by BWWM Club
Chapter 9
Several weeks passed and the holiday season was fast approaching. Bianca was busy getting ready for finals and winter vacation from work. It seemed she and Alex were back into a groove and the awkwardness and sadness that was surrounding them in the weeks prior was slowly lifting. Bianca was looking forward to the almost two weeks away from work and school and was hoping that the time spent with Alex would further heal their relationship. Alex was still looking for work and she hoped he would find something soon, although he didn’t seem as melancholy as he was when he returned from Chicago. He wouldn’t talk much about the job search or if he was even still pursuing his own business but Bianca knew he wanted to make sure he was financially sound before they tried again for a baby. They discussed waiting until after the holidays and even talked about Alex moving all the way in to her house at that point; even though he spent ninety percent of his time there anyway.
Pulling herself from her wayward thoughts, Bianca put the finishing touches on her final paper and shut down the computer. It was close to midnight and Alex was snoring away next to her. He was exhausted lately and Bianca knew he was working very hard to find a job. Bianca stashed her computer away and climbed back into bed. She brushed a soft kiss across Alex’s lips and settled back against her pillow, tucking herself into the crook of his arm and laying against his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat began to lull her to sleep. Suddenly he stiffened and Bianca startled awake.
“If you keep rubbing me that close to my crotch I may forget that you have to get up early and have my way with you, again.” Alex mumbled his voice gravely with sleep.
Bianca laughed, “I’m sure I would be so upset if you did.”
Bianca decided to push her luck and Alex made good on his promise. By the time they both went to sleep it was almost two a.m. but Bianca wasn’t complaining at all.
*****
Alex wondered when he should tell Bianca about his new job. He was almost finished training and knew he should tell her soon. But it never seemed to be the right time. He thought about what she would think when she found out. Would she be angry? Would she think it was stable enough? Truth be told, when she had the miscarriage and their lives were in turmoil Alex decided it was best to keep the new job a secret for awhile, she had enough to think about, but now they were getting back into the swing of things and Bianca seemed happy. At least that’s what he thought. Some nights he would watch her when she thought he was asleep, she still had trouble sleeping, and he could see the far off look in her eyes; that what if expression. He knew the look because he would do it too. There wasn’t anything either of them could do to bring the baby back but they would never fully heal either. Sighing, Alex stepped from the shower, already running several minutes behind schedule for his training. He was due to finish up just before Christmas and he wanted to surprise Bianca with being fully employed as a Christmas gift, one of many. They discussed trying again for a baby after the holidays but Alex could see the hesitation in Bianca’s eyes. Just like him, she was frightened of losing another baby. The doctor told them it was a fluke, an accident of nature, but he knew they would both be scared until they had another healthy baby.
Toweling himself off, Alex walked into the bedroom. Even though he hadn’t ‘officially’ moved into Bianca’s house, it felt like he lived there. He still had his one bedroom apartment downtown, but with the exception of running there to get clothes, he rarely visited it. Bianca would also clam up at the discussion of him moving in and Alex decided to let it go for now, until she was at least pregnant again and he had a reason to be there full time. He knew one thing; he wasn’t going to let her pull away from him again.
Thinking Bianca was asleep still, Alex padded into the room quietly, draping his wet towel over her vanity chair. Warm hands wrapped around his bare waist just before he bent to pull on his boxer briefs.
Alex smiled, “I thought you were asleep?” He said turning to pull a sleep mussed Bianca against his naked chest.
“Mmm, not when you’re naked and wet five feet away I’m not,” she mumbled, burying her face in his chest.
Alex was instantly hard at the contact, his naked erection pushing against her belly. Bianca looked down and smiled, licking her lips.
“What’s that look for?” Alex asked, knowing damn well what she had in mind.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Bianca purred, lowering to her knees.
Alex growled deep in his chest, his dick becoming harder as Bianca wrapper her hands around it. She began to stroke him slowly and he threw his head back and closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. When she put her lips around his cock he almost thrust into her mouth. Not wanting to rush her or scare her off, he held back, gripping the chair that was now behind him for control. Despite his best efforts, Alex began to rock his hips as she took all of him and began sucking while stroking him up and down with her hand. Her other hand reached down to cup his balls and he cried out as she gave him a slight tug.
“Damn, baby,” he growled, white knuckling the chair.
She continually stroked him with her tongue and hands and Alex felt his orgasm building. Finally, it became too much and he shoved his hands into her hair, yelling her name as he came in her mouth. Bianca licked him clean and sat back on her heels, smiling.
“You’re going to be late,” was all he could muster and she laughed.
“It was well worth it considering the look on your face,” she answered, rising.
Alex kissed her deeply, their tongues entwining. “I wish I could return the favor,” he said pulling her close and cupping her ass.
“Later, soldier, I’m really going to be late. At least it’s just the last day before winter break and there won’t be much to do. We are having a ‘holiday’ party today.” She explained.
