The Face You See

by Amelia Legend

  “Yeah,” Mom replies, suddenly worried.

  “Well … she has been having problems at home. Her mom apparently kicked her out for wanting to spend more time with her dad. Her mom and stepfather also have been … bad parents …” Not really knowing what else to tell them, I stop and think about what I can say without betraying Dannie’s trust.

  “What do you mean by ‘bad parents’?’’

  I shrug my shoulders, not knowing how to reply to that.

  Ro chimes in, “Do you mean abusive? Or just mean?” She comes and sits at the table across from me, suddenly interested.

  “She didn’t exactly tell me details, but it seemed pretty bad from what she did say.”

  My mom sits down next to Ro quietly.

  I clear my throat. “So I’m not really sure what I should or shouldn’t do in this situation,” I reply honestly.

  My mom finally speaks up. “Well, this is a difficult situation. People who have lived difficult lives will constantly struggle to get through whatever has happened to them. Divorce is hard on kids. Look at your dad; his parents were divorced under good circumstances, and it was still hard on him. But … abuse is a different story altogether … I like Dannie. I do. She seems like a sweet girl. But are you sure you are going to be able to handle the difficulties she will have in getting through this? Do you think you can make it as a couple through them?”

  I think for a moment and realize I already have my answer. I’ve always had the answer. I may not have known the details at first, and I might never know all of them, but it doesn’t change what I know is true. “Yes. I know it’s not going to be easy, Mom. I know it is going to take years, maybe our whole lives, to get through whatever happened to her … but … I don’t know how to explain it other than I feel like I was meant to help her through this. I feel like I am meant to heal whatever has been broken.” I feel tears flood my eyes, and I quickly wipe them before my sister gives me flack for crying. I know I sound like a loon, but I know I’m going to help Dannie through this. We will overcome whatever we face, and we will do it together.

  “Aww, Binky, you’re such a sap.” My sister pulls out my childhood nickname only during the worst times, but right now, I don’t even care. I’m looking at my mom’s face, unsure of what she is thinking. Does she disapprove of Dannie? I don’t think she does, but she is obviously concerned.

  “Well, if that’s how you feel, then I guess it’s decided.” She gets up and continues to bake bread, leaving me to my thoughts.

  My mind is made up. I’m going to help Dannie through everything she has to overcome. I’ll help her through the pain, through her fears, and past her breaking point.

  By the end of the week, I’m fried. I’ve been having horrible nightmares every night, and I don’t know how to get rid of them. On top of my restless sleep, my mo—Sue, dang it—calls almost every night, wanting to discuss everything. She talks to Avery, but I continually refuse to speak with her. I’m not ready, and I have nothing to say to her that is appropriate or kind—not now and maybe not ever. My dad is going to court with Sue and is on the phone with his lawyer constantly. He is gathering all their mediation transcripts, e-mails, and voice mails that can be used to keep me from having to go back, years’ worth of e-mails and court conversations about how she wanted to leave Mark but didn’t have enough money. So of course the court would order my father to pay more child support, but Sue never ended up leaving him. There were e-mails about how we didn’t want to come over for Dad’s allotted weekend or holiday, about how we didn’t want to see him all the while she was telling us Dad had cancelled because he didn’t want us. Years of manipulation, and for what? Did she really think this wouldn’t blow all to hell right in her face? By the time I am done reading all of it, I am livid.

  Days pass, and after the court date, Dad comes home looking like he went through the wars. He sits down at the table, and we all just wait for him to say something—anything. I am beginning to feel frightened about the outcome when he speaks.

  “Dannie, you don’t have to go back.” He looks at me, and I can tell there’s more. I close my fists as they begin to shake.

  Take a deep breath, Dannie. I remind myself I can handle this; I’ve gone through the worst of it—that letter being the worst. What else can she really do at this point?

