Taming Rough Waters

by Samantha Wolfe

  "What's wrong, Ella?" I asked worriedly as I pulled my hand back with my own frown.

  "You've done so well for yourself, and here I haven't accomplished anything," she confessed quietly.

  "That's not true," I said, then glanced at Violet, who was doing laps in the pool now. "Look at her. You've raised a good kid, and that's pretty amazing considering..." I trailed off, realizing that I really didn't want to mention her dead husband since I knew it was a touchy subject for her.

  "Considering I was stupid enough to get involved with her asshole father?" she asked bitterly. "I think that every day."

  "No," I replied softly. "I was going to say, considering her father was an abusive bastard."

  "He was never like that with Violet, just me," she said sadly. "And never in front of her. He was always very careful about that."

  "That's because he knew she'd hate him if he did," I replied.

  She nodded at my comment, but didn't say anything else. I watched her and the pained and broken look in her eyes. It wrecked me and pissed me off. I wished I could go back in time and kill the bastard myself.

  "What did he do to you?" I asked with a distinct husky growl to my voice as anger roiled through me.

  "I don't want to talk about this," she whispered as she stared down at her hands.

  Her reticence to talk frustrated me. She was in so much pain, and I couldn't stand it. I desperately wanted to help her. I took in a breath to try to push her into talking, but I was interrupted by the doorbell ringing inside the house. I glanced toward the house with a frown. I didn't usually get unexpected visitors since I basically lived out in the middle of nowhere. I feared I knew who it was, and I really wished and hoped I was wrong.

  "Excuse me while I get that," I said as I stood up from the table.

  I walked inside and crossed the house to the front door. I peered through the peephole and let out a heavy resigned sigh. Well, fuck. I was half tempted to ignore my visitor, but my black Tesla Model S was sitting in the driveway instead of the garage. There was no pretending I wasn't home. I clenched my jaw and pulled open the door to find Scott standing there with a frown, wearing a faded blue T-shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans.

  "Hey," I said nonchalantly.

  "Hey, yourself," he replied.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "I stopped by the office to ask you to lunch," he said with a worried frown. "Gwen told me you flew out of there like a bat out of hell this morning and disappeared. She hadn't heard from you since, and I figured I needed to check on you."

  His eyes flicked down to my bare elbows. Today I'd worn a T-shirt under the suit jacket I'd left in my office earlier. He was looking for fresh needle tracks, wondering if I'd shot up.

  "I didn't use, Scott," I said firmly with an edge of irritation I couldn't hide. I knew he cared and worried about me, but Jesus, just because I went AWOL for a few hours, didn't automatically mean I was out scoring heroin again. I'd been clean for eight years for fuck's sake.

  He narrowed his eyes at me, and crossly said, "Well, considering how much of control freak you are and how you schedule your life down to the goddamn minute, forgive me for worrying when you fall off the fucking rails."

  I crossed my arms and shot a glare at him that he shot right back, arching one of his brows challengingly as we stared each other down. A moment later, I huffed out a breath in defeat. "Fine," I snapped out, grudgingly admitting that he had a point. I'd check up on him too if he acted this out of character.

  "Can I come in?" he asked, already stepping forward.

  "Now is not a good time," I answered, throwing an arm across the doorway, blocking his path inside.

  "Why?" he asked with narrowed eyes. "Wait?" He smirked as he peered over my shoulder. "Are you having a nooner with some random hottie?" He looked at me and grinned. "Good for you. I keep telling you those sex contracts you make with those subs at Désir Dangereux are a real boner killer. Sucks the spontaneity right out of it."

  Scott's disdain for the BDSM lifestyle was annoying since he used to be into it himself not that long ago. He abandoned the lifestyle several years ago after what I'd gathered was a bad experience with a sub that he refused to talk about to this day. I never pried or pushed him for details, but whatever it was must have been bad.

  "Shut up," I warned him with a glare, not wanting Ella to hear him.

  God only knew how she'd respond to my unconventional sex life. She'd probably run for the hills. Shit, why was I even thinking things like that? Shouldn't I want her to leave? None of this made any sense to me, so I pushed those thoughts away.

