Monsterbook

by Michael Broad

  ‘ARRRRRHHH!’ he screamed.

  In the back of his mind, Will worried that the high-pitched scream had given him away as a fleshblob. But then he realized no one could have heard it over the noise coming from the other monsters. Everyone on the train was screaming, but where Will had given a shriek of sheer terror, the monsters were squealing with delight.

  The train dropped downwards and soared upwards, tipped sideways and looped the loop. Then it shot like a big green bullet through the tunnel in the cavern wall and everything went pitch black.

  ‘ARE YOU OK?’ yelled Urk, over the din of shrieking monsters.

  ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’ yelled Will, as the carriage hurtled through the darkness.

  The screams of the other monsters slowly died down with a series of whoops and cheers, so Will stopped screaming too and tried to imagine he was somewhere other than a bogey-train full of monsters. Moments later they exited the tunnel and began chugging over muddy hills in an enormous dark cavern.

  Will knew that the whole of Monsterland was lit by light bulbs planted in the ceiling, but this place had far fewer than normal and looked like a dark starry night.

  ‘That’s the scary bit over with,’ said Urk, patting his friend on the shoulder.

  Will nodded with relief, and then took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

  ‘Now we just need to sit tight and hope Miffni doesn’t spot us before we reach the Horror Hills,’ said Urk, peering over his glasses again. ‘Though I doubt we’ll have any trouble from her now.’

  Will glanced over at Miffni and saw her eyes were closed and she was dribbling down her chin. He couldn’t imagine how anyone could sleep on such a noisy nightmare ride, but was grateful for it.

  To kill the time for the rest of the journey and to take his friend’s mind off their dreadful destination, Urk flicked through the Monsterbook and pointed out some of the stranger monsters travelling in their carriage.

  4

  The Den of Doom

  When the Scream Shuttle rumbled into Horror Hills station, Urk and Will were waiting by the door. Miffni had slept like a big ugly baby for the entire journey, but they didn’t want to risk her waking up and spotting them when the train stopped. So the moment the carriage brakes screeched on the tracks, the pair leapt on to the platform.

  Urk and Will made their way up the nearest hill and watched as the Scream Shuttle left the station, chugging into the distance and heading for another series of high arches and loop-the-loops.

  ‘It doesn’t look like she got off at this stop,’ said Urk, watching as a couple of monsters emerged from the station hut and scuttled away in different directions. ‘Now we have about three hours before the train returns to take us back to Monster City.’

  Will checked his watch and then looked out across the bleak landscape.

  The Horror Hills were typically hilly, with tall fungal forests and marshland peppered with big fat mushrooms. There were several dark blobs on the hills that looked like enormous compost heaps, but the glowing windows suggested that something lived inside. Surrounding these dwellings were herds of grazing Humps.

  Urk unfolded the map and turned it round a few times to get their bearings.

  The Rancid River cut through the middle of the map like a shiny snail trail, with the train track zigzagging above it. The young monster moved a finger along the track until he found the Horror Hills Station hut.

  ‘Now if the station is here,’ he said, pointing at a brown smudge on the map, ‘then we must be here,’ he added, tracing his finger up the crease. ‘Which means Dump Castle should be right about…’

  ‘There!’ gasped Will.

  ‘Where?’ asked Urk, drawing the map closer to his face and studying all the dark smudges of local interest.

  ‘No, up there,’ said Will, pointing a spoon towards the highest hill that had a massive messy castle plonked on top. The building seemed to loom from a distance with mud-brick battlements and curly turrets. As Urk and Will gazed up at Dump Castle, bolts of electricity zapped from the ceiling bulbs, striking the main turret and making the sky flash blue like a lightning strike.

  ‘It doesn’t look very inviting,’ said Will.

  ‘Maybe because we’re not invited,’ said Urk, taking off the sunglasses and hat and packing them away in the rucksack. He took out Will’s forks and handed them to him. ‘Don’t worry, Lumpydump probably rigged the electricity to scare the locals.’

