You Own Me

by Shiloh Walker

  He’d noticed. Almost right away. If he hadn’t been knocked almost speechless from the sight of Lizzie in one of his old workshirts, the images that Selah was manipulating on the screen definitely would have done it.

  Of course, he’d been warned ahead of time.

  Selah, nosy woman that she was, had texted him more than two hours ago. I’m at Lizzie’s. You should come. Bring pizza.

  He’d told her he had stuff to do.

  He tried to avoid being around Lizzie when Selah was there, because Selah was anything but subtle lately. She’d suspected how he felt for a long time, but lately that suspicion had become something more and her hints were the size of elephants. Hints that Lizzie was oblivious to.

  But then she’d sent him another message. You want to be here for this. Unless you don’t want to know her screen name for that website. Maybe you don’t care that she’s going to look beautiful and men will be drooling all over the pictures I’m taking of her.

  He’d been pacing outside the pizza parlor pretty much since they’d opened, waiting until he could put the order in.

  Selah shot him a laughing look as he moved in closer, while behind him, Lizzie muttered under her breath.

  The pizza he’d just swallowed had the consistency and texture of lead, it seemed, lodging in his throat until it was almost impossible to force it down.

  “Hey, Deck…ah…”

  He slid her a look over his shoulder. “You’re going through with it, huh?”

  Her face was red. She looked down and fiddled with the top button on the shirt and damn it, why did she have to do that, because now he wanted to see her fingers loosening that button, then another, and another…

  Abruptly, she jerked her head up and everything inside him went hot and ready at the look in her eyes. “Yes, I’m doing it.” She jerked up her chin. “So what? Noel looked at me and practically laughed. All but gave me a pat on the head. You going to do the same thing?”

  Instead of answering, he looked back at the computer. His dick was twisted into a miserably uncomfortable position and it was a good thing he’d had some warning. He’d worn a T-shirt with a flannel hanging out over it, and hopefully nobody looked below the level of his belt because his cock was currently throbbing in time with his heart, and his hard-on wasn’t going away. Maybe not any time this millennium.

  “This doesn’t inspire a pat on the head,” he finally said, voice a little rougher than normal, but for the most part, he thought he was holding it together pretty well.

  She was naked under that shirt.

  In the pictures at least. He could see the frayed edges of the shorts she had on now, but in the pictures, he didn’t think she was even wearing panties.

  In one of them, it fell off her shoulder, hanging so low, only the swell of one ripe, round breast kept it from falling off completely. There was a slideshow of the images and the next one that came up had him biting back a groan. She’d swapped out the button-down for a tank top. A white one. She had a lacy white bra under it, but neither of those did anything to hide the shadows of large, plump nipples. His mouth was watering. Son of a bitch.

  She was two feet away, one of their best friends was in the room. And all he wanted to do was turn around, go to his knees and pull that shirt open—his shirt—so he could see just how large and pretty those nipples really were.

  Another image rolled across the screen.

  Glass shattered.

  Looking down, he stared at the plate he’d dropped but he wasn’t seeing the plate. He was seeing long pale limbs, the sheet that had been strategically twisted and twined around her lush curves so that it fell in swathes against her tits and her hips, but leaving everything else bare.

  His mind was working overtime to fill in the blanks.

  “You’ve got butterfingers today, Deck,” Selah said, her voice sly.

  He shot her a dark look. “Yeah. Looks that way.”

  He turned just as Lizzie tried to go around him to get the glass.

  “I’ll get it,” he said, his voice gruff.

  “I can help.”

  “You’re not wearing any shoes.” He shot a look down at her feet, and fuck him, he couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on the neckline of the shirt—his shirt—and he knew another thing she wasn’t wearing. A bra. She still hadn’t put on a bra.

  He nudged her back, putting his slice of pizza onto the plate she’d been holding and then he crouched down. Maybe he could cut open his hand. If he lost enough blood, it would do something to deaden the hard-on, he thought. Adequate blood supply was needed to maintain erections, right?

  Of course, the likelihood of losing a pint or so from a broken plate was slim. And spilling that much just so she wouldn’t notice seemed a bit extreme…

  She wouldn’t notice anyway, he thought sourly as he plucked up pieces of glass and dumped them in the palm of his hand. She’ll put herself up on a kink website for any damn body—

  Any damn body.

  Tension grabbed him.

  “So how does this website work?” he asked slowly.

  “People will post to her profile. If she’s interested, she can check out their profiles and they can chat. It’s up to her if she sets up a meet,” Selah said cheerfully. “Of course, I’ve already told her that the first few times she meets anybody one of us have to be told.”

  “I’m a big girl,” Elizabeth said from the kitchen. “I can take care of myself, you know.”

  “Of course. That’s why you understand the need of being careful with people you’ve only met online, right?” From the corner of his eye, Decker could see the way Selah winked at him. “It’s a decent set-up. If anybody hassles her, she just has to block him and if she contacts the administrators with proof that a user contacted her without her permission outside the site, the user is banned for life. You need a credit card to register—it’s only five piddly bucks a year—but that makes sure the users are legit and if they don’t behave, they are done. The ban is likely to be more effective here than elsewhere.”

