Tales of the Crazy

by Charles L Cole

  Michael’s reasoning was due to events in September’s news about a video emerging of NFL player Ray Rice punching his girlfriend in an elevator. It was a vicious attack, and Michael thought the public could be outraged and biased toward anyone accused of violence toward his or her spouse.

  To add to the media frenzy during all my DV hearings, the Bob Bashara murder case was all over the news here in the metro Detroit area. Bob had hired his handyman, Joe Gentz, to kill his estranged wife. A jury had convicted them of murder, and they were serving their sentences in prison. They were back in the news because Gentz had recanted his signed affidavit saying he had killed Bob’s wife, claiming instead that Bashara had forced him at gunpoint to commit the murder. It’s the type of story the media loves with drama and all sorts of plot twists. As they say, if it bleeds, it leads. It was extremely unfortunate timing for my case.

  We talked for a while about the procedure of the trial and other legal matters. We went off topic when I said this did not make sense based on facts. The facts I had that would clear my name didn’t matter or weren’t even being considered. Even the police report contradicted itself. As an engineer, I thought this whole process was horribly unfair. All the justice system wanted was a conviction. I said, “No wonder so many people hate cops, prosecutors, and the trial system.”

  The attorney said that our system was very emotion based and that this was the unfair reality with cases like mine. He also said that one of the reasons he had become a criminal defense lawyer was to defend the innocent against false charges and injustices and that people like me restored his faith in humanity. He assured me their firm would bend over backward to do their best so that people like me would have their names cleared.

  Since the pretrial was the next morning, Jess was supposed to get a subpoena to be at court, but she took off without telling me. She had called another attorney, who advised her to leave the house and stay overnight somewhere else so she could not be found and served with an order to appear in court. The attorney also told Jess not to answer any calls if she did not recognize the number, as these could be from a call service informing her of the subpoena.

  Jess called me, but she didn’t tell me where she was. I told her it was OK to tell me where she was. If anyone came to the house to find and serve her, I would simply tell the person that if he or she wanted to question me, that person would have to talk to my attorney. They couldn’t compel me to say anything. Jess fessed up, saying she was at Dad’s and was spending the night there. Later on she did get a call but did not answer it. She Googled the number, and it was from a call service, probably to tell her she had to come to court. Jess stayed the night at Dad’s house.

  I spoke with Dad later on. Jess had asked him to say that he did not know where she was, but Dad refused to lie for her.

  The next day, December 5, 2014, Dad came down to the courthouse for the hearing. The hearing was supposed to be for a jury selection with Michael requesting a bench trial instead. When Jess didn’t show up, Michael thought he could use her absence and the weakness of this case in my favor. He unexpectedly asked the judge to dismiss the charges. This turn took me by surprise. Judge Pope asked the prosecutor if she had any objections, and she said no. That surprised me even more, but I was sure the conversation she’d had with Katrina made her realize there was no way she could win this case. The prosecutor also had to know there was no way I was going to back down or take a plea deal.

  The judge dismissed the case! This was the best outcome I could have had at this point. It was great news! Sure took long enough, and I was out almost $6,000 and months of stress to fight something I hadn’t done. With this ordeal over, I now had to focus on how and when to file for divorce. There was no doubt that if I filed when Jess was around, she would blow up, go into pure rage mode, and do or say anything to get me arrested on other made-up charges out of pure revenge. So for now, I told her it was time for our marriage to heal, while I secretly planned my next steps.

  After this DV ordeal was over, I did a lot of reflection on the current state of the criminal justice system. I wasn’t cleared of these charges based on facts and truth; it was based on strategy, guile, and having the means to afford a very good attorney who could game the system. The real facts of my case never entered the equation. Now whenever I hear on the news that someone has been arrested, especially on a domestic violence charge, I am the first one to defend that person’s innocence until all evidence is presented.

  I’ve seen both men and women ripping on some poor guy, saying he should be locked up for life for the simple fact that he was arrested on a DV charge. I tell these people exactly how I feel about this situation with them prejudging a person who could be innocent. Most of the time, they will restate their position and try to justify themselves. Sometimes they will say my situation was an isolated incident. They don’t realize that innocent lives are destroyed by unjust convictions from juries who automatically assume guilt.

  With what I went through, I even have serious doubts about someone’s guilt after taking a DV plea deal. I know that if I hadn’t had a good income to pay for a great attorney without having a huge amount of evidence to clear me, I probably would have been forced to take the deal to avoid jail time. Innocence does not matter when a biased and malicious prosecutor is going after you.

  Thirteen

  Time to Eject

  For the last two months, Jess had been talking about taking a trip to Thailand in late December for her niece’s wedding. This would be a great opportunity for me to file for divorce with her gone.

  On December 10, Jess sprang an absurd request on me. She asked me to give her sister $500 a month to help support her mom, who was living in Thailand with her sister. I reminded Jess that she owned two vacant properties in Thailand and her mom’s house. The house was sitting vacant and should be sold to pay for her mom’s care. Jess refused to discuss this and said she didn’t want to sell the house in case someone had to move there.

