by BWWM Club
“So, Bianca, what’s going on with you today?” Dr. Gabriel asked. Doesn’t she read the damn forms?
“I’m pregnant again,” Bianca said without mincing words.
“Hmmm, I thought we discussed not getting pregnant again for a few months?” The doctor answered, her brows knitting with frustration.
Bianca sighed. “We did. This was not planned,” she said, anger creeping into her voice.
After taking her blood pressure and a few other vitals, the doctor got right down to the exam. She wheeled in the portable ultrasound and Bianca’s heart almost stopped, the images of her empty womb flashing through her mind.
“Relax, Bianca,” Dr. Gabriel said, patting her arm. “Worrying won’t help anything.”
Bianca took a deep breath and laid back, staring at the ceiling.
“Let’s take a look at this baby,” the doctor said, beginning the ultrasound.
Bianca took some more deep breaths but didn’t say anything. After several moments the doctor spoke.
“How far along did you say you were?” She asked Bianca.
“I think eight weeks,” Bianca answered, nerves creeping in. Was something wrong?
“Well, this definitely doesn’t look like an eight week fetus,” Dr. Gabriel answered and Bianca’s heart sank. It was happening again.
“What, what does that mean?” She asked, unable to mask her panic. Maybe it was wrong of her to not tell Alex. She suddenly wanted him there to catch her when she fell apart. Again.
“I’d say this fetus is at least ten weeks. Sometimes a miscarriage can throw off your cycles,” Dr. Gabriel replied.
Bianca’s head snapped up, the tears that began to fall on their own, dried almost instantly. “What did you say?”
“I said, you’re ten weeks pregnant. Congratulations, Bianca.”
Bianca released the breath she was holding, a smile spreading across her face. She was finally pregnant and this time her baby was okay. A sudden idea came to her about how to tell Alex. It was going to be a Merry Christmas after all.
Chapter 10
Alex pulled into the driveway at Bianca’s house. He was so angry that she lied, his face felt like it was on fire and his blood pressure was probably through the roof. Taking a deep breath he rang the bell. That wasn’t what he usually did since he had a key, but seeing as how Bianca was lying to him about where she was, he didn’t think he’d be keeping it for much longer. There was a light on in the living room that he could see through the window. He knew that was on a timer however and he didn’t see any other lights on in the house. He knocked, hard. After ten minutes and still no answer Alex deduced that Bianca wasn’t at home. It was after five and he texted with her hours ago. Where the hell was she? The possibility that she was seeing someone else behind his back popped into his head; something he pushed far out of his brain until that moment. Where else would she be so late?
Deciding to let himself in anyway, Alex produced the key from his coat pocket and unlocked the door. Monster rushed to greet him, another sign that Bianca wasn’t home. Alex leaned down to scratch behind his ears before moving through the house to see if Bianca was in fact out. As he wandered around he noticed that it seemed Bianca wasn’t home most of the day. There were few dishes in the sink; the ones they used for breakfast and the house looked as it did when he left that morning. Worry suddenly began to overtake his anger and he sprinted back towards the door, determined to find out what the hell was going on.
*****
Bianca watched as the gift she picked out to announce her pregnancy was engraved with the words ‘Merry Christmas Daddy.’ Her heart swelled with joy and her hand flew to her lower abdomen, where there was still no visible bump, as she smiled widely at the clerk. It had been a long day and despite the exhaustion that was eating at her, Bianca knew she had to get the present tonight. Alex would be glued to her for the next few days as they prepared for their first Christmas together and she needed the alone time to pick out the perfect gift. Luckily it came to her as she was pulling into a parking spot at the mall. Practically bouncing from foot to foot, Bianca waited impatiently for the clerk to finish. When she was done she gathered her gift and set out for home.
Just as she was climbing into her car her phone buzzed.
Andrea: Alex is looking for you. He called me.
Panic seized Bianca. He couldn’t find out this way, she wanted it to be perfect, especially after what they went through, it had to be. Snagging her phone from the passenger seat she dialed Andrea as she clicked on her Bluetooth.
“What’s going on?” Bianca asked, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly it hurt.
