#Starstruck

by Wilson, Sariah

  She folded her hands primly on her desk. “I would sacrifice even more if it meant saving the life of one sea creature.”

  That set the anger free. It coursed through my entire body until I was so full of rage I could barely see straight. My grandma would roll over in her grave if she knew the kind of words I wanted to use. I stood up. “You are a truly terrible person. I know you’ve made yourself believe you’re the hero in this scenario, but you are the villain. You condoned stealing, you used me, you hurt people. You’re supposed to do good here.” I threw my security badge on her desk. “I won’t work for someone as manipulative and horrible as you. And when I get the chance to tell the entire world about what you’ve both done, I’ll do it. We’ll see how long you and Noah keep your jobs after that.”

  For the first time, she looked scared, but I was too angry to even enjoy it. Especially since I didn’t actually have a way to tell the whole world about her.

  One last barb. I leaned across her desk and put my face close to hers. “And just so you know, fish are delicious.”

  That had her gasping and sputtering angrily. I slammed her office door on my way out. Everybody in the office had clearly heard every word; they just stood there, frozen, staring at me. I saw Noah with his stupid bow tie and his stupid suspenders. “You’re pathetic,” I spat at him. “You truly deserve every bad thing coming your way.”

  I briefly thought about slashing his tires or throwing something at his head, but given that he hadn’t even had the decency to look guilty, I knew it wouldn’t do me any good. Besides, I should behave better than that, even if I didn’t want to.

  I had to get home. I needed to be in my bed, eating ice cream and watching my favorite shows. I figured muscle memory led me back to my apartment, because I couldn’t remember the drive. I had been so hurt and so angry.

  I didn’t see the paparazzi in my parking lot. It would be the first time in a few days that I’d be able to walk into my building without being inundated with flashes and questions. I took my keys out of the ignition, and the sunlight bounced off that stupid, sparkly fish. The fish that had ruined my life. I rolled down my window, intending to throw the fish key ring into the parking lot. I tried to tear if off, but it wouldn’t budge, and my fingers trembled too much to slide it off correctly. I settled for crying in my car, resting my forehead against the steering wheel.

  “Zoe?”

  My heart pounded so hard I thought I might faint.

  Chase was leaning into my window wearing sunglasses that covered half his face. I couldn’t see his eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “Am I okay? Am I okay? I’m obviously not okay.” I’m in the middle of having a nervous breakdown, thanks so much. I opened my car door, and he had to move out of the way. I slammed the door shut and brushed past him.

  “Zoe, wait. I need to talk to you. Please.”

  I whirled around, folding my arms. “Fine, talk.”

  “I would have come sooner, but I’ve been going to AA meetings. It’s why I haven’t been over yet.” He stopped as if unsure what to say next. He held out a bouquet of pale-pink tulips. “These are for you.”

  “You think flowers are going to make this better?”

  “No.” He lowered the bouquet to his side. “I need to apologize. I didn’t mean any of those things I said.”

  “Well, no wonder you have an Academy Award, because if you didn’t mean them, you sure made me believe you did.”

  He looked so crestfallen that even though I was furious with him, it took all my willpower not to comfort him. “Zoe, I know I can trust you. I do.”

  “That’s the problem, Chase. Now I don’t know if I can trust you. I gave you my heart, and you broke it.” My voice caught. I would not allow myself to fall apart in front of him. “I can’t talk to you right now. I need to go.”

  His hand was on my arm, and I had to move away from his touch. It was too much. “Please tell me what I can do to make this better. I love you. I need you in my life.”

  “I don’t know how you can fix this. For now, I need some space. And some time.”

  Each step I took away from him made my feet feel like they were encased in concrete, wading through a swamp. My heart wanted me to turn around and run back into his arms and tell him all was forgiven.