  "I don't do spontaneous, Scott," I grumbled. "You know that."

  Just then Violet's laugh echoed loudly from inside the house, and Scott's brows practically disappeared up into his hairline. Well, fuck. He wasn't going to let this go now. So much for getting rid of him quickly before he saw Ella and found out that instead of firing her, I invited her and her kid to my house. Who knew what he'd make of it if he found out I'd fucked her twice already too.

  He darted forward under my arm into the house before I realized what he was doing. Damn him and his ninja martial arts bullshit. I growled under my breath and hurried after him.

  I walked into the vaulted great room right on Scott's heels and nearly plowed into him as he jerked to a stop. Ella was kneeling on the floor near my gray sectional sofa with her back to us as she rooted through the tote bag she'd brought with her. Violet stood next to her wrapped up in one of my big white fluffy towels with a happy contented expression, and her damp blond hair slicked back on her head. The kid saw us first, and her green eyes lit up as she saw Scott.

  "Hi," she said brightly. "I'm Violet. I'm," -she glanced at her mother sheepishly- "almost eleven." It would appear that Ella had a talk with her daughter about honesty at some point today. Ella's head popped up and widened when she saw Scott. She stood with a distinctly uncomfortable expression with what I assumed was Violet's clothes in her hands.

  "Hi, Violet," Scott replied with a wide grin. "I'm Scott." He stepped forward and reached a hand out to her. "I usually act like I'm almost eleven," he added wryly.

  Violet giggled at Scott's comment and took his hand. He made a show out of shaking her hand with ridiculous exaggeration, making her giggle even more. Scott turned to look at Ella. His eyes widened almost infinitesimally, but his smile never faltered. If I didn't know him well, I wouldn't have noticed the slight change in his expression that gave away his surprise. No one had a better poker face than Scott. It made him one hell of a P.I., and a man I made a point of never playing cards with.

  "I'm Ella," she said. "Violet's mom."

  "Good to meet you," Scott said as he shook Ella's hand.

  "You too," Ella replied, then shot an uneasy expression my way. "I...um...I need to get Violet home soon."

  "Aw, Mom," Violet whined. "I wanted to swim some more."

  "You can come back another time," I suddenly blurted out, inexplicably not wanting them to leave anymore than Violet did. If Scott hadn't shown up, I'd have asked them to stay longer. "I have Mondays off." I could feel Scott's eyes boring into me, but I ignored him for now.

  Violet turned hopeful pleading eyes on her mother. "Can we Mom?" she asked in a desperate tone.

  Ella pressed her lips together with a pained uncomfortable expression.

  "Please." Violet's eyes turned big and sad. The kid was good.

  "I can pick you up again," I suggested, trying to sound nonchalant, but from the side-eye Scott was giving me, it wasn't working.

  Ella sighed. "We'll see, Violet," she hedged noncommittally. "Let's go get your clothes back on. Okay?"

  "Alright," Violet replied in drawn out and over-dramatic resignation.

  I directed them to the powder room near the stairs and watched them leave the room. Then I steeled myself before turning back to face my best friend.

  He arched a brow at me. "So..." he said calmly. "You didn't fire her."

  I glared at
him, not bothering to reply to the obviousness of his comment. I walked away toward the patio doors as he followed.

  "You brought her to your house," he continued as I picked up the iced tea glasses off the outdoor table.

  "So," I said as I breezed past him back into the house. I went into the kitchen with him still following me.

  "You invited her and her kid over for a play date next week."

  I sighed as I set the glasses down on the kitchen counter with a hard thump. "What's your point, Scott?" I asked irritably as I turned to confront him.

  "You tell me," came his leading reply. "I'm not the one spending time with the woman who broke my heart twelve years ago. I'm not the one acting out of character."

  "It's nothing," I said sternly. "They've both had a rough time, and I'm just trying to help them out."

  Scott's expression turned skeptical, but before he could say anything else, Ella and Violet came back into the room.

  "You ready to go?" I asked as I hurried away from Scott, eager to escape his pointed stare. I picked up Ella's tote and brought it over to her.