  “How do they keep the crazies off?” From the corner of his eye, he saw Lizzie approaching and he used his body to block her when she tried to sweep the area. “My mess. I clean it up.”

  “My house.” She made a face at him but shoved the broom and dustpan into his hand.

  While he swept up, Selah answered his earlier question. “Naturally they can’t check people’s medical history, but they state straight up that all users must go through a criminal background check.”

  He felt every muscle tighten. So much for that idea—

  “But they also make it clear they don’t limit people simply for having a record.” It wasn’t his imagination that Selah’s smile widened and took on a smug turn. “They refuse anybody with any sort of sexual assault or domestic violence, but everything else, they consider on a case by case basis. There’s a form for those who do have a record so if they still want to get on the site, they can apply.”

  She rattled off a few more things—stats and shit that made no sense to him and why would he care? But then she paused and looked at him. “I emailed you a little while ago about something—don’t you go ignoring it now.”

  Decker had written this probably a hundred times, or explained it. He would probably do it again, the next time he had to talk to somebody about a job, or the next time somebody complained about a felon living next door and the supe found a reason to kick him out.

  Not too many people liked the idea of a convicted killer working for them, or living close by, although he’d learned there were those who’d give him a chance. Rowland had been cool with it, and his current landlord seemed fine to live and let live. But Decker was under no illusions that anything in his life was permanent—except Lizzie—so yeah, he’d have to tell this story again.

  Just as he’d told it so many other times, and it always started out the same way.

  I did what I felt I had to do, and while I regret the fact that it was necessary, I have no
regrets that I took the actions I did…

  And so it went.

  He did have to admit that he didn’t think he’d ever be explaining himself to a fucking dating site. Well. It was a little more than a dating site. It was a social site for those with tastes outside the mainstream ideal. That was how they advertised themselves. And why they were probably not totally opposed to having felons on the site.

  Fuck knows there were women who’d all but crawled over him when they found out he had a record.

  That kind of thing left him cold inside. Although more than once, he’d taken a lady up on it. She wanted what she saw as a risky fuck and he just needed to not be lonely every once in a while. It got damn lonely in bed at night, him, his fist, his fantasies.

  It was sex, nothing more, nothing less. At least on his side. Whatever they got out of it, he didn’t know. Well, other than orgasms. He could give them that.

  If they tried to linger with him, ask questions—why did you do it, what was it like—well, that just hurried the end along that much quicker. He didn’t talk about that night unless he had to. And it was a kick in the face that he was doing it with total strangers. Via email, no less.

  But every time he thought about the profile he’d seen Selah working on?

  Yeah. He had to try.

  Because whether Lizzie realized it or not, she was going to have guys crawling all over her profile.

  The phone rang just as he sent the form off—he thought of it as I’m a killer, but only under certain circumstances form. “Really,” he muttered, grabbing the phone. “I’m safe. Trust me.”

  Lizzie’s face flashed across the screen and he reached up, pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “Hey, Lizzie.”

  “Deck.” Her voice was…weird.

  Slowly, he straightened up in his chair, turning away from the miniscule desk to face the single studio apartment where he’d lived for the past nine months. “What’s up?”

  “There—um—well, this is…I don’t know how to say this.”

  “You just say it, sugar,” he said, rolling his eyes—amused even as frustration bubbled. Lizzie sometimes seemed like two people trapped inside that sex-bomb body of hers. When she was at work, or when she was in a position where she had to be in charge, she was just that. In charge. Capital letters, italics, full out in charge.

  But when it came to her? Her personal life? What she wanted? What she needed? What made her happy? She went all quiet. Bunnies could be more demanding than she was.

  And it pissed him off, because she hadn’t always been that way.

  He knew, all too well, what had caused it. But he didn’t know how to knock down the wall she’d built around herself. Not without hurting her.

  “I’ve got guys talking to me.”

  He tensed. “What? Where are you? Are you safe?”

  “No…” A nervous giggle escaped her but he barely heard it as the rage bled through, trying to take him over again.

  “Not that. Decker, it’s the website.”

  Through the pulse of his own blood pounding in his ears, he caught those words. He’d been halfway out the door, but now he paused. “The website.”

  “Yeah. Um. On my wall. Some of them are talking to me. I’ve already had three guys ask me out.”

  Fucccckkkk…

  Dragging a hand down his face, he shut the door and slumped against it. A new kind of rage, the small and mean and petty kind twisted inside him, even as something warm settled in his heart as he understood that odd note he’d heard in her voice. Bemusement. Shocked, puzzled bemusement. “Lizzie, what did you think would happen? You’re gorgeous and you put up pictures where any guy with eyes could see it and you think nobody is going to notice?”

  “But I’m not…”

  “Stop it. I’m not going to listen to the shit you think you see in the mirror,” he snapped. “You’re beautiful and you always have been. And now somebody other than—” me “Needledick Noel is going to be able to appreciate it. Enjoy it. Just…”

  He stopped, drove his head back against the door even as he mentally slapped himself. He’d encouraged her to do this. Even if she ended up with somebody else, somebody not him, it would be better. Maybe she’d just wake up and realize she deserved better and dump Noel and he could try to make a move then. But regardless, he’d promised himself he’d see her happy…and loved.