  ‘And who are the locals?’ asked Will, swapping his spoons for forks.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Urk. ‘And if we hurry, we might never have to find out.’

  The pair made their way across the hills towards Dump Castle and Lumpydump’s underground laboratory. Will jumped at every creak of fungus and rustle of moss, while Urk studied the map and pointed out interesting landmarks.

  ‘… and that strange group of rocks over there is called Horrible Henge,’ said Urk, holding the map in one hand and gesturing with the other as he walked. ‘It was built many thousands of years ago and serves no purpose whatsoever.’

  ‘Does the map say anything about that large area of giant toadstools up ahead?’ asked Will, nodding at the obstacle. ‘Because we’ll have to go through it to get to the castle.’

  Urk glanced up and then traced his finger along the map.

  ‘Ah, yes!’ Urk said triumphantly. ‘It’s called the Den of Doom!’

  ‘Why is it called that?’ gasped Will.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Urk. ‘It just says “ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL!”’

  ‘Wonderful,’ sighed Will, as they stepped among the towering toadstools.

  Urk folded the map away and took out the Monsterbook. In the dim light he returned to the description of the Horror Hills and the warning at the bottom. It said to keep an eye out for Fright Hags and Dogblobs, and knowing Fright Hags live in water, he flicked through the ‘Gruesome Gallery’ until he found the entry for Dogblobs.

  ‘I think you’d better take a look at this,’ Urk whispered.

  Will read the page over his friend’s shoulder as they walked between the massive mushrooms.

  Urk and Will stopped and looked around them. They were already a good way into the Den of Doom and suddenly became aware of low rumbling snores coming from deep within the forest.

  ‘I think we should probably speed up a bit,’ whispered Urk, shoving the Monsterbook under his arm. ‘And it might be a good idea not to make any noise.’

  Will nodded and drew closer to his friend as they hurried through the toadstools, taking long careful strides. But they were so busy looking for movement on either side, neither of them saw the big fat obstacle blocking the way ahead – until they bumped straight into it.

  The obstacle had four red, glowing eyes and a mass of drooling fangs.

  ‘GRRRRRRRRR!’ it growled, as the pair stared up at it.

  Will froze with fear as the large jaws opened above him and blobs of dribble dripped on his head. So Urk leapt forward, lifted the Monsterbook and thwacked the creature firmly on its snout.

  ‘BAD DOGBLOB!’ he scolded.

  Will quickly pulled his friend back as the beast arched its head and snapped at him. Then they both looked around and noticed many more red glares blinking in the darkness.

  ‘Uh oh!’ Will and Urk gasped together.

  The wide circle of eyes looked like a string of evil fairy lights, telling them they were completely surrounded by a pack of snarling Dogblobs. The petrified pair huddled together as the snapping beasts made their deadly move towards them.

  A few moments later the pack of Dogblobs were still making their deadly move towards them, so the frightened friends released each other and looked around. Will scratched his head with a fork and Urk rubbed his chin.

  ‘They’re not moving very fast,’ said Will.

  ‘No,’ said Urk. ‘They’re barely moving at all!’

  They watched as the ferocious snarling Dogblobs rocked back and forth on their enormous bellies. The creature’
s legs were moving in rapid leaps and bounds, but the paws couldn’t reach the ground and simply swiped the air like big furry paddles.

  ‘That must be why they hunt Humps!’ said Urk, stepping over to one of the Dogblobs. The beast immediately doubled its efforts and snapped hungrily at him. ‘They’re the only prey slow enough to catch!’

  It was with great relief and a few chuckles that Will and Urk continued on their way, stepping round the frothy-mouthed mob while staying well out of snapping reach.

  5

  Fright Hag

  Urk and Will stepped out of the Den of Doom and made their way up the final hill towards Dump Castle. The building was monstrously big and set in the middle of a murky moat.

  ‘It’s handy that the drawbridge is down,’ said Will.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Urk. ‘Maybe the door is open too.’

