by Maya Blake
I stayed put, forcing rationality over impulse. I had business to take care of, conference calls to make. And yet somewhere on that endless to-do list the looming issue of our agreement ticked louder.
An agreement I’d lately found myself re-examining with growing dissatisfaction.
Restlessness drove me to my feet. At the bar, I poured myself a cognac and tossed it back, hoping the bracing heat would knock some sense into me. All it did was emphasise the expanding hollow inside me and quicken this alien need demanding satisfaction.
Setting the glass down, I started to walk back to my seat—and then, unsurprised, I found myself moving towards the back of the plane.
After my soft knock elicited no response I turned the door handle. Lamps were dimmed, the window shades drawn, but still I saw them. Both asleep.
One with small, chubby arms thrown above his head in innocent abandon.
My son. My world.
The other curled on her side with one arm braced protectively over Andreos and the other draped over her belly.
My wife.
But not for much longer. Unless I took steps to do something about it.
Resolution slid home like a key in a lock I didn’t even realise needed opening. Now I did—now the possibility of more beckoned with a promise I didn’t want to deny.
Shaking out a light throw, I tucked it over both of them, then stepped back.
Calypso made a distressed sound in her sleep, an anxious twitch marring her brow for a second before it smoothed out and her breathing grew steady.
Was her stomach still bothering her? I frowned as that niggling returned.
My hand clenched over the door handle.
Were her secrets disturbing her sleep? Could that be the last stumbling block I needed to overcome to make this marriage real? If so, could I live with it?
The breath locked in my lungs was released, along with the bracing realisation that, regardless of what the secret was, it needn’t get in our way. If she was prepared not to let it.
Very much aware that several things hung in the balance, I stepped out, shut the door behind me and returned to the living room. But through all my strategising and counter-strategising my resolution simply deepened.
My grandfather had sacrificed and nearly lost everything in his dealings with one Petras.
But perhaps it was time to draw a line underneath all that, let acrimony stay in the past where it belonged.
Perhaps it was time to strike yet another bargain.
A more permanent one.
* * *
Thailand was magical.
Or as magical as a place could be when I knew that dark shadows crept ever closer. Knew that my stolen time was rapidly dwindling away.
It marred my ability to enjoy fully the sheer magnificence of our tropical paradise except on canvas, with the paints Axios had supplied me with, which conversely helped in keeping my true state under wraps for a little longer.
The discomfort in my abdomen which he had erroneously assumed was my period kept him from the jaw-droppingly stunning master suite of our Bangkok villa at night. And when we were required to make an appearance together at one of the many events marking the successful merger of Xenakis Aeronautics and a major Thai-owned airline he was painfully solicitous, showering me with the kind of attention that made the tabloid headlines screech with joy.
The kind that made my heart swell with a foolish longing that I knew would make the inevitable break all the more agonising.
The kind he’d showered me with over the last few weeks but that now came with a speculative look in his eyes. As if he was trying to solve a puzzle. As if he was trying to make our situation work.
But my guilt at the subterfuge was nothing compared to the grief tearing my heart to shreds at the thought of leaving Andreos.
When, after four days in Bangkok, Axios announced that we were relocating to Kamala in Phuket for the remaining three days, for a delayed honeymoon, I knew I couldn’t hide from my feelings any longer.
I was in love with Axios.
Even knowing he didn’t feel the same couldn’t diminish the knowledge that I’d been falling since that night on the balcony. Since I’d agreed to for now. But, contrarily, accepting my true feelings meant I couldn’t in good conscience burden him or my precious baby with the battle ahead.
I was in love with my husband. And to spare him our marriage had to end.
Tucked inside the bamboo shelter of a rainforest shower, I gave in to the silent sobs tearing my heart to pieces, letting the warm spray wash my tears away. When I was wrung out, I carefully disguised the tell-tale signs of my distress with subtle make-up before leaving the suite.
In bare feet and a floaty white dress that whispered softly around my body, I approached the sound of infant giggles, a deep, sexy voice and the playful splash of water.
Axios was enjoying a lazy swim with Andreos. And, as much as I wanted to stop and frame the beautiful picture father and son made, so I could carry it in my heart, I knew my emotions were far too close to the surface to risk detection.
Instead I made my way past the pool and through the glass hallway that led to another stunning wing of the multi-tiered luxury villa. To the special place I’d discovered on our arrival.
The suspended treehouse was accessed by a heavy plank and rope bridge from the second level of the villa and a broad ladder from the level below. I took the walkway, enjoying the swaying movement that made me feel as if I was dancing on air, and entered the wide space laid out with polished wooden floors, wide rectangular windows and a roped-off platform that gave magnificent views of the Andaman Sea and the Bay of Bengal.
A riot of vivid colour brush-stroked the horizon, signalling the approach of night. Silently awed, and my breath held, I watched the colours settle into breathtaking layers of a purple and orange sunset.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, lost in my turbulent thoughts, selfishly praying for things I couldn’t have. And even when I sensed Axios’s approach I didn’t turn around, didn’t give in to the raw need to fill my senses with the sight and sound of him.