“I’m not sure. He called me about two hours ago looking for you. I was getting baby Jay down for a nap otherwise I’d have texted you sooner. Jason just got home from work so I had a free moment.” Andrea said quickly.
“He didn’t respond when I texted him back but I didn’t have time to think about it because the doctor came in. I hope he isn’t mad,” Bianca replied picking up speed. She had to get home before Alex got there.
“He sounded mad,” Andrea said, “How did the appointment go?” She added warily.
“Great! I forgot to tell you. She did an ultrasound and I’m ten weeks pregnant. Andrea I’m so happy. She told me at this point and with my symptoms there was little chance of miscarrying. I feel so relieved.” Bianca gushed, telling Andrea all about her appointment.
She hung up the phone just as she pulled into the driveway. Alex’s car wasn’t there and she breathed a sigh of relief. She had to hide the gift before he got there. Walking in, she realized that it was awfully late and Alex probably should have been there. Sighing with worry, she pulled out her phone. With all of the excitement earlier she didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t called or texted her back. A frown creased Bianca’s brow as she dialed Alex’s number. After two rings it went to voicemail. She tried again and the same thing. Finally she texted him that she was home and he could come over whenever he was ready, not that he needed an invitation. Once she fed Monster, she headed upstairs and changed into her pajamas. Her bedtime routine was completed and still no word from Alex. Getting nervous, Bianca tried calling him again.
“Where are you!?!” He yelled at her as soon as he answered.
“Uh, hi to you too,” she said a bit put off by his tone.
“Well? Are you going to answer me?” He snapped.
Bianca pulled the phone away from her ear, reeling at the way Alex was speaking to her. He had never spoken to her that way before and she knew something was off.
“Alex, calm down. I’m at home.” She said calmly, trying not to escalate the situation. Clearly something was wrong.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. Where have you been all day? I was just at your house and you weren’t there. Now all of a sudden you’re home. How do I know if you’re even telling the truth?” He continued to shout at her angrily.
“What?!” Bianca exclaimed, clearly trying to keep calm was out the window.
“I’ve been trying to find you since two o’clock when you texted me that you were out shopping an hour away with Andrea. Which was clearly a lie since Andrea didn’t even know where you were. So where were you, Bianca and who were you with?”
Bianca gasped; did he think she was cheating on him? What was going on? She went out for a few hours and Alex thought she was lying to him. How would this relationship work without trust? Maybe her miscarriage broke them and they would never be able to fully heal?
“Alex, please slow down. I wasn’t with anyone. Just come over so we can talk…”
“I don’t want to talk right now. You’ve been shutting me out for weeks since you lost the baby and now I can’t even get a hold of you during the day and I find out you’re lying to me about where you’ve been. This miscarriage devastated me just as much as it did you and I’ve done nothing but wait around for you to heal so we could move on. But it doesn’t seem like you want to move on, Bian
ca. Two steps forward and one step back. I gave up a promising career in the Air Force for you and this charade of a relationship,” He sighed, his voice getting lower and lower with each word he spoke.
Bianca laid her head back against the headboard. She had no idea he felt that way and hearing it now caused her to second guess the timing of this pregnancy. He would be angry and think she did it on purpose to replace the baby they lost. Bianca suddenly felt sick to her stomach and it wasn’t from the pregnancy. Why not let him go now and let him be happy with someone else? He obviously wasn’t happy with her and if he found out she was pregnant again he would try to make it work because he was a good guy.
Sighing, Bianca began, trying to keep the tears from her voice, “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were feeling that way. You never told me and you could have. I don’t know what else to say.” She stopped, clearing her throat to break up the lump that gathered there, “If you want a break from me, from us, I’ll understand.”
Silence greeted her on the other end and she almost wondered if the phone had disconnected.
“If that’s what you want, Bianca then I don’t see any other reason to stick around,” he muttered softly, sounding defeated.
Bianca almost yelled at him, that no, she didn’t want that, but it was better this way. He would go on to find someone who made him happy not lonely and lied to.
“Goodbye, Alex,” Bianca croaked, stifling a sob.
“Goodbye, Bianca, “Alex all but whispered.