  I wondered what she meant by that. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was referring to herself. But wow, I couldn’t believe what a dreamland she was living in. She wanted to keep all her assets for herself, not help pay off the debts she had caused, and have me pay for her mom’s care…while she had the means to pay everything. It was incredibly selfish. I told Jess no way and reiterated that she needed to sell some property to pay for her mother’s care.

  The only other lingering legal issues were getting my CPL restored and having all my firearms returned. On December 17, Amanda sent out letters to get this done.

  Jess left for Thailand on December 24. Her niece, Phonphan, was getting married in April 2015, and Jess wanted to help with all the arrangements and spend time with her family. When I saw her go through the TSA checkpoint and disappear, it was an incredible relief. I was very happy as I drove home from the airport, knowing I wouldn’t have to deal with her issues for months. Driving back, I did a couple of fist pumps while yelling, “Yes!”

  She planned to return on April 17. I was not going to file for divorce right away as she might immediately return. This would give me some peace and quiet until at least March, when I would file, and then I would tell her the news. Dad knew of my plans and said Jess might not come back because I would no longer be supporting her. This would be the best outcome, but I was not going to count on it.

  Before Jess left, she trashed the house, pulling out dresses to take to Thailand and not putting anything back. She had the idea that Phonphan could start a dress shop there. During a previous trip, Jess had told me the selection of wedding dresses and formal gowns there was horrible and that starting a business would be a great opportunity for Phonphan. Jess packed six large boxes full of dresses, and it cost $750 in excess baggage charges. This was still cheaper than shipping them. I spent the next couple of days cleaning up her mess after work. I also threw out more of the garage-sale crap she had accumulated. I really was at peace for the next two months and looked forward to a stress-free
and happy life without Jess. I hadn’t felt this good in years.

  The county clerk called on January 21 to tell me the gun board had restored my CPL. That was great news, though I still didn’t have the firearms taken the night of my arrest, and the police would not respond to letters or calls from Michael’s office. The only option now was going to court. Michael was preparing an order for the court to force the Washtenaw County sheriff’s department to return my firearms. This was very frustrating. I had been cleared of all charges, and my property had to be returned. But because they were the police, they thought they were above the law. I, on the other hand, would have been charged with theft if I’d refused to return someone’s property. This shows very clearly that people in power will do what they want while ignoring the law. Laws are for peasants, not the authorities or politicians in power.

  In February, I joined Powerhouse Gym to get back in the routine of exercising before work, but I was not happy with that gym. It was in a strip-mall space not designed for a gym, so the facilities were very cramped. Lockers were tiny, the place was dingy, and everything was so packed in that people couldn’t walk between the exercise equipment. It was on my way to work, so it was very convenient, but it was not very motivating, so I quit.

  I looked around a bit for divorce attorneys and decided to go with Ray Waldo. I met him for the first time on February 19, 2015, and gave him a brief history on Jess. He was shocked about all I told him and advised me that, with all her problems, this would be a messy divorce. It would cost far more than most divorce cases, as Jess would surely cause problems. I said, “Let’s do this,” and we made plans to file the first week of March.

  Ray filed the divorce paperwork with the Washtenaw County court the first week of March. I thought of calling Jess and telling her, but I decided against that. I knew she would go off again and accuse me of causing all the problems, and I was done listening to her babbling justifications and constant accusations. I sent her an e-mail. After all the hell she had caused, I felt she deserved no further courtesy.

  The e-mail was long, and I vented quite a bit. In part of the e-mail, I wrote this:

  I just don’t have any more to give you. I’m too drained by your battles and issues. The long years of dealing with your emotional problems, issues, and false accusations are just too much. I know you try to blame my frustration on other things and my diabetes, but it is from dealing with you. If you followed your doctor’s orders to do something with your life and be happy, things would be a lot different between us. Instead, you just sit around the house accomplishing nothing with your life then blame me and others for your issues and problems. I’m not your emotional doormat.

  I’m happier when you are not around for the simple fact that I don’t have to hear of more misery, excuses, and the same issues you simply refuse to move on from. I’ve had enough of your self-inflicted problems for multiple lifetimes and will not listen to them anymore. I remember when you used to say I was the best man you knew, but now you attack me behind my back. All your actions prove you have absolutely no respect for me now and will treat me like dirt.

  I really wish and prayed you would get some motivation in your life to help yourself get out of the darkness you are in, but you won’t move on. I can’t have your self-inflicted misery damaging my life anymore. I don’t hate you and I truly want the best for you, but it will not happen in our marriage. I really hope you can find a purpose in your life, to be loved, content, and happy. I really have forgiven you for everything in the past.

  Don’t bother returning to my home. I and just about everyone else here want nothing more to do with you. You are no longer welcome in my home or life.

  I filed for divorce this week. We are officially ended as husband and wife and there is no chance we will ever get back together. I wish I have never met you.

  Yes, it was harsh, but I’d had enough with all the years of putting up with her nonsense, hate, and lies.

