Monsterbook

by Michael Broad

  Will was about to answer when the sound of footfalls thundered down the corridor, and when he looked back he saw a mob of dung-headed children led by a leaping, livid Lumpydump.

  ‘Uh oh!’ said Will and burst through the main doors that led to the playground.

  The boy took off across the empty yard chased by a surprisingly nimble Bumble, an army of zombie children and a few fluttering Dungflappers. Will was tiring under the weight of his monster rucksack, but managed to cross the square and make his way on to the sports field.

  As Lumpydump and his zombie army charged towards them, Will stopped and fiddled with the remote control. The Poopy Plot had been to steal the device and disable the Dungflappers, but he couldn’t find the switch to make them stop.

  ‘What about the UP button?’ said Urk, peering over the boy’s shoulder. ‘It might lift the Dungflappers UP off their heads and release the kids!’

  ‘That makes sense,’ said Will, and pressed the button firmly with his thumb.

  The UP button definitely did something because the dung-heads stopped running and Lumpydump stopped heaving his fat bulk across the grass. Then a strange sound filled the air – a peculiar humming, buzzing that made the ground vibrate.

  The Bumble was grinning at something behind them. Urk and Will slowly turned round to see hundreds of brown blobs rising up across the field, filling the sky with Dungflappers.

  11

  The Dungheap

  ‘That’s what was bothering me,’ said Will, peering up at the dung-filled sky.

  ‘Brown rain?’ asked Urk, quickly flicking the umbrella open over their heads.

  ‘No, I was wondering how Lumpydump could possibly take over the world with just a classroom full of kids,’ explained Will. ‘But he’s obviously planted Dungflappers all over the place, and I think we’ve just activated them!’

  ‘HA! HA! HA!’ boomed Lumpydump, hopping forward with glee.

  ‘I don’t suppose there’s a DOWN button to deactivate them?’ Urk asked urgently.

  ‘I’m afraid not,’ said Will, turning the controls over in his hands.

  With Lumpydump bouncing towards them, Will knew everything would be over if the monster regained control of the Dungflappers. So he studied the complicated contraption and tried to make sense of the many dials, switches and buttons. When this failed, he grabbed the antenna at the top and snapped it off.

  ‘NOOOOOOO!’ roared Lumpydump, leaping forward and snatching the controls.

  With no signal, the Dungflappers immediately began dropping from the sky, splatting on the grass like cowpats. Lumpydump snarled and cursed and used all four of his hands to press buttons, turn dials, flick switches and jerk the joystick, but nothing worked and he shook the contraption angrily.

  ‘Ha! Ha! Ha!’ laughed Urk and Will together.

  Lumpydump narrowed his eyes at them and then raised a genius eyebrow.

  ‘What’s he doing now?’ asked Will, as the monster suddenly began pulling wires from the back of the remote control. ‘He can’t do anything without an antenna to send the signal!’

  ‘I think he just found one!’ gasped Urk.

  Lumpydump was holding the contraption in two hands and used the other two to wind wires round the base of his antlers. He then flicked a couple of switches and his elaborate headgear hummed into life. The few remaining airborne Dungflappers responded to the signal by gathering in a swarm above the monster’s head and the zombie children shuffled forward, gazing up at the crackling antlers.

  ‘How stupid you are!’ roared Lumpydump, tossing his head proudly back and forth like a playful deer. ‘Did you really think you could outwit a mind as brilliant as mine?’

  Will shrugged awkwardly while his friend looked up with a curious frown.

  Urk knew he wasn’t a genius like Lumpydump, but as he gazed up at the umbrella an idea suddenly came to him. It wasn’t a mind-boggling mathematical idea, which is probably why the Bumble never saw it coming. The young monster simply closed the umbrella, swung it wide above his head and gave the remote control a really good whack!

  Lumpydump looked down in horror as the shattered contraption fell to pieces in his hands. Then he looked straight up with even more horror as the deactivated Dungflappers fell from the sky and landed on his head.

  Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat!

  Will quickly pulled his rucksack off so Urk could climb out and they both hurried over to the heap of dung that had been Lumpydump. Many pairs of eyeballs blinked back at them as they stared at the brown mound.

  ‘You did it!’ gasped Will. ‘You outwitted a genius!’

  ‘Well, if one Dungflapper sucks out a little bit of memory,’ said Urk, as the creatures began bobbing on the Bumble, ‘I doubt he’ll be too clever after this lot have finished!’

  ‘But what are we going to do with him?’ said Will, and then looked around at his dung-headed classmates. ‘And what are we going to do about them?’

  ‘We can’t control the Dungflappers without a joystick,’ said Urk, scratching his head and hoping for another brainwave. ‘And we don’t have any rotten fruit to bribe them like we did with Plop –’

  ‘Meep!’ interrupted the rucksack.

  Urk and Will looked at each other and then hurried over to the bag where something was squirming around in the side pocket. Will crouched down and opened the flap, and a tiny Dungflapper flew out.

  ‘Plop!’ gasped Urk, as the creature circled him a few times and then landed on the umbrella handle. ‘He must have followed us through the tunnels last night and sneaked into the bag when we weren’t looking!’

  ‘Do you think he would help us for an apple?’ said Will, suddenly remembering his packed lunch. The boy took the piece of battered fruit from his bag and frowned at it. ‘Your hooves have already bruised it up a treat!’

  ‘MEEP!’ said Plop, flapping his wings excitedly.

  With the promise of a putrid apple, Plop quickly encouraged the Dungflappers to leave the children’s heads. Then he instructed the many minds of the big brown Lumpydump to follow Urk through the nearest hidden doorway back to Monsterland, which was in the roots of a tree across the field.

  When Urk, Plop and Lumpydump had disappeared underground, the field of Dungflappers followed too, gathering together and whirling down through the tree roots like a big brown tornado.

  Will scratched his head as he looked around at his classmates’ dirty puzzled faces. They were all slowly waking from the zombie trance and staring at him.

  12

  Lumpy and Mumpy

  ‘BOO!’ said Urk, jumping from the wardrobe and placing his rucksack carefully on the carpet. The young monster then flopped into his beanbag, exhausted after his second trip to the Horror Hills.

  ‘ARGH!’ said Will. ‘How’s Lumpydump?’

  ‘Thick as a plank,’ said Urk. ‘But his mum was thrilled when I took him home. After giving him a good dunk in the moat, she said it was like having her sweet little Lumpy back.’

  ‘At least she doesn’t have to live in a bush any more!’ laughed Will.

  ‘I know,’ said Urk. ‘So how did you get on after we left?’

  ‘Well, I didn’t have time to come up with a genius story,’ said Will, holding up the evening newspaper. ‘So I just said the first thing that popped into my head, and I think we got away with it.’

  ‘Oooh, that reminds me,’ said Will. ‘What happened to all the Dungflappers?’ ‘They stayed with me the whole time I was in the Horror Hills, because visitors must NEVER travel alone,’ said Urk. ‘And then they flapped away to freedom when I boarded the Scream Shuttle back to Monster City.’

  ‘They all flew away?’ Will frowned. ‘Well, nearly all of them,’ Urk grinned, pulling open the top of his rucksack. ‘There was one that didn’t seem to want to leave.’

  Plop shot out of the bag and flapped around the room, swooping and diving around all the unfamiliar things before settling on Urk’s shoulder.

  ‘I was hoping you’d say that
,’ said Will, rummaging in his desk drawer and taking out a bunch of bruised grapes. ‘I grabbed these from the fruit bowl earlier and kicked them around until they went all juicy.’

  ‘Meep!’ said Plop, bobbing up and down with joy.

  Urk and Will took turns feeding gooey grapes to the little Dungflapper, then they ate their own snacks and watched TV in their beanbags. And with everyone underground more or less behaving themselves, the two friends finally had a whole evening without any monster trouble.