by Jess Bryant
She liked that admission so much she couldn’t help but wiggle in his lap, “You like it when I frustrate you don’t you?”
“No.” He shook his head and curled her hair around his fist, “I love it when you frustrate me.” His warm mouth trailed down her neck and her insides quivered. “I love touching you, and kissing you.” His big hands cupped her breasts. “I love sinking deep inside you.” His tongue traced the seam of her lips. “It’s never enough.”
She melted into him. She couldn’t help it when he said he loved her. He didn’t say that, not really. She was smart enough to know that saying he loved touching her and having sex with her wasn’t the same thing as actually loving her.
In the past she might have gotten confused and thought they were the same thing, that it was this emotionally unavailable man’s way of trying to tell her but she didn’t get confused this time. She knew the difference now.
Zach didn’t love her and that meant she couldn’t possibly fall in love with him. But she could fall in love with the way he touched her. She’d definitely fallen for that.
“Zach?”
“Hmm?” He nipped her earlobe.
“I think the steaks are on fire.”
“What?” His head popped up and she pointed to where smoke had started to seep out of the grill. “Fuck. Hold on.”
She giggled as he quickly picked her up and placed her back on the other side of the lounge chair. He scrambled across the deck. Smoke billowed out of the grill as he opened it and he cursed some more. She bit her lip to hide a smile.
“Don’t laugh. This is all your fault.” He frowned as he pulled the steaks off the grill, “Damn distracting woman.”
“Frustrated again?” She giggled.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” He chuckled, “Well, the steaks are definitely done so let’s go inside and eat our burned dinner and then you can make it up to me.”
Blue pushed to her feet, grabbed their beers and followed him inside. While he grabbed a salad out of the fridge she set the table. It probably should have been awkward. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She shouldn’t be sitting and having dinner with him. She definitely shouldn’t be looking at the table and remembering what he’d done to her on it the last time she’d tried to have dinner with him.
“I know.” Two big strong arms circled her waist and his husky voice came from near her ear, “I can’t even eat in my own house without thinking of you now. You taste better than anything I could ever cook baby-doll.”
She shivered but pulled away from him, “You’re such a sweet talker.”
“I do try.” He chuckled.
They ate dinner together at his kitchen table. They drank Shiner and had steak and it was the best meal Blue could remember having in ages. The food wasn’t spectacular. Burned steak and salad rarely were. The conversation wasn’t anything special. They traded stories about things as mundane as ranch work and cattle. But the longer she sat in his house the bigger the pressure in her chest got and she knew she needed to leave before she did something really stupid like falling for this perfect moment in time.
“I should get going.” She carried her plate to the sink as soon as she finished.
“Why?”
“Because there’s probably still a house full of people at the Oaks.”
“Sounds like a reason to stay here to me.” He stood from the table. “Besides, you still owe me for burning the steaks.”
“I didn’t burn the steaks you did.” She circled the island in the middle of the kitchen, keeping it between them.
She couldn’t think straight when he was close to her. If he touched her she’d melt and then she’d be in a heaping pile of trouble. He’d touch her and she’d remember how sweet he’d been the past few days, she’d remember how he saved her from sinking into a pit of despair. She’d remember everything but the fact he was never going to love her back. It was best if she put some space between them. She’d been too close to him the past few days, that’s all it was. A few days away and she’d be able to see him clearly again.
“But it was your fault I burned them.”
“I’ll make it up to you later.”
“Or you can make it up to me now.” His hand darted out so fast she couldn’t avoid it and he grabbed her wrist. He held her steady as he circled the island to stand in front of her, “You’re not really trying to get away from me are you baby?”
She licked her lips nervously as she met his soft green eyes, “Maybe.”
“You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that because now that I got you, I ain’t ever letting you go.”
His mouth claimed hers and she melted just like she’d known she would. It wasn’t fair. He couldn’t say things like that to her. In her silly heart she heard things he didn’t really mean.
He kissed her and she knew the war was over. It was too late. It had probably been too late for a long time now but she’d been kidding herself into not believing it.
She’d tried hard not to let it happen. She’d tried not to fall in love with Zach West, the self-proclaimed bachelor, the king of one night stands, the master of emotional unavailability. She’d tried and she’d failed.
She hadn’t had a chance. She was destined to love emotionally unavailable men just like her daddy. She knew it, knew he’d probably break her heart into a million little pieces and she’d have to rebuild herself when it was over but she gave in to it. It was crazy but just this once she was going to make love to Zach and then she was going to pack it away and get on with her life. Tomorrow. She’d get on with her life tomorrow.
Chapter Sixteen
Something was wrong. Blue could feel it the minute her eyes opened. She blinked and looked around, tried to figure out where she was. It took a couple of seconds to process that she was in Zach’s bed, in Zach’s house but Zach wasn’t beside her. She rubbed her sleep filled eyes. It was dark. She had no idea how long she’d been asleep. That’s when she heard voices.
