by Jess Bryant
He thrust into her hard and fast. He watched her pretty face react to him. She bit her lip to stifle her cries. Her hands clenched and unclenched. Her back arched, her breasts bounced. He watched, knowing he was the one filling her with what she needed. He was the one making her cry out. He was the one slipping inside her slick body and making her feel pleasure instead of pain.
“Zach.” His whispered name on her lips was too much.
She was too perfect. She was too beautiful. So beautiful something tight clenched in his chest that he’d never felt before and it made him slow his pace. Suddenly it wasn’t enough just to screw her. He’d already screwed her seven ways from Sunday. He’d screwed her on a table and in a car and in a hardware store. He wanted something more this time.
He easily gathered her in his arms and lifted her higher on the bed so he could rise over her. In this position he could kiss her. In this position he could feel her skin, damp against his as the friction between them built. She wrapped her arms around him, pulled him close and the pain in his chest subsided. He was surrounded by Bluebell, absorbed by Bluebell and nothing had ever felt so right.
“Oh baby… baby, baby baby.” He muttered as he kissed her neck, dragged his lips over her smooth skin that was so hot it nearly burned him up.
Her nails dug into his ass as she tried to pull him deeper. She squeezed tighter around him as she locked her legs around his hips. She moaned, a quiet breathy moan that told him she was just as close as he was. Heat and liquid fire scorched through him and he had to shift a little higher on her body. She whimpered in response.
“Come for me baby. I want to feel you come again.” He whispered against her lips.
“Oh Zach, please…” She sobbed and arched into him at the same time his balls drew up in anticipation.
He wasn’t going to last much longer. He couldn’t hold on. She was too hot, too tight, too soft and too perfect. He couldn’t stop, couldn’t…
“Blue.” He groaned as his climax rushed forward.
Bluebell screamed, his name, and her body stiffened and trembled beneath him. Her sex pulsed all around him, dragging him deeper, pulling him tight as he came inside her. He filled her up, stayed with her until the final shiver and then pulled her tight against him like he’d never let her go.
The next few days were a blur, a fog of activity and dull pain. Blue stumbled through the motions of living. She got through it a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time, other times by the minute.
She went to see her father at the funeral home. Arlene and Bobby had taken care of the arrangements. They’d been the steady adults in the situation just as they’d always been and she was reduced to the errant child that’d run away when things got hard just like she always did. But she hadn’t run far enough this time and she’d gone back too soon.
She moved through the room at the funeral home like a ghost. The room was too sterile, too whitewashed. Her father looked out of place in a room like this. He’d been built for dusty bunkhouses and barns. The only other place he’d ever looked so abnormal had been the main house of the Oaks.
“Oh Daddy…” She whispered as she saw him lying in the casket.
He was too still, just as he’d been when she went to see if he was awake for dinner and realized the machines in his bedroom had stopped beeping. His eyes were closed. His chest didn’t move. He’d look cold and alone. He’d looked gone. He’d left her just when she was starting to understand him.
Tears slid silently down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and shoved them back down. She wiped them away with the back of her hand.
“Sorry Daddy.” She apologized, “I know cowgirls don’t cry. I’ll do better.”
She suppressed the tears and kissed his forehead as he’d kissed her so many times. Even in her grief she knew they’d never have fixed everything if they had more time. They’d made a lot of mistakes, the both of them. He hadn’t been a perfect father but she hadn’t been a perfect daughter either. Their relationship had never come easy but she’d loved him.
She’d loved him like a little girl always loved her daddy. She’d loved him with every ounce of emotion her body could muster. Loving him and losing him filled her with a deep, soul-crushing pain.
He’d done the best he could. She knew that now. He’d given up his hopes and dreams for the love of a beautiful woman and he’d lost her too soon. He’d tried to do right by her mama, she could see that now. She’d never understand him completely but he’d given her a little bit of insight and for that much she’d always be thankful.
“I love you Daddy.” She said her goodbye and then she walked away.
She barely managed to get out of bed in the mornings. She didn’t remember eating though surely Arlene made sure she did. Her life was a blur of different faces and people as condolences were offered and stories of Lyle Carter were told. A steady stream of people filled Montgomery Oaks, dropping off casseroles and making sure she was okay.
She wasn’t okay. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be okay again. She was an orphan. She was a twenty-eight year old orphan so she went through the motions.
She saw the lawyers and learned that she was a trust fund baby after all. Her mother had left a large amount of money in a trust for her and for her future unborn children. She’d never known that it existed. She also learned that as the sole Montgomery left in existence ownership of the Montgomery Oaks passed to her. And finally she understood what her father had meant when he said he wouldn’t leave her the ranch and let it weigh her down.
He’d had papers drawn up to sell the ranch. It ached and burned in her blood to hate him for it but she did it anyway. She loved him, knew why he’d done it, but at the same time she knew he’d had no right. The land was hers. She was the last of the Montgomery’s. It was up to her to keep it or sell it. The weight, the burden was hers to bear alone now. She’d always assumed inheriting the ranch would feel like a death sentence so it was a stunning revelation to feel devoted to keeping it in her family.