  “They gave us full custody, no visitations without supervision. Mandatory counselling for Dannie.” He pauses for a moment, giving me time to protest, but I hold my tongue. If that’s what I have to do to be free, then I am surely not going to gripe about it.

  He continues, “She is, however, suing us for back payment on child support saying we weren’t paying enough while you were living with her and it caused her to go into debt.” He looks at Mary, and I watch as they clearly have a conversation with their eyes that I don’t understand.

  W.T.Heck? He was paying them out the ears every month. Debt? How can she even do this legally? Then it hits me. She doesn’t want us back. She doesn’t regret writing the letter. She regrets the consequences of that letter. She regrets that she let her monthly paycheck, her pill money, slip through her fingers. That’s the bottom line, the money.

  My dad is waiting with a look of regret on his face. He clearly doesn’t know if telling us was the best idea, but he doesn’t want to lie to us either. It’s always better to know the truth, even if it feels like a knife to the heart.

  “What are you going to do about it, Dad?” I try to take a breath, and so does he.

  “She was fighting it at first, trying to get shared custody, but I spoke with her privately and we came to an agreement … I am going to continue paying her child support as if you are still living there.”

  And now I am truly shocked. No words.

  “W-what? Why would you do that?”

  “Because it’s just money. And if it means that much to her, she can have it; I’d rather have you girls. I'm sorry I didn't do this earlier, I just thought you'd want to be with your mother more.”

  That’s when I break down. I officially lose my cool. My whole life I was told my father didn’t want me. I was convinced that he didn’t love me, but now I know the truth. A cruel, bitter woman kept us apart because of her own pride, and she ended up losing everything that matters anyway. My father always wanted us; he wanted to be a part of our lives, but he was told we wanted nothing to do with him. We were both duped, played by a woman who would stop at nothing to get revenge, even at the expense of her children.

  Avery just sits there, looking down at the table in shock. I am not sure what is going through her mind, but I am sure she is just as overwhelmed as I am. I don’t even know how to respond other than to walk around the table and give my father a hug. My dad. I love him so much more than I realized, than I allowed myself to admit, because I was afraid. Now I know I had nothing to fear all along. He is willing to pay my mother to get her to back off, just so he can have a short time with us girls. It’s never too late for second chances in life; it’s never too late for your family. I might still be angry, but I know we will get through it together.

  We all spend the rest of the night chatting and eventually even laughing. We needed this; we needed to be brought together and made whole again. It’s a shame Sue didn’t want to be a part of it. She made her bed, and now she has to lie in it. Alone. I’m sure she never expected the consequences of her actions to be that she would lose her kids—half of them at least.

  Later when I finally settle down in my room, I glance at my phone and see messages from Reed, Melody, and Jem. I call them each in succession to fill them in on the family court situation; they all give me time to explain before telling me they’re here for me. I am so grateful for my friends; I don’t know what I would do without them. Jem finally suggests celebrating together at a party this weekend. After everything, it seems a little frivolous to go to social events, but Jem made a strong argument about having some normalcy, so I relented.

  We make plans to get ready at her house wi
th Melody this Friday before heading to the local party spot together. I hang up the phone, finally feeling what it must be like to be a normal, ordinary teenager. I smile and softly laugh at myself for my silliness.

  By Friday, we three girls are in a tizzy. The girls pretty much can’t shut up about how I can finally come to a party. We are standing by the lockers contemplating our “Mission of Fabulous” when Reed comes up behind me and settles his arm around my waist.

  “What are you girls up to this weekend?” he asks, looking directly at me while pushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear, which gives me goose bumps.

  “Dannie has finally agreed to the frivolity of high school!” Jem is practically bouncing.

  “Huh?” He laughs, clearly confused.

  Melody smiles and shakes her head at Jem. “We are going to the party up at Ice House.”

  Ice House is like the city kid version of a bush party. It is an old ski hill next to a lake, made into a local tailgate party by the high school kids on the off season.

  “Party? You!” he says, playfully squeezing me closer to his side.