  Feeling that their luck had changed for the better, the pair strolled cheerfully onwards. But before they could even set foot on the bridge, a dark figure leapt from the bushes and landed in their path. It had a mop of wiry hair and waved many arms about its head.

  ‘ARRRGH!’ screamed Will.

  ‘FRIGHT HAG!’ screamed Urk, and clasped his hands over his eyes.

  Urk kept his hands over his eyes until he heard Will clearing his throat with a series of deliberate coughs. Things made of stone don’t usually cough, so the monster reluctantly peeped through his fingers.

  The boy was standing beside him looking very uncomfortable and the Fright Hag was standing in front of him looking very cross. A bolt of electricity struck the turret above them and Urk saw that the creature wasn’t a Fright Hag at all, but a thin female Bumble.

  ‘Fright Hag indeed!’ she huffed, folding her arms irritably.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Urk. ‘I just thought, with the hair and the arms and the ug–’

  He decided not to finish the Fright Hag description and fell silent.

  ‘You must be here to see the little genius,’ said the Bumble.

  Urk and Will nodded.

  ‘Well, you’d better hurry along then,’ she said, hopping aside. ‘Lumpydump would be very angry if he knew I’d delayed his guests. Please, forget you ever saw me, and I’ll forget the Fright Hag comment.’

  ‘Deal,’ said Urk. ‘And who is it we’re forgetting, exactly?’

  ‘I’m Stumpybump,’ the Bumble stated proudly. ‘Lumpydump’s mum.’

  ‘If you’re his mum,’ Urk frowned, ‘why were you lurking in the bushes?’

  ‘Oh, that’s where I’ve been living since he kicked me out of the castle,’ she sighed, tears welling in her eyes. ‘I only jumped out because I thought it was him. I was going to beg him to let me back in.’

  ‘Why did he kick you out?’ asked Will.

  ‘When he grew up and his antlers got all big and clever, little Lumpy became obsessed with his experiments,’ sobbed the Bumble. ‘And because I’ve only got stumpy bumpy ones, he said I was stupid and of no use to him any more.’

  ‘That’s not very nice,’ said Urk.

  Stumpybump shrugged, sniffed and then shuffled back to her bush. Urk and Will waited until she slithered into the damp mossy mound, and then hurried across the drawbridge.

  The large castle door was unlocked, so they peeped through a crack to find a grand stone hallway lit with candles. There was no one around so they slipped inside and closed the door quietly behind them.

  ‘That poor monster,’ whispered Will. ‘Lumpydump is meaner than I thought.’

  ‘All the more reason to stop him doing whatever it is he’s doing,’ said Urk.

  They scanned the hall for the entrance to the underground laboratory. The doors were all large and arched, so the pair split up and searched for signs of diabolical experiments. Will opened a door above a stone staircase and as he poked his head inside a loud voice boomed from below.

  ‘… and then I will rule the WHOLE STUPID world!’ it roared.

  ‘I think I’ve found him,’ whispered Will.

  6

  Flight of the Dungflappers

  Urk and Will tiptoed down the narrow steps that led to a low stone tunnel. One end had a metal gate and steps leading to the grounds of Dump Castle, while the other went deep into the belly of the building, glowing with flaming torchlight and flashes of electricity.

  ‘That must be the laboratory,’ whispered Urk.

  ‘It certainly looks diabolical,’ whispered Will. ‘Can we go home now?’

  ‘But we still don’t know what he’s experimenting with,’ said Urk, who could see his friend’s forks quivering nervously in the darkness. ‘Or what he’s planning to do at your school.’

  ‘Maybe he’s just going to bore us all to death with maths?’ Will suggested.

  ‘We’ve made it this far,’ Urk said firmly. ‘We can’t go back now.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ said Will, and took a deep brave breath.

  The pair crept towards the light with their backs pressed against the tunnel wall. Fortunately there were wooden fruit crates stacked at the arched entrance, so they could look inside without being seen.

