by Isabel Morin
“Cold?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her.
Her body tensed up before gradually relaxing into his solid warmth. This was the closest she’d been to him, and though it was entirely non-sexual, she was aware of exactly where her body met his.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, her breath misting in the air before them. “I didn’t think anyone would go for me actually performing live.”
“But they did, because it sounded amazing. You heard that, right? Didn’t it feel good to be a part of it?”
She nodded, unable to meet his eye. It had felt good, almost too good to sing with Jesse, to feel part of it all. It scared her, because nothing that good could last. Either she’d ruin it or someone else would.
“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. You know that, right? I realize I pushed this on you pretty fast. Sometimes I get things in my head and I ignore anything that might slow me down.”
“You’re really not worried I’ll screw up and ruin your show?” she asked.
“Everybody messes up, you just can’t make a big thing of it. Even if you did cock it up, I’d say something charming and funny and everyone would love you even more.”
She couldn’t help smiling at that. It was true. He could do that.
She looked up at the “M” branded into the mountaintop in the distance, vaguely wondering what it meant and how it had gotten there. Maybe she’d asked someone, but probably she’d let it remain a mystery.
The last rays of the sun were warm on her face as she thought over what he’d just said. He’d given her an easy way out, but she didn’t want it anymore. She wasn’t doing this just because she couldn’t say no to Jesse. Mixed in with all the abject fear was a buzz of excitement. The part of her that wasn’t terrified was thrilled. It had felt great up there with the band, singing Jesse’s beautiful song.
And hadn’t she taken this job to experience new things, have some kind of adventure? This was better than anything she’d dreamed up.
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Sure you do. A pair of jeans and something on top is all you need. You can decide how much you want to flaunt your assets.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening.”
“You bet your ass it is, honey,” he laughed.
By the time they got back to the club, it was nearly eight and the doors were going to open soon. Which meant it was time to get ready. She would have killed for a shower, but there hadn’t been time. Also, they were crashing with some friends of Jesse’s that night, so she suspected her chances of taking a shower were not good until at least tomorrow.
Instead she went into the bathroom with her toiletry kit, make-up and clothes and tried to make herself look like someone who should be on stage. Unfortunately, when she was done she still looked exactly like herself, so she put on more of everything because really, subtlety had no place tonight. She changed into her tightest jeans and a black tank top. She added dangly silver earrings and took stock of herself again, and now she looked kind of rock ’n roll. Or at least kind of alt-country, though her short black boots were all wrong. If tonight wasn’t a disaster and Jesse still wanted her onstage again, she’d do a little shopping. Hell, maybe she’d do some shopping even if he didn’t.
When she emerged from the bathroom she found everyone in the back room nursing drinks and noodling around on their instruments. They all looked up when she entered and Jesse whistled. Brian and Matt gave little catcalls. She laughed, relieved by the blatant validation of her efforts.
“Want another beer?” Jesse asked.
“I’d better not. Just keep playing, it relaxes me.”
Matt started to play a Johnny Cash song and they all joined in, and before long Beth was almost not even thinking about being up on stage.
Almost.
People came in and out of the room, and every time the door swung open she heard the swell of noise from the crowd and the piped-in music. Finally the manager who’d clapped for them earlier came in.
“You’re up, Max.”
The musician grabbed his guitars and headed out to a chorus of “knock ’em dead” and advice not to be too good or he’d make the rest of them look bad.
Beth stood up to head out to the table. “So I’ll just wait for you to call me up, I guess?” she asked Jesse.
“We’re going to play ‘In Your Dreams’ third, and then ‘Better Off,’ Jesse, said, glancing at the set list. “If you want you can come backstage then and wait, but I think it would be cool if you just came through the crowd and got onstage. Kind of like a surprise guest from the audience coming up.”
“Okay, I’ll do that. If I haven’t expired from nervousness before then.”
“You won’t, you’re tougher than that. And anyway, Missoula’s always been an easy crowd. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
She couldn’t help the snort that came out of her at that.
“What, I’m serious,” Jesse said.
“I think this is one of those things you just have to do in order to know you can do it.”
“That’s exactly right. But that usually doesn’t make people feel better, which is why I didn’t say it.”
“Right. Well, I’ll see you on the other side,” she said, then walked away like she wasn’t in an agony of nerves.
Her anxiety gathered steam even as people came to the table and browsed. She advised on shirt sizes and explained the chronological order of the CDs, all the while wondering what they would think when they heard her. It seemed like a nice crowd, at least. Every club had its own vibe, and this one was distinctly relaxed and friendly. There was lots of laughter from people gathered around the tables and an excited hum in the air. It helped that Jesse had been coming there for the past few years and he’d built up a strong following.
Chapter Six
As soon as the band went on she began to wish she’d lobbied to sing at the very end. Preferably after everyone left.
Her heart thudded louder than Brian’s drums when they started “In Your Dreams.” What if she actually, literally threw up in front of the entire audience? Even Jesse couldn’t charm away a pile of vomit.