  “Yeah. You want to join?” I ask, hoping that it will give us some more time alone. With everything going on at home, we haven’t had much time for more kissing. And I really want more kissing.

  As if reading my thoughts, he goes a little pink. “Unfortunately, I can’t … I have a family thing this weekend—my grandparents’ anniversary—but how does your Sunday look?” He leans forward to whisper in my ear, and I feel his breath as he says, “I really need to see you this weekend.” He pulls away, and I can see his eyes grow intense. Hot.

  “Sunday works for me,” I choke out my response, a little breathless. Oh my … If his eyes look this heated now, what the heck will they do to me when we are kissing again? I feel a little feverish already.

  Sexy men do that to a woman.

  The ladies were giving us a little privacy, but Jem finally springs forward and grabs my hand while practically dragging me away. Melody takes my other arm as she looks over her shoulder. “We will return her in one piece, Reed.” And I have no choice but to follow for our ladies’ night. I look over my shoulder to give him an apologetic smile, and he just waves while laughing at our spectacle.

  “You girls have fun now,” is all he says before turning. I can hear him chuckle.

  It’s dark by the time we drive up to Ice House, but we can hear the thump of music long before we see cars. After getting dressed, curled, and practically glued with hairspray by Jem, we make it to my first high school party. We get out of Jem’s car and see a blazing fire through the trees. Considering how many cars are parked on the ridge, there have to be at least fifty people here.

  When we get to the clearing, I start to recognize some people from school, ranging in age anywhere from jailbait to college dropouts—all ages, all kinds. I see Kendal and her group loitering around the jocks. I see most of the cheer squad and almost all of the potheads/partygoers from school. Otherwise, there seems to be a good mix of every crowd. Wow, this really must be the local spot for kids who want to kick back without adult supervision.

  Jem grabs my hand, and I in turn grab Melody’s so as to not lose each other. We make our way toward the coolers to get our own drinks (’cuz, girls, let’s not be stupid) in red Solo cups. I feel a heavy arm come around my shoulders and smell beer breath before I even turn my head. Yuck.

  “I haven’t seen you here before. Fresh meat, huh?” Although he heavily slurs his words so that they are hardly recognizable, I turn my head to see the cocky grin of a good-looking college-age ex-football star. His dark hair is gelled to perfection—so not my type.

  “Miiike!” a girl whines before I see her tug his arm. I see red hair before I see the sneer on Kendal’s face, making her look pinched. Doesn’t she know how unattractive that is?

  “Hey, Kendal.” He wraps his other arm around her. “Have you met my new friend …” He squints, trying to remember if I gave him my name.

  “Dannie.”

  “Dannie! My beautiful Dannie, how about I get you a drink, girl?” He leans in to whisper the last part in my ear, and I am overwhelmed by the smell of stale beer. I push his arm away and smile sweetly, handing him back to Kendal. She can have him.

  “Aww, don’t be like that …”

  I laugh him off and grab the girls again, and we make our way toward the dance floor. The dance floor’s just a small clearing to the left of the fire where there are fewer boulders or trees and enough room for people to gyrate with each other in front of blaring speakers. We dance until we are sweating. I start to feel the rhythm as we smile and laugh at each other’s moves. I may not be a party girl, but I love to dance and I always have. Jem grabs the closest guy, stands in front of him, and works her magic. Melody and I stand in front of her, laughing and trying not to get pushed over by the crowd.

  I feel hands at my waist and someone pressed against my back, and I think, What the hell? Why not? I dance with mystery guy, and he is a good dancer. He also doesn’t get grabby so we keep dancing. I look up and see Melody facing a cute guy with black hair and a brow piercing, talking, or trying to in this noise, while dancing. I smile, because he is good-looking and a little emo, which is totally her type. Jem finally looks over. Our eyes meet, and we smile at each other until she raises her eyes toward my dance partner, and they widen. She looks back at me suddenly, grabs my hand, and pulls me toward the kegs. I grab Melody’s hand, she grabs emo-boy’s hand, and we all make our way out of the throng of people.

