”

  “We’ll just go with whatever comes out. We don’t have to get it the first time, or even tonight.”

  The thought of another night sitting like this in his hotel room started her heart pounding, so she pushed it out of her thoughts. This was work to him, nothing more. Not at the moment anyway.

  So they tried it again with her singing along on the chorus, and it sounded good, she could tell it did. Then they did the whole song through and he was smiling when they finished.

  “That was even better than I was hoping for. Let’s try it again, but this time let’s try it a bit darker and see what happens.”

  She relaxed after a few more tries, no longer worried that she wasn’t giving him what he wanted. She dipped in and out when it felt right, sometimes echoing Jesse, sometimes right along with him.

  “That was awesome,” he said, leaning forward, his eyes shining in the light from the bedside table. “Your instincts are perfect. Maybe I’ll do something a little different this time.”

  He spent a few minutes trying other things, his face intent, all his focus inward. Beth shifted in the chair trying to get comfortable before giving in and moving to the bed, where she sat cross-legged on the corner opposite from Jesse.

  She smiled to herself, feeling silly for how she over-thought everything. Yes, she was sitting on his bed. No, he was not about to ravage her. In fact, once he started writing in his notebook he didn’t seem to notice she was there at all.

  Which meant she could admire the way his lean muscles moved every time he shifted, and the way his hair fell in front of his eyes as he frowned in concentration. She was as incapable of turning away from him now as she had been when he’d been on stage.

  He looked up from his notes and caught her staring, but all he did was smile.

  “I think I’ve got it,” he said, and started playing.

  Without having to say anything else they were in it, singing the song clear through without missing a beat. They were both grinning when they finished.

  “We make a good team. Which was why I was thinking that you should sing it with me on stage one of these nights.”

  The idea was so ludicrous she just laughed.

  “I’m serious. There’d be nothing to it and you’d be doing me a big favor.”

  “Jesse, that’s insane. What makes you think I’d be any good? You know better than anyone performing isn’t the same as singing in a car. Or a hotel room. Besides, the thought terrifies me.”

  “You performed with your a cappella group, didn’t you?”

  “That was different. There were a bunch of us on stage, and…it was just different. It was mostly friends and family coming to see us. It doesn’t even compare to playing sold-out shows where people are screaming your name.”

  “You just need to do the same thing on stage that we did tonight. I want this to go on the next album and playing it live will help me work out the arrangements.”

  “That’s…I can’t…”

  “Just think about it. We’ll practice it some more and you’ll get more confidence.” He studied her. “It’s a pretty big rush, you know.”

  “If you live through it.”

  He gave her a look and started to play again, only this time with lyrics that were clearly made up on the spot.

  Come on, Beth, you know you want to

  This is how we get our kicks

  Come on, Beth, you know you want to

  We’ll be like Don Henley and Stevie Nicks

  Reaching over she grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed and lobbed it at him.

  “Really? That’s what I get for offering you the chance of a lifetime?”

  “Maybe I’m not ready for the chance of a lifetime.”

  She’d meant to be flippant but it didn’t quite come out that way. It came out with the ring of truth, God help her. Jesse’s smile faded and he studied her. He was strumming lightly now, probably not even conscious of what he was doing. She could make out each grain of late-night stubble, each individual eyelash as they veiled his eyes, and her entire body lit up with awareness.

  They sat like that, just looking at each other for several long beats. Then someone knocked on the door. Both of them started, shaking the bed.

  Jesse set his guitar aside. “What the...?”

  Another knock, louder this time, and Jesse got off the bed and looked through the peephole. “What the hell…”

  “Jesse? Are you in there?”

  A woman’s voice. Beth sat frozen in place as Jesse opened the door. A girl she recognized from the party stood there, her face lighting up at the sight of him. Then she noticed Beth and her face fell.

  “Oh I…”

  Beth stood up. “I was just going,” she said, jamming her feet into her shoes.

  The girl’s face went from miserable to confused but hopeful, and for a second Beth felt for her.

  Jesse stood there, looking pained. “Beth, wait…”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, forcing a smile as she passed by him and out the door.

  Then she was home free and hurrying down the hallway as fast as she could without actually breaking into a run.

  The crazy thing was she felt a lot like she had walking in on Jeff and yogurt girl, but that didn’t make any sense. She and Jesse weren’t seeing each other, which meant he couldn’t cheat on her. Logically she knew her reaction was absurd, but it didn’t help. She pictured Jesse letting that girl into his room, kissing her, taking off her clothes. And it hurt. There was no denying that.