The line went dead and Bianca laid down on the bed, still clutching the phone to her chest. Just when she thought they were finally going to be happy and have a family she had to go and ruin the one good thing that ever came her way.
*****
Alex hung up the phone and almost threw it against the wall of his apartment. What the hell just happened? Did they break up? Running a hand over his face, the stubble rasping against his hand, Alex wondered why he even agreed to let Bianca call it quits. One minute he was running around frantic trying to find her and the next it was over. But why? He only half meant what he said to her. The miscarriage did break him down but despite her pulling away at first, it seemed she was trying harder to be her normal self. The last few days were weird though and it seemed like he was losing her all over again. The thought that she was with someone else made Alex want to smash a hole in the wall. Why else would she lie to him about where she was? Why else would she be acting so strangely?
Alex began to pace around the room, feeling like a caged animal. He wanted Bianca, that was for damn sure, but did she still want him? He would get to the bottom of this one way or another, even if it meant losing her forever. Maybe it was for the better. Alex shook his head. No, Bianca was the only woman he wanted but how did he mend what he just broke?
*****
Bianca woke up, the sun shining in her eyes through the window, and frowned when she remembered what had happened the night before. Her head was pounding and she knew it must be from crying off and on all night. Sitting up, she winced, her head not wanting her to move. Placing a hand over her eyes, she flopped back down. Why get up anyway? It’s not like she had anything to do. School was out for winter break and her class semester had ended. All she wanted to do was lie in bed and mope. Thinking about Alex again, Bianca sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. She was sure her head would explode if she did. Finally managing to force herself from bed, Bianca swallowed two Tylenol with a coffee chaser and then curled on the couch with the remote. She aimlessly flipped through the channels until she found a mind numbing romance movie about Christmas and settled back to watch it. After about thirty minutes her head began to droop, and fearing she’d spill coffee all over her light colored carpets she set it down and reclined on the couch, tucking the blanket under her chin. Within minutes she was asleep, the Christmas program forgotten.
When Bianca woke, the TV was off and her coffee cup removed from the side table. An eerie feeling of not being alone crept over her and she jumped from the couch when she heard footsteps in the kitchen.
“It’s okay, Bianca it’s just me,” Alex said, walking in from the kitchen.
“Alex? What are you doing here?” Bianca asked with confusion. Was last night all a dream?
A shadow of regret passed over Alex’s face but then was gone in an instant. “I came to check on you. After last night…” He trailed off.
“Oh. Thanks. I’m okay, really. I’m sorry to have put you through so much upset. I didn’t know you would be so angry.” Bianca apologized.
Seeing him was making her insides hurt. She wanted him to leave so that she could move on without him, just her and the baby. There was no reason to put him through any more traumas and Bianca was being selfish thinking that maybe she could fix what she broke in the first place. If only she didn’t lose the other baby… No, she wouldn’t go down that road again. What was done, was done. She couldn’t change it and neither could Alex, but what she could do was protect him. He wasn’t happy with her, he said it himself, so why was he here?
Alex nodded at her response and headed towards the door. The last two days were so strange and Bianca wished it was a dream she could wake up from.
“Okay then,” he said, pulling the door open.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” Bianca said as he walked out and closed the door behind him.
Despite her best efforts to maintain her composure, Bianca crumbled and began to sob. So much for being done with crying.
*****
Alex drove to his apartment without the radio. He needed time to think. Bianca was definitely not fine with what happened, and yet she pretended it was for the best. And she looked different, he just couldn’t figure out why. Slamming his hand against the steering wheel, Alex cursed. Where did they go wrong? Last night, and the worry and anxiety of where Bianca was and who she was with returned. She made him lose his trust in her, that’s what went wrong. How was he even sure she wasn’t with someone else last night and that was why she broke it off so easily. Alex shook his head, no, she looked devastated by the breakup, with dark smudges under her chocolate brown eyes that were red rimmed and puffy from continued crying. A woman who was cheating didn’t cry when the man she cheated on broke up with her. Bianca wasn’t like that and Alex knew it. So why was he so quick to jump to that conclusion? Images of his first serious relationship, fresh out of high school before he joined the Air Force, popped into his head. Kate was also beautiful and appeared innocent. But that wasn’t the truth. She cheated behind his back for months while they dated and made a fool of Alex. That’s why he jumped to conclusions. But Alex knew he was wrong, and Kate wasn’t the rule but the exception. Bianca was nothing like her and he fucked up last night. Sighing, Alex made a u-turn. He wasn’t going to let Bianca slip through his fingers, especially not on Christmas Eve.