  The laboratory was alive with gurgling jars, roaring flames and lightning crackles. There were empty cages hanging from chains in the high domed ceiling and in the middle of the floor was a big pile of dung. Lumpydump was there too, heaving his weight around the room with a series of energetic thrusts, bobbing his antlers playfully and ranting about world domination.

  ‘Yes, my stinky soldiers!’ he said, hopping merrily around the dung pile. ‘When I take you above ground into the world of fleshblobs, you will control the minds of all those stupid little children and they will become my zombie army!’

  ‘Who’s he talking to?’ whispered Will.

  ‘I think he’s speaking to the pile of dung.’ Urk frowned.

  Lumpydump hopped over to a nearby table and grabbed a small black box with a joystick and an antenna. He fiddled with the many buttons and dials on the contraption and then waved it at the dungheap.

  ‘WAKE UP!’ he demanded.

  Twenty pairs of eyes immediately blinked open in the steaming brown mound, and this was followed by the sound of flapping wings as the individual lumps of dung rose up from the pile and flew around the room.

  ‘What are those?’ gasped Will, as Lumpydump pulled back and forth on the joystick bringing the filthy flock into a circular formation around his head.

  ‘Dungflappers!’ said Urk.

  The young monster pulled out the Monsterbook and flicked through the ‘Weird Wildlife’ section. These pages were filled with all the peculiar creatures that lived in Monsterland, but were not technically monsters.

  Urk quickly found the entry for Dungflappers and held the book open for Will.

  ‘Well, that explains the fruit crates,’ said Will.

  ‘That’s probably how he lured them down here,’ said Urk, packing the book away. ‘But they’re still wild animals. How is he managing to control a whole flock using a joystick?’

  As if in answer to the question, two Dungflappers flapped out of formation, circled the room and then hovered above the crates where the intruders were hiding. With the creatures so close, Urk and Will could now see tiny antennae poking out of their bottoms.

  ‘He’s using a remote-control signal to navigate them!’ whispered Urk.

  Will nodded and then frowned up at the hovering creatures.

  ‘Which means Lumpydump sent those two over here!’ he gasped.

  Before Urk and Will could duck and take cover, the pair of inquisitive Dungflappers stopped flapping and dropped like smelly brown bombs, landing on their heads with two enormous splats!

  Then everything went dark.

  7

  Caught and Caged

  When Urk and Will opened their eyes, they were sitting in two of the many cages hanging from the laboratory ceiling. They exchanged fearful glances and then peered though the bars at their captor.

  ‘Hello, stupid burglars!’ chuckled Lumpydump, hopp
ing over to the cages.

  ‘We’re not burglars!’ said Urk.

  ‘Really?’ said the Bumble, shuffling closer. ‘Then why else would you be here?’

  Urk looked across at Will who was waving his forks and shaking his head behind the Bumble, reminding his friend that the real reason they’d entered the castle was much worse than what they were being accused of.

  ‘OK, we’re burglars,’ said Urk. ‘How did we get in these cages?’

  ‘You climbed in on your own,’ said Lumpydump, holding up the two rogue Dungflappers. ‘With a little help from these brown beauties, of course!’

  ‘They took over our minds?’ gasped Will.

  ‘Technically I took over your minds, because I control them,’ said Lumpydump, hopping over to a table where the other Dungflappers were piled up beside an open suitcase. ‘It’s all very clever, and you gave me a chance to test them out before I take over the world tomorrow.’

  ‘Tomorrow!’ the prisoners gasped together.

  ‘Yes, tomorrow!’ said Lumpydump, nodding to a whiteboard filled with scribbles and diagrams and drawings of matchstick people with brown blobs on their heads. ‘That’s when all the little children will get a Dungflapper splat-hat and become my zombie army.’

  ‘And then you’ll be able to control them using the joystick,’ sighed Will.

  ‘Isn’t it genius?’ laughed Lumpydump, packing the Dungflappers into the suitcase and closing it. ‘So you two may as well get comfortable. I won’t be letting you out until after the invasion, which will give me time to decide what to do with you.’

  ‘You can’t just leave us here!’ Urk demanded, rattling the cage door.