She was shivering with nerves, her fingers numb, when the song ended.
“We’ve got a brand new song to sing for ya’all tonight, so new no one but the band has heard it, but we’re gonna play it for you folks right now.”
The crowd hooted and whistled. Little did they know.
Jesse smiled and strummed his guitar, in no rush at all. He knew how to work a crowd. Stu came over to man the table while she was on stage. Her face must have betrayed her terror, because Stu leaned down and spoke into her ear.
“You’re gonna be fine.”
“And if that wasn’t exciting enough,” Jesse was saying, “our good friend Beth Levine is going to come up here to sing it with me. Come on up here, honey.”
He was smiling at her like they had a secret, but she couldn’t move. Stu put a hand on her back, propelling her forward, and there wasn’t any refusing it, no running away or giving into fear. Her breath was shallow, the club taking on the aspect of a dreamscape as she made her feet move.
The crowd had turned to see who Jesse was talking about, and they parted now to let her through. As she walked she saw their curious faces, felt the heat of all of them pressing against her. They were smiling and clapping, full of excited expectation.
After the first few feet she kept her eyes fixed on Jesse and let him reel her in, his eyes never leaving her, his smile sweet and devilish all at the same time. Then he was at the edge of the stage, taking her hand and leading her to the mic.
Everyone’s eyes were on her and she froze at the immensity of it.
“Smile, sweetheart,” Jesse whispered in her ear. “It’s all good.”
Beth smiled, a forced, artificial thing that took over her face, and then became real as she looked into the faces of the front row. They were all beaming, beside
themselves with joy just to be there. She knew what they felt, because she felt it every night when she watched them play. She’d seen them every night for over a week and she hadn’t tired of it yet.
Jesse started to play, a few solitary notes that were soon joined by the rest of the band. Beth moved closer to the microphone and grabbed on with both hands, grateful for something to hold onto, and listened for Jesse. She was so anxious to come in at the right time that she missed her cue, but the band circled back around and picked her up the second time around.
Then the music took over. The fear was gone after the first few bars and it was just her voice melding into something bigger, giving the song its high notes, her smoother vocals a counterpoint to Jesse’s raw, scraped-out delivery.
Despite their personal differences, after so many weeks of touring the band was tight and in sync, loose without being sloppy. All their differences and personality quirks dropped away and it was just the music.
Caught between the band’s power and the crowd’s surging, ecstatic energy, she felt herself lift off, a vessel through which the music moved.
She looked at Jesse. His eyes were closed, his throat at the open neck of his shirt damp with sweat. Then he opened his eyes and turned to her, everything he was singing visible in their dark depths. They sang the last chorus looking at each other, echoing the same words, her higher voice twining with his.
The crowd was screaming even before the last notes faded away, quieting only when Jesse announced her name again.
He leaned over, his mouth at her ear, his breath fanning her heated skin. “You did it, baby.”
She left the stage on shaking legs to weave through the crowd, dazzled by the beaming faces that turned toward her as she made her way back to the table.
“You did good,” Stu said, his look considering, before turning his attention back to the band.
She shook with reaction, adrenaline still coursing through her veins with nowhere to go. Gradually her heartbeat slowed and she was able to breathe normally, but for the rest of the show she had to bite back the grin that threatened to take over her face.
She’d done it. And now she understood why other people wanted to do it so badly. It felt fantastic.
She watched the rest of the set and sold more stuff during the intermission, only this time she had people telling her how awesome she’d sounded.
“Are you part of the band?” a twenty-something girl asked, her expression conveying awe and envy.
“No,” Beth laughed. “That was kind of an anomaly. I can sing and I’m already with the tour, so it kind of just worked out.”
“I’d give anything to be there with him.”
It struck her then how lucky she was. Yes, it was the most terrifying thing she’d ever done, but it was also the most amazing.
She got a bunch of compliments and questions from other people buying music and t-shirts. Many of them wondered why someone who’d just been on stage was standing behind the table, and she tried to explain while also making correct change and keeping the line moving.
She danced and shouted and clapped though the second set, adrenaline feeding her euphoria until she was in a near transcendent state.
The crowd’s roar began as the band played the final notes of the last encore.
“See you next year, Missoula!” Jesse called, and there was more yelling and stomping and calls more for.
The band headed off stage and the houselights went up, a signal that even the most hopeful fans understood. People started to make their slow way out, but plenty of people stopped first at her table. She deflected as many comments and questions about her performance as she could, thanking people when they gave her compliments and directing them to the mailing list sheet.
The women actually freaked her out more than the men did. It was they who got too close to her, like they could get to Jesse if they touched her. They asked her questions about him, and about what she’d done to be there. Some of them might have been a little nutty, but most of them were probably normal women swept up in the glory that was Jesse, and that was something she understood.