“Don’t fucking come into my house and yell at me.”
Zach. She could barely hear his voice, it sounded far away. She sat up and looked around for her clothes. It took a second to remember they were in the kitchen. He’d stripped her bare and touched her and kissed her and she’d been silly enough to think for just a second that his soft caress might mean more than it did because she was in love with him. She needed to get her clothes and get out of there. She never should have fallen asleep.
“Don’t be an asshole then!”
A second voice. Shit. Somebody was here and Zach was arguing with him. She didn’t want to eavesdrop but she had little choice now that she was awake. Her clothes were in the kitchen. She couldn’t go out there and get them with somebody else in the house.
“Keep your voice down, Blue’s sleeping.”
She groaned. And now whoever was out there knew she was here. Fabulous.
“Like I give a flying fuck if I wake sleeping beauty.”
She frowned. That seemed uncalled for. What did she have to do with this? Who was out there?
“Watch it Devin.”
There was her answer. His brother was here. They were arguing. She remembered their conversation from earlier in the day. He’d said Devin was the one frustrating him. She’d wondered how bad Zach’s temper could get. She hadn’t been hoping for a display.
“Oh don’t give me that crap like you actually care about her. You were supposed to talk to her, get her to sign over the land and instead you’ve been screwing her.”
Her mouth fell open. What? No! She couldn’t have heard what she thought she heard.
“I told you I’d talk to her and I will. She buried her father less than twenty-four hours ago. Back off.”
“I heard from Bobby. He said she burned the papers. Did you even know that?”
“No. I didn’t.”
“You might if you’d stop thinking with your dick.”
Oh God. She was going to be sick. They were talking about her. They were figh
ting and it was about her.
“Lyle Carter was going to sell us that land. What the hell did you do to mess that up?”
“I didn’t do anything. I told you to deal with the land. I told you I’d talk to her. I meant it.”
The land? The ranch? She hadn’t bothered to read the documents to see who her father was selling to. She’d simply told Bobby she wasn’t selling. She should have been able to figure out who the interested party was though. The Triple Star was the only other ranch in the area.
“You literally screwed us out of that land.”
“Get outside. Now.”
She heard the door slam and muffled voices. She couldn’t make out the words anymore but she’d heard enough. Her stomach turned. If the Triple Star was trying to buy Montgomery Oaks that meant… She swallowed hard. It meant that every time she’d talked to Zach about it he’d been lying to her.
Every time she’d mentioned inheriting the land, every time she’d talked about her father leaving it to her, he’d known that wasn’t the case. He’d known and he’d let her believe he hadn’t. He’d lied.
She tried to recall the conversations. There had been several. They’d talked about it while they drove around in the Impala, right before she slept with him. They’d talked about it that first night when he made her a sandwich, right before she’d slept with him again. He’d slept with her time and again and he hadn’t said a word.
Hastily she shoved the sheets away. She couldn’t be in his bed. She couldn’t be here now. All of his talk of honesty and he’d been lying from the start, maybe not about who he was or what he could offer but a lie was a lie. Omission was a lie.
Devin’s words turned nasty in her head as she tried to find something to put on. You were supposed to talk to her, get her to sign over the land and instead you’ve been screwing her. She felt nauseous again and had to take a deep breath.
Had it all been one big lie?
Zach’s response haunted her. I told you I’d talk to her and I will. She hadn’t meant to hear any of it but now that she had she couldn’t undo it.
It was too horrible to even think about. She needed to get away. She needed some time and some space to think about what she’d heard. She couldn’t be in his house, in his bed and not know if he’d been using her all along.
She scrambled through his closet to find something to wear. She pulled on an old sweatshirt, found a pair of mesh shorts and pulled those on too. She couldn’t find her clothes and she had to get away so this was going to have to work.
She was almost to the bedroom door when it swung open. Zach came to an abrupt stop. So did she. They stared at each other for a long second in silence. Finally he broke it.
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“What?” His head tilted.
“I have to go. I can’t be here right now.”
“What?” He repeated and then his brows furrowed, “Why?”
“Maybe because I don’t feel like being used anymore?” The words dropped out of her mouth before she could bite them off.
He stared at her, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I accidentally overheard part of your conversation with Devin. For instance, the part where you were supposed to talk me into selling you my land.”
He blinked, scratched his head and sighed, “I told Devin I’d talk to you about selling when he asked me a few days ago. It’s what your father wanted. It’s what Devin and Riley want. That’s all.”
“Funny how you seem to know what everybody else wanted all this time and yet you never mentioned it.”
Her confusion was giving way to anger. The more she thought about it the madder she got. The madder she got the more she hated that he looked so innocent standing in front of her with his soft green eyes that she loved so much. God, she loved him. She was an idiot.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you. Your father should have told you he wanted to sell. I hated not being able to talk to you about it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it was really hard for you to keep that to yourself while I was bitching about the land and the ranch and how my daddy had tried to keep it from me but he wouldn’t be able to when he died.” She shook her head, “Except he had a plan to do just that and you didn’t tell me.”