They finished dressing and grabbed coffee from the kitchen on their way out as Bianca explained to Alex what they would do today for the kids. Before the miscarriage, she wasn’t so prone to silence-filling chatter. Perhaps she didn’t want to stop talking and think for any amount of time. He listened intently, asking questions when he wanted to know more. They walked out the door together and he kissed her goodbye; the type of kiss that let her know they would definitely be finishing what she started later. Bianca waved as she stepped into her car and Alex couldn’t shake the feeling that she was slipping away from him again.
*****
The test was positive, Bianca couldn’t believe it. Only two months later and she was pregnant again. And scared to death. Hoping to distract Alex from asking questions about her demeanor, that and the fact that he looked fucking sexy dripping wet and naked, Bianca gave him a little ‘treat’ this morning. Sure, she was running late for work but it was worth it, in more ways than one. Talking about her class and the cute little projects they created the last day before winter break also helped keep her from showing him the terror in her eyes every time she thought about that test. She took it the night before and couldn’t stop thinking about it since.
Something seemed off when last week Bianca was exhausted, bone tired exhaustion that left her feeling like the walking dead at night. She knew that wasn’t normal and that she had felt that, albeit briefly, the last time she was pregnant. This time it kept getting worse and she could barely keep her head off the dinner table two nights ago. That’s when she suspected; well that and vomiting up her whole dinner afterwards. She was able to hide it from Alex, which was hard considering he was constantly checking up on her lately. Before this, she was doing well, the loss of the baby still haunted her on occasion but she was moving on. Now she was in a panic that it would happen again. She took the test when Alex went out the night before to get some clothes and other things from his apartment downtown. That left her exactly forty-five minutes to get a test, take it and dispose of it. As much as she wanted it to be negative; the complete opposite of what she wanted two months ago, it wasn’t. She stared at the double pink lines for almost twenty minutes and only made
it within seconds to throwing it in the garbage bins in the backyard before Alex came back in.
Paralyzed with fear that he would find out she barely ate dinner that night, and due to extreme exhaustion she fell right to sleep afterwards. Bianca could tell he knew something was up with her, and for once she hoped he only thought it was about the miscarriage. Pulling into her parking spot and shutting off the engine, Bianca knew he couldn’t find out about this pregnancy before she knew for certain if the baby was okay. She couldn’t crush him by losing his baby again; their relationship would never survive it.
*****
The work day flew by and Bianca was beyond exhausted when it was over.
“Are you okay, Bianca?” Mrs. Jensen asked as they were leaving for the day.
She must have looked as bad as she felt. “I’m okay, just tired with working full time and taking night classes. I can’t wait to have two weeks off for winter break to relax,” Bianca said, averting her eyes so Mrs. Jensen couldn’t see right through her lie. After all, she did teach five year olds for thirty-three years.
“How have you been feeling, dear?” Mrs. Jensen followed up; she knew about the miscarriage that most people didn’t.
“Better. I’ll always be sad when I think of what could have been, but there isn’t anything I can do to change what happened,” Bianca replied and it was the truth.
As much as she mourned and regretted what happened, she knew now there was nothing she could have done to change it. The doctor spoke extensively with her about it at her follow up appointment when all Bianca did was blame herself. Bianca walked with Mrs. Jensen to her car and said her goodbyes, hugging the older woman and wishing her a Merry Christmas before they parted ways. She climbed into her car and sighed, leaning her head back on the head rest and closing her eyes for a moment. God, she was tired. Taking a deep breath, she started the car and headed home, trying to figure out a way to hide the pregnancy from Alex for a few weeks. This was going to be more difficult than she thought.
*****
Alex walked out of the office, a smile spreading across his face. He was ready to begin work as soon as the holidays were over. He couldn’t wait to surprise Bianca next week with the information that he had a job, and a great paying and exciting job at that. With more excitement than he felt in awhile, Alex drove home to Bianca’s. It was funny that he thought of her house as home even though he didn’t officially live there. Any place Bianca was would be considered home to him. That was when Alex knew what he had been trying to deny all of this time. He loved Bianca and he wanted to be with her for a lifetime. Suddenly getting an idea, Alex took a detour home. He had a more important stop to make and a great Christmas present for Bianca. The only thing he hoped was that she would say yes.
*****
Bianca’s symptoms continued to get worse over the next couple of days. The nausea was so bad it was becoming increasingly hard to hide from Alex. Luckily, he seemed a bit distracted himself and Bianca could use the excuse of Christmas shopping to get out of the house without him. Bianca couldn’t face her mom, especially since she wasn’t aware of Bianca’s first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage so she didn’t go shopping with her. Instead she called Andrea and had her meet her at the mall. She needed someone to talk to, and since Andrea had her own child, little Jay was just four months old, she knew her friend would understand. Bianca met Andrea at her car in front of the main entrance just before noon.
“So where do you want to start?” Andrea asked, strapping Jay into his baby carrier and adjusting him on her chest.
When Bianca just stood, watching Andrea and the baby, who she hadn’t seen since she miscarried, Andrea paused. “What’s wrong, Bianca?” Andrea asked, sensing a change in her demeanor.
“I’m pregnant,” Bianca blurted, without thinking. Realizing what she said, she slapped a hand over her mouth.
“What? When did this happen?” Andrea asked a look of shock on her face.