  But maybe this was for the best. Better she get her head on straight now rather than later. She couldn’t afford to be a fool again.

  Chapter Five

  Jesse watched Beth disappear out the door and turned to Heidi.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He sounded
harsher than he meant to and she blinked, her face flushing.

  “I…I asked Will where you’d gotten to and he said you were here. He told me your room number and said you’d be happy to see me.”

  That little prick. It wasn’t like Will to throw women his way, so he could only guess he was making sure nothing happened between him and Beth. He’d suspected Will had a thing for her, but this confirmed it.

  Heidi stood there looking mortified and he realized he hadn’t let her in yet. She was pretty and sweet and fun, and they’d had a good time last year when he came through. Spending the night with her would be easy and uncomplicated, just the way he liked it. He was horny from spending hours with Beth, pent-up from looking without touching.

  But he just wasn’t feeling it.

  “I’m really sorry, Heidi. Now’s not a good time.”

  He couldn’t believe the words were even coming out of his mouth, but he didn’t take them back.

  She let out a breath. “I’m sorry I busted in on you and that woman. I didn’t realize…”

  “It wasn’t your fault. Maybe next time, huh?”

  “Sure, Jesse.”

  “You okay to get home?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “You take care now.”

  She gave him a little smile and walked away. Two women chased away in five minutes. That had to be a record.

  He paced around the room, full of restless energy as he imagined knocking Will around.

  Except he couldn’t.

  Nothing was supposed to happen between him and Beth, nothing had been happening, so he had no right to pick a fight over the fact that Will had sent a hot girl to his door. Technically speaking, he should have been thrilled.

  But apparently he’d rather hang out with Beth with no sex in sight than have mindless, no strings sex with some other girl.

  He was totally fucked.

  ***

  Beth was organizing her car the next day when Will came out. “Mind if I ride with you today? If I don’t get a break from that van I’m gonna lose it.”

  “Oh, sure,” she said, taken aback.

  For some reason she’d fallen into thinking that only Jesse could ride with her, but just because Jesse thought that didn’t make it true. Besides, she could use a little space right now. She was starting to feel possessive of him, and that was not okay, though it wasn’t surprising given how her days revolved around him. This morning she’d had to sort through dozens of photos of him for his Facebook page, all the while trying not to feel anything.

  Will smiled like she’d just made his day and grabbed his stuff. He was just tossing it in her car when Jesse came out, his bags and guitar in hand. He said nothing, just stopped and looked from Will to her.

  “Will’s riding with me today,” she said, trying to sound casual, annoyed by the twinge of guilt she felt.

  For a second Jesse looked like he was going to deck Will. Then his gaze fell on her and his expression softened into resignation.

  “Sure, whatever. I’ll see you in Portland.”

  “So, how’re you liking things so far? Is it what you expected?” Will asked as she pulled out ahead of the van.

  “I can’t say I expected anything in particular, but I’m enjoying the music.” Since Jesse’s prowess seemed to be a sore spot she decided not to say any more on that topic. “I’m looking forward to seeing more of the country. That’s my main goal.”

  “Well, you came at a good time. We spent the last few weeks in the Midwest, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so bored.”

  “I can imagine. What do you plan to do when the tour ends? Do you have some other gig lined up, or do you work other kinds of jobs?”

  “Well, that depends. Jesse hasn’t said yet whether he wants me on the album he’s recording after the tour. I’m leaving things open in case he does, but if not I’ll try to scare up some other work when I get back to Austin. I’ve done some session work in LA too, so that’s an option.”

  “I’m not sure I could handle so much uncertainty. I guess you must be used to it, though.”

  “I suppose, but it’d be nice if he gave me a hint. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. I wouldn’t put it past him to leave me hanging for the fun of it.”

  Jesse struck her as far too straightforward to do that. It seemed more likely he either hadn’t made up his mind or he didn’t want to rock the boat while they were still on tour.

  “Is that why you’re so angry at him?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

  Everyone seemed to like Jesse, so she couldn’t help wondering why a guy who was obviously benefiting from him would be so bitter.

  Will shifted in his seat, his mouth tightening. “I never said I was angry. I just get annoyed that things fall in his lap. I don’t think he appreciates what he’s got.”