  "Yeah," she replied and took it from me. I brushed my fingers across hers without thinking. She jerked her hand away as her eyes darted toward Violet.

  I sighed and ushered them toward the front door, feeling Scott's perceptive gaze on me as he trailed behind us. He had to have seen that touch, and I knew this wouldn't be the end of the conversation we'd started. At least for now, I had an excuse to avoid it for the time being.

  "Mom," Violet announced as I opened the door for them to walk through ahead of me. "I'm hungry."

  "We'll get something at home, baby," Ella replied.

  "Can't we stop somewhere?" Violet asked. "I'm sick of eating at home all the time."

  "I can take you out to lunch if you want," I suggested, wondering yet again what the hell I was doing and why. "I haven't eaten yet either."

  Ella grimaced, and I knew what she was going to say next, that she couldn't afford it.

  "My treat," I added before she could speak.

  "Can we Mom?" Violet asked, backing me up with bright and pleading eyes. "Please, please, please."

  She pressed her lips together as she looked back and forth between Violet and me. She huffed out a breath in defeat.

  "Fine," she said in a clipped tone as she avoided my gaze.

  "Yes," Violet said in triumph, then shot a radiant smile up at me. She turned and raced down the sidewalk toward my car with Ella hurrying to catch up.

  I felt Scott come up next to me.

  "So..." he began in a smug drawn-out voice, "you don't do spontaneous, huh?" he asked.

  "Shut up, fucker," I growled out quietly, ignoring the amused smirk on his goddamn face as I walked away.

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-ONE

  ____________________

  Ella

  "Are you sure you're not a superhero?" Violet asked Calder from the back seat of his sleek black Tesla. "Because this car looks like a superhero's car."

  Calder snorted out a laugh and briefly glanced in the rear-view mirror at my daughter, his crystalline blue eyes dancing in amusement. She had a point. The sumptuous black interior with carbon-fiber accents was beautifully elegant, yet eye-catching, exactly like something a playboy superhero would drive.

  "I'm still pretty positive I'm not, kid," he replied with a smirk that twisted his full lips in a devastatingly sexy way. Add that to the way the muscles in his forearms flexed and shifted under his skin as he handled the powerful vehicle with sure confidence, and it was too much for my libido. I looked away, trying to banish the sudden throbbing of arousal between my thighs and the urge to keep staring at him. Seriously, what the hell? My daughter was in the car. My body and my head needed to get on the same page here.

  I'd been sitting mostly quiet in the car as Violet and Calder bantered back and forth playfully. He never seemed perturbed by her endless flood of questions and answered every one, no matter how silly or ridiculous. It was sweet, and exactly like the old Calder I was in love with twelve years ago. It was nice to know, despite the darkness that resided inside him now because of me and his subsequent addiction, that the sweet man I remembered was still in there.

  Guilt struck me yet again at what I'd done to Calder, now made worse by the knowledge that I'd driven him to use heroin to deal with it. He could say all he wanted that it wasn't my fault, but I knew the truth. The last thing he ever wanted was to be like his addict mother, and thanks to me that's what he became. He should hate me for it, yet inexplicably here he was, voluntarily spending time with me again, and this time with my Violet, the child who should have been his. I didn't understand it, but I'd enjoy it until he came to his senses and realized I wasn't worth his time.

  Calder and Violet were both laughing about whatever she'd just said as he pulled the car into a vacant parking spot along the street downtown. I looked out my passenger-side window at a small homey-looking diner I'd never been to before, called The Verity Diner.

  "I hope you don't mind this is a vegan place," Calder said apologetically. "I promise it's very good."

  "I don't mind," Violet answered enthusiastically. "I'm a vegan now too."

  I narrowed my eyes at Calder. "You're a vegan?"

  "I am," he answered with a smirk.

  "So you're where she got the idea from." I grinned and shook my head. "Do you know she conned Evan into taking her to the store and buying a bunch of vegan stuff for her?"

  Calder's eyebrows rose in incredulous amusement. "Evan? The guy who thinks barbecue is a food group?"

  "Yup," I replied. "You're not the only one she's turned into one of her minions."

  "You know Uncle Evan?" Violet asked curiously.