Somewhere along the way, the past few months of caring for her father and living on the ranch, something inside her had changed. Or maybe it had been there all along and she’d been too stubborn and proud to see it. Either way, there was no using running from the truth any more. She was the heir to the Oaks and it was her only tie to the parents she’d never truly known. She couldn’t walk away from it any more than she could lose her accent or change her name.
The lawyer gave her a letter from her father. It had obviously been written before she came home for Molly’s wedding. She had no idea how long the lawyer had held onto it.
“Bluebell – I know you’re probably upset I didn’t tell you I was sick but I only did it to protect you. Everything I’ve ever done has been for you. I loved your mama and I love you sweet girl. Live your life your way with your own rules and don’t ever let anybody take what’s yours. I wasn’t always the best daddy to you but you turned out just fine despite me. Don’t let them put makeup on me and keep the casket closed, no need giving the good people of Fate anything else to gossip about. Love Daddy.”
She did as he asked. No makeup. Closed casket. She burned the papers to sell the ranch. Nobody was taking what was hers, not even him.
Every day, through the fog of grief and the bustle of activity, she was hyper aware that Zach was there. His big, strong presence by her side was welcome and appreciated. He stayed with her through the worst of it, was always just an arms length away and caught her when she fell into the pit of misery.
He was there when she needed him most which was at night. When everyone else packed up and went home and she was alone, he was there. When the quiet of the house and the darkness of grief threatened to swallow her whole he came to her. He came and pressed his big body against hers. His heat soaked up the cold shivers of loneliness. He held her together through the dark hours and when the morning light shone in he was always gone. A nice memory, a nice distraction, exactly what she needed.
It was sweet
of him to be there for her but she didn’t read too much into it. She couldn’t let herself believe it was anything more than his instinct to protect. He was a big brother, a guardian; it was just in his nature in a way that had never been in her daddy.
No matter how thoughtful he was he wasn’t her boyfriend. He was her friend with benefits guy. That’s all. She clung tight to reality where he didn’t do relationships and he was just temporary. If she let herself believe it was anything more she’d have been in real deep trouble so she did what she always did. She kept moving and prayed when she came out the other side of her grief she’d know what to do next.
Chapter Fifteen
For the second time in not quite three months Bluebell stood at the front of the Fate First Baptist Church but this time she wasn’t wearing an ugly tangerine dress. She’d donned a simple black sheath for her father’s funeral. Her blonde hair was twisted at the back of her neck in a classic bun. She’d put on her makeup and her game face and not a tear escaped as she gave her eulogy.
There was nobody else to give it. She was the last of the Montgomery’s. She was the last of the Carter’s. Her grandparents had passed when she was just a little girl not long after her mother. For as long as anybody in Fate could remember it had just been Lyle and Bluebell and now her daddy was gone too.
She buried him in his boots and nicest pearl snap shirt. He’d have scowled if she tried to dress him up and make him something he wasn’t so she didn’t. Her sole fanciful addition had been a bouquet of bluebell’s she’d gathered from the field behind the main house of the ranch. The little girl in her needed him to take a part of her to the other side with him for when he found her mama.
The church was packed to the rafters. Aisle upon aisle of ranch hands and friends filled up. Men that’d worked with Lyle over the years came from as far away as San Antonio and Tulsa. Arlene cried from the front row and Bobby held her close. Blue ignored them all as she spoke about the man that had been her only family.
She spoke of the father that had taught her to shoot a gun and keep her chin up. She spoke of the man that had loved Liza Beth Montgomery something fierce. She spoke of the man that’d loved fast cars but drove an old Ford truck that had never seen a mud hole it feared.
After the funeral the main house at Montgomery Oaks was open for mourners to congregate and gossip. Casseroles lined every hard surface of the kitchen. The giant dining room table brimmed with people and sweet tea. The topic of the day was that Bluebell was no doubt too busy counting her inheritance to offer up any real tears for the father that’d loved her. Blue kept herself busy thanking them all for coming and accepting their condolences. No doubt she’d still miss somebody and her snubbing of them would be the hottest gossip the following day.
The questions of whether she was staying in town now came hard and fast and she dodged as many as she could. She couldn’t answer a loaded question like that, not yet, not today. Today was her father’s funeral. She just had to get through today and then she’d be able to look forward and figure everything else out.
She ducked out the back door and took a deep breath of fresh air. All of the perfume and hairspray in the house was giving her a headache. She couldn’t remember so many people ever being in the Oaks though no doubt they’d congregated for her mama as well.
She wished she was five years old again. At five she’d been able to go up to her room and hide. She’d sat in her closet that day while all the adults were downstairs and fallen asleep so that when her daddy called her she hadn’t heard him. He’d been spitting mad but so relieved she wasn’t missing when he found her that he’d hugged her tight and told her not to go disappearing on him ever again. She hadn’t, not until she turned eighteen and she’d left him and Fate behind her in a cloud of dust.