  But my head wouldn’t let me forget what he’d done.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  He listened to me. Chase gave me all the space in the world. He didn’t text, tweet, call, or try to see me in person. As time went on, my anger started to dissipate. I thought about our meeting in the parking lot and how differently it might have ended had I not been all churned up from my confrontation with Stephanie.

  I finished finals and graduated from college. I felt so sad that Chase wasn’t there, because we had planned for him to come. After I was handed my diploma, I looked out to see my family cheering and calling my name. For a moment I thought I saw Chase leaving through the doors at the back of the auditorium but decided I must have imagined it.

  I really missed him.

  Now that college was done, I started looking for a full-time accounting job. Problem was, everybody seemed to know me. And they asked inappropriate and probably illegal questions about what it was like to date Chase Covington. It didn’t matter that I’d gone to an excellent school and earned a degree. They just wanted to gossip like we were girlfriends. Even the men.

  Finally, I found a little start-up that made software applications and was in need of an accountant. I wanted to work with an ocean conservation nonprofit, but I needed a job. They offered excellent benefits and a good salary. And not once during the interview did Brenda, the woman interviewing me, say anything about Chase. I absolutely killed it. It was probably the best interview I’d ever had. When it was over, Brenda enthusiastically shook my hand and said, “We will definitely be in touch, Zoe. It was such a pleasure to meet you.”

  Feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time, I stopped in the restroom to use the facilities and planned to call Lexi when I got to my car to let her know how it had gone. My first inclination was to call Chase, and I felt sad for a moment when I remembered he couldn’t be my first phone call anymore.

  I had made it to the front of the building when Brenda came running after me, calling my name. “Zoe!”

  Confused, I stopped, wondering if I’d forgotten something.

  “I had to call the CEO and get his approval, but if you want the job, it’s yours.”

  No way! “Yes. I would love to work here!”

  Brenda held out her hand, and I shook it with enthusiasm. “Fantastic. Can you start on Monday at eight?”

  “I can.”

  “Great! We will see you then.”

  “Absolutely.” There was something I needed to know first. “I have a weird question, but did anyone pull strings to get me this job? Call you?” I didn’t want this to be because Chase had made a phone call.

  “No.” She said the word like I was a crazy person. “You earned this on your own merits.”

  Relieved, I decided to leave before she rescinded the offer because of my weirdness, and I told her I’d be there early Monday morning.

  Lexi and Gavin said we should celebrate, but I hated being their third wheel. It hadn’t been an issue before Chase, and even though I adored them both, they were a constant reminder of what was missing in my own life.

  When they were home, I tried to steer clear and stay in my room. Now that school was over, I didn’t have quite as much to occupy my free time. I did my best to remain off-line, and despite her disdain for most social media, Lexi put it aside to act as my Internet police. “Didn’t anybody teach these people if they don’t have anything nice to say, they should just shut up?” I heard her say more than once.

  She also teased me about the #TeamZase hashtag.

  “Zase sounds like a bar of soap,” I agreed.

  “You don’t get to pick your couple name. You’re stuck with what fans give you.”

&
nbsp; When she came into the bedroom with her phone, I thought she had another update about social media. Instead she said, “Chase did an interview.”

  I gulped down the knot that had quickly formed in my throat. He did press only when he had a new movie coming out, and I knew he didn’t have anything being released soon.

  “It’s about you.”

  If I didn’t want to watch it before, I definitely didn’t want to watch it now.

  “Well, not really about you. It’s about how he isn’t dating Amelia Swan, and how everything that’s been said about them is a lie. How he was in love with someone else but wanted to keep the relationship private. You should watch it.”

  Our doorbell rang before I could reply. Lexi got up to answer it.

  She came back into the room, her eyes wide. “Zoe, it’s for you.”

  Beneath my heartache, a surge of happiness welled up inside me at the thought that it might be Chase. But One-F was standing in the living room instead. “Hey, Zoe.”

  “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  Lexi had made herself scarce to allow us to talk. I knew I should offer him something to drink, but the shock of seeing him made me forget my manners. “Did Chase send you?”