  Shit, I'd forgotten I didn't want her to know about my past relationship with Calder or whatever the hell was going on between us now. Panicked, I didn't know what to do and clammed up.

  "Um..." Calder shot a worried look at me before answering. "Evan and I were friends a long time ago." He cleared his throat. "We should head inside," he added. "I know I'm hungry. How about you, kid?"

  "I'm starving," she replied, drawing out the last word dramatically.

  I shot him a grateful expression for distracting her, and he acknowledged it with a slight nod before getting out of the car. He went around to the passenger side, opened the door, and gave me a hand up out of the low vehicle. I tried to ignore how my heart fluttered from his touch and being so close to his big body. Then he opened the back door and plucked Violet out of her seat, lifting her up in the air like she weighed nothing and plopping her down on her feet on the sidewalk as she giggled and grinned up at him happily.

  He turned to lead us toward the restaurant entrance, and I watched incredulously as Violet grabbed Calder's right hand as she walked next to him. Calder didn't even flinch and gripped her hand right back, then reached over with his other hand to place it firmly at the small of my back before escorting us into the building.

  The interior was nicer than I expected, like a modernized version of an old-school diner. It had all the prerequisite booths and chairs, but the booths were upholstered in earthy green fabric with dark wood tables, and the chairs were sleek brushed aluminum. The far back wall had a huge lit up sign that said, "Meat free since '93" on it. A long dark wood lunch counter stretched across one side of the room with a row of tall brushed aluminum stools lined up in front of it. It was fairly crowded for a weekday and that, along with the delicious scent of food, boded well for our lunch.

  A young man with a friendly smile greeted us warmly as we approached the host station. Calder politely asked for a table for three outside.

  "Certainly, sir," the man replied as he picked up some menus. "Does your daughter need a kid's menu?" he asked Calder.

  Calder's eyes flew wide at the innocent comment and pulled his hands away from Violet and me. He began rubbing at the crook of his left elbow as a discomfited expression crossed his features. Violet opened her mouth most like
ly to correct the guy, but I interrupted her.

  "That would be great," I answered. "Thank you." Calder was already uncomfortable, and I didn't want to make it worse.

  "Right this way," the host said, oblivious to the wrong assumption he'd made with Calder.

  We followed the host across the interior of the restaurant and through a door that led out onto a large deck area that was tucked in between the surrounding brick buildings. Lots of planters filled with plants and flowers surrounded the space, giving the area a much-needed shot of nature. Wooden outdoor tables with colorful umbrellas, and more of the same aluminum chairs from inside, were scattered across the deck. The host led us over to one of the few unoccupied tables in a corner. We took a seat, and he left us with our menus after telling us to enjoy our meal.

  Violet opened her menu and began hitting Calder with a barrage of questions about the food here, banishing the disquieted expression from his face. He was smiling again in moments, thanks to my daughter and her infectious enthusiasm. I eyed the menu myself and decided on the black bean veggie burger. Calder and Violet both ordered a spicy barbecue sandwich made from seitan. When I asked Calder what seitan was, Violet chimed in to tell me it was a meat substitute made from wheat. I guess my daughter knew more about this vegan thing than I thought.

  The food ended up being delicious, just as Calder promised, and we all cleaned our plates. I even tried a bite of Violet's barbecue seitan and loved that as much as she did too. My daughter had never been a picky eater, something she got from me, and was always willing to try something new.

  We finished eating, and after the waiter dropped off the bill, Violet hopped up to go use the restroom, leaving Calder and me alone. He glanced at the check and pulled out his wallet to pay. Guilt reared its ugly head as I watched him take out some cash.

  "Thank you," I murmured in a subdued voice. "And I'm sorry."

  "Sorry?" he asked in confusion.

  "For being such a pathetic charity case."

  "You're not pathetic." He frowned at me worriedly. "And it's not charity. I wanted to do this." He reached over and took my hand gently, squeezing it reassuringly. "For you," he added in a soft tone. His blue eyes brightened and warmed, pulling me in as his thumb glided caressingly along the back of my hand. I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me and take all my pain away. If only he could.