“I’m guessing about eight weeks ago,” Bianca answered, “But I haven’t told Alex. There’s a lot more to the story.” She began.
As they walked into the mall, Bianca recounted the whole story, from finding out she was pregnant the first time, to the miscarriage and finally the current pregnancy. Andrea looked so confused, and mildly hurt that she was just finding out, that Bianca felt she needed to stop to let her say her piece.
“I can’t believe this, Bianca. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Andrea asked with hurt in her voice. She looked so upset that she was kept out of the loop about it all that Bianca felt she owed her an explanation.
“I’m sorry, Andrea. I didn’t really get a chance to tell anyone about the pregnancy before I lost it. Then I was so lost myself I didn’t speak to anyone. I barely spoke to Alex. You were so busy with little Jay I didn’t want to burden you with this,” Bianca said, leaning forward to hug her friend.
They had stopped outside of a department store, and other shoppers eyed them as they passed by. Releasing her friend, Bianca stepped back, wiping tears from her eyes.
“When do you see the doctor?” Andrea wondered as they walked into the store.
“I haven’t made an appointment yet. I’m scared,” Bianca admitted reluctantly.
Andrea hugged her again, little Jay squirming between them. Bianca laughed, and gave him a tiny kiss. The rest of the shopping trip went by without drama and Andrea convinced Bianca to see her doctor as soon as possible, practically forcing Bianca to make the appointment right then and there. Caving in, Bianca called, setting up an appointment for two days later. After the shopping trip, and loaded down with bags, Bianca said goodbye to Andrea as she strapped little Jay into his car seat.
“Promise me you’ll call me and let me know what’s going on?” Andrea said before hopping into her minivan.
Bianca nodded, “I will. I can’t go through this alone, one way or another.”
They said their goodbyes and Bianca drove home feeling better than she had in awhile. Maybe it would all be okay after all.
*****
The next time Bianca told Alex she was going shopping she actually went to the doctor’s appointment. Sitting in the waiting room for her appointment, Bianca never felt so alone. She almost called Alex, only to put her phone away with a shake of her head. It was too soon, he couldn’t know until she found out if the baby was okay. Instead, she called Andrea and talked to her for fifteen minutes which calmed her nerves. Andrea even offered to come down to the doctor’s office but Bianca told her it was okay, knowing she would have to drag the baby out in the cold to meet her. Bianca considered pacing the room but stayed seated, unable to stop jiggling her foot with nerves. This time was nothing like her last initial prenatal visit. She was nauseous and exhausted, not cramping in pain. Bianca’s phone buzzed with a new message just as the nurse called her back to see the doctor. Butterflies rioted in her stomach and she wrung her hands nervously as she followed the nurse back to the exam room. Forcing memories of the last time out of her mind, Bianca put on the gown and sat down. Remembering the message on her phone Bianca pulled it out.
Alex: I’m headed to the mall, want to meet for lunch?
Bianca panicked at the message. What could she tell him? He’d want to meet her somewhere near the mall for lunch but she was a good thirty minutes away. Fighting back a panic attack, Bianca forced herself to slow her breathing. She had to think of something to keep him from getting suspicious.
Bianca: I’m not at the mall right now, I’m headed there in about an hour. Want to meet then?
She just hoped he wouldn’t ask her where she was.
*****
Alex looked at Bianca’s message with confusion. Where was she if she wasn’t at the mall? She had told him she was going Christmas shopping again today with Andrea but didn’t say where and she was acting strangely the last week. Alex was getting nervous that he was losing her again and began to panic.
Alex: Where are you? I’ll meet you somewhere closer instead?
>
Bianca’s return message took several minutes to come and Alex began to sweat in anticipation.
Bianca: I’m in Delaware, I wanted some tax free shopping. I’ll meet you in Philly in an hour.
Delaware? What the fuck? Alex was almost angry enough to go there to find her. Bianca was keeping something from him, but what? Pacing the living room, Alex decided to take a different route. He scrolled through his phone for the number he wanted and then pressed send.
“Hello?” Andrea answered after the second ring.
“Andrea? Can I talk to Bianca, it’s important?” Alex began without saying hello.
“Uh, I’m not, I mean, Bianca’s not here,” Andrea stuttered, the sound of a fussy baby in the background.
“What? She told me she was going shopping with you,” Alex asked with confusion.
Where the fuck was she? Nausea suddenly gripped Alex’s gut as he thought about the possibilities of what could be happening. He didn’t even want to think of the worst of them.
“Look, Alex, I can’t really talk right now, but I think you and Bianca need to talk.” Andrea said, the baby crying louder.
“Why? What’s going on Andrea?” Alex asked with anxiety.
“I can’t, it’s not my place to say. Please, talk to Bianca,” She muttered.
Alex said goodbye, his gut churning with worry. Where the hell was Bianca and what was she keeping from him?
*****
Bianca’s anxiety level soared when Alex didn’t text back. He knew she was lying and he was angry. Pushing that thought to the back of her mind for the moment, Bianca focused on waiting for the doctor and relaxing. After the longest twenty minutes of her life, Dr. Gabriel came in, clipboard in hand.