  Granted, he’d always planned to be the one loving her, but in the end, if she was happy, and loved, that was what mattered.

  “Just promise me you’ll remember what we talked about, you, me and Selah. First few dates are in public—no going home with anybody the first few times. Okay?”

  As she promised him, he shot his computer a look.

  Maybe a snowstorm would break out in hell and somebody would give him a chance on the site. Then he could be one of the guys flirting with her. She never seemed to notice any time he’d tried in real life but…

  Chapter Four

  Noel’s hands dug into her hips.

  He all but ground her into the table and Lizzie clutched at it, tried to center herself even as he drove into her. “Noel—”

  One hand left her hip to come up, press her face into the table even as she went to lift it and she closed her eyes—half to escape, half to try and find the pleasure she should feel.

  With something closer to desperation than she liked, she reached out…latched on. Pleasure…she was supposed to feel.

  Words rolled through her mind.

  Not Noel’s.

  She didn’t know who he was.

  I can’t sleep at night for thinking about touching you …

  As Noel drove into her again, she latched onto the last dirty little story he’d sent her.

  I can see you spread out in front of me. You’ll be soft, all over…inside, outside…and wet for me. If you’re not, I’ll lick you until you are.

  A soft cry escaped her. Noel made a grunt of approval, not even realizing it wasn’t anything he did.

  Do you like to touch yourself? I want to think you do. I put my hand on my cock and think about you. I want to think about you sliding your fingers down your belly, between your thighs and stroking, stroking…

  She worked her hips up, driving them back against Noel and heard his pleased mutter, something she pushed away. Eyes closed, she slid two fingers around her clit, blocking out what was happening in the real world.

  Touch yourself. Make your hand wet, slide your fingers in…and out…

  She imagined doing that and slowly started to move, finally finding some level of arousal, tightening herself around the cock thrusting inside her.

  She’d be embarrassed about it later.

  But for now all she could think about was the fact that she felt wanted—just not by the man fucking her.

  Now imagine it’s not your fingers fucking you. But my cock. I want to be the one moving in you. Tasting you. Touching. Feeling you come—

  She cried out just as Noel stiffened.

  And when he pulled away, she remained where she was for a long moment, still shaking through the orgasm.

  It was probably the best one she’d ever had. And she really wished Noel hadn’t been involved at all.

  Noel came into the bathroom while she was cleaning up.

  She ducked her head, not wanting to look at him.

  That didn’t stop him from sliding his hands around her to cup her breasts. “I can’t decide if it’s the fact that I haven’t seen you in over a week that made it so good, or the fact that it seemed like it took you a while to warm up,” he murmured, scraping his teeth down her neck. “Which one was it? Because I definitely want to feel you come like that again.”

  Neither. I was thinking about another guy, she thought sourly.

  It had been a month since they’d begun this mockery of a relationship—this so-called open relationship. And while she was talking casually to a number of guys, she’d only had private conversations with a few of them—and one of them was
becoming a nightly star in her dreams.

  He was coming into her dreams far more than Noel ever had, a fact that unsettled her even more as Noel went to kiss her again. There was a sharp twist in her belly as he acknowledged he was aware that she hadn’t really wanted to have sex. Even though she hadn’t said no.

  Of course, none of this would have happened if Elizabeth hadn’t let Noel inside when he’d knocked. She hadn’t really wanted to see him—and wasn’t that bizarre? She hadn’t wanted to see him, but when he called out her name, she hadn’t been able to ignore him.

  No wasn’t her strong suit, especially with him, because he made her feel so bad after. She couldn’t ignore him at the door. And when he’d started to slide his hands under her skirt, she hadn’t told him no then, either. Even though she’d turned away from his kisses, even though she’d tugged his hands away from her clothes.

  But he’d known—

  Stop it. She didn’t let herself finish the thought and she wouldn’t because it put her in a bad place, where there were bloody things, and screams, and she lost what mattered most.

  Thoughts of that had her reaching up to catch Noel’s wrist as he sought out her nipple, tweaking it with more force than she liked. “Noel, I need to clean up and get dressed,” she said, her voice stiff. And she was braced, she realized, already braced for him to be angry.

  Why…

  Because she’d said no.

  As she shot him a look, she saw that she was right.

  Oh, he didn’t show it. He kept his face relaxed, a smile on his mouth. But it glinted, right there in his sharp green eyes. “Was I a little too rough with you?”

  Yes. She didn’t let herself say it, though. She was sore, but she’d get over it. It wasn’t the first time he’d been careless. Instead of answering his question, she just shrugged. “It’s not that. I’ve got plans tonight and I have to get ready. You should probably leave. I don’t want to be late.”

  “Plans.” He reached up, rubbed and stroked a finger down his sideburns. “Are you going out with Selah?”

  “No. I’ve got a date.”