“It wasn’t my place.” He repeated and his shoulders heaved with a deep breath, “Look, Bluebell, I’m sorry.”
“You said you’d never lie to me.”
“I know.” He cleared his throat and stared at the floor, “It wasn’t supposed to get this complicated. You were supposed to be a one night stand.”
As if that made it so much better? Her world was crumbling around her again. She’d buried her father. She’d fallen in love. And now she was going to do something even dumber, she was going to tell him the truth despite the fact that he hadn’t given her the same courtesy.
“You were supposed to be a one night stand too.” She shrugged apologetically, “But then it wasn’t just one night and you were there for me, really there for me despite everything you said you didn’t want. Even from the beginning you made sure I ate and that I didn’t drink that beer.”
“Blue?”
She felt something clench tight in her chest and the aching only got worse. He looked so confused. He looked like he had no idea what she was talking about and she knew immediately that he didn’t know just how much he’d done for her. It meant the world to her and he’d never meant for it to mean anything.
“You let me lean on you when I needed a shoulder but now it’s all going to end.”
“What? No!” He took a step toward her but she shook her head.
“I fell in love with you Zach.” He stopped in his tracks but the words tumbled out anyway, “I love you.”
Silence stretched between them. For the first time since she’d met him on the side of the road that first day she drove back into Fate the silence between them was awkward. It was uncomfortable. She told him she was in love with him and he looked like she was a ticking time bomb he didn’t know how to diffuse.
“I’m sorry.”
Oh God, she felt like he’d just taken a knife to her chest and cut straight through her. She told him she loved him and he apologized like it was the worst thing that could have ever happened. He still stood just a few feet from her but his physical presence didn’t quench the loneliness this time.
“It’s late do you um… do you want to go home?” He didn’t look directly at her and the cut got a little bit deeper.
She told him she loved him and he offered to take her home. He couldn’t get away from her fast enough. She’d known it would happen this way, known it all along and been unable to do anything to stop it.
“Yeah. I should go.”
“I’ll drive you.”
Silently he turned and left the room. She quickly followed him, darted into the kitchen and collected her clothing. Neither of them spoke as she clutched her things to her chest and followed him to his truck. Neither of them spoke on the drive back to Montgomery Oaks.
She tried to take deep breathes but it didn’t help. It was over. No more distraction. No more flirting or talking or dinners. No more sexting or laughing or making out. No more sex in crazy places and positions because they couldn’t wait to get each other naked. No more Zach in her life. She knew it would come to this if she was stupid enough to fall in love with him and she’d been right.
He dropped her at the front of the house at the Oaks and she watched his taillights fade into the distance. There was no talk of calling or texting or speaking soon. There were no future plans to be made.
He might have lied about the ranch, kept what he knew about the land and her father to himself, but he’d never lied about what he wanted from her. He’d never wanted a relationship, didn’t want her love. He’d been clear on that point from the very first second and she’d agreed. She was the one that had gone back on their deal. It was her fault for wanting more.
She hadn
’t meant to. She’d only wanted a distraction at first. She’d only wanted to forget about everything that was wrong in her life. He’d been good for that, too good, because at some point she’d known it wasn’t just lust anymore. She’d known that at some point in the past few weeks she’d stopped just wanting him and started needing him.
She’d buried her father today. She’d realized she was in love today. It was already the worst day of her life and now she’d lost Zach too because he had never really been hers to start with. She was all alone, again.
Zach wiped away the sweat on his brow and then cursed as his knuckles scraped hard against the engine of the tractor. It had broken down, again. He’d only gone out of town to get the new part a few months ago. Now it looked like his new part had been defective because once again he was working and groaning beneath the tractor, trying to make sure they didn’t lose any more time with it in the fields.
“Jesus, have you said a sentence without cussing in a full week?” Riley chuckled from his spot a few feet away.
“Kiss my ass.”
“Hey just pointing out the obvious.” He shrugged, “You’ve been nothing but an asshole for days. What’s going on with you?”
“It’s a hundred degrees and the tractors broke.” Zach grumbled.
“Uh huh.” Riley smirked.
“He’s just mad Bluebell’s gone and he isn’t getting any.” Devin’s voice came from a few feet further down the barn where he was supposed to be cleaning out the stalls but where he’d done nothing but glare at his older brother for the past few hours.
Zach groaned and bit his tongue so hard he wouldn’t have been surprised to taste blood. The last thing he needed was his brothers input when it came to Bluebell. She was gone. It was over. That had happened nearly six days ago and he’d thrown himself back into working the ranch.
He’d let his real life slide while he’d been with her. He hadn’t been spending enough time helping around the ranch. He hadn’t spent enough time in the heat helping his brothers. He hadn’t even spent enough time on his house and now he was behind on renovations and the tractor was broken again and he couldn’t do anything but work from sunrise to sunset and try to catch up and get everything back on track.
