by KT Webb
“CeCe!” Drunk Miles hiccups after singing my name.
“Miles, what the hell are you doing?”
“I was just hanging out with a friend. How did you get here?”
“I rode in a car.”
“Smart.”
“Come on, I’m going to get you home.”
“No. Home sucks.”
I sigh and take a seat on the other chair. “Why?”
“Because you’re gone.”
Oh, boy. I look out at the view in silence. Landon opens the door and hands me a plate with a freshly cooked steak and four slices of bread. I’m impressed that he pre-cut the meat so we didn’t have to entrust Miles with a sharp object.
I can’t help but laugh as Miles digs into the food. He doesn’t bother using the fork. I tell him to slow it down so he doesn’t make himself throw up. Landon gestures for me to come inside, so I follow him into his sparsely furnished living room.
“Look, it’s none of my business, but I feel like I should tell you something.”
Oh, great.
“Miles and I were out for drinks to celebrate a breakthrough in the case. We found emails that prove my wife was conspiring with our accountant to steal my money.”
I’m relieved to hear that. After his deposition, we weren’t sure how we would be able to prove the two were working together. The accountant had been keeping the money that should have gone to pay for taxes. Now, Landon was in trouble for tax fraud and his wife was trying to pin it on him. We knew the wife and accountant were having an affair, but now we knew why: she was using him to get more of her husband’s money.
“Anyway, after a few drinks, Miles started talking about you. The more he talked, the more he drank. He knows he screwed up. The guy’s in love with you.”
“I’m aware.”
“I’m not telling you to give him another chance, but coming from a guy who knows all too well how to tell the difference from true love and opportunistic love, you shouldn’t take the former for granted.”
Before I can tell him to mind his own damn business, Miles comes in from the balcony. He is clearly still inebriated, but in much better condition than he was when I arrived. He finished off the steak and all the bread. He sloppily pours himself a cup of coffee and leans against the counter to drink it.
“CeCe! When did you get here?”
“Just now. Come on, time to get you to bed.”
“You’re taking me to bed?”
Ugh. I don’t dignify that with a response as I guide him from the apartment. Landon helps me get him out of the building and down to the car waiting to take us to Lake Point Tower.
Once I have Miles tucked into the back of the cab, I turn to Landon again. “Thank you for calling me Landon, I’ve got it from here.”
“Think about what I said, CeCe.”
I pause in the doorframe. “I will.”
When I get Miles back to his apartment, I have to drag him to his bedroom. I’m fairly confident that he’s doing well enough that I can leave him and get back to the Hanover’s before it’s too late. I gently help him lie down on the bed and remove his shoes. He seems to be drifting into an alcohol induced sleep, so I switch off the light and head for the door. I glance back one more time and decide to take the opportunity to tell him how I feel. He’s passed out, it won’t matter anyway.
I sit down next to him on the bed and watch him breathe deeply. I kiss his forehead, trying to commit the smell of his hair to memory.
“I love you, Miles.”
“I love you, CeCe.”
A shiver runs down my spine. There’s no way he heard and understood what I said. He can’t. Miles doesn’t say anything else, he doesn’t open his eyes. He’s not awake, it was just a coincidence. It has to be.
Chapter 13
It’s Friday, which means the Hanover family is converging at home to celebrate my impending journey to Massachusetts. The tension between us has lessened since I brought Miles home from his drunkfest. He doesn’t seem to remember what I told him. I’m relieved to discover that because I really can’t deal with that while facing such a major life change.
Maybe someday we can explore the possibility of being together, but right now I have to shove it aside. There are things we need to discuss to clear the air, and I intend to do so tonight after dinner.
“Alright, everyone, the steaks are almost ready!” Theo calls from the deck.
Olivia, Ava and I are helping set the table while Miles and Isaac watch the grillmaster at work. Ella is rushing around to get the rest of the meal together. The doorbell rings.
“Oh, I’ll get it,” Ella hurries away.
Everyone is here, so I’m not sure who could be showing up now. When Ella returns, I am pleasantly surprised to find Landon trailing behind her with a bottle of wine.
“Landon, it’s good to see you,” Olivia says as she gives him a quick squeeze.
“Well, Miles told me we were seeing CeCe off, and I didn’t want to miss it.”
“Aww, thank you, Landon. That’s sweet of you.”
The doorbell rings again, and Ella is off. When she returns, I am more than shocked to see Julio trailing behind her. I don’t know what he’s doing here and I’m not sure who would have invited him.