Instead I gripped the rope barrier until my knuckles shrieked with just a fraction of the pain shredding my insides.
Whether he sensed my mood or not, Axios didn’t speak either. But when he stopped behind me I felt the intensity of his presence. And when he slid an arm around my waist and engulfed me in the poignant scents of father and son I couldn’t help the scalding tears that prickled my eyes.
With a soft moan I sagged into his hold, and the three of us stood on the platform, staring at the horizon as the bright orange ball of the sun dipped into the sea and a blanket of stars started to fill the sky.
‘Come,’ he said eventually, his voice low and deep. ‘The chef is almost done preparing dinner. Let’s go put our son to bed, hmm?’
Throat tight with locked emotion, I nodded, making sure to avoid his probing gaze as we made our back into the villa. After putting a dozing Andreos in his cot, we retraced our steps to the open terrace, where a candlelit dinner had been laid out.
There, Axios pulled out a chair and I sat, my stomach in knots and my heart bleeding, as I looked at the face of the man I was hopelessly in love with.
The man I could never have.
* * *
Theos mou, she was gorgeous.
The breath that had stalled in my lungs fought to emerge as I watched candlelight dance over her face and throat. Even the veil of melancholy shrouding her didn’t detract from the captivating mix of fire and calm I wanted to experience for a very long time.
For ever.
Our three-course dinner had passed in stilted conversation, and our appetites had been non-existent. She’d refused dessert and I’d downed my aromatic espresso in one go.
But it was time.
Business pressures had forced
this conversation to the back burner for the last four days. It was time to lay my cards on the table.
‘About the divorce you requested: I would like to renegotiate...’
A vice tightened my sternum when wild panic flared in her eyes. The hand resting on the table began to tremble and she snatched it away, tucking it into her lap as she exhaled sharply. ‘What do you mean, “renegotiate”? You gave me your word!’
For the first time I felt a visceral need to take it all back, to smash it to pieces and rebuild something new, something lasting from the rubble created from greed and blind lust. Because there was something more here. This...distance between us had cemented my belief that this wasn’t just sex. That I’d fallen deeper, farther than even my imagination could fathom. Perhaps even into that dimension where Calypso could exist.
The thought of that ending...of never experiencing it or her at some point in the future...twisted in something close to agony inside me.
The state was further evidenced by the quiet panic this very argument was fuelling inside me—the fine trembles coursing through my body, taunting me with the possibility that this might be the one deal that eluded me. That my actions last year and since finding her on Bora Bora might have doomed me in her eyes. The very thought that I might fail where I’d succeeded at everything else. Everything that mattered...
No.
‘I know what I promised, but I no longer think it’s—’
‘No!’
She surged to her feet, and the trembling in her hand seemed transmitted to her body as eyes steeped in turmoil centred on mine. But when she spoke her voice was firm, the most resolute I’d ever heard her. And that only twisted the knife in deeper. Because I sensed a dynamic shift in her the like of which I’d never experienced before.
She seemed to falter for a moment, her hand sliding to her stomach, before she shook her head. ‘You made a promise, Axios, and I’m going to have to insist you deliver on that promise.’
That gesture...
‘Tell me why, Calypso. Give me a reason why you won’t even hear me out,’ I challenged, feeling the ground slip away beneath my feet even as I rose and faced her across the dinner table.
* * *
‘Why?’ he grated again when words failed to emerge from my strangled throat in time to answer his question.
His features were changing from a determined sort of cajoling to frighteningly resolute.
‘Are you pregnant?’ he added hoarsely, and there was a blaze of what looked like hope in his eyes as they dropped to my stomach.
‘What? No, I’m not pregnant,’ I blurted, dropping my hand.
Was that disappointment on his face?
‘Can we take a breath and discuss this rationally?’ he asked.
The desire to do just that—to let him talk me into dreaming about an impossible future—was so heart-wrenchingly tempting it took the sharp bite of my nails into my palm to stop agreement spilling from my lips.
‘No. I’m all talked out, Axios. All I want now is action. For you to stick to your word and...and let me go.’
His grey eyes went molten for a handful of seconds before his jaw clenched tight. ‘Why? We’ve proved in the last few weeks that we’re completely compatible. As parents to Andreos. And in the bedroom.’
Desperately, I shook my head. ‘We...we can love Andreos as much together as apart. As for the bedroom...it’s just sex. Basing a marriage on it is delusional.’
‘I beg to differ. The kind of compatibility we have is unique. Don’t be so dismissive of it. Besides, how would you know? I’m the only lover you’ve ever had,’ he tossed in arrogantly.
And he would be the only one for me. ‘That still doesn’t mean I want to give up everything for the sake of—’
A throat clearing on the edge of the terrace interrupted me. Sophia, now Andreos’s official nanny, had travelled with us to Thailand, and she looked supremely nervous.
‘What is it?’ Axios demanded.
‘There’s a call from Switzerland for Kyria Xenakis. They say they’ve been trying to reach you.’
I felt the blood draining from my face as Axios frowned. Dr Trudeau, tired of waiting for me to contact him.