At the time she’d been looking for the place she belonged. Strange that it took coming back to the ranch, took her father’s illness and staying by his side for her to see the truth. Montgomery Oaks was her home. It was her mother’s legacy, her father’s burden and now it was hers. She couldn’t let it go but she didn’t know what to do with it either. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. In so many ways she was still that lost little girl.
Anxiety beat in her chest. What was she supposed to do now? Her father clearly thought she wanted to stay gone, to stay in Atlanta or Denver or wherever her job took her but she couldn’t see herself going back to that life now. She didn’t want to keep rolling along with nothing and nobody.
She could stay on the ranch but she had no idea how to own hundreds of acres and thousands of cattle. Part of her still wanted to run. Part of her wanted to get in her impractical sports car and hit the road and not stop driving until she was far away from Fate and Texas and Montgomery Oaks. There was a new part of her too though, a part she hadn’t known was even inside her that wanted to stay, to accept her land, to suck it up and make a real go of it, to see if she was as strong as she’d always claimed. She didn’t know which part would win.
She felt like a time bomb waiting to explode. She kept tucking the emotions in. She kept sucking it up and pushing it down. It was bound to come out in a torrent of pain and misery but she couldn’t let it happen today. Not on the day she put her daddy in the ground and everybody was watching. Cowgirls didn’t cry and Bluebell had always been a good cowgirl. Her daddy had taught her well.
“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”
Zach glanced over at Maddie when she smacked his shoulder. He hadn’t been forced to face the perky twenty-three year old in a while. He’d hoped she’d forgotten all about him and their supposed friendship. Apparently that wasn’t the case.
“What?” He frowned.
“I said, everybody’s talking about how Bluebell’s going to get out of town quick now that her daddy’s gone.”
“They are?”
“Yeah.” She nodded emphatically and her newly cut and colored hair swayed around her chin. Despite the new hairstyle and the dress, which he’d rarely seen her wear, she still looked closer to fifteen than twenty-three thanks to her small frame and the brush of freckles across the bridge of her nose. She’d always been a sweet kid and it was strange to think of her as an adult, especially when she was pestering him with questions. “Is she going to leave Fate again?”
“How should I know?”
“Aren’t you two dating?”
He used his best mean face when he frowned at her, “I don’t date.”
A curved eyebrow rose, “Then what are you two doing?”
“None of your business.”
“Oh come on Zach, I saw the way you looked at her that day in the hardware store.”
He didn’t bother asking how he’d looked at her. He had a pretty good idea. He’d looked at Bluebell with a whole hell of a lot of lust and desire to get her naked. That’s all. So why did he feel a little bit embarrassed to have the little girl next to him pointing it out? Oh wait, yeah that’s right, because Maddie thought of him like a big brother. Fantastic.
“So is she?” Maddie prompted.
“Is she what?”
“God talking to you is like talking to a brick wall sometimes.” Maddie rolled her eyes, “Is Blue going to stay?”
He shrugged because he didn’t know and that bugged the hell out of him. She was always supposed to leave. When he’d first met her that was one of the things he’d liked about Bluebell. Now he liked a whole bunch of other things about her and the idea of her leaving wasn’t one of them.
He liked that she was smart and funny and strong. Spending the past few days with her he’d realized just how strong she really was. In the face of her loss she hadn’t fallen to pieces like his mother had all those years ago. She’d kept her chin up and the tears down and played the hand she’d been dealt with grace and dignity. He liked that about her.
He wanted to like that she hadn’t asked him for anything. Sure she’d come to his house that night but she hadn’t begged him for anything more than wha
t he’d already offered. Sex. Simple and easy, their relationship was about sex. So he couldn’t explain why it kind of annoyed him that she didn’t seem to really need him even with her world falling apart around her.
He was used to being needed. His mother needed him. His brothers needed him. He’d never wanted any other woman to need him so it didn’t make any sense that he wanted Bluebell to. He wanted to be there for her, wanted her to fall on him if she was going to fall. He wanted to catch her. Feelings like that weren’t simple and he didn’t think they had anything to do with sex no matter how good it was between them.
He’d spent the past four days with her. He hadn’t worked on his house. He hadn’t worked on his car. He hadn’t worked on his ranch. He’d simply been with Bluebell and when he hadn’t been with her he’d been working to get back to her.
He didn’t bother to ask himself how she’d become so important because he didn’t think he’d like the answer. He liked his women easy and Bluebell Montgomery Carter was the opposite of easy in every way imaginable. She was a little bit crazy and damn him if he didn’t like that about her too.
All day he’d watched her from a distance. She looked sexy as sin in her proper black dress. He liked her in dresses, always had, but he’d kept his distance because they were just friends with benefits. His place wasn’t at her side while she eulogized her father and dealt with gossipy mourners and it was an odd feeling that he kind of wanted it to be.
The smart thing to do would be to keep his distance. He hated the feeling in his chest that wouldn’t ease up. He hated feeling helpless and out of control and that’s all he’d been feeling lately. So why his feet moved after her when he saw her pretty blond head duck out the back door he couldn’t explain. He didn’t even bother to say excuse me to Maddie as he walked away. Bluebell was moving and like a dumbass magnet he followed.