  I went back to the fitness center at Washtenaw Community College and joined up. I was very happy knowing that when Jess got back from her trip, she could not go back there, because the director had kicked her out. I recognized one of the staff there, and we chatted a bit. I told her I filed for divorce from Jess. She remembered Jess and said no one could make her happy. It was very clear from the way she talked about Jess that it was no surprise I had filed for divorce. I got that a lot from people who had known Jess.

  I remembered the problems Jess had caused at the gym five years earlier. I sure wished I could have known back then the living hell she would cause for me later. If I had known that, I would have filed for divorce back then. I had stayed married only because of my vows and the promise I had made to her and God. I should have filed for divorce when she had the affair, but we worked that out. Never again. If I ever get married again and the woman cheats, it is over. No more second chances. I learned the hard way what happens if you stay in the marriage.

  On March 9, Jess’s Thai friend Preeda had her husband, Jay, drop by the house to deliver some pain-relief gel. Preeda and Jay had visited Thailand a short time earlier, and Jess had asked them to buy ten tubes of Voltaren gel since a prescription was required here but not in Thailand. He told me Jess had asked them to pick her up at the airport. This meant Jess had moved up her flight. I asked him when she was arriving, but he said he did not know. He seemed very troubled and did not want to get involved—Jess had told them about my filing for divorce. He even said they knew Jess had a lot of troubles, including mental disorders. It was very clear that he wanted no part of this situation.

  Because Jess was coming back sooner than expected, I needed to get all my sentimental valuables and important documents out of the house before she came. I had no doubt that she would destroy things or take and hide them.

  The next day I sent Jess an e-mail asking when she was going to arrive, but there was no response. I wrote that I would clear out the spare bedroom so she could stay in there. I loaded up my F-150 with files, such as school and navy records, plaques, achievement awards, and other documents I didn’t want destroyed. I was going to take them to Dad’s house after work the next day. I also packed some winter and hunting clothes, books, and other things to clear out the room for her. I removed most of her clothes from my bedroom and put them in the spare bedroom. I left all shared documents at home such as financial and vehicle records.

  I also wanted to get my great-grandfather’s bedroom set out of the house. This set was over a hundred years old and still had the porcelain chamber pot, washbasin, and water pitcher people had used before indoor plumbing. I didn’t want to take any chances of her hacking at or destroying any part of this bedroom set. I planned to move it out that weekend.

  My aunt Florence sent me an e-mail at work, and I called her that evening. We talked a bit about all the problems Jess had caused. She told me Jess had made some posts on Facebook claiming I’d told all the family not to speak with her. Aunt Florence knew this was not true and said this was just more of Jess’s typical behavior. Jess had blocked me on Facebook; now I couldn’t see her posts anymore. I had Aunt Florence take screenshots of her Facebook time line. I had to walk her through doing this with the Windows snipping tool; it took a while, as she told me she was not tech savvy at all. We laughed when I told her my mom was a true tech nerd and could do a lot more on a PC than most people.

  On March 11, I went up to Dad’s after work and dropped off the stuff I’d packed. I put one of Dad’s spare beds in the F-150 to take home for Jess. I wanted to get a chest of drawers, but it was too heavy for just me to carry down by myself. Dad wasn’t home—he was still at his Texas ranch during the Michigan winter—and his neighbor Tom was recovering from surgery on his shoulder and couldn’t help. I decided I would try to get a friend or one of the kids from church to help move stuff over the weekend.

  I talked with Tom and Denise for a while, and they were really happy I was going through with the divorce. They told me they didn’t know how I had put u
p with her for this long. Tom said he had divorced his previous wife for far less than what Jess had done. They both hated Jess, mostly for the pain and trouble she had caused Mom. Denise laughed when she remembered how they had told Jess how they felt about her and that she had made the last months of Mom’s life miserable.

  While I was driving home, Dad and I talked on the phone a bit. He spoke again about how much Jess had hurt Mom and taken advantage of her. He went into more detail about when he saw Mom crying over Jess’s credit card debt. Dad said that because of Mom’s good heart, she had thought helping Jess would help me, but Jess had taken advantage of Mom’s kindness and manipulated her, causing more damage to everyone. I told him there were a few happy things we could remember Jess for, but the bad far outweighed the good.

  He brought up how hard she had worked on altering two of his fleece jackets, adding a large pocket on the inside of each, and how expertly she had done the work. I couldn’t help but think how talented she was and how she could have had a bright future and wonderful life, but she’d wasted all her incredible gifts with her victim mentality and pure laziness. It made me sad to know she destroyed so much happiness with friends, family, and especially our marriage. I never thought I would be another divorce statistic.

  I arrived home and was shocked. Her luggage was in the dining room. Damn. My heart just dropped, knowing the hell I would have to endure with all the issues she would bring up again and all the new crap she would surely cause. I was very happy with her gone, but now everything had changed. Shit, shit, shit was repeating in my mind. Diva and Sasi came running down the stairs to greet me with wagging tails, jumps, and kisses. At least I had them.