  That didn’t square with what she knew of Jesse, or what Stu had said for that matter. Jesse worked nearly every minute of the day on his music, in one way or another, and a man who’d lived in his car probably didn’t take anything for granted. Will’s attitude sounded more like straight-up jealousy, but she’d already heard more than she cared to.

  Thoughts of Jesse led to last night and the woman at his door. No doubt he’d slept with her. Were women interchangeable to him? Did he even like her?

  “I remember you from college,” Will said.

  She shook her head and made herself focus on the conversation at hand.

  “What do you mean? I just met you.”

  “You worked at the coffee shop on campus. I used to stop in there once or twice a week.”

  “That’s funny. I don’t remember you. I’m usually good with faces, but then again I did see a lot of people when I worked there.”

  “Yeah, I had a beard then, too, so I looked different. I always thought you were cute, though.”

  She wasn’t sure what to say, so she more or less ignored the compliment. “I hated that job, partly because everyone seemed to recognize me and I was so shy. I only worked there for a semester, then I got a job in the library.”

  She wasn’t sure where to go from there. Conversation never felt this labored with Jesse, nor did his flirting make her inwardly wince. The silence that descended wasn’t comfortable either, so she filled it by asking him about the bands he’d played in. She hadn’t been much of a party-goer, so she never saw him play anywhere, a fact that seemed to further demoralize him.

  By the time they got to Portland she was dying to get out of the car. Unfortunately Will announced he was hungry and suggested they stop for a bite to eat. They managed that without any conversation pitfalls, but there was still something off about it, like he was hoping for more from her.

  Instead of feeling flattered she felt cornered and resentful. It wasn’t his fault, not really, but she wasn’t looking to repeat the ordeal tomorrow, or any other time. Better to nip it in the bud now.

  ***

  They’d been in the van for about twenty minutes when Stu glanced into the back seat. Both Brian and Matt had their headphones on and were listening to their own music, eyes closed and heads lolling against the seats.

  “So what’s the deal? Have you slept with her?”

  “What are you talking about?” Jesse asked, instinctively defensive.

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Jesse,” Stu said.

  Jesse sighed. “No, I haven’t slept with her.”

  “But there’s something going on, right? I know I’m not imagining things.”

  “I like her, okay? I actually like her, and yeah, I’d love to have sex with her, but I get that it’s a bad idea. She wouldn’t go for it anyway. You told her not to and for some reason she cares about that. Plus I get the feeling she’s not too impressed by my lifestyle.” He blew out a breath. “There’s just this tension between us, even when I’m not trying for anything.”

  “Great. So what you’re saying is there’s mutual attraction and it’s growing stronger as you both deny yourselves.”
>
  Jesse said nothing.

  “I should never have hired her. The last thing I need is to have this whole thing blow up in my face.”

  “Beth’s doing a great job, better than anyone else would, and you know it,” Jesse said, his fists clenching in his lap. “She’s doing all kinds of things we should have been doing before –”

  “No shit, Jesse. Which is why you need to keep your pants zipped around her. You can have any other woman you want. How many guys can say that?”

  Jesse grunted and turned his head to look out the window. He knew enough not to tell Stu that he didn’t give a shit about all the other women he could be sleeping with. Stu was right. He needed to cool things down before they got any hotter. No more late nights in his hotel room. That was pushing it. And maybe he needed to stop being so possessive and let the other guys drive with her.

  But he wasn’t going to give up on the song they’d worked out together. That was different.

  ***

  The drive with Will left Beth with a tension headache, but luckily the hotel, as rundown as it was, had a halfway decent pool. There was nothing like cutting through the water with long sure strokes to wash away irritation. She did her usual forty lengths and climbed out, her muscles pleasantly fatigued.

  She grabbed a towel and had just begun drying off when Jesse walked through the glass door. Quickly she wrapped the towel around her middle and tucked it between her breasts. At least she wasn’t standing in front of him in nothing but a tank suit, and she was more or less as covered, but she still felt oddly vulnerable. At least he couldn’t see what her nipples were doing.

  Or could he? The way he was looking at her, she felt like he was seeing all sorts of things.

  “My room’s down the hall,” he said, by way of explanation. “Good swim?”

  “Yes, thanks. Clears out the cobwebs.”

  “I’ve never been much of a swimmer, but I’ve never turned down a hot tub.”

  She glanced over at the hot tub on the other side of the pool. “Public ones kind of oog me out.”

  “And pools don’t?”