  “No. Chase did not send me.” He rocked back on his heels, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “In fact, he would probably fire me if he knew I was here. Look, he knows he screwed up. But everybody in his life uses him. Everybody. Even his own mother. Can’t any part of you see how he could have jumped to that conclusion? To everyone around him, he’s a product, not a person. I think you were the first woman who ever loved him for who he is. He’s never loved anyone like he loves you. And he is completely miserable without you.”

  One-F’s words caught in my heart and burrowed down deep. I’d been so caught up in my own pain and sadness that I hadn’t given any weight to Chase’s perspective. I could see how I would be the obvious suspect when photos only the two of us had were leaked, and he knew he hadn’t done it.

  “Just so you know, one of my coworkers at the Ocean Life Foundation posted those pictures. He stole them off my laptop in some misguided attempt to beat me for a full-time job by making it look like I was holding out on my boss. But I never intended to ask Chase to go to the fund-raiser, because I didn’t want to be another person who used him. I wasn’t keeping anything from him. It was never going to be an issue, because I wasn’t going to treat him like a product.”

  One-F nodded. “I know you didn’t do it. I think he knows that, too. And I understand you had this painful thing happen between you, but is that really more important than all the good times you guys shared?”

  That lump in my throat that appeared whenever I talked about Chase showed up, making it hard to talk. “It doesn’t matter. There’s no point. He doesn’t believe in marriage. There’s no future for us. It’s better to just end things.”

  He wore a bleak expression, and the cajoling smile dropped from his face. “That’s all I wanted to say. Have a good night.” He let himself out, and Lexi came into the room with sad eyes.

  “I want to remember the happy times,” I said. “But all I can remember is when he hurt me. Why is that?”

  “Probably because happiness doesn’t leave scars.”

  She stayed up with me while I cried and talked about Chase. When we finally went to bed, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Despite what I’d said earlier, now all I could think about was our good times. The way he made me laugh. The light in his eyes when he saw me. How right it felt to be in his arms. His surprises and outlandish dates. What a good, loving, smart, funny, thoughtful, charming, and patient man he was.

  I had almost drifted off when Lexi woke up. She tried to tiptoe around the apartment, but I could not get back to sleep. I was about to get out of bed when I heard my phone ring.

  “Hi, Chase,” I heard Lexi say. “This is Lexi.” Then she began to talk, but I heard only her side of the conversation. She would say a sentence and then pause, listening. “She’s sleeping. Yeah, he stopped by tonight. She knows you didn’t send him. I know. Can I give you some advice? Zoe is a person who doesn’t get mad easily, but when she does, it takes her a long time to calm down. And you really hurt her. She needs to know you won’t do that again. She’s lost too many people she loved. I know it was a mistake. She knows it, too. I don’t know. Maybe show her how serious about her you are. A big gesture. You work in Hollywood. I’m sure you can figure something out. I know she misses you. And she still loves you. Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Okay. Bye.”

  I came out of our room as she was putting down my phone. “That was Chase?”

  “Yeah.” She didn’t say anything else, but I could see that whatever he’d said had affected her.

  “You think I should talk things out with him, don’t you?”

  She tapped her fingers against the countertop, like she was uncertain what to say next. “I do, Zoe. Even if you think there’s no future, you should at least give him the chance to tell you what he thinks and what he wants before you make a permanent decision. I just don’t want you to look back on this and really regret it. I know you don’t want to be hurt, but that’s life, you know? It happens. And I think he’s worth that risk.”

  I realized she was probably right.

  “So what will it be tonight?” I had been at my new job for about a week, and even though it wasn’t a nonprofit, they were committed to community service and encouraged their employees to volunteer, which I appreciated. Gavin had also found an excellent job after graduation, and he was at a training seminar in Washington. Which meant Lexi and I had been watching a lot of TV.