“Celia, I hope you don’t mind my being here. Theo was gracious enough to reach out to me and insisted I come to your big farewell dinner.”
“No, I don’t mind. I’m glad you’re here.”
The back door opens and the rest of our group make plenty of noise as they bring the steaks and baked potatoes in from the grill. Miles introduces Landon and Isaac, then makes his way over to greet my father. Despite the tension resting in my gut, I am happy to be surrounded by my family.
I take a seat next to Landon, across from Olivia and Isaac. Miles sits on the other side of Landon with Ava across from him; Ella and Theo sit at the two ends. Julio is the odd man out, but Miles is gracious enough to give up his seat and pulls up a chair near my end of the table. It makes me a little uncomfortable to have him so close, but I’m a grown-up, I can handle it. When the dinner conversation gets underway, my happiness quickly turns to nausea.
“It’s too bad things didn’t work out between you two,” Landon says to me between bites.
Oh, my God. Miles chokes on his steak. Olivia and Ava are wearing identical looks of shock.
“What do you mean?” Theo asks.
I’m going to puke. As if it isn’t bad enough that Olivia, Isaac and Ava know, now we have to explain this to Theo and Ella? No thank you.
“I think Landon means with our living arrangements,” Miles interjects.
My face feels like it’s on fire, I struggle to believe that they’ll buy that explanation, especially after Julio voiced his suspicions to me.
Landon shakes his head.
“Well, maybe if you hadn’t moved so fast, she’d still be there,” Ava, she was so cute and innocent. Now I want to tape her mouth shut.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” I nearly screech at her.
“Oh, are we not discussing this? I thought we were discussing this,” Ava feigns innocence.
“What’s going on here? What are we missing?” Ella is looking at all the young people at the table.
Miles turns to me. “You told my sister?”
“You mean sisters,” Olivia blabs.
Well, this is just great. I grip my steak knife and briefly consider throwing it at Olivia. Julio has a knowing grin on his face. I give him a pointed look that I hope says “mind your own business”.
“Would you guys tell us what’s going on here?” Theo demands.
Silence rushes over the table. I wish I could sink into the floor. Miles and I exchange a tense look; he shrugs at me as if to say “no biggie”. Now I want to punch him. I glare at Landon wishing he could take back his fateful statement.
“Well, I for one, think you kind of acted like an ass Miles; especially after graduation,” Isaac chimes in, not to be outdone.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Miles shoves away from the table.
“I need some air,” I stand up and make my way to the deck without another word.
I take a deep, steadying breath. What pisses me off more than anything is that I know what I want now. I want to go to Harvard, but I also want to be with Miles. I’m in love with him. If there’s a chance that we could be together when I return from law school, I want to take it.
The sliding door opens; I turn to see Miles standing on the deck with me.
“Well, there was that awkward family gathering you were worried about.”
“No kidding. So, how did it end?”
“Thankfully, your father put an end to it. He decided to take that opportunity to discuss splitting the cost of your schooling.”
“Fan-fucking-tastic.”
“Why do you say it like that? I think it’s pretty great that he wants to help you.”
I close my eyes for a moment. “It is, but this is the worst time to bring it up.”
“You mean the moment the rest of the clan was about to rat us out to my parents? I think the timing was impeccable.”
I laugh. “I guess that’s a good point.”
“I hope you know how sorry I am. I didn’t want any of this to turn out the way it did.”
“I know.”
Miles leaves me on the deck, but it isn’t long before I’m joined by someone else. My father stands next to me and leans over the railing.
“Boy, that was close,” he touches my arm. “I think I helped ease the tension. Although it may have blindsided Theo a bit.”
“No kidding. Thank you for that.”
“Anytime. Look, I know it’s not my place, but I want to give you some advice. You have worked too hard to give up on your dreams, especially if you’re throwing them away for a man.”
“Julio, I know what you’re saying and you’re right. The truth is, regardless of my feelings for Miles, I’m going to Harvard Law. You’re right, I have worked way too hard to throw it away. I deserve this education.”
“That you do. You’re going to do great things.”
I can’t help but feel the emotion tighten in my chest as I look at the man beside me. He may not have been in my life until recently, but I’m glad he is now. My father isn’t the monster my mother made him out to be.
“Thank you, dad.”
“Dad? I like the sound of that,” he pulls me into a hug, but not before I see the tears welling up in his eyes.