Half an hour later everyone had finally cleared out. Stu had long since left to help load the gear back in the van, so Beth packed up the remaining items. By the time she’d pushed the last box of merchandise into her car and slammed the hatch her limbs were heavy with fatigue but adrenaline from the night’s show still pumped through her.
She made her way back into the club, stopping at the storage room the band was using to drop off the duffel bag Jesse had left in the car. The door was halfway open so she pushed it open all the way and stepped inside.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t…”
Jesse was standing in the dressing room in his jeans and cowboy boots, the baby blue western style shirt he’d worn on stage hanging open. She tried not to stare at his bare skin, at the hair on his chest and arrowing down into his jeans.
He was lean and muscular, not a spare ounce on him. No wonder, the way he poured so much energy out on stage night after night.
“There you are,” he said, a goofy smile blooming on his face like she was all he needed in the world.
Before she knew what hit her he’d laid a smacking kiss on her lips, wrapped his arms around her waist, and swung her around in a circle while making loud whooping noises.
She was laughing and dizzy by the time he set her down. “So you thought it sounded okay?”
“Are you kidding me? That was one hell of a debut.”
“It was pretty fantastic,” she admitted, smiling up at him.
They were standing so close she could see every whisker in his jaw, the lines of sweat from his temples. For several long, voluptuous moments they stared at one another, their excitement building and turning into a different kind of heat.
“I was just bringing you this,” she said, picking up the bag she’d dropped, as if that would save her.
He took it from her and tossed it to the side. “Didn’t you feel it out there? That was magic.”
He was definitely a little drunk. Not falling down drunk, but loose and happy.
She took a step back. “I’d better get back to the… the uh...”
“What’s your hurry?”
“Nothing. I just have things to do.”
“Liar.” A slow, devastating smile, like he knew all her secrets. “All you have to do now is celebrate.”
He came toward her.
She took another step back. “What are you doing? I’m an employee.”
“You’re way more than that, honey.”
“Jesse.”
“I love it when you say my name,” he murmured, his drawl like honey melting in the sun. “All husky and breathless.”
He came toward her again, but this time she didn’t move away. Reaching out, he hitched a finger through the belt loop of her jeans and tugged. She wasn’t sure if she moved toward him or he came closer to her, but they were only inches apart, his breath soft in her hair.
“Damn, you smell good,” he whispered.
She was too aware of him, aware of herself reacting to him, all throbbing pulse points and body heat.
“I’m all sweaty.”
He ducked his head into the curve of her neck and breathed. “I know. I wish I’d done it to you.”
“You did do it to me.”
For a second he was utterly still, then he moaned low in his throat and pulled on her jeans until she fell against him. Before she had time to think his mouth was on hers in a deep, sloppy kiss that was somehow patient and urgent at the same time. As if he were mining every taste from her mouth but could do it all day.
Her resistance fell almost instantly.
Her hands parted his shirt and slipped inside, skimming over the golden brown skin. He said her name like a plea and dove deeper.
Here was the boy who ignored a snake bite to kiss his girl. She opened up to him, the rough scrape of his jaw sending flares of heat through her veins. His other hand cupped the ba
ck of her head, supporting her as he licked into her, tasting of beer and chocolate and the tang of sweat.
He was all around her, his heat, his scent, need rising off him and twining with hers. More. Now. She didn’t even think the words. Her body demanded it, her hands slid over him, telegraphing it.
In some distant chamber in her brain she knew there was a reason to stop, but her need was so sharp and unrelenting she ignored it and tugged his hips closer. In answer he scooped her up by her ass and set her on the table, then stepped into the open vee of her legs. He was huge and hard against her, the position intimate and almost unbearably arousing.
Which was probably why she didn’t notice the door opening wider, or anything else until Will stood there, his face blank with shock. Jesse hadn’t seem him yet, he was too busy kissing his way down her throat, but he glanced up when she gasped and went still. One look at her face and he pulled away and turned around.
“I knew it,” Will spat, looking from her to Jesse.
Jesse moved in front of her, as if to block her from Will’s gaze. A gesture she appreciated since Jesse had rucked her shirt up to just beneath her bra and, unbeknownst to her, unbuttoned her jeans. She sorted herself out as Jesse confronted Will.
“Back off. This has nothing to do with you,” Jesse ground out, the honey-laced drawl replaced with the hard rasp of his most bitter songs.
His back was to her, but she felt the fury radiate from him as he stared at his guitar player. Will was equally furious, maybe even more so. He looked as if he’d been betrayed.
“I knew her before you did. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t even be here.”
Her clothes back in place, she stood up and moved to Jesse’s side. “Will, just leave it alone, okay?”
He turned on her. “I thought…I thought we…”
He gave her a last, bleak look and left, banging the door wide open on his way out.
Footsteps approached down the hallway and Jesse toed the door shut with his boot. It closed with a gentle snap and once again they were secluded together in quarters way too close for comfort. Even standing several feet apart the heat Will had doused came flooding back.