  “How about Marry Me? I love that show.” Lexi scrolled through our DVR with the remote.

  “Nah. They haven’t had a good season since they had those Monterran princes on it.” Plus, I wasn’t really in the mood for a sappy, romantic show. I had been trying to decide what to do about Chase and didn’t want to watch people falling in love.

  “Let’s watch Jeopardy!” she suggested. “You get the ice cream, and I’ll get it queued up.”

  I went to the kitchen and opened the freezer. I thought I heard a metallic whirring sound. Like our DVD player. Which we never used. I stuck my head around the freezer door, but Lexi hadn’t moved. She smiled at me, and I decided I was hearing things. I grabbed us pints of rocky road, along with spoons.

  “Thank you,” she said when I gave her the ice cream.

  The theme music started, and the board appeared. Lexi glanced at her watch. She looked a little anxious. “Do you have somewhere you have to be?”

  “No.” She smiled again as she opened her pint and put the lid on the coffee table.

  As the host chatted with the contestants, I said, “Alex Trebek is really nice, by the way. I made a total fool of myself when I met him, but he was so polite.” It had been a relief to fill her in on all the things she’d missed, but it kept reminding me of those good times.

  “I’ll take ‘The Long Game’ for two hundred.”

  “This National Hall of Fame Junior outfielder, whose career ended in 2010, played in four different decades.”

  “Who is Ken Griffey Jr.?” I said with a mouth full of chocolate.

  Which, of course, was the right answer.

  “You know you’re super annoying to watch this show with,” Lexi teased me, poking me with her toe.

  “I can’t help it if I know stuff. And that one was easy. They had part of his name in the answer.”

  The contestant named Karl selected another category and dollar amount. “I bet he lives in his mom’s basement,” Lexi noted. I had to agree.

  “Bluetooth was named after this tenth-century Danish king.”

  “Who is King Harald ‘Bluetooth’ Gormson?” I said a half second before Karl answered, “Who is King Harald the First?”

  “Mine was more precise,” I said. Lexi just rolled her eyes and ate her ice cream.

  Karl chose “It’s Prime” for one hundred.

  T
he host said, “The only prime even number.”

  “What is two?” I called out. “Jeez, this is easy. It’s like the celebrity version.”

  Karl was fastest with the buzzer again, gave the correct question, and selected a new category. “Let’s go with ‘Cut to the Chase’ for two hundred.”

  “This movie star,” the host said, and a picture of Chase popped up. I almost choked on my ice cream.

  “Who is Chase Covington?” Lexi yelled out. “Ha. I knew that one!”

  Another right response for Karl, who seemed to be the only contestant who had figured out how to work his buzzer. “‘Cut to the Chase’ for four hundred.”

  “We have special guest Chase Covington reading the clues in this category,” the host announced, turning to the monitor. There was a video of Chase, talking. He looked so handsome. My heart sped up, and my lungs felt too small.

  “The first name of the actress who plays on-screen aliens Gamora and Neytiri.”

  The answer to that was Zoe. Somehow my heart beat even faster.

  “Who is Zoe?” Karl said, winning the money. “‘Cut to the Chase’ for six hundred.”

  “This Bryan Adams song released in 1993 was the only single from his greatest hits compilation So Far So Good.”

  “What is ‘Please Forgive Me’?” I whispered, my heart rate continuing to increase.

  Another right response from Karl. “Same category, eight hundred.”

  Every time Chase spoke, it was like a tiny dagger piercing my soul. “This 2007 movie that begins ‘P.S.’ featured Gerard Butler and Hilary Swank.”

  “What is P.S. I Love You?” Karl said smugly. “One thousand.”

  “Jordin Sparks appeared in the video for this 2013 Jason Derulo song; the first four words following ‘I’ll say.’”

  “What is ‘Will you marry me?’”

  I put it all together despite the rushing sensation in my head. Zoe, please forgive me, I love you, will you marry me.