  “What the heck?” I suddenly pull us all to a stop. I let go of Jem’s and Melody’s hands although Melody and emo-boy keep holding hands.

  Jem’s brows rise to her forehead. She steps closer. “Do you know who you were dancing with?”

  “Hey, where did you run off to?” I hear a familiar voice behind me.

  I whip around to see none other than Jett. Ex-boyfriend Jett.

  For the love of God, Really? What have I done?

  I turn toward Jem, my confirmation written on her face. He may be her brother, but she doesn’t want to see me hurt either. She’s looking like she might rip off someone’s manhood. Ouch.

  “What happened, ladies? I almost lost ya.” Jett finally stands right next to me and has the nerve to put his hand at my lower back.

  I look up at him in utter shock at his audacity, but I should have seen this coming. We were trying to be on better terms. I suppose better terms means something very different to him than it does to me.

  “What do you think you are doing?” I just shake my head while walking toward the cooler to grab a water. I feel him come up behind me. He grabs a cup from the keg.

  “Just being friendly. We are trying to be friends, aren’t we?” He smirks, looking down at me. He glances at my mouth suddenly, flicking his lip ring with his tongue. I know I shouldn’t think that is hot, but I do. Bad habits and all that …

  Then I feel fury blaze in my stomach. I am probably angrier at myself for even going there because there is nothing attractive about a man who treats women like Jett does.

  Suddenly I feel like fighting fire with fire. “Yeah, I guess we are friends.” He takes a long drink of his beer without breaking eye contact over the rim.

  “Want some?” He motions for me to take the cup, his eyes darkening to see if I will take it from him.

  I pause before shaking my head no.

  “Why? You used to share with me?” He glances at me sarcastically.

  I give him what I hope looks like a suggestive smile. “Yeah, but there are a lot of things I used to do that I would never do again.” I brush by him quickly while bumping into him, knowing that I’ve made my point. I am not that girl anymore, that girl who will follow him whenever he beckons.

  I will never be that girl again.

  I don’t wait around for his reply before I grab Jem’s hand and join Melody and emo-boy to dance until dawn. I don't see him for the rest of the night, but I am pretty sure he got the messag
e. I hope he isn't too drunk to remember tomorrow that I made my position of “friends” clear.

  I. Am. Not. Interested.

  We didn’t last until dawn, but we did dance until we felt our legs were going to fall right off. I danced with my cute neighbor Nick and of course Mike, my drunken friend. He was actually really funny once he sobered up a bit.

  Eventually I grabbed a hand of each girl and headed toward the water bottles taking a much needed break, thoroughly worn out. Emo-boy, also known as Stephan, exchanged numbers with Melody, resulting in a silly grin on her face. I checked my phone when I finally had a moment, wondering if Reed had texted. Sure enough, I had one in my inbox.

  How’s the party, girls? Meet any super hot boys ;)

  no … but I was thinking about a super hot boy. Actually Melody met a hottie, he got her number too:0

  I hope you aren’t referring to me as a boy. I am definitely a man. I can grow a beard and everything …

  I tried not to laugh out loud, but I couldn’t contain that one. What is it with guys and facial hair or chest hair for that matter? Boys are weird.

  I wish you were here. We could danced.

  well maybe next time, but I have to warn you … I can’t dance … but I can two-step!

  mmmm … I’m pretty sure no one will join you if you do …

  then I suppose you will have to teach me;)

  looking forward to it

  night, princess

  night:)

  Sunday couldn’t come fast enough.

  Touching her feels like touching a flame. Dancing with her after watching her for years is a tantalizing taste of what’s to come. A bittersweet reward for my efforts. As we move to music beside the bonfire, I gaze down at her small form, entranced by the feel of her skin, the motion of her body, the look in her eyes.