*****
A soft knock sounded on the door a half hour later as Bianca was stepping into the living room. When Alex left all she wanted to do was hide in her room and eat the clichéd ice cream and cookie dough. But she didn’t. She got her ass off of the bed and took a shower and decided to bake cookies with the damn dough instead. Then she would drop them off to someone who really wanted them. It was Christmas Eve after all and what was Christmas without cookies. Before the fight, Bianca and Alex had planned on cooking a nice dinner and the next day exchanging gifts and visiting their prospective families together to make the relationship ‘official’. But now Bianca would have to go to her mom’s broken and pregnant and alone. The idea made her cringe because her mom, the serial monogamist, would instantly try to hook her up with someone else all while berating her for getting ‘knocked up’ without a ring. Shaking her head at the absurdity and deciding to stay home and eat all of the cookies by herself, Bianca started toward the door. She peeped through the peephole and gasped; Alex came back.
Bianca swung the door open and stood there staring at him, the cold crisp air wrapping around her like an icy blanket and causing her to shiv
er. “Come in,” she mumbled, running her hands over her cold arms where goose bumps had formed.
Alex nodded, stepping and closing the door tightly. “I shouldn’t have left before. Bianca, we need to talk.”
“Alex, I’m not sure what you want to talk about. We covered it all last night. You aren’t happy and I’m holding you back. Why would you come back here? I’m having a hard enough time as it is,” Bianca said, regretting the last sentence the moment it left her mouth. Her words came out harsher than she intended but she had to let him know how she felt, he said his piece and it was time to say hers.
Alex’s head snapped up, and he looked her in the eye, his gaze so intense that she had to look away. “Look at me, Bianca. I didn’t want to end us, you did.”
“If you wanted to be with me, Alex, then why did you say such awful things to me the last time we spoke?” Bianca began to sob, her hormones taking over. She cursed her stupid hormones and looked at her feet.
Without warning, Alex was in front of her, his arms gathering her to his chest. As much as she wanted to fight him, she didn’t, because if she was being honest, it felt so damn good to be held by him.
“I didn’t mean it. I know it’s hard to believe but I was so lonely in the Air Force. When I found you I knew I didn’t want to go back. I ran away from something that wasn’t even close to what we have and I almost gave us up because I was comparing you to her. Truth be told, she couldn’t hold a candle to you, Bianca. You’re it for me. I love you,” Alex said, his mouth pressed against her hair.
Bianca tried not to seem surprised at his declaration. She wanted to tell him she loved him for weeks but was too afraid that after losing the baby the words would seem forced or weak. Almost losing him was enough for her. She had to say the words or she would never forgive herself.
“I love you too, Alex.” At this point tears were falling from her eyes, “And I never wanted to break up, I just thought it was what you wanted so I pretended I was okay with it.”
Alex didn’t speak again; he just bent over her and slammed his mouth into hers. Bianca reciprocated, pushing her tongue at the seam of his lips. Damn, it felt so good to be in his arms again. Before she could think about what would happen next, Alex swept her into his arms and hurried up the stairs. He placed her on the bed and began to strip and Bianca did the same. Within seconds they were both naked and Alex was settled over top of her, his hard erection pressing at her entrance. Bianca opened her legs wider, and lifted her hips, giving him the go ahead to proceed. Alex plunged into her and she cried out with pleasure, missing his body with hers, even if it had only been a few days. Their lovemaking was slow and torturous but also gentle. It was a making up, and coming back together as well as a profession of their love for one another. When they were through, and Bianca was spent, she rested her head on his chest; all thoughts of lonely Christmases and baking cookies forgotten.