Hours later, I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. I can’t sleep. I toss and turn, but just knowing that Miles is sleeping in his bedroom down the hall has left me wide awake. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him again after dinner. I still have another month and a half before I leave, but there is so much left unsaid. I sit up in my bed. I’m going to go to his room. I have to talk to him.
Just as I stand up, there’s a knock on my bedroom door. I look at the clock, it’s well past midnight. Who could possibly be at my door? The light knock sounds one more time before the door knob turns slowly.
“CeCe? Are you awake?”
It’s Miles. He peeks through the crack in the door to find me standing near the bed. He opens the door and sneaks in, closing it behind him.
“I can’t sleep. I have to talk to you about something.”
“That’s funny. I was actually on my way to talk to you.”
Miles runs his hand through his hair. I can tell he doesn’t really know what to say; he always runs his hand through his hair when he’s feeling awkward.
“I’d say ladies first, but I’m afraid you punch me for calling you a lady.”
I shake my head at him, “I’ll go first anyway, thank you.”
We sit at the foot of my bed. We’re both silent for a few minutes as I try to find the right words and he respects my processing time.
“I know you’re telling the truth about what happened with Chelsea, but I just can’t bring myself to trust that it won’t happen again. You made a stupid mistake. I get it. But, if you truly love me, you would know that the things you did to try and fix it were way off base.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I got desperate.”
“Would you shut-up and let me finish?”
He grins but doesn’t say anything else.
“I was coming to tell you I wanted to stay. I wanted to be with you.”
I reach up and stroke his hair. “I’m still very angry with you. I want to punch you in the face. I want to scream at you. I want to shake you and make you see how differently this could have gone. When you told me you loved me, I couldn’t take it. I was scared and confused. I was overwhelmed with everything going on in my life that I couldn’t trust my gut. Now I can.”
I’m staring intently into his eyes. I can practically feel his anticipation.
“You were going to stay?”
I nod.
“Why would you do that?”
I narrow my eyes at him, he isn’t going to make this easy for me.
“Because I thought we owed it to ourselves to find out if this is worth it. But, I can’t turn Harvard down. I’ve made up my mind and I know this is what I need to do.”
He takes my hands in his. “I couldn’t agree more, you deserve this.”
“Thank you,” I feel compelled to say the words I uttered the night I tucked him into bed, so I keep my mouth shut.
“Is it my turn?”
I shrug, if I open my damn mouth I’ll probably say something I shouldn’t.
“I’m an ass. I’ve never really been the long-term relationship guy. But, I know that’s because of you. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been in love with you, but I feel like if I tell you the truth about a few things, you might get a pretty good idea.”
He’s still holding my hands as I wait for him to continue.
“Do you remember when you asked me why I didn’t go to Harvard?”
“Yeah, you said there was too much going on in your family. You had to stay for your sisters.”
“That’s not entirely true. The truth is, I didn’t want to leave you. CeCe, you have always been such a mystery to me. I have never met anyone like you. When I found out what you did for Liv, I wanted to be here for you.”
What he’s telling me doesn’t make sense. He was in love with me before that? I beat the shit out of Liv’s worthless ex-boyfriend sophomore year. It’s been almost four years! How could I have missed it?
“When we kissed at my apartment, I kept waiting to wake up. I had never dreamed you would show any interest in me. I certainly don’t match your type.”
I scoff. “Like I match yours. I can’t count how many blonde bimbos I’ve seen you with over the years.”
“Yeah, the whole point of that was to try and get my mind off you. And maybe a little bit of an attempt to make you jealous.”
“Didn’t work very well, did it?”
Miles gives me his crooked grin again and shakes his head. “Not at all.”
“So, why are you telling me this? Are we going to be able to move forward without things being awkward?”
“No. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to just move on. I’m in love with you, CeCe. That’s not going to change.”
“Damnit, Miles. You’re making this so hard. I can’t do this. I can’t love you.”
“But you do?”
“Of course I do, you idiot.”
“I’m sorry, did you just admit to being in love with me?”
“Yes.” My voice is so small I’m sure he’s going to make me repeat myself.
“You’re in love with me?”
“Oh, my God! YES! I’m in love with you Miles. Are you happy now?”
He doesn’t give me a verbal response, instead he pulls me to him and gives me the sweetest, deepest kiss I’ve ever experienced.
“Can you say it again?”
I smile as I sneak another kiss. “I love you, Miles.”
“I love you too, CeCe.”
; “But that doesn’t change our current situation. I’m still leaving for Harvard in a little over a month. Please don’t ask me to stay because I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to say no.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. But, I do have one request.”
“Hmm?”