‘Tell them I’ll call back tomorrow,’ I said hastily.
The second Sophia hurried away, Axios’s gaze sharpened on me. ‘Why are you getting a call from Switzerland?’
‘I still have business there,’ I replied, hoping he’d let it go.
For a terse moment I thought he’d push, but then he sighed. ‘What were you going to say before? For the sake of what, Calypso?’
For the sake of unrequited love.
Mercifully, the words remained locked deep inside me, the only hint spilling out in my strained voice as I fought to remain upright, to fight for this vital chance to do this on my own terms.
‘I can’t—I don’t want anything long-term. I want to be free.’
To fight for the chance to return whole. Even to dream of starting again with a clean slate.
Hope dried up as Ax’s face turned ashen, his eyes darkening with something raw and potent. Something I wasn’t sure I wanted to decipher, because it resembled the helpless yearning inside me.
But that couldn’t be. Axios not only hated what my father had done to him, he despised what my family had done to his grandfather. I was the last person he could be contemplating hitching himself to for the long term. Which meant that whatever his proposal was it still had an end date. That even if Dr Trudeau had a sliver of hope for me I might not have a chance with Ax.
Nonetheless, temptation buffeted me until I had to hold on to the edge of the table to keep from falling into it.
‘Free to live your life? What about our son, Calypso?’ he demanded scathingly, his voice ragged. ‘Do you intend to drag him along on another freedom jaunt? Are you so blinkered to his needs that you would rip him from me to satisfy your own needs?’
‘Of course not!’
The searing denial was the final thread holding my emotions together. I felt the hot slide of tears and could do nothing to stop it. So I stood there, my world going into one final free fall, and set the words I despised but needed to say spilling free.
‘He...he’s happy in Athens. He’s a Xenakis. You love him. He belongs with you. You can...’ Keep him. Love him. The way I might not be able to.
The final words dried in my throat, the final selfless act of handing over my precious son unwilling to be given voice. But still he knew.
Knew and condemned me absolutely for it.
Brows clamped in horror, he stared at me. ‘Are you—?’ He stopped, shook his head in abject disbelief. ‘You’re leaving him behind? Your quest for freedom is so great that you intend to completely abandon your son?’
His voice was bleak, his eyes pools of bewilderment.
‘Or it is something else, Calypso? Is it me? Have I not proved I can be a good husband, provide for you and our son?’
There was my chance. Say no and this would be over. Tell him he’d failed me and it would be done. But I couldn’t. Because even if he didn’t love me, he hadn’t failed me.
‘Please, Axios—’
‘Please what?’ he asked urgently, stalking around the table towards me. ‘Make it easier for you to walk away from your child? From me?’
His chest rose and fell in uncharacteristic agitation, his eyes dark, dismal.
‘I watched my grandfather’s world crumble around him. You want me to let you do the same to mine?’ he rasped jaggedly.
I squeezed my eyes shut. ‘Please don’t say that.’
‘Why not?’ he demanded, his expression hardening. ‘You want easy? Let me make it simple for you. Take one step out through the front door and you will never set eyes on Andreos again. I will make it my mission to erase your name from his life. It will be as if you never e
ven existed.’
Choked tears clogged my throat and my world turned inside out with sorrow.
‘You would do that? Really?’
He hesitated, one hand rising to glide roughly over his mouth and jaw before he shook his head. ‘Make me understand, Calypso. What could possibly be out there that you won’t get with me? What could be more important to you than to care for our child? To watch him grow and thrive under our care?’
I pressed my lips together, the agony of keeping the naked truth locked inside me so it wouldn’t stain Andreos killing me. ‘My...my freedom. I want what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember, Axios. I want to be free.’
For the longest time he simply stared in stark disbelief. Then his breath shuddered out. And with it the last of the bewilderment in his eyes. Now he saw how set I was on bringing this to an end, his jaw clenched in tight resolution.
‘Is that your final decision?’ he grated.
My balled fist rose from the table, rested on my abdomen and the possible time bomb ticking inside me. ‘Yes. It is.’
‘Very well. You’ll hear from my lawyers before the week is out.’
My breath strangled to nothing. It was over. Just like that?
‘Axios—’
‘No!’ His hand slashed through the air. ‘There’s no room for bargaining.’
And in that moment, presented with his bleak verdict, I felt the words simply tumble out. ‘I’m sick, Axios. I have a lump...in my cervix.’
He froze, his eyes widening with shock as he stumbled back a step. ‘What?’ he whispered, his face ashen.
‘I suspected it last year—a few weeks before we married. The doctor in Switzerland who confirmed I was pregnant also confirmed the presence of the lump. My...my grandmother died of cervical cancer—’
‘Why have you waited this long for treatment?’ he railed.
‘Andreos. I wanted to make sure he was safe. And loved.’
He went even paler, his eyes growing pools of horror and disbelief. ‘You’ve known this...you’ve carried this for a year...and you didn’t tell me?’ he rasped, almost to himself as he gripped his nape with a shaky hand. ‘Why? Because you were testing me? Because I let you down? Because you don’